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 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 53
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
JayShank, What's missing on these forums is total honesty because of mixed company. That in itself proves that the "friendship" word has to be twisted to a different meaning when applied to opposite sexes. The reality of the word in this case is simply a male and female that seem to find some benefit in communicating or association that just haven't bumped bellies yet. There is always a hidden agenda on one side or the other, or this so called friendship wouldn't exist. Being old enough to take my spurs off, and call it a day...I can finally afford to be honest without giving a rats azz about what the masses think about my opinions. So here's the truth. If everything else would stay the same in my female friendships, my piece of mind, my freedom, my drama free existance, my time and money...I can't think of one of them that I wouldn't wrinkle the sheets with. They are all reasonably to very attractive, but age and wisdom has taught me where the line is.....that line is sex and I haven't crossed it in a decade and probably never will again. I've been tempted many times, but I know without a doubt that a couple hours of naked bliss will turn my life upside down 24/7. Would I rather be hip deep in a mountain trout stream or taking ballroom dancing lessons?..guess! Would I rather be on the top of a mountain in the morning fog with a cup of hot coffee and my rifle or be taking some little rat looking creature for a walk in the doggy park?...guess! As I'm tearing up a mountain side in four wheel drive next to a cliff, do I want a lady beside me screaming her azz off or my male buddy suggesting a shift from high to low lock?...guess! The bottom line here is this....it's all about age groups and zippers. When I was younger, being a man was zipper down and making the sacrafices for it's position. I've had my fun and my family, but at some point in my time on this earth...I really want to live like a man (or what my lady friends call being selfish).....that can only be done in the zipper up position!...it isn't so bad if you have lots of good memories. This friendship only thing between men and women is always on fragile ground, because we really don't have anything truly in common and neither one would honestly discuss the same matters or have the same opinions as with members of our own gender. That's just nature folks, thank goodness we find our way around it enough to reproduce.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 56
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:55:19 PM
Angie, regarding post 64, you are twenty years old for Gods sakes. Tell us about it in twenty more years You just admitted in a post above that they are always there for you...to do what?....sounds like an agenda to me. You are an attractive busty young girl, so try this out for a little instant wisdom. Tell all your male friends that are always there for you, that you were born with a male organ and see what happens. Poof!....where did they go?
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 58
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:44:05 PM
^^^O.K. Angie....my bad, but you will find other female friends more likely to be your real friends in the long run....just don't get into cat fights with them over men.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 59
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:30:42 PM
you are in the friend zone because I am NOT attracted to you physically. If I find you attractive and sexually alluring, I am gonna make the pitch and either crash and burn or we are knocking boots. I have a lot of friends that are girls, and I can honestly say would never sexn any of them; just not my type. but it is a mutual thing, I dont think I am their type either, so it a sex safe zone with high sarcasm and double edged wit.
 RoxanneR
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 60
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:21:04 PM
I have some male friends, and I consider them all big brothers and little brothers. One is 38, and we're able to discuss girls he dates and how he feels about them. Another is 47, disabled from an accident, and I help him out with groceries and stuff. He does the same for me.
I've only had sex with my husband. He died 13 years ago, and I haven't had it since. That's my choice because of my beliefs. I've endured mocking through my lifetime because a guy will want to go to bed with me and I won't do it. Gee whiz, to want sex with me, they must be really desperate, and they must think I'm desperate, too. Nope. I'm waiting til I get married again.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 63
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 1:47:59 AM
Angie,
I don't think we could be friends... and its a shame too, because I dont know anyone esle in Winnipeg Manitoba


ok, maybe I have seen that movie a coupla times too many.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 65
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:28:35 AM
I'm not the typical "guys guy." At least not for the area that I live in. Where I live a lot of the guys are the quintessential redneck. Drive big trucks, dip, hunt, fish, work on cars etc. That's not me, I'm the computer junkie, latte drinking, dress nicely guy. Ten years ago I was deemed awkward if not weird and to some people who misjudged me, homosexual.

What I'm getting at, being not the guys guy from my area I have a lot more close friends that are girls than are guys. Which is fine to a point, for years I tried and tried to become friends first and then ask a girl out. But it always turned out to be "your like my brother" or "I don't want to loose you as a friend if it doesn't work." I've heard them all. I was strung along and used for years. Until one day I got tired of it. I've still got friends that are girls but if I "like" them or want to be more than friends I don't get "too" close. I'm close friends to the ones I'm not attracted to or to ones that have a s/o. I get advice from them a lot. So far its worked out a lot better than in years past. Yes I'm still single but my options have increased. No longer strung along like a puppet, no longer the 3rd leg at public meetings.

The ones I do "like" I stay close but I build like this mysterious wall that they don't see.(metaphor). If they want more then say yes when I ask them out if not oh well no one is hurt because we was never that close anyways.

