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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > WHY do men just disappear??      Home login  
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 dirtydeeds101
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 226
WHY do men just disappear??Page 10 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Somebody mentioned some sort of black hole that they have all disappeared to in another post similiar to this.
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 227
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 11:24:02 AM
i met someone like that we were corresponding for 2 mos .- he also offered me that he would pay for my bus ticket to see him in Okanagan . He works a lot, 2 jobs.

Prior to knowing tha he works a lot- he calls me everyday & stays up on the phone with me. then all of a sudden, he says he would be busy working lots of hours that he wouldn't be able to call me as much (that is one sign there). Then he disappears quite a lot. sometimes no calls for a week. then after that he calls again. then when i emailed to ask if we was okay, he replies we are. then he disappears again after that.

I didn't talk to him for awhile, no calls, no emails. So I just think he is gone. I took a chance and called him one weekend. He was on his way out to take his boat with his friend & said he would call me when he comes home. No calls. the weekend passed nothing not even an email. I never saw a pic of him when we first met, not till later of our friendship/long distance romance (online). So when I finally saw his pic, he thought I was into looks, but I am not.Monday night, I finally did talk to him. He apologize for not calling that weekend.

For 2 months we've been corresponding, eventhough he wanted to come and see me and asked me to take the trip. He did like me & vice versa- He had a change of heart, He realize that the distance isn't worth pursuiing a potential relationship. (but he wasnt being honest).

So I asked him "are u already seeing someone else?", it took him awhile. But he eventually admitted to it. while we've been corresponding he met other people prior to me. And met someone else, whom He has been seeing someone & dating her for a month & a half that we've been corresponding so he was just leading me on.

*Well as for your situation, he sounds like the guy I am talking about. Move On. There is a lot of fish in the sea. I met remarkable people here. I had one bad date, so what? He is just one bad seed out of a bunch. Not all men are bad. trust me. Go meet someone new & get to know someone. good luck!
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 228
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:45:58 PM
The same reasons why women disappear.

1. Some people aren't that serious about dating.
2. Some people are afraid of getting into a relationship because of past experiences.
3. Some people preferred to remain single.
4. Some people are married or have a significant other
5. Some people met someone that they liked better.
6. You mentioned or did something during the date that was an automatic dealbreaker.
7. Some people are extremely busy with work or family issues.
 msflis
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 229
WHY do PEOPLE just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:53:05 PM
They just got bit by a radioactive spider, and they're afraid you won't understand their sudden need for a crime-fighting costume and a secret identity.

--Ms. Flis
 yajus neverno
Joined: 1/25/2008
Msg: 230
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:00:55 PM

I cant' think of what I did to cause this??


This is the statement that I find troubling. First stop beating yourself up over it. What makes you think it was something you did? No matter what the reason, you need to find someone for YOU that accepts YOU for who YOU are. So what if something happened that turned him away, it was something he couldn't accept. Thats his problem, not yours.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 231
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History
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:19:36 PM
Why did he disappear? There's no way to know unless he tells you or you find out from someone else. I can think of a hundred different possible reasons from he changed his mind & didn't want to tell you to he died in a car wreck. On the off chance that something happened that has kept him from being able to communicate - if it were me, I'd call & email one more time and say, "Hey, I thought we had a plan to meet, I haven't heard from you. I hope you're okay. I'm calling to find out what's going on. If I don't hear from you by 5 p.m. tomorrow I'll assume it's off. Hope you're okay and I hope I hear from you." Then, forget about it. It's annoying not knowing but it boils down to two possibilities: either something very difficult happened that has prevented him from communicating or he doesn't want to. If the latter, he isn't the kind of guy you want in your life and that's really all you need to know.
 atouchoftink
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 232
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:35:25 PM
Grow balls hell they've been neutered.
 dogandcatlover
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 233
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:52:56 PM
just remember his loose not yours wait for him to contact you
 winnipeggal74
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 234
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:57:56 PM
I think this question can be answered just as neatly in the many "He/She's just not that in to you" threads.

For whatever reason, you're no longer important enough to make an effort to contact/communicate with - and the person is too socially inept to be honest with you that they're no longer interested.

Is it rude? Sure.
Disrespectful? Yep.
Particularly since some men pull a disappearing act after a lengthy and/or involved relationship where they gave every outward appearance of valuing you enough to spare 5 minutes of their time to say "goodbye".

