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Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 380
Why do men have affairs?Page 4 of 29    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
Because women make themselves available to have them with ... simple:-)
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 387
view profile
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:50:08 PM
i was with a friend of mine and his wife (i was the best man at there wedding) and i have only recently just found out that after 4 years of marriage she is now intrested in me...she told me this came as a complete shock as i have only seen her as a good friend plus shes the mother of my godson and she wanted an affair with me.(Alarm bells started ringing in my head) and she started texting me messages etc. Some flirting as well has been going on as well and i will hold my hands up i have been flirting back.

Feeling guilty and seeing one possible outcome for this i text her back only Yesterday saying something along the lines of Do you really want to Gamble everything you currently have and do you want to risk everything, losing your husband (who wil kick the **** out of me) plus lose your son?

Anyway my obligation was to my friend and my godson after all i did not want to break up a happy home, however shes not happy about it all..But this is me sounding horrible its not my problem really i feel i have made the right decision well there was only one decision for me but i was tempted by the other but only saw the worst outcome but choosing that one
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 394
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/4/2007 5:49:46 PM
Personally I feel this is a question that you really can't generalize! Everyone cheats for different reasons.
Obviously something is not right in a relationship but there could be a million reasons why someone steps out on their husband or wife.
There are far to many reasons to list but I will give some of the reasons that I think people cheat.
-They are not happy and to scared to leave.
-They feel like they are abandoning someone if they leave be it kids, life, whatever.
-They have very low self esteem and are trying to validate themselves.
Personally I rarely talk to people that have cheated that have an unsatisfactory sex life. Everyone that I know that has cheated... It was never really about the sex. Just something else lacking and they were not wise enough to choose to leave before letting themselves commit adultery. IMO
Joined: 10/17/2007
Msg: 395
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/4/2007 6:39:42 PM
People cheat for different reasons. There is no one set in stone.

Some reasons:

not happy, but won't leave for the sake of the children

live out a fantasy and the wife won't participate

wife had the kids, finished with the man (got what she wanted and thinks she don't have to put out anymore)

Admiration -- the other person gives them the mental support the spouse does not give, makes them feel like a "HERO"

Appreciation -- the spouse doesn't seem to appreciate them anymore so one will search for appreciation

Challenge - likes the challenge of being able to not get caught

Last but not Least --- I remember as a young child my mother telling my cousin at a family reunion in front of everybody "if you feed'm hamburger, they'll stray for steak"!! I didn't understand at the time because I was too young..........Now I understand!!! And I also can't believe she said it so openly.........
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 399
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/7/2007 4:16:35 PM
I think it would be somewhat simplistic to think that men have affairs simply for sex. The word "affair" implies a more long term and emotional relationship than simply a "one nighter". Most men and women that I know find the casual sexual encounter a rather empty experience. So having an affair is seeking something more. Some people say men have affairs to replace something missing in their lives. To some extent this is true but I believe that men AND women often desire and need the sort of passion, not just physical, but emotional that they can only find with a new love.
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 400
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/7/2007 5:32:58 PM
Men and women have affairs because they are too scared, lazy or frankly stupid to fix what is wrong in their current on going relationship. They look on the outside for answers when they should be looking on the inside for answers
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 405
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/23/2007 1:45:16 PM
Statistically speaking 4 times as many women cheat then men.
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 406
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/23/2007 1:52:13 PM
In particular, STUPIDITY. Bumping into your spouse's "friend" running out the back door after 20 years of marriage, probably weighs on my opinion a little though. However somtimes these situations result in us taking a look at where the ones we choose took a bad turn and fortunitely fo some of us we get to start over and begin a new life with the one we find we should have been with anyway.



Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 412
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/23/2007 5:28:16 PM
Sean70.... what is your source of your statistic?

I tried to find a site or source that came anywhere close to your statistic and could not. Most had a list of stats from a decade ago. But, I finally found one with 2006 statistics. With women's liberation and financial independence the women are catching up with the men, but the guys are still more likely by a bit. Here is what I found (with most of the sites I saw also having a "why men cheat" and a "why women cheat" sections ... seems we do it for different reasons.


"Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 57%

Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 54%

Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 415
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/29/2007 5:49:29 AM
The wife isn't submissive enough and give their husband more sex
 Hot Buttered Soul
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 416
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:47:06 AM
People have affairs when they are not being statified in their relationship. we can try and analyze it to the last degree, because there are limitless motives. But ultimately, if you were crazy about the person at home.. home is where you'd be.
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 418
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:01:30 PM
from what i know about men and i am one, will a lot of things come into play here. the guy is not getting enough sex at home most guys can never get enough sex.
 Flavius_The _Destroyer
Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 466
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:53:42 AM
Why do women have these affairs if they find them so deplorable? it takes 2 to tangle, baby!
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 482
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:18:39 PM

I am interested in the Psychology of why a man needs to have an affair?

Probably because human beings are not naturally monogamous beings. Monogamy has been imposed on our culture by religious edict. Throughout history humans have been polygamous in marriage and had multiple sex partners. In the days of the Old Testament, for example, it was not adultery to give your wife to your brother or your slave girl to a guest. Harems were provided with eunuchs for their pleasure who could not reproduce but could perform sexually. Monogamy is a rule imposed on us by the notion of the rights of inheritance. It makes things much simpler and lessened the drama in church courts during the days of the Holy Roman Empire. Before that, during the Roman Empire, one might have one wife officially married to but one might have concubines, mistresses, whatever ... and orgies were a regular cultural event, particularly among the well to do ruling class.

