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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?      Home login  
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 ladywithmanyhobbies
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 25
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
try to keep sharing custody.. you can get that done.. possibly no one will have to pay support and you both have the same amount of time and responsibilities with the kids.. however,, from what i've heard the person with the kids in their possession usually gets to keep them unless they can be proven unfit... and no matter what don't you dare agree to anything regarding the kids till you feel comfortable with the agreement.. ask for extended visitation.. ask for shared visitation.. give in to as much other stuff as you can but never on the kids issue.. the kids are the most important thing....
 R-U-Here
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 26
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/29/2005 10:32:18 AM
I just saw this forum and wanted to comment.
First of all congrats on the custody of your girls. The courts are allot more flexible and award shared or joint custody in more cases. Six years ago I went through a similar situation and do not regret one minute fighting for the custody of my child. When I was going through it the laws seamed to favor the mother, that is why I lived unhappily for about two years. When I finaly had everything I needed to put up a good fight, I went for it. Everything started out as a battle but ended peacefully. We have remained friends for my sons sake. As a father you have to what you think is best for your children. As fathers one of our main duties is to protect and provide for our family. If your wife is not wanting to be a part of that family any longer thna your daughters remain the family that you should protect and provide for.
Do what you need to and once again congrats.
 womanswish1
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 27
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/29/2005 1:49:21 PM
just thinking out load here ,can you prove with your pay stubs that you were working all this over time for the nights she said you were cheeting on her. if so you may still keep your marrage. and this bankruptcy why did you have to do this, was it your fault or her's .and one more thing why is she in such a rush to get rid of you maybe she is the one cheeting on you and she wants out to be with him .never trust women to much they are smart,and know how to play just as much as we do maybe even more. I would pay a little more attechen to where she go's at night when she does not have the kids . but I could be wrong but why all of a sudden want out
 womanswish1
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 28
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/29/2005 2:00:29 PM
also make sure if she get's remarried that she can not leave the state with your children .and that when the children hit that 18 yr old age or when they are out of collage, that you sell the house and split the money .and what some one else said if she was working before the children were here that she can also work to help support your children ,thats what I would say to my lawyer that was the reason we always agreed that she would go back to work and she renagged on this .
 gimpyjoe
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 29
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 9/30/2005 4:09:49 AM
Reverse the situation on her, file for total custody of your girls, you sound like a very responsible person. She sounds like a gold digger. If you go for the whole enchilada, you may be surprised about how much YOU get for your girls from her. Seriously, Request residential custody, and only let her have the girls on the weekends, or once or twice a month, after a two week in advance request notice from your ex. If she brings up money in front of the judge, YOU bring up the girls welfare, let him know you are thinking of them, not finacial gain. I think you would have no problem handling them, and finding good sitters for them while you are working. Make sure you do a background check on anyone you have watch your kids though. Shows you are serious about looking out for their best interests. Then, do a background check on your ex as well, you never know what skeletons you will find in her closets. NEVER give in to her demands, and ask for child support above what she is asking for, then be willing to negotiate with her when she finally starts to listen to reason. You can do it, don't be the loser whe is making you out to be. Joe
 diggydiggy
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 30
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 2/25/2006 4:40:04 PM
Go for joint custody.
Write checks.
Send mail registered.
Perform every notification in writing (again registered).
 REM24DAD
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 31
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 2/25/2006 6:47:09 PM
WHATEVER YOU DO DONT GIVE UP. NO MATTER HOW HARD THE COURTS PUSH , PUSH RIGHT BACK. YOU'LL GET FRUSTRATED,PISSED UPSET WITH YOUR SELF, AND ESPECIALLY REMEMBER NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU HATE HER. KEEP YOUR COOL, THEY'RE ALWAYS WATCHING YOUR BEHAVIOR. TRY TO TALK TO HER NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE THE COURTS WANT TO SEE THE PARENTS COMMUNICATING, EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER. THE ONLY THING THE COURTS CARE ABOUT IS THE WAY YOU ACT TOWARDS THE MOTHER. IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH CUSTODY SINCE SEPT. ITS NOT EASY AT ALL. THE COURTS WILL TRY TO TELL YOU THEIR NOT FOR THE MOTHERS, BUT FROM EXPERIENCE I CAN TELL YOU, THEY ARE. AND IF YOU WANT JOINT/ SHARED CUSTODY GO FOR FULL. YOU WONT GET FULL BUT AT LEAST YOU WONT GET PARTIAL/ VISITATION LIKE I HAVE, WHICH IS EVERY WED. AND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. HOPE I HELPED.
 choffa
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 32
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/13/2006 12:16:50 PM
Hey man I know what your going through.
I don't know if you know but here in Iowa there is an orginization called Fathers for Equal Rights, we (I'm a member) passed a bill in mid 05 that says if a man wants 50/50 all he has to do is ask and the other party needs to prove that he is not fit. I wasn't fortunate enough to have the bill in force before my divorce was over, but I understand your fustration with the Cedar Rapids court system. It's very one sided. I had my ex-wife and my daughters doctor write to the judge that I should be given full custody!
All I can say is be the best man and father you can be so your daughters have a positave role model in there life and get involved in changing the way our courts are ran. There is a bill right now sitting in the house called HSB606 giving men a stronger presence in our childrens life. Call your rep. and tell them to vote YES.
 Socratic Method
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 33
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:34:11 AM
Hmmm; this is a classic problem most men face; however, I would first suggest avoiding lawyers and court at any cost. Suggest to her all the money savings by getting this done by and through the net or a single attorney or paralegal; however, and if that doesn't appeal to her, then I further suggest getting nasty about it.

