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 AUTHOR
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 118
Why does ANYONE have affairs?Page 2 of 29    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
ya know, if i read "not getting their needs met" one more time i may throw up.

can someone even explain what that means? really?

it's a character flaw. a liar, cheater and betrayer is just that. why is it when someone robs someone we can't just shrug it off and say, well, their financial needs weren't being met. really it's ok, none of my business.

 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 120
Why does ANYONE have affairs?
Posted: 9/26/2005 1:53:01 PM
me too actually
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 123
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:01:49 PM
i feel for ya rare find. i do. my ex actually made sex painful, no kidding. but, don't you think it's worth it to try to find out WHY things are falling apart in the bedroom and maybe try to fix them?
 marathonman11x7
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 124
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 9/27/2005 4:40:02 PM
Why do men have affairs? The SAME reason women do: Ethics and character or rather the lack of them. Cheating is selfserving and self indulging therefore the result of emotional/pshychological dysfunction.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 131
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/4/2005 2:36:31 AM
^^^^^



I heard somewhere that extraterrestrials visited earth
looking for intelligent lifeforms...
they found NONE...so they left


Okay to stay on topic :

Even if you summed up all the cause & effects on why men (and women) have affairs
it would be pointless.......it will do you no good to cry over why your partner was unfaithful while you were not...you either forgive....or MOVE ON.................
I did and my sanity is intact (well most times)....
 Canadian Romantic
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 133
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/4/2005 2:59:42 AM
"Ask Dr. Phil"!! LOL
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 134
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/4/2005 3:17:57 AM
Cheating is selfserving and self indulging therefore the result of emotional/pshychological dysfunction.



Because we, in the Western World, have become so selfish and
self-serving that we measure our worth by material things. Wive's, husbands
& children take a back-seat to our own selfish needs. When we
measure each other by our income, our car, & size of home we live
in, then really - who gives a damn?

As for women, the moment you ask your date: "what do you do?" you
are already on the way down. To a man, you're GREEDY....and
VERY REPLACEABLE.
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 144
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/4/2005 10:07:55 AM
^ Ah! So you're the lucky man! Congratulations, buddy!
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 147
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/4/2005 10:15:24 AM

Tsk tsk tick tock if i were only a clock.

@ MrsLucci: You'd be a Timex because you'd take a lickin' but keep on tickin...Just kidding, Ian!
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 150
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/5/2005 3:22:06 AM
^ Is this a trick question? The answer is a big HELL YAAAAAH!!
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 152
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/5/2005 4:19:05 AM
Yippee kayee!!! I'm on my way...

Rollin', rollin', rollin'
Though the streams are swollen
Keep them dogies rollin'
Rawhide!
Rain and wind and weather
Hell-bent for leather
Wishin' my gal was by my side.
All the things I'm missin',
Good vittles, love, and kissin',
Are waiting at the end of my ride

CHORUS
Move 'em on, head 'em up
Head 'em up, move 'em on
Move 'em on, head 'em up
Rawhide

 Usagirl
Joined: 7/26/2003
Msg: 157
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/17/2005 1:25:36 PM
i think it is because they r to insecure to leave the person
week people cheat because of fear of being alone

those who cheat are gutless and insecure. not often these people will change in life though some do
 sammysalt
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 164
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/17/2005 5:32:02 PM
Because they can get by with it. It becomes a habit before they ever get caught. Its a habit they like, and most never stop it, because its in the back of their heads how easy it is to do it. There is always someone around that will let them do them. Them men are a dime a dozen, are maybe a penny per 100.
 sammysalt
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 166
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/17/2005 5:39:32 PM
same reason I guess. I never had one.
 tmbttd
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 167
view profile
History
Rawhide's answer to an affair.
Posted: 10/27/2005 10:38:36 AM
Now there is talent: a ridin', rollin', kissin', eatin', loven' 'n lickin' man. All at the same time? Hope he doesn't have a lateral lisp.

What, if any, are differing reasons for having affair between/among men and/or women?
 tcky123
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 176
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 12/9/2005 8:18:25 AM
it goes either ways .
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 178
view profile
History
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 12/9/2005 8:39:08 AM

Why do men have affairs?

Hmmm ... I have no clue. I can't handle having one woman in my life, let alone two or more.
 Strokes
Joined: 2/11/2004
Msg: 189
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:22:24 PM
Damm Princesssandi you nailed it and i have always been faithful
 strike2569
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 196
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/23/2006 2:14:59 PM
Taurus516 is on the ball if you still doubt him then look into these subjects and you will find what he said IS accurate and almost text book; Behavioural science= Author John watts canadian mental health institute, What is man Author im not sure.. or just type in google then social science.

But the best one I read that pertained to the subject was based on sarcasim from woman I will try to exsplain it short formed = Women instead of being more aggresave are more social and can sometimes intergrate sarcasim as a weapon and whether they meen to or not are breaking down a mans self esteem. When men get together they talk about different topics but generaly the same as they would to the oposite sex. When women get together they talk in such a way they share a comradership and are generaly more polite to one another.
So generaly speaking if you make your man feel secure and needed or at least exspress how you feel for him often it is easier for him to fight his biological need to spread his seed.

