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 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 633
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Why do men have affairs?Page 25 of 29    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
Bandito: That's right on the money. It's what I like to call "grass is greener" syndrome. Women are NEVER satisfied and always want what is unattainable at the time where men are more happy being in the "comfort zone" when they've been with someone a long time. You couple that with the ADD lifestyle that women have become accustomed to and the media constantly telling everyone they deserve better and it's a no win situation for the guy who's genuinely in it for the long haul. I'm starting to think a serious "long haul" woman doesn't exist anymore. Nothing makes me leave a relationship. I'd work on it until I drew my last breath, unfortunately I've yet to find a woman that has my level of committment.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 636
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:01:26 PM
OP your question is too gender specific, truth is both men and women have affairs.

They do cuz they are selfish; the only person they truly love and care for in the universe is them and themselves. Plain and simple.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 642
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:45:35 AM
Reckless: No one said anyone was "perfect". If you stopped sucking up to the women with the whole "white knight" routine and actually read you'd see that. Don't say you aren't doing it either becuase there was an entire article about men cheating and a lot of man bashing and I didn't read any posts where you were bothering to defend men AT ALL. You should grow a set because the whole "quote then make a ridiculous zinger" routine is getting old fast.

Men cheat as well but it's usually not because they always think the grass is greener. I don't think there's as much life changing thought put into it. They're acting stupid as well but don't have the entitlement mentality that women have.
 thebestlady
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 645
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:43:35 AM
People have affairs Psychology because they need to be punished


People having affairs should be shunned for 1 month and not allowed to see their children unless
they have a promised time set up and it should be supervised.Next time it is 1 years etc.

There should be a law against it and you have to pay the other person money. Even if you poor you have to take a job to do it. If you rich the partner get to take something you will value besides money. I know children should be allowed to see both parents
but the cheater maybe cheating with someone who in the children life and if that relationship stops fails may takes it out on the children. If there are consequence maybe people will get out of the relationship or simply not do it. Maybe the other partner should suggest the punishment besides the money. Maybe even an affairs
jails called the Cheaters jail . I never did it and never will because a relationship is something very important and you have work on it all the time.
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 650
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:42:22 PM
Most definitions of "cheating" within a relationship appear to be about whether the "other" is having sex outside of the marriage/exclusive relationship, ie an affair. I define "cheating" more broadly ... "To violate rules deliberately ... ".

Why do I define cheating in a relationship in this way? ... because I think each of us (male or female) is different. We each have different needs; we each have a different sense of what is "betrayal" and what is not; we each define a "relationship" (whether friends, spouses, exclusive, FWB, FB, etc) differently. In my mind, those differences are only bridged with communication and part of that communication is about the "rules of engagement" ... my expectations, my partner's expectations, my needs/wants, and my partner's needs/wants. I'm not much interested in society's rules for marriage, dating, friendships, etc.

Personally I might not care if my SO goes out and has sex with another woman, has female friends ... meets his "needs" with someone other than myself. The flip side to that is that I believe I have the same "rights". But, to me, there are responsibilities in exercising those rights and that's where the rules of engagement act as boundaries as well as offering both partners freedom of choice.

I want the right to information/communication about what my SO's needs are and which of those needs the relationship is not meeting or which of those needs I'm not meeting. I'd even appreciate information about how those needs could be better met outside of the relationship. But, most of all, I want the opportunity to determine whether I want to meet those needs, whether I can meet those needs, and how I feel about going outside the relationship to meet those needs.

Ultimately, I want a choice ... an informed choice ... a partner who can articulate needs and their personal relative value so I'm left in little doubt about what my partner wants, desires, and needs. I see that as necessary ... openness, honesty, responsibility resulting in a relationship that respects both partners.

... and ... I would agree people have affairs/cheat ... I don't think it's gender-specific!
 HVACtech
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 651
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:51:31 PM
~4 years, 663 posts on 27 pages, countless other "cheating" threads, and we're still having this discussion?
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 653
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:37:14 PM
People have affairs because they aren't being fulfilled, love the challenge, they CAN and WANT to!
 jonjon87
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 655
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:50:48 PM
LOL
The person above me is awesome. stole the words right out of my mouth.
 Answerman711
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 661
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:55:01 AM
For the same reason women do.

