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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?      Home login  
Joined: 11/26/2004
Msg: 17
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
the important thing is to keep being a good dad, no matter what your ex says or does, if you stay nice to the children then eventually they will realize that mommy is cold and vendictive for keeping daddy away from them for greedy and money related reasons... just don't quit and give in
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 18
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/20/2005 11:30:01 PM
Hmm, I had an interesting phone call to the our daughters tonight while at work. (I call them at least once every night on my two ten minuite breaks I am allowed.) Once I was done talking to both of them to see how their day went their mother got on the phone which I was recording. I started to ask her that if we did not hear from the judge before the weekend that I would like to keep the schedule we were working with intact. She cut me off mid sentence and said, "Oh you didn't know!? You got what you wanted." I asked in confusion what she was talking about. She said she got a call from her lawyer as well as a letter, stating that the girls and I were awarded Joint Physical Custody!!!!!!! Now I am still a little leary because I did not receive such a letter or a phone call from my lawyer today, and I would not put it past her to try and pull a fast one on me. But, she also tried to ramble off the days the judge had decided on. She immeiately went into negotiation mode over the days that were determined. I told her until I have seen the letter and talk to my lawyer that there is no need for further discussion. She also said all I want is for this to be over. WOW!!! Coulda fooled me. But Once I find out for sure if this is true I will post the ruling and let all of you know what it came out to be. Thank YOU All. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but what I am hoping for is that if Joint Physical was awarded then she will be crushed and will then decide to make decision based on what's best for the kids and this debocle can be ended with little to no fuss.
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 19
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/21/2005 11:23:16 PM
Well verdict is in. She got Joint Custody as the primary care giver. But I got the girls three days every week. Thursday to Saturday morning and then Sunday to Monday afternoon.

She got 618$ in child support but that is all she gets, no spousal support. They gave me a 20% break on the child support for extrordinary care. I owe 309 on the 1st and 15th of every month.

The pre trial date is set for October 28th, according to her mood she seems to think it is over, we will be waiting to see if she is ready to settle or if I get to go back to court in October.

Again thank you everyone for your advice and support!

I may not have gotten Joint Physical custody but I got the girls my 3 to her 4 and broke her spirit in the process. My girls and I thank everyone!
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 20
view profile
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/22/2005 12:25:11 AM
Thanks for updating us. I think you did very well all and all.
Joined: 11/14/2004
Msg: 21
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/22/2005 6:24:22 AM
It sounded to me like you are giving up in your last post, don't. You, your ex, and the girls should have to go through a custodial evaluation with a psychologist, though I am not sure about county you live in. I fought for two years, and I heard over and over how the courts favor women, and I don't believe it, except when it comes to non-payment of child support. Judges don't seem to care when women don't pay. Ask around, there are many guys that have sole custody of their children, and many many more that are primary physical custodian. Most courts tend to lean towards joint, and the quickest way to get into trouble is to interfere with visitation for ANY reason. Lots of women think that if a guy is behind on child support they can deny visitation, and they have a rude awakening in court. If you are ever denied visitation keep it well documented, and ask your attorney if there is a supervised exchange site in your county, it should be related to CASA or a similar entity. I have to go, but you have been given lots of advice, and you are in the middle of it anyways, my point in KEEP YOU CHIN UP AND FIGHT MAN, THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR CHILDREN. And if you have any queestions email me and I will answer in detail when I have time, this is an issue I have dedicated my professional career to.
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 22
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/22/2005 7:17:57 AM
First of all - kudos to you for wanting to be a good dad.
Let me give a little advice that has proven invaluable to me. Although things are settled FOR NOW - it will be in your best interest to continue to document everything in order to establish a solid pattern of being a good parent. You don't have to go overboard - just a simple diary showing every overnight is important. Either parent can go back to the courts in the future to get custody arrangements or support payments modified. You will need to be able to back up your position with documentation. And nothing impresses a judge or a lawyer like solid facts.

With all of that said - one of the best things you can do moving forward, is establish a good civil relationship with your children's mother. Like it or not - she is a part of your life for a loooong time - and it will not be good for your children if you 2 are fighting.