In today's surviving tribal cultures, multiple sexual partners are either encouraged by the culture or at least tolerated. Today's modern western cultural rules are basically against how humans naturally developed.

What keeps the goose monogamous? Nothing. He just is. Why do humans stray? Because we are designed that way.
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 490
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:52:59 AM
men have affairs because their wives wear sweat pants!
Joined: 6/28/2004
Msg: 497
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 1/29/2008 5:15:15 AM
Perfect - you captured the issue in the fewest words - exactly right!!
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 498
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/11/2008 9:27:18 AM
men have affairs ...because their partner do not take care of them
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 506
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/11/2008 12:48:56 PM
OK--I didn't read 21 pages of posts, but I did watch the Fox News Channel during lunch and their continued coverage of the NY governor (the love gov) who was caught up in a prostitution ring. When questioned why men either have an affair or use hookers, the therapist said that one reason (not the only one) was that they were looking for approval or someone to stroke their ego, i.e. tell them they were appreciated, what a great job they were doing in their profession, that type of thing. If there's any basis to this premise, wonder how many affairs would be avoided if the women in their lives were just a little more attentive once in awhile. Probably works both ways.
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 511
view profile
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/11/2008 4:51:29 PM
Why does anyone? Someone is not being satisfied at home. Pretty simple really.
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 522
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:55:43 PM
Maybe because wifey won't do something another female will. Guys kiss wifey goodbye early enough on the way to work to stop off and get a prostitute to give them head because their wife won't. Women fill "Lonely Wives" dating sites because their husbands are gone all the time working and they feel lonely. Guess it isn't just men that look somewhere else for what they can't find at home.
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 525
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:48:21 PM
I have never had an affair, though I have come close a few times. From watching people that I am around though, I would have to agree with an earlier post. Women cheat on their mates way more often than men. Men for the most part, not all of course. But your average good husband in a long term relationship has more than ample reasons to have an affair. Women just refuse to accept the truth in these reasons.
We give up everything we knew as a lifestyle and devote ourselves to one person, everything we do becomes for our family. Any thing we want for ourselves is automatically placed on the low priority list because we want our mate to be happy. And you know what ? We actually like this, it makes us proud to be a good loving partner. So this is the way our life goes. But, over time, the natural human tendency to take things for granted sits in, We're still busting our balls, but there are fewer thank you's, the sex life starts to dwindle because the new is wearing off. We're both starting to get a little older and look a little worse. Reasons are piling up, arguments are more frequent, and we start asking ourselves why we're doing this anymore. We start thinking maybe this relationship has ended, but we still love our mate , so we drag it out. Then magically an opportunity arises and we jump right in. It's supposed to be our last good reason to leave. But, suddenly with a little extra on the side, life isn't so dismal and were happy, and we do still love our mate so why hurt her ? What she doesn't know ? And if some thing happens and she does find out, well ,we have are arsenal of reasons and that will be our last reason to stay , its a win win situation for the man. And only a little guilt involved.
Point being , the average guy by the time he is 5 or so years into a relationship usually has enough decent reasons, anger , anxiety and ulcers built up from busting his butt for some one who seemingly doesn't care anymore, that all he is doing is going through the motions waiting for someone to rescue him.
I am sure the women out there probably go through about the same routine in their life but I am not a woman so I can't say. This is just a mans point of view.
Personally as I said , I have never cheated, thats only because I held on till I hated the woman I was with and left, my own personal way of justifying leaving I suppose. And thats what we all want , to get away from a miserable relationship with as little personal guilt as possible, find a way to make it the other persons fault. "Yeah I cheated, but I tried to stay and work things out , she just didn't love me enough to want to try" Still some guilt there but not quite as bad as it could be, and ya got to screw the secretary to boot.
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 534
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 3/23/2008 3:30:41 PM
If a man "cheats", then who is cheating who? What would drive a man out of a relationship? It is not always the woman who being "cheated". It could be he was "cheated" because she no longer provided some element of the relationship he felt was important. So-called cheating, as pointed out by others, cannot be generalized. I am cheating on my spouse but who was "cheated" in the relationship? I won't go into detail but suffice it to say that much is missing. That being said, she admits to that fact and is incapable of (or unwilling to) change. We have been together a long time and we still love each other. Neither one of us feel as though the "cheating" is worth throwing the relationship away.
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 541
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 1/31/2009 6:40:23 PM
People (not only men) have affairs (cheat in any relationship or situation) because they are selfish. They will also have other pathilogical tendancies (liars, gamblers, drinking) Whatever their hangups are, it still comes down to what they can "get" out of it... with little (mostly none) concern for how their actions effect those around them. (and will always blame others for their behavior) They are only self serving. And with no professional help will continue that characteristic. Few ever change. One has to realize that it now becomes their problem too.. and then decide when faced with any other these patholical behaviors if they want to continue living with that type of person.
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 544
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:43:54 PM
Again, because it's all about them.... Please see above
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 546
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 1/31/2009 8:08:18 PM
Again>>Whatever their hangups are, it still comes down to what they can "get" out of it... with little (mostly none) concern for how their actions effect those around them. (and will always blame others for their behavior) They are only self serving. And with no professional help will continue that characteristic. Few ever change.>>
And some people just DONT GET IT.
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