But if we look at why men cheat it isnt just the sexual act its the feeling of being wanted that is appealing whether with someone else or there other half. And in the long run if you mix maturity with appreciation there shouldnt be a problem.

Sorry to rant but In a caliced view you should be thankful they cheated on.. So you know they werent the one for you and move on asap so you can get on to meeting the right one.

This is just stuff I have read and seen but if yo still doubt taurus516 or myself and truly need to see for your self Highschool Grade 10-12 public school course man in society. There are tons of books based of of that type of course and im not sure how but if you can get a hold of a highschool students book on the course it is covered in there in basic detail. I hope this helps. But lastly you can never tell who is right a guy reading from a book or a woman who has been hurt or someone making a guess after all at one time we all thought the world was flat even the doctors and lawyers- Jeff (me)
 DickBoston
Joined: 9/2/2005
Msg: 197
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/23/2006 2:27:46 PM
Frank Pit say’s “It’s not who you lie with...it’s who you lie to” Affair being anything that is threatening the intimacy of the relationship.
*Is there an aspect of secrecy?
*Sexual chemistry?
*Emotional intimacy?
(sharing things that you are not sharing with your partner, you have sexual chemistry and you have an element of secrecy) Do you talk about your partner with this person (red flag).

Affair Predictors:
Women: Talking with a friend or co-worker who is having or has had an affair.
Women have affairs for these reason (Shirley glass) in this order: Love, emotional intimacy, sex.
Affair predictors for men:
Men: Did his father have an affair.
Men have affairs for these reasons in this order: Sex, emotional intimacy, Love.

If an affair happens within the first couple of years chances are the marriage will not make it.
Variables for successful resolution:
*Affair must end be over (many of these relationships occur at work join meeting or letter ending it)
*Infidel believes something was wrong about what they did ‘they own it’ and know it. guilt is not the same as remorse or regret which is sadness shame coupled with a commitment to saying what am I going to do different. Taking full responsibility is important.
*Sense of empathy for the partner.
*Individual vulnerability (recognize they did have needs and what was missing what did I need how did we both contribute).
Another good question: When I was with that person I felt really sexy, generous and want to attribute it to that person. when you idealize another you devalue yourself or partner -
What did you like about you –
Go back to what led to the affair – feelings that started building and then stuffed until an affair –
Amazing how many affairs occur after a child is born.
*Betrayed partner has work to do to – owning the co-created (co-creation of dynamics not actions!) parts (it is not always a co-created) (timing here is important! Hold this with awareness for it.
*No head in sand.
*Knows when partner is lying.
*Infidel tunes into the partner and wants to know how can I lower your anxiety. Help clients do this which can means burning the mattress.
*Pre-morbid (before the event) relationship was not as dysfunctional.
*
Affairs are always a triangulation – the partner helps create a space for an affair but the behavior is on the doer.
 strike2569
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 198
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/23/2006 2:30:20 PM
LOL ill try not to sound sexist metaphyiscal but what you said sounds sexist. In saying basicly as I understand that men are lless emotional ... Well the best poets in the world are men and belive it or not men are more emotinal then women but are less likley to exspress it but more likley to use body language Men are from mars women are from Venus good book. Men and women are both human yet some how socialy different species. Women exspect men to communicate like they do where men need women to communicate there way a feminan way thats what helps attract us to them. There are the people that wont take time to learn eachothers form of communication and feel they have no need to perhaps puting themselves up on a peddastal. LOVE is the ability to sacrafice ones comfort for another and in return if both do the same you'll make eachother comfratble. If you have time you should read also the celestine prophocies a bit of human nature pertaining to this is covered in there you can also get it on audio caset= 4 tape. If your in the north bay area they sell it in the Green Unicorn bookstore/ Norah of the North. And just for the sake of argument if you disagree you wouldnt be disagreing with me this is just stuff I have read from the above sources ect... and if you are truly into the metaphysical the celestine prophicies has been rated the Number #1 new age book of all time same book that was on oprah apprantley. Sorry for my spelling mistakes lol Im a reader not a typer!!
-Jeff
 Antagonist
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 201
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/23/2006 5:12:45 PM

There are some birds and ducks that mate for life

No there are not. Recent research has proven this. In fact, researchers are hard pressed to find any species of animal that is monogamous. The key to genetic success is genetic diversity.

OT; we are bucking human nature to be monogamous.
 Acadian10
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 202
view profile
History
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/23/2006 8:22:36 PM
Since when do all men need to have affairs? I'm curious to know? Cause I never had one...
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 210
view profile
History
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/23/2006 9:41:15 PM
Ms Ali

This is such an open question there are many reasons men have affairs this thread could go into 2010.

But I object to the presentation of the question. The way the question is written, it seems to imply all men have affairs. (Presuming that you mean having sexual encounters outside their marrige or commited relationship when you say affairs)

I don't believe that any man NEEDS to have an affair, he wants to.

Ultimatly his intentions are to ruin lives including his own.
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