For now - enjoy your life and your girls. All the best!
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 23
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/22/2005 8:24:13 PM
Hopefully things went well on the 16th. My advice to you is to ask for joint custody with equal access so that each is responsible for the children with their own income. If you do this, you may save yourself in the long run and get your children equally instead of things like every other weekend. I have found children would prefer 1 week on, and 1 week off so they have less moving around.
If your ex has not completed school, or is not working you may be entitled to spousal support but only for the maximum of 2 years usually. Long enough for her to get some kind of education to support the children.
If she cannot prove that you had an affair, then it is your word against hers. A judge cannot be persuaded by one opinion or the other. Guys have more rights than they realize, but sometimes you have to prove yourself. One way, is to say you will take parenting courses to keep yourself up to date on the development of your child.
The other thing that works well (for the children), is if you and your ex live reasonably close together. That way, your children have access to both places should they forget something. (and believe me, they will).
Sometimes the courts still lean towards the woman, but if a man can show that his life revolves around the children, then a good judge always looks out for the best interest of the child. Watch out for those double shifts sometimes. If a judge catches wind of that,they could think you will be unpredictably unavailable. Just make things clear that you will revolve your work schedule around the stays with you.
I have more ideas if you want to chat more Good luck.
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 24
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/26/2005 11:06:52 AM

I understand what you are trying to get across. That is why I posted a forum in the first place to seek advice from as many people as possible. It can simply be put that everyones situation is different no two situations are alike. I disagree with your arrangement but if that is what works for you than congrats. I myself grew up in a family with two homes and two seperate families. I know for a fact that it does create major stress on the kids, but at the same time, adults and kids can and will adapt. WIth my situation I am not pleased with the times that are appointed and the constant back and fourth, but she would not agree to any other scenario that was propossed and the only propasal I received in return was the obvious. In my case my two girls have grown up with me by their side at every moment, helping them grow and make decisions, I have stated before their mother is a good mother but lacks the ability to put the childrens needs before her own and it would be a tragedy for these girls to grow up and learn from this behavior and to apply it to their everyday lives. I admire the fact the you and your ex get along, that was all I had hoped for in my situation and it started out to be that way until she found out she could not control and manipulate me anymore. As much as this sucks for my kids I am hoping that she will come to terms with whatever demons she has fabricated and will start to look at the bigger picture. I myself, beleive that one week on and one week off is what is best for the girls and I's situation. SO thanks for the input congrats on being able to work things out in your best interest for your situation I appreciate the input, and no worry all I care about are my two little ones. That is why I have taken the action I have to this point, I understand the importance of a seperated family that works, I am giving her every opportunity to get to this point but I can only lead the horse to the water.

Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 25
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:45:47 PM
try to keep sharing custody.. you can get that done.. possibly no one will have to pay support and you both have the same amount of time and responsibilities with the kids.. however,, from what i've heard the person with the kids in their possession usually gets to keep them unless they can be proven unfit... and no matter what don't you dare agree to anything regarding the kids till you feel comfortable with the agreement.. ask for extended visitation.. ask for shared visitation.. give in to as much other stuff as you can but never on the kids issue.. the kids are the most important thing....
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 26
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/29/2005 10:32:18 AM
I just saw this forum and wanted to comment.
First of all congrats on the custody of your girls. The courts are allot more flexible and award shared or joint custody in more cases. Six years ago I went through a similar situation and do not regret one minute fighting for the custody of my child. When I was going through it the laws seamed to favor the mother, that is why I lived unhappily for about two years. When I finaly had everything I needed to put up a good fight, I went for it. Everything started out as a battle but ended peacefully. We have remained friends for my sons sake. As a father you have to what you think is best for your children. As fathers one of our main duties is to protect and provide for our family. If your wife is not wanting to be a part of that family any longer thna your daughters remain the family that you should protect and provide for.
Do what you need to and once again congrats.
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 27
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/29/2005 1:49:21 PM
just thinking out load here ,can you prove with your pay stubs that you were working all this over time for the nights she said you were cheeting on her. if so you may still keep your marrage. and this bankruptcy why did you have to do this, was it your fault or her's .and one more thing why is she in such a rush to get rid of you maybe she is the one cheeting on you and she wants out to be with him .never trust women to much they are smart,and know how to play just as much as we do maybe even more. I would pay a little more attechen to where she go's at night when she does not have the kids . but I could be wrong but why all of a sudden want out
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 28
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/29/2005 2:00:29 PM
also make sure if she get's remarried that she can not leave the state with your children .and that when the children hit that 18 yr old age or when they are out of collage, that you sell the house and split the money .and what some one else said if she was working before the children were here that she can also work to help support your children ,thats what I would say to my lawyer that was the reason we always agreed that she would go back to work and she renagged on this .
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 29
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/30/2005 4:09:49 AM
Reverse the situation on her, file for total custody of your girls, you sound like a very responsible person. She sounds like a gold digger. If you go for the whole enchilada, you may be surprised about how much YOU get for your girls from her. Seriously, Request residential custody, and only let her have the girls on the weekends, or once or twice a month, after a two week in advance request notice from your ex. If she brings up money in front of the judge, YOU bring up the girls welfare, let him know you are thinking of them, not finacial gain. I think you would have no problem handling them, and finding good sitters for them while you are working. Make sure you do a background check on anyone you have watch your kids though. Shows you are serious about looking out for their best interests. Then, do a background check on your ex as well, you never know what skeletons you will find in her closets. NEVER give in to her demands, and ask for child support above what she is asking for, then be willing to negotiate with her when she finally starts to listen to reason. You can do it, don't be the loser whe is making you out to be. Joe
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 30
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 2/25/2006 4:40:04 PM
Go for joint custody.
Write checks.
Send mail registered.
Perform every notification in writing (again registered).
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 31
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 2/25/2006 6:47:09 PM
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 32
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/13/2006 12:16:50 PM
Hey man I know what your going through.
I don't know if you know but here in Iowa there is an orginization called Fathers for Equal Rights, we (I'm a member) passed a bill in mid 05 that says if a man wants 50/50 all he has to do is ask and the other party needs to prove that he is not fit. I wasn't fortunate enough to have the bill in force before my divorce was over, but I understand your fustration with the Cedar Rapids court system. It's very one sided. I had my ex-wife and my daughters doctor write to the judge that I should be given full custody!
All I can say is be the best man and father you can be so your daughters have a positave role model in there life and get involved in changing the way our courts are ran. There is a bill right now sitting in the house called HSB606 giving men a stronger presence in our childrens life. Call your rep. and tell them to vote YES.
 Socratic Method
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 33
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:34:11 AM
Hmmm; this is a classic problem most men face; however, I would first suggest avoiding lawyers and court at any cost. Suggest to her all the money savings by getting this done by and through the net or a single attorney or paralegal; however, and if that doesn't appeal to her, then I further suggest getting nasty about it.

Spousal support can go on and on for years, so I'd find any way possible to have it removed from the table in any settlement. If she's going after it, however, then I'm led to believe that she's rather much the tart, who doesn't work. This can be a plus, in that courts must first consider who can provide a "stable environment" for the children. If that person is you, then it stands to reason that the kids would be better off in your care. Don't fall into the trap of believing they'd be better off with her, while you work like a slave to support them all for the better part of your life. Most men are suckered into this belief, and the deal usually turns nasty later when she decides to get a live in boyfriend. Whatcha gonna do then?

Bear in mind that an "established" mode of custody is always, strongly considered by the courts, in that they consider it to not be in a child's best interest to change it. So whatever it is you plan to do, I'd suggest doing it soon and sticking to your guns. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile.
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 34
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 10/25/2008 3:18:12 PM
Hey hun,

I hate how some parents have to use the children as a tool. If they only knew the damage that they are causing. I see that you already said about joint custody well, along with that you should ask for NO Primary. Primary means that is the parent that will get the child support. Put demands in the court papers that neither of you are able to move out of the area with either of the children. Share equal time with children. Now, there is a website that helped me a lot when I was dealing with my ex. He played so dirty and I was ready to put a flippin gun to my head. This site helped me keep everything in tact. ---->
Shame how things go down hill so fast. I have other idea's but, they wouldn't be playing nice and I can only tell ya what they are because of what was done to me. You unfortunately can't get full custody however, Joint custody with NO primary and NO support will work wonders for you. My ex did that to me and I have my children full time with NO help.. financial or physical and he gets to do as he pleases. I carry the entire burden and I am NOT happy about it. So, I know that she be wouldn't either. She would have to spend tons of money to retain an attorney and these days.. nobody really has that kind of cash just laying around not to mention there are no quarantees.

Hope I made sense...