Spousal support can go on and on for years, so I'd find any way possible to have it removed from the table in any settlement. If she's going after it, however, then I'm led to believe that she's rather much the tart, who doesn't work. This can be a plus, in that courts must first consider who can provide a "stable environment" for the children. If that person is you, then it stands to reason that the kids would be better off in your care. Don't fall into the trap of believing they'd be better off with her, while you work like a slave to support them all for the better part of your life. Most men are suckered into this belief, and the deal usually turns nasty later when she decides to get a live in boyfriend. Whatcha gonna do then?

Bear in mind that an "established" mode of custody is always, strongly considered by the courts, in that they consider it to not be in a child's best interest to change it. So whatever it is you plan to do, I'd suggest doing it soon and sticking to your guns. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile.
 Lil_Razzin
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 34
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 10/25/2008 3:18:12 PM
Hey hun,

I hate how some parents have to use the children as a tool. If they only knew the damage that they are causing. I see that you already said about joint custody well, along with that you should ask for NO Primary. Primary means that is the parent that will get the child support. Put demands in the court papers that neither of you are able to move out of the area with either of the children. Share equal time with children. Now, there is a website that helped me a lot when I was dealing with my ex. He played so dirty and I was ready to put a flippin gun to my head. This site helped me keep everything in tact. ----> www.custodyevaluation.com
Shame how things go down hill so fast. I have other idea's but, they wouldn't be playing nice and I can only tell ya what they are because of what was done to me. You unfortunately can't get full custody however, Joint custody with NO primary and NO support will work wonders for you. My ex did that to me and I have my children full time with NO help.. financial or physical and he gets to do as he pleases. I carry the entire burden and I am NOT happy about it. So, I know that she be wouldn't either. She would have to spend tons of money to retain an attorney and these days.. nobody really has that kind of cash just laying around not to mention there are no quarantees.

Hope I made sense...

Have a great day hun and best wishes to you and your children

Shari
 robbiev54
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 35
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:20:52 PM
i will be as honest as possible with you. i too am going thru the same only my ex was sleeping with friend and i have twin boys. but with your situation alot number one depends on the courts and what county your in. 2 dont listen to your lawyer if there is something you question question it there dont wait or its too late. in support it is all based on a % of your wages and hers combined plus with the amount of custody doest matter who makes more or less to an extent and i believe she can only file spousal support if you make more or vice versa and i dont think it goes off of when she last worked i think it goes off what she is capable of making. with custody dont go in trying to make her look bad just go in trying to make you look better tell the moderator that you do not want to take them away from you just want equal time and custody as fall on where the children sleep not how many hours you have them or what hours of the day(i got trapped because i had 69 hrs a week to her like 61 or something during day when you spend money feeding and diapers and clothing them) and i still started paying support at 600 a month if possible try to agree to something before court or you will get racked in lawyers fees if you want i am usually online during week on yahoo im feel free to drop me a line my screen name is clfjmper and i can try to answer your questions
 hellotoyou123
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 36
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:50:24 PM
get a lawyer. DO not attempt to fight this on your own as courts are usually biased towards the mother. Get a lawyer do not mess around. Whatever you do, do not tell your ex you are getting a lawyer, and try to get an advantage.
 SouthernWay
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 37
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 11/15/2008 1:02:16 AM

