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Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 550
Why do men have affairs?Page 5 of 29    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
Men and women have affairs for two reasons, and in no particular order: to feel alive (this is relative) and to affirm their own stupidity to themselves and everyone else. Who needs that? Love, Titus
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 569
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:07:16 AM
The same reasons why women have affairs. They feel that something is missing from their relationship.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 573
view profile
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:56:08 AM

Thing is again, it is so simple really, it goes back to your Ten Commandments
> > The bible was written when men were allowed (society had yet to make monogomy the rule) to have more than one wife. Thou shall not commit adultery does not include the by-line of "thou shall only have one wife!"

Serial monogomy (several one-on-one partners over one's lifetime) seems to be the most popular theme in this day and age.

Perhaps there is simply a evolution spin on it all:
Maybe men and women cheat because we were'nt meant to be monogomous. There are couples who never stray due to upbringing, guilt, morals foisted upon them at an early age etc.. However; Studies of DNA have even shown that wild life that had always been thought to have one mate for life have strayed outside the nest and fathered offspring to other same specie females.. only to return to the nest of the mate they had chosen for life.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 580
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 11:01:31 AM
And I am telling you that statistics state looks are rarely a factor. Perhaps younger partners may be in "awe" but looks are not the primary motivation, and if they are, they are short-lived

Where did you get these stats? Just curious.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 585
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 11:15:16 AM
@ Msg 583: I guess that excuses all the women that have affairs cause it's too hard to trow a leg over the beer gut that suddenly appeared after marriage then?? .. Just wonderin? Good grief buddy!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 589
view profile
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 1:15:53 PM

(for some reason some men think that busty women are into having affairs or casual sex more than women who are not well endowed)
or, perhaps more boob men like extracaricular sexual activities than do leg men?? (both observations are as far fetched as the other)
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 595
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 5:59:54 PM
my ex always told me that he has low self esteem and didn't feel worthy of me. he felt that i was too good for him. he also was extremely paranoid that i would leave him for another man so he had to make sure that he was """"THE FIRST"""" in the relationship to destroy our marriage so that he could feel better about himself. somewhere in his warped mind, not making our marriage work and sabatoging it was the answer to his insecurities and not feeling worthy of the happiness that the stability and love of our family could have offered him.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 596
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:00:07 PM
~OT~ I rarely watch Oprah, but I do know this particular author, so I did watch this episode. “The Truth About Cheating” (Gary Neuman). He's convinced and convinced me, that the cliche "it's about the sex" isn't the truth. It's also interesting that those he interviewed all agreed that often times the mistress wasn't as attractive or more attractive than their spouse. (I've never been convinced it was sex or appearance that captured my ex's attention ~ I think it was exactly what is stated below.)

In a new study conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it's estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it.


What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex. "The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that."
The link has the interview in it’s entirety and I think you can still download the entire book for free (not certain on that however, I downloaded it the day the show aired.)

(And yes, he’s got a book out about women who cheat ~ the show hasn’t aired to my knowledge, however.)
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 598
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:28:25 PM
The funny thing is - its also stated that women are more likely to have an affair than a man.

As for why a man cheats LOOKS is not one of the reasons - and its not the idea of SEX because as most men feel its actually 'awe were married access to sex whenever we like'

Its actually really simple - having done a hugeee project on this in Uni - I'll tell you why men and women cheat ...

Men - Cheat just because adventure + danger - its a result of becoming bored, too stable, falling into a path that locks them in makes them predictable - no surprises you know what you get. The interesting thing is whenever a man does cheat he subconciously wants it to be with someone 'in some way related to the wife/gf' not by relatives or family, I mean maybe through 5-6 people they would know each other the wife/gf and the cheatee ... lol
Because its a subconcious way of telling themselves 'we still are dominant and in power' even though we're married, tied down, with kids, for 20 years... It goes back to primal times - males had multiple partners - its hardwired into them from prehistoric times...

Women - are a totally different thing - they wont cheat for money, looks, adventure or anything - they simply will cheat for (how this other man makes them feel... deep inside) - special, sexy, makes them want to go wild, makes them imagine things clearly in their minds... its much deeper why women do it - but both sexes have their reasons...
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 600
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:39:10 PM
Low self esteem and fear. They fear losing their virility, even in their twenties. Guys are no different than women in this sense. If a large part of their self esteem has been the conquest of females, then they have to continue to bolster their flagging ego's.

Women, on the other hand, who have been taught that their value and self esteem is based on their good looks, will do just about anything to stay beautiful.

You can't blame anyone. It happens because people are sick. That's why I look for a man who is alpha and knows himself, who is comfortable in his sexuality and who is crazy for me.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 604
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:35:45 PM

I read a study that said, in the majority of extramarital affairs, the *other woman* was generally considered less attractive that the wife by other people (including the cheater.)