Do affairs always mean there is sex involved? Lack of attention would be my number one reason why.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 662
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:16:52 AM
yeah yeah yeah,
No one on here has ever cheated, we are all frikken saints, blah blah blah.
But people cheat when they are denied affection, sexual gratification and love from their partner many times. Sometimes in a relationship, you love her/him with all of your heart, but for some reason, they just can't or won't express themselves physically to you. They don't like it, or refuse to give you affection. You need it, crave it, and it makes you feel horrible that the one person in the world that you love the most doesn't want you physically.
So you walk around wondering what it is about you that makes you undesireanble.

Then some hot guy/girl happens along and tells you how nice you look. Tells you how good you smell. Tells you how sexy you are. And you don't feel so bad. It doesn't mean you don't love your wife or husband, it just means that this new person is boosting that part of you that has been neglected for so long...you are hungry, starving, and they are feeding you.

Almost without a will of your own, you are led down the path to infidelity. It takes a very strong person to say no to this. It is hard for a starving man or woman to say no to a home cooked gourmet meal.

So I tell you all this, as a warning. When your partner wants affection, even if you are not in the mood, or maybe you are a little grumpy, give a little, hold her, or him. Make love on that morning and be a little late to work, it's not going to end the world, but it may save your marriage. Because you never know who's coming around that corner with a sweet smile and swinging hips to take him away. And as for the men, a little romance goes a long way, kiss her and hold her when she comes to you, come up behind her when she's cooking and kiss the back of her neck and tell her she smells delicious. She'll carry that memory for days, and it will ward off any office romeo better than garlic to a vampire.
Just a little advice here.
Beth
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 663
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:29:03 AM
Reckless: Yet another attempt by you to avoid the truth with an immature attempt at a humorous comment. If you could make your observations like an adult rather than a six year old they may be worth taking into account. As it stands now, almost every post I've seen just basically tries to ridicule someone with no real intelligent comments. At least if you're going to start something you could do it with a little more heart. If agreeing with one comment is "fanboying hard" (yet another childish term) then I guess everyone's a "fanboy" in here. Why are you calling men pigs? That's a really disgusting thing to say. Do you have some sort of self loathing problem? Pigs come in both sexes. I'm sure you'll have a very entertaining "look how clever I am" useless comeback to the points I've made. Don't forget the little sleepy emoticon to show how superior you are. Not quite superior enough to stay out of the forums making useless comments though. What a complete joke.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 666
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:10:52 PM
Wow. A childish name calling comeback. You really got me with that one. Woe is me. How will I ever live this one down? There is a bit of truth to it, though considering I keep responding to your posts. I seriously HATE phony jerks like you. The fact you're sucking up oxygen from people who could use it totally repulses me more than I can express.
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 669
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:54:15 PM
I have something to tell you thread. You've gotten too old and I'm leaving your for a younger thread, "Let's Get Naked," in the Over 45 section. I'm also buying a red sportscar and a new toupee. Sorry. Best of luck in your new life.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 673
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:21:19 PM
I personally think they have a self esteem problem. Same with women. They aren't happy with themselves and are looking for an ego boost. The affair is a temporary fix. Then they have to look in the mirror sometime.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 677
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:39:30 AM
I am not a cheater, but I am related to a cheater by birth, so my experience is foretunately limited. But, this I know, the vast majority of men who have affairs do so to fill a need. Most men are who cheat do not do so promiscuously - although those that do seem to get the headlines.

Men cheat because they meet a woman who provides something / fills in something that is missing at home. Be it something as innocuous as a smile or a casual compliment, or even something more overt like an in your face come-on. Many men, caught in a moment of weakness, just like women, can be walking down that path before they even know it.

While I am not excusing this behavior, I do know that a bad home life can suck a man's defenses right down the drain. In those circumstances a man has to be guarded all the time. This is not to say that a marriage should be dissolved when things get difficult, Lord knows the great number of marriages that have come back from the brink, but that in those circumstances greater self-control is required.