Bear in mind that an "established" mode of custody is always, strongly considered by the courts, in that they consider it to not be in a child's best interest to change it. So whatever it is you plan to do, I'd suggest doing it soon and sticking to your guns. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile.


I would have to agree, the court does look at who has the “established” custody. The courts also look to the mother as being the best for the child and that is not always true. I have seen some instances where the child would not benefit being with the mother and I have also seen the opposite too. I personally believe that the child will benefit with the parent that will be there for them, support them and love them unconditionally and not use them as a tool to use against the other parent.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 38
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History
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 11/15/2008 6:31:50 AM
You started off bad, why did you leave your house and your kids. Should have stayed in the home and kept the kids with you. If you were accused by her of anything at that point in time you should have contacted an attorney and started your fight. Now she is in the drivers seat. Courts are not fair to men, but they are getting better. Fight for joint custody and good luck. Expect an un-fair split in custody, because of were you are starting this race. Knowing that, why feed the legal system, try to reach an agreement and end it.
 LFL456975
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 39
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/15/2010 2:52:45 PM
I here you there.It took three years to divorce my exwife who was cheating on me.I have one daughter and my ex used her as a pawn to get to me.Like you I worked alot of overtime and she spent the money but everything was about her.In my divorce the male judges were the worst they put all the financial burdens on me and took my daughter away. I went from having her 27 days a month down to 8.We now have joint custody so called 50/50 except I still pay 1000 in child support.I guess my biggest thing is get a good attorney and fight it cost me 30000 and im not done I am going for sole custody now.Just make sure you show your kids that you love them eventually they can say I want to live with dad.I wish you good luck It will take time.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 40
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History
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:21:05 AM
" florida and i'm screwed fathers here have no rights"
I live in Florida and I won primary residence of my kids. The law as writen in Florida are better then lots of states. Even the "Tender Years doctoren" was done away with here. Still all judges do not follow the rules of law, but as writen fathers have the same right as mothers. I had a judge that followed the rule of law and awarded me custody and support in Florida and I know a few other fathers that have won also. Not a fair fight, but getting at least some custody is not difficult now.
http://www.childcustodycoach.com/florida/
The court shall order that the parental responsibility for a minor child be shared by both parents unless the court finds that shared parental responsibility would be detrimental to the child.
If the court orders that parental responsibility, including visitation, be shared by both parents, the court may not deny the noncustodial parent overnight contact and access to or visitation with the child solely because of the age or sex of the child.
It is the public policy of this state to assure that each minor child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents separate or the marriage of the parties is dissolved
http://www.abravermanlaw.com/faqs.htm
After considering all relevant factors, the father of a child is to be given the same consideration as the mother in determining the the primary residence of the child, irrespective of the age or sex of the child.

There are judges that follow these rules to the letter! There are judges that do not. Why you need a leagle team that knows who is who and if it is not the right one to find a conflic so the venue can be changed if it is a judge that does not follow these rules. Fathers need to know their rights and fight for them! The only way to make things better is to know your rights and to fight for them.
 lbgizzy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 41
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History
Dad trying to fight for his rights any advice?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:54:18 AM
Evidence. Get a note book and write down the times you picked-up the girls and when you returned them. Write down all the bills you paid and have receipts.

Do not pay her bills in exchange for the child support. Most states will not permit such a thing. Most States have a chart for what % you pay for child support. The judge will follow the guidelines and it will be difficult for her to get more. With you getting the children 3 nights and her 4 nights. You ask for a lower amount of support.

Talk to her and see if you can reach some kind of an agreement. That is what I did for my second divorce. We had the basic agreement before we went to our lawyers. Yes you do need a lawyer or you are dead. If she wants alimony do not give it to her. She can go to work like the millions of other single parents. The child support is to take care of the children and not for to retire on.
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