So yes over the years I've had some very close friends that are girls but it only turned out bad when they told me no when I asked them out. Why? Because I stopped staying in touch with them. Called it right, call it wrong. Don't judge on what you assume.

Best of luck to everyone

edit:


Some guys are like brothers or mates to you, you just dont find them romantically attractive.Once a guy goes into the friend box, he stays there.


I posted something then read some of the responses and saw this. No offense to junkyarddog this is not towards you, but this is why I refuse to be close friends with anyone I have a slight attraction to. Because I know once I'm in that friend box or zone I can never get out.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 66
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:33:14 AM

What I've found, is that I insight guys to go into "big brother mode".


The problem with young people is they know everything...

Your big brothers want to bang you.



.....................
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 67
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:59:31 AM

Some guys are like brothers or mates to you, you just don't find them romantically attractive.Once a guy goes into the friend box, he stays there.


This is why I refuse to be close friend's with someone I am attracted to. I've learned over the years that once a guy is in the friend's box or zone. He can never get out. For a guy 90% of the time the girl can if he is attracted to her. But it does not go both ways. So yes you can teach a old dog new tricks.

Not directed at the poster, just stating the facts.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 68
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 1:06:33 PM
^^^Listen up nice catch77...Let an old fart throw something at you. First off, don't make any hard and fast rules for yourself or your behavior based on how you interpret something you read on a forum. While you may or may not take issue with "junkyarddogs" remark about the "friends box", it is important that you understand it the way she meant it. There are different qualifications for who you want as friends and mates, and it takes a little time to see who does and doesn't have these qualities. Once this is established, they get mentally sorted in one box or the other. They usually stay there because people don't usually change their personality or who they are....at least not overnight. In short, don't take these comments so literally, and try to seek the true meaning. If you think about it...we work the same way. Any issues that you might be having with the system of natural attraction are more than likely to be shortcomings of your own...and by that I mean, your ability to read a womans eyes and body language...they don't work like ones and zero's. Paying close attention to this should easily reveal who's sizing you up for a friend to call when her car breaks down or who's considering you to fertilize her eggs. Don't confuse one with the other, because there are plenty of both. In my age group, it's a different story...they don't have any more eggs, but still want an old rooster around to maintain the nest. BTW, if you were ever lucky enough to find a little gal like "junkyarddog"...consider yourself the jackpot winner, she is without a doubt a real prize! If I were thirty years younger, I would be sleeping on her doorstep.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 69
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 2:23:30 PM
mtn.lover: I appreciate the advice from a person who is experienced and been through life. But the rules have changed over the years. I tried my dad's advice of "friends before lovers." But women and men don't tic the way they did then and I failed miserably at that way. Being used and abused by girls who made that choice of which box to put me in, but failed to tell me I was just a friend. I don't take friendship lightly. If I consider someone a friend male or female I'm there 24/7 when in need. Even a holiday. I've work 16 hours in a day, get home and a friend calls to need me and I'd be there even if it took all night.

About the eyes and body language, that's why I always stink at online dating because number one I can "read" them number two the best thing I have about myself is my charisma and it's rather hard to do that online.

Five years done the road I may post on here I'm going back to friends first, but I'm giving this way a fighting chance because of all the failures of my past experiences of trying friends first.

btw if I she'd give me half a chance I'd be on junkyarddog's doorstep as well. Her b/f or b/f to be is a lucky man.

I'm a little bit of devil's advocate on these forums and most people on here know this, but this is something that I've personally been messed over many times in the past and I'm tired of it...