Further, lack of character is a contributing factor. I am one that believes men and women can be friends with out going down the sexual road. But it does require self control, character, openness with spouses, and guarded feelings. But most of all it requires being open and honest with yourself as to your feeling about the "friend."

Now there are those men who do cheat as a way of life. I have no respect for those losers. Satyrs, libertines, seducers, aldulterers: These are men of no character. Men whom I would lump in to the same pot as sociopaths. They have no feelings for other save what they can get from them. They car not that they may be spreading disease or cause the harm of those close to them.

TK
{I've had this discussion before, I don't think I can cheat, just the thought of doing so leaves me cold. I'm thankful for that}
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 687
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:43:19 AM
No different than a women having an affair. Its usually a lack of something from the relationship they are presently in. It can be emotional, sexual, financial, communication,ect.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 688
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:50:18 AM

Because you ladies let them. Do not have affairs with attached males.
So.. Every woman in the world who is single stops having sex with attached men.. Wow, the "oldest profession" would be a good stock to invest in at that point.

Putting the blame on women who "enable" cheating is mysoginistic at it's finest. When you put a bunch of men together (say as in prison) they make do with what they can have...If ya know what I'm sayin. Last I heard, prison's were'nt co-ed. Same thing happens in women's facilities apparently.


IF your relationship isn't working - End it.
People assume that the relationship isn't working, when often it is working just fine, they have no intention or desire to leave, both love and display acts of loving in their partnership. They want to grow old together particularily when they've built a fun, fulfilling financially stable and suitable life partnership together. They indulge in extra-marital fulfilment because they want to feel the excitement and limerence period of a new sex partner.. they want to feel desire and made to feel desirable, this feeling often is diminished in long-term pair bonding.. Affairs will go on for eternity due to the nature of of all living creatures. Affairs have always been and always will be.

Chronic cheaters will even commit to one partner even when they know they will not be able to commit to monogamy due to humans inherent need to "pack" (pack-animals like wolves for instance) and bond.

Marriages end due to infidelity and being unable to forgive.. Most are unable to forgive because of the moral teachings of church and society who council it's citizens to love possessively, territorially and jealously.

There are currently three active threads on infidelity.. again I ask.. why are they never deemed redundant.. I assume because we are all fascinated with the subject and we are all trying our best to understand. Some I see don't look past their usual pat answers of If women didn't allow it.. men wouldn't be able to do it.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 689
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:13:43 AM
Why do Women have affairs ?
Implies the respionsibiltiy is one 1 person in a affair, as if the front 2 wheels of a car drive it along

~sc~
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 690
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:07:21 PM

Well wishes , we've tried the "If it feels good do it" since the 60's.
Hows that been working out ?? ...
For those that have been married to a loving life-partner whom they're still married to .. I suspect it's working out GREAT for them or their everyday mundane issues that they were'nt able to remedy would have forced them to part.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 691
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:30:26 PM
^^^ Yes, darl'n.. there's a whole nation of em. I'm from Canada where we're mostly polite and sorry and more often than not ~ forgiving.. even when it's not our fault

Folks here are known to say sorry to the telephone pole that they just walked into .. lol
Or to your president when he neglected to acknowledge our nation after all the help and financial aid we provided after 9/11 ... Whoops! how unCanadian of me to point that out ..
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 694
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:09:24 PM

Whoops , guess i gotta wait until i'm drafted
lol.. Ahh, the dodgers were most sexy.. something about knowing they won't be dictated to I guess

You mean to tell me an American President LIED !?
Most people who are in a position of power (no matter at what power level they administer) lie.. Power corrupts dontcha know?

Next thing you know, you're gonna tell me he's having "jollies" with a 21 year old kid, and i have to pay for it !!
none of you would have had to pay for anything if you hadn't equated a man's consentual sex life with how well he could administer his duties or, if the opposition didn't feel it was an ideal time for them to weld their power .. the way I look at it anyway.


Depends on what is, is I suppose
"Is" stupid is what "it" is.

*convices self this is on topic due to Clinton Affair reference*
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 696
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:22:36 PM
Cheating is a question of character...those who do it have none.
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