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 dxkalc7695
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 117
Things I've learned while I was drunk....Page 3 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
1. dont try to hitchhike with a cop
2. passing out on the bus ride home just winds you back up at the bus station
3. cops notice drunk bikers, too
4. stick to the bed-otherwise tables get broken
5. steel reserve makes me fight

and last, but certainly not least...

do not, under any circumstance, pass out first while in the company of my friends
happy chugging
 DestinySoulmate
Joined: 2/22/2005
Msg: 126
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/25/2005 10:12:48 PM
Hmmm ...Things I've Learned while trashed..

1. My neighbor's driveway looks EXACTLY like mine !
2. As long as I'm dancing I'm fine..but when the music stops I Can't walk by myself !
3. If a guy gives me his number I sincerely swear to him I will call, but the next day.."NOT"
4. When I look in my purse the next day..I have acquired a nice assortment of lighters !
5. I have been known to get a little flirtatious and want to "kiss" somebody & not recall it the
next morning when told about it from friends.
6. As much as I would like to keep up & drink with the best of em...I am NOT a drinker !
7. I should NEVER attempt to go out by myself .....or worse try to drive anywhere !


It's a very good thing that I don't go out much(I'm dangerous)But I have soooo much fun..
(so they tell me)
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 129
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/26/2005 12:40:48 PM
Best thing I ever heard of someone learning was an old aquaintance of mine. He learned when driving drunk in the fog at 2am:
1. do not just follow tail lights
2. if the person in front of you stops for an extended period of time do not beep or yell obscenities.
3. If a very large man is walking toward you with murder in his eyes you may want to back out of his driveway that you followed him into.
 mitch in tampa
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 130
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/26/2005 1:00:32 PM
Waking up with smiles painted on your kneecaps, lipstick on your privates, smelling like a mix of Old Spice and Obsession, with condoms unrolled on beer bottles, and all you see passed out in the room is a bunch of guys wearing clothing from different genders and age ranges, generally means you went to the WAY wrong party.
 UlLikeMike
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 133
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/26/2005 9:59:53 PM
Don't drink vodka and pinch Skoal at the same time
 mitch in tampa
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 136
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/27/2005 6:07:48 AM
A friend of mine told me that his teenage son learned it's not a good idea to climb up the flagpole in front of the Bank of America building in Downtown Tampa while naked and drunk.

Mitch
 mitch in tampa
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 140
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/28/2005 3:59:37 PM
.........The blue stuff in a Sno Cone is actually Sno Bowl.
 JUSTINBOY88
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 141
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/28/2005 5:28:38 PM
when a cop pulls you over and ask you if you can get out of the car,its not smart to answer no i am to drunk to walk.i was 17
 dxkalc7695
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 143
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/29/2005 10:44:15 AM
i learned another few...
1. dont tell one of the employees at the 18+ club that you're drunk (they have the power to kick you out)
2. avoid getting kicked out by signing up for the employees pole dancing class
3. rum, vodka, and gin will give me a 24 hour hangover

gotta love thursday nights
 Jinley
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 145
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/29/2005 11:12:53 AM
Don't let your friends push you in a chair with wheels on the sidewalk, as soon as you hit a crack you will hit the pavement...

Never get on the back of a moped to make a beer run while the guy steering is drunker than you....

Don't climb over the guard rail on the freeway to pee, it's there for a reason....Brought a whole new meaning to "Stop, Drop, and Roll"....
 finisheslast
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 147
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/29/2005 2:40:41 PM
don't ever tell a cop you'll whup his azz if you were'nt drinking
 jessika2908
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 149
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/29/2005 7:10:00 PM
This is such a funny thread....
Lets see what have I learned...Well, I can drance really well when I am drunk!
I learned don't brake the pee seal in till you absolutly have to, because you will be peeing every five mins after that and everyone broke the seal the same time you did because they all have to go at the same time. Never close one eye to try to see because you will end up looking at the ugliest guy in the bar and they will think you are winking at them. I also have learned that when I am drunk I love everyone!! Not always a good thing. Well, those are just some of the things I have learned.
 JUSTINBOY88
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 150
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/30/2005 12:36:56 AM
that trying to put one foot on the floor so that the room will stop spinning is not a good idea when you are in college and in a bunk bed.
never run a tab when you are in one of those getting over a female who broke you heart drinking moods,it will be close to the national debt.