This may be true. But among the men I know that had cheated on their wife / girlfriend, the "other woman" was usually better looking.
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 606
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/19/2009 12:42:51 PM
I would think the reason ANYONE would have an affair is that there is something severely lacking in their relationship.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 607
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/19/2009 12:53:37 PM

because some people just need strange. or, they have huge hearts that can hold a number of people in them at the same time. or, They are decendants of *King Solomon and God granted him the powers to satisfy them (he is, afterall the fruit of his decendant father's loins) ~ but society/law won't allow him to marry them all.

*According to 1 Kings 11:3 Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines

~sounds as good as any other explanation of why men have affairs to me~
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 609
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/19/2009 2:41:46 PM
Oprah had a Psychologist that explained that men and women have affairs not out of a sexual need but out of an emotional need.......

My thoughts always were that when you are missing something at home is why you go out and find it somewhere else.....and I dont know the stats but a good guess for me would be that most affairs start in the work place because I believe most of us spend more time with our coworkers then we do with our families........JMO
Joined: 6/22/2005
Msg: 615
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:15:30 PM
Affairs come into a relationship for only one reason, the "New" partner does what the "current partner" use to do.
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 616
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:01:29 PM
Sad they do not have enough balls to end the relationship they are in before jumping into another one. Insecure and have to have a standby!
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 618
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:40:35 PM
Why do WOMEN have affairs?
A number of different reasons...none of them worthwhile.

If you aren't happy in the relationship...fix it or end it.
If you ARE happy...but you are still cheating...go see a counselor.
You need help.
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 633
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:37:05 PM
Bandito: That's right on the money. It's what I like to call "grass is greener" syndrome. Women are NEVER satisfied and always want what is unattainable at the time where men are more happy being in the "comfort zone" when they've been with someone a long time. You couple that with the ADD lifestyle that women have become accustomed to and the media constantly telling everyone they deserve better and it's a no win situation for the guy who's genuinely in it for the long haul. I'm starting to think a serious "long haul" woman doesn't exist anymore. Nothing makes me leave a relationship. I'd work on it until I drew my last breath, unfortunately I've yet to find a woman that has my level of committment.
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 636
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:01:26 PM
OP your question is too gender specific, truth is both men and women have affairs.

They do cuz they are selfish; the only person they truly love and care for in the universe is them and themselves. Plain and simple.
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 642
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:45:35 AM
Reckless: No one said anyone was "perfect". If you stopped sucking up to the women with the whole "white knight" routine and actually read you'd see that. Don't say you aren't doing it either becuase there was an entire article about men cheating and a lot of man bashing and I didn't read any posts where you were bothering to defend men AT ALL. You should grow a set because the whole "quote then make a ridiculous zinger" routine is getting old fast.

Men cheat as well but it's usually not because they always think the grass is greener. I don't think there's as much life changing thought put into it. They're acting stupid as well but don't have the entitlement mentality that women have.
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 645
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Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:43:35 AM
People have affairs Psychology because they need to be punished

People having affairs should be shunned for 1 month and not allowed to see their children unless
they have a promised time set up and it should be supervised.Next time it is 1 years etc.

There should be a law against it and you have to pay the other person money. Even if you poor you have to take a job to do it. If you rich the partner get to take something you will value besides money. I know children should be allowed to see both parents
but the cheater maybe cheating with someone who in the children life and if that relationship stops fails may takes it out on the children. If there are consequence maybe people will get out of the relationship or simply not do it. Maybe the other partner should suggest the punishment besides the money. Maybe even an affairs
jails called the Cheaters jail . I never did it and never will because a relationship is something very important and you have work on it all the time.
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 650
Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:42:22 PM
Most definitions of "cheating" within a relationship appear to be about whether the "other" is having sex outside of the marriage/exclusive relationship, ie an affair. I define "cheating" more broadly ... "To violate rules deliberately ... ".

Why do I define cheating in a relationship in this way? ... because I think each of us (male or female) is different. We each have different needs; we each have a different sense of what is "betrayal" and what is not; we each define a "relationship" (whether friends, spouses, exclusive, FWB, FB, etc) differently. In my mind, those differences are only bridged with communication and part of that communication is about the "rules of engagement" ... my expectations, my partner's expectations, my needs/wants, and my partner's needs/wants. I'm not much interested in society's rules for marriage, dating, friendships, etc.

Personally I might not care if my SO goes out and has sex with another woman, has female friends ... meets his "needs" with someone other than myself. The flip side to that is that I believe I have the same "rights". But, to me, there are responsibilities in exercising those rights and that's where the rules of engagement act as boundaries as well as offering both partners freedom of choice.

I want the right to information/communication about what my SO's needs are and which of those needs the relationship is not meeting or which of those needs I'm not meeting. I'd even appreciate information about how those needs could be better met outside of the relationship. But, most of all, I want the opportunity to determine whether I want to meet those needs, whether I can meet those needs, and how I feel about going outside the relationship to meet those needs.

Ultimately, I want a choice ... an informed choice ... a partner who can articulate needs and their personal relative value so I'm left in little doubt about what my partner wants, desires, and needs. I see that as necessary ... openness, honesty, responsibility resulting in a relationship that respects both partners.

... and ... I would agree people have affairs/cheat ... I don't think it's gender-specific!
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