Have a great day hun and best wishes to you and your children

Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 35
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:20:52 PM
i will be as honest as possible with you. i too am going thru the same only my ex was sleeping with friend and i have twin boys. but with your situation alot number one depends on the courts and what county your in. 2 dont listen to your lawyer if there is something you question question it there dont wait or its too late. in support it is all based on a % of your wages and hers combined plus with the amount of custody doest matter who makes more or less to an extent and i believe she can only file spousal support if you make more or vice versa and i dont think it goes off of when she last worked i think it goes off what she is capable of making. with custody dont go in trying to make her look bad just go in trying to make you look better tell the moderator that you do not want to take them away from you just want equal time and custody as fall on where the children sleep not how many hours you have them or what hours of the day(i got trapped because i had 69 hrs a week to her like 61 or something during day when you spend money feeding and diapers and clothing them) and i still started paying support at 600 a month if possible try to agree to something before court or you will get racked in lawyers fees if you want i am usually online during week on yahoo im feel free to drop me a line my screen name is clfjmper and i can try to answer your questions
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 36
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:50:24 PM
get a lawyer. DO not attempt to fight this on your own as courts are usually biased towards the mother. Get a lawyer do not mess around. Whatever you do, do not tell your ex you are getting a lawyer, and try to get an advantage.
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 37
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 11/15/2008 1:02:16 AM

Bear in mind that an "established" mode of custody is always, strongly considered by the courts, in that they consider it to not be in a child's best interest to change it. So whatever it is you plan to do, I'd suggest doing it soon and sticking to your guns. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile.

I would have to agree, the court does look at who has the “established” custody. The courts also look to the mother as being the best for the child and that is not always true. I have seen some instances where the child would not benefit being with the mother and I have also seen the opposite too. I personally believe that the child will benefit with the parent that will be there for them, support them and love them unconditionally and not use them as a tool to use against the other parent.
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 38
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Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 11/15/2008 6:31:50 AM
You started off bad, why did you leave your house and your kids. Should have stayed in the home and kept the kids with you. If you were accused by her of anything at that point in time you should have contacted an attorney and started your fight. Now she is in the drivers seat. Courts are not fair to men, but they are getting better. Fight for joint custody and good luck. Expect an un-fair split in custody, because of were you are starting this race. Knowing that, why feed the legal system, try to reach an agreement and end it.
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 39
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/15/2010 2:52:45 PM
I here you there.It took three years to divorce my exwife who was cheating on me.I have one daughter and my ex used her as a pawn to get to me.Like you I worked alot of overtime and she spent the money but everything was about her.In my divorce the male judges were the worst they put all the financial burdens on me and took my daughter away. I went from having her 27 days a month down to 8.We now have joint custody so called 50/50 except I still pay 1000 in child support.I guess my biggest thing is get a good attorney and fight it cost me 30000 and im not done I am going for sole custody now.Just make sure you show your kids that you love them eventually they can say I want to live with dad.I wish you good luck It will take time.
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 40
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Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:21:05 AM
" florida and i'm screwed fathers here have no rights"
I live in Florida and I won primary residence of my kids. The law as writen in Florida are better then lots of states. Even the "Tender Years doctoren" was done away with here. Still all judges do not follow the rules of law, but as writen fathers have the same right as mothers. I had a judge that followed the rule of law and awarded me custody and support in Florida and I know a few other fathers that have won also. Not a fair fight, but getting at least some custody is not difficult now.
The court shall order that the parental responsibility for a minor child be shared by both parents unless the court finds that shared parental responsibility would be detrimental to the child.
If the court orders that parental responsibility, including visitation, be shared by both parents, the court may not deny the noncustodial parent overnight contact and access to or visitation with the child solely because of the age or sex of the child.
It is the public policy of this state to assure that each minor child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents separate or the marriage of the parties is dissolved
After considering all relevant factors, the father of a child is to be given the same consideration as the mother in determining the the primary residence of the child, irrespective of the age or sex of the child.

There are judges that follow these rules to the letter! There are judges that do not. Why you need a leagle team that knows who is who and if it is not the right one to find a conflic so the venue can be changed if it is a judge that does not follow these rules. Fathers need to know their rights and fight for them! The only way to make things better is to know your rights and to fight for them.
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 41
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Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:54:18 AM
Evidence. Get a note book and write down the times you picked-up the girls and when you returned them. Write down all the bills you paid and have receipts.

Do not pay her bills in exchange for the child support. Most states will not permit such a thing. Most States have a chart for what % you pay for child support. The judge will follow the guidelines and it will be difficult for her to get more. With you getting the children 3 nights and her 4 nights. You ask for a lower amount of support.

Talk to her and see if you can reach some kind of an agreement. That is what I did for my second divorce. We had the basic agreement before we went to our lawyers. Yes you do need a lawyer or you are dead. If she wants alimony do not give it to her. She can go to work like the millions of other single parents. The child support is to take care of the children and not for to retire on.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?