getting the phone number of the waitress at the cafe after the bar may sound like a good idea but she will seldom give it.
 grplaman
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 151
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/30/2005 6:59:19 PM
I have learned that Cops do not like to be puked on, when they come to bust a party!
 grplaman
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 152
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/31/2005 3:40:47 PM
I was once passed out on warren ave and teleghraph rd one morning and i was awoken by a cop who kept pressing his night-stick in my crotch area. To this day-i wonder if he was checkinbg to see if i was dead or not, so he could have sex with my corpse. One never knows.......................but, he sure seemed to enjoy it.
 simplekindoflife
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 153
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 10/31/2005 8:10:44 PM
(don't try and tear your underwear off while still wearing your pants....it chaffs)
Just because you are feeling no pain - doesn't mean that you won't the next day...

It's not the best time to decide to try and shave your hoo ha...

The guy that you think is really hot at the end of the bar - probably still lives with his mom...

At any given moment the incredible urge to pee is going to hit you and despite your best efforts to try and wait it out in line - you're probably going to have to squat it at least once in the night outside.
 mitch in tampa
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 154
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/7/2005 9:27:38 AM
The toilet bowl DOES NOT move.

Mitch
 mitch in tampa
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 156
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/8/2005 10:37:13 AM
It's a sheepskin CONDOM! CONDOM! CONDOM, you moron! This DOES NOT mean that you actually wear a SHEEP while having sex!
 MasterBart
Joined: 6/20/2004
Msg: 160
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/22/2005 1:23:27 AM
Avoid the upstairs bathroom. It's cursed. Once one person wakes up in it in the morning naked, others will too.

Spinning rooms are not a by-product of dehydration, which can be cured with mixed drinks.

Cigarettes are hangover amplifiers. Another half a pack will not help you feel better in the morning.

When your mixer has a higher proof than the vodka.... stop.

Showing appreciation to your designated driver is nice, but... if you must give them a hug, do so when you're out of the car, not on the freeway.

If your drunk friend's drunk girlfriend is afraid of snakes and y'all are drinking outside, don't sneak up behind her and poke her ankles while making a loud hissing noise.

Your friends will forgive your tendency to get naked when drunk; your neighbors won't.

If it takes you more than two minutes to realize that the reason you're not going anywhere is because the parking brake is still on, it's only going to get harder when you're actually moving. Highly recommended that you not try doing things like turning the engine on, and putting it in gear.

When barfing off a balcony, make sure there's no-one below.

If you have trouble finding the floor even when you're sprawled out on it, it won't be more accessible by attempting to stand. By this point, you're f**ked, just deal with it.

Your best friend will only forgive you ONCE for grabbing his girlfriends tits.

After you turn the legal drinking age, there's no reason to drink Mad Dog 20/20, Boone's, Thunderbird, Steel Reserve 211, or Red Dog.

If you can no longer speak your native language, just shut yer pie hole.

Bodily fluids and animals don't mix.

Setting drinks on fire is fun. Just extinguish before consuming.

Do not attempt to go home, gather funiture and personal belongings, and move in with your friend when drunk. Especially spur of the moment.
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 161
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/22/2005 2:20:26 AM
When approaching a checkstop, never pretend that police officers are obstacles in a slalom course...they don't have a sense of humour.
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 162
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/22/2005 5:32:54 AM
These stories are hilarious!!! Thanks everyone...keep them coming!!

JJ

 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 165
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/22/2005 6:09:20 PM
^^^^Are TRYING to get yourself in more trouble????

JJ

 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 168
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/23/2005 1:08:46 AM
When you drink so much you think you're dancing really well, that's probably an indication that you are having something akin to an epileptic seizure on the dance floor
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 170
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/24/2005 5:48:41 PM
^^^ Gawd Allmighty!! What happens if they drink more than that? They wind up with a size 7 poopchute?
 MasterBart
Joined: 6/20/2004
Msg: 172
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 11/24/2005 11:17:10 PM
...so I drive into this parking lot, wheel around behind a shopping cart and start pushing it with the front bumper of my car, and get it out on Westheimer Road. Course, I gotta run the red lights 'cuz I don't wanna lose it.

And what do I learn?

That the wheels on a shopping cart stay on until about 75 miles an hour. Don't worry, when they come off the cart goes flying and f*ks up someone else's car.
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