Feel good about not having someone in your life that is mis-representing themselves, and move on to someone who truly values your company.
 HappyGilmore2
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 235
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 2:07:30 PM

I haven't read all of the postings but my opinion on the question is... women can juggle many things at once (decisions to make, problems, issues, etc.), and we talk it out to work it out, but when men are faced with many things like that, they retreat into their cave to sort things out or work things out on their own.

So much analysis around one simple answer lol! So here is the real answer to the question that seem to cause so much heartburn and analysis: A man disappears because.....tam....tam....tam.....HE DOES NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU lol! How about that for a straight simple answer lol! I'm sure the same holds true for ladies!
 flguy311
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 236
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History
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 2:11:27 PM
You want to know why?

Here's the answer ladies straight from a guy:

Excluding accidents and acts of God, guys disappear for 1 of 2 reasons, but they both mean the same thing.

Reason #1 He met someone else.

Reason #2 Fear of commitment.

What do both of these have in common? He's just not that into you.

Sorry to be the bearer of truth, but that's the way it is.
 byebye baby
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 237
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 2:35:09 PM
I believe the guys a few post above here said it, lol!! "He's just not that into you"
It happens, what can you do?? I know some here are on other sites as well, even Facebooks has applications to find "Interested" people ... we are living in a disposable, instant gratification society, it sucks too feel disposed of.
All you can do is move on, and chalk it up to another experience??
 Petite Elle
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 238
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 2:40:14 PM
First of all I have to say in the mens defense....I have talked to many men that have had the exact same story happen to them only with women.

Now....as far as the post, I have read the answer earlier. There is just to many women to choose from plain and simple. They bore easy, and there is always another just a"click" away.

Maybe we should go back to meeting men in the bar....I think the odds are greater
 Thinking88
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 239
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WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:37:51 PM
You are so right, what you said makes total sense. I feel that I get so many "hits" from men, and then you write them a nice e-mail back, and they don't answer you back. You wonder, what changed their mind so quickly??? But.....I just don't worry about that anymore - you learn that a lot of men are playing games here and want to keep "hidden" behind the computer screen. They are really scared if something does click and goes right. Those men need to get off this site!! If they say long term, they need to mean long term. After writing to men for awhile that don't ask me out, don't answer much, or just want a pen-pal, I just don't write back or try and forget about those guys and move on.

I like your look on it with getting new flavors - there certainly are plenty of fish on this site - but it takes so much time and effort trying to find out if guys are serious are not.
I know there are nice, caring men out there. Thanks for your advice.
 virgilskid
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 240
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History
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:00:09 AM
I'm sure I have faded away from a few girls and there are a few reasons for doing this. If I found someone else who is more interested in me and vice versa, if there just wasn't the chemistry there, if she seemed to be drifting away from me, personal problems or something happens concerning my sons, job, living arrangements, etc.. If they contact me and ask what happened I will tell them but these are grown up girls with other prospects, I think they are doing fine. I've had a few women disappear on me online, have become accepting and desensitized by it, figure they had their reasons and that's that. One came back six months later, had started seeing a guy and he treated her like crap, we are friends now but kind of cooled on being anything more with her. I know one who is a nurse and her schedule sabotaged us ever getting together, liked her quite a bit from emailing and talking on the phone, but if she can't find time to date either she's not interested in me or she's undateable. I just can't get stressed by any of this, there are so many single women out there and if I never met a girl or only saw her once, there really isn't anything to get upset about. As for now, I found a stable girl who shares her feelings and everything is good so far, I am glad to be off the dating market, whew!
 boutenuf
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 241
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History
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:16:39 AM
I have had this happen to me also with 3 differentmen that I saw for about 2 months each. I would much prefer some answer even if it was I suck, or that he found someone else. I think that it is just common courtesy.

For email chats with people I have not met and were not serious just banter back and forth I don't let it bother me, because it really wasn't anything to befin with.
 Madeuscreem
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 242
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:26:51 AM
Men disappear because they're afraid to say "I'm not interested anymore."
 angelmom65
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 243
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:32:18 AM
Exactly I've had it happen on more than one occasion with guys I've met on here, they say they're interested and want to see me again and then they avoid me like the plague....but I definately think it's exactly like you said madeuscreem they're afraid to say "I'm not interested anymore" And I've said exactly that to them.....
 funnylittlecountrygirl
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 244
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:23:09 PM
For the same reason women do, there is no future in it.
Some people, both men and women don`t have the courage
to speak up before bailing out, sad........
 moi1010
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 245
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/1/2008 4:07:48 PM
women have just as much trouble saying they're not interested too... hard to disappoint someone like that
 Priddygypsy
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 246
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:54:13 AM
Oh how I agree 100% about what goes around comes around.Just hate it thou when people just keep saying they are still interested and keep giving the other person hope,why not just say not interested and be over with it.
 angelmom65
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 247
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:52:45 PM
Exactly priddygypsy........they do it all the time to me and I don't have a problem with telling someone I'm not interested I think it's less hurtful than leading someone on, so I guess I'm the exception of women that do the same thing, I won't lead someone on it's not right....
 byebye baby
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 248
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:29:26 PM
I really don't feel good about having "Negative" thoughts towards men... Yet it's hard to contain at times here...LOL!! But I've noticed some men that "Disappear" are the ones looking/and found someone they 'think' is better, and they don't feel obligated to extend the courtesy of telling someone they were interested in, it's gone. And by just 'disappearing' they have the option to "Reappear" with an excuse... had to work outta town, got busy with their kids, family issues...bla bla bla.. It's hard not to allow yourself to feel a little jilted when you've spent time with someone and have expressed a mutual interest...It is very disheartning, we all wanna take chances and trust someone until they give you reason not too?? I know I'd rather not hear a guy claim to "really" like me alot and show interest unless he's sure. You can never go wrong by telling the truth. That's what I've always believed, sadly the truth sometimes hurts.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 249
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/3/2008 9:43:52 AM

Now....as far as the post, I have read the answer earlier. There is just to many women to choose from plain and simple. They bore easy, and there is always another just a"click" away.


both men and women do this. hey, if you're bored just say so, sweetie, so i can move on! actually, they do NOT get bored if you're really "the one." (even a player will stop playing if the *right* one comes along.)

anyway........... i think we've all come to understand the disappearing act means "just not that into you." what i (and many others) do NOT "get" is this: if someone's not that into you, then WHY oh why act wayyyy over the top pretending you're wayyyyyyyyyyy more interested than you really are??? why not just act **mildly** interested instead (that's not gonna hurt anyone's feelings...for you chicken sh*its out there! lol) the onlyyyyyyy sensical thing i can come up with is the person is trying to 'back burner' you, so pours it on.

as far as people changing their minds, yep, that happens, but i find it hard to believe someone goes from acting wildly 'in love' (ok, wildly infatuated lol) one day to disappearing the next day (or even week). there's no way people change their minds THAT fast from one extremeeeeee to the other. (lol barring finding out you're a serial killer or something!) nope, the only sensical explanation is the other person was pouring it on to 'back burner' you.

op: your case is exceptionally befuddling. reason being is, hard to imagine someone going to such great lengths as sending a plane ticket if not interested or in a 'back burner' attempt. very, very, very odd. i have a gut feeling though (and i'm basing it on what i've seen a guy friend do). i'm thinking he's not doing super well online (otherwise, no need for long distance...lol unless he's in the middle of nowhere), so that rules out him casually tossing women aside (no easy come, easy go effect). however, he's still having *some* luck with other women online and he's not going to buy a plane ticket for every chick he fancies, so i'm betting even though he's not having great luck online, he's having *some* luck and he has decided to use that plane ticket on some other girl. yeah, he liked you somewhat, but he he likes her more. he's disappeared to 'back burner' you in case this new gal (or some other gal) doesn't work out. (if he came right out and told you, he'd lose his chance of using you as a back up later if he needs it.) i'd be telling him to cram that plane ticket where the sun don't shine if he offers it to you a month or two down the road. btw, the guy friend who does this IS looking for a serious relationship, but it has to be the *right* woman. meanwhile, he hops around with the few women he does get while waiting for the *right* one. the other thing is: my guy friend is not beyond having sex with women he has flown in even if he's not super interested in them. you would have been in that situation had some other chick not come along.

hope you find a better fishie, hun! 8-)
 ammabelle
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 250
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/3/2008 3:34:38 PM
men are like rubberbands... they need to pullaway before they can become close again... in otherwords he may be a little nervous or unsure... just give him some time
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