Best of luck to everyone
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 70
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 2:47:17 PM
It goes without saying that you have to be friends with the opposite sex before you can have a relationship with them but there has to be an attraction there on top of the friendship aspect - relationship-wise. This whole thing about you can't be friends with the opposite sex because lust would get in the way just cracks me up. It amazes me how much grey matter is screwed up to believe it's an all or nothing proposition and that sex and friendship can't be separated. If people haven't evolved to beyond that point, sucks to be them.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 71
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:34:33 PM
nice catch77, The old mans got a news flash for you...you better listen to your dad, because things between men and women haven't changed in the area we are discussing in thousands of years. This area is in the DNA, and that takes a hell of lot more time to evolve than your dad and I have been around. Re-read your responce to me and see if you don't catch the problem that I tried to bring to your attention. Did you find it?...well here it is.. "they failed to TELL me I was just a friend". Young man, they don't tell you anything with words. You need to learn to read the signs between a friend in need and a friend indeed. If you can't tell when a woman is looking into you or looking at you...these are areas that need work on your part by paying attention to small details. Ever heard the term " the devil is in the details"? Watch her posture and mannerisms when she is around you...do they change?, if not..expect to hear from her when her auto battery goes dead. When sitting across the dinner table, does her eyes lock on to yours searching for approval or a significant sign...if not, plan on seeing her again when her hot water heater leaks. Does she ask you qualifying questions about your future plans or family?...if not, be prepaired to fix a lawn mower, but don't expect to be mowing her patch. It's just a matter of awareness, and knowing where and where not to spend you time and energy. Now, before you start demonizing women who befriend and use you, think about this for a moment. We as men built a very complicated world full of technical machines, politics, scams and many other things that they have to survive in.....right brain living in a left brain world. Give them an honest hand now and then, without allowing yourself to be used up or expecting anything in return. Remember, one of them in the past was your mother. One other news flash, online dating doesn't work for most of us or you would be here talking to yourself.....get out there and mingle if you really want to meet someone. Pair up with a buddy and hit the social events, many single gals will be paired up with their girlfriends as well. Wolves hunt better in packs.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 72
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:50:32 PM
The last couple of posts aren't even on topic...the question is about whether or not men and women can be just friends...not how come when a guy wants a relationship she just wants a friend or aka "I'm a nice guy and can't get a relationship". No wonder things turn into a clusterfvck in the threads.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 74
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:10:05 PM
Angie dear, don't help me prove my point...if a guy came to you and fixed your computer, you should have cooked him some damn lasagna. As for you Chamelion, you are always sarcastic and whinning. At 55, I doubt there is anything about male, female friendship that you don't or shouldn't already know. The thread is very much on topic, so if you don't like it ....is you TV broke?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 75
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:22:42 PM
Hey!...it's not me whining that women are useless and only want to go dancing, etc. or create havoc with the man cave. And it's not me whining that the opposite gender is incapable of anything other than usery and that I've washed my hands of them. As for sarcasm, that's best left to others who revel in it.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 76
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:40:24 PM
^^^^You tickle me woman, always looking for soap box to jump on to wave your feminist flag. Just so you don't get accused of twisting or putting words in others mouths, please show me where I said "useless", "incapable" or "washed my hands of them". You can't because I never said any of that crap....but I've watched you do the same to others, so I don't feel too special I like my life just as it is...sorry if that bothers you. I guess the TVs broke....hey, call a man friend to fix it.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 77
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/25/2010 11:39:50 PM
Since you insist on making a point of directing comments to me, personally, rather than to the thread topic or general comments that I or others make, I'll take this opportunity to respond directly to you, in turn, mtn.lover, just for sh!ts and giggles.

A feminist flag? Now that's just laughable right there! You obviously aren't familiar with my posting history or your comprehension skills are skewed because you disagree with my comments, but hey, that's entirely your prerogative to disagree. My comments here have to do with people who are mentally or hormonally incapable of delineating between lust and social friendship with the opposite sex...no matter their age. As far as "useless", "incapable" or "washed my hands of them", it's you who have interpreted that I was referring to you, personally - I don't recall making it personal, nor was I making direct quotes attributed to anyone in particular or I would have used the quote boxes. You are taking this far too personal but perhaps you feel the shoe fits and that's the reason; but that's on you, not me. Just because I happened to include your comment about dancing as an example of whining, it doesn't mean my post was about you, personally - it was merely included with a general example, with the rest of the words and phrases being attributed to any number of other people who have posted in this and other threads about why they feel incapable of getting along with the opposite sex in any form of relationship, friendship or otherwise. But if you chose to stroke your ego by interpreting it as pointed at you - whatever works for you - or take exception all you like - makes no difference to me. Now, please, stop directing your comments to me directly but rather to the ideas expressed. It doesn't flatter me that you choose to; in fact, to the contrary.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 78
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:03:29 AM
First I'm NOT doing the wolves cry of "nice guy finishes last" crap. If you read into the words and saw it I'm sorry you read too deep. I'm just stating the facts that the friends first has never worked for me in the past and that I'm going to try something different.

I know that everybody is different, what works for me, may have never worked for you. And visa versa. Things stay the the same but yet they change. I'm not looking for a booty call but a ltr that may turn out to marriage. If all I wanted was the booty call then I could get one this very second. But that's not what I'm after.

Oh well sorry for the misinterpretation for chameleonf. If I made it sound like I was doing the cliche "nice guy" then I'm sorry that wasn't my intent.

Best of luck to everyone
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 79
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:52:53 AM
Sorry nice - it was my interpretation at the time and another poster was tending to bolster that idea. But again, the thread is about males and females having the ability to be strictly friends, not about being friends first and progressing to relationship status. Although, in retrospect I can seee where it could have been interpreted to be about that, particularly when there are so many people who don't believe there can be strictly plantonic friendships without sex automatically having to be an eventual outcome or the deterent to having a platonic friendship.
 Daves place 1
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 87
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 3/9/2010 6:13:43 AM
you are making this way to difficult; Having friends of the opposite sex is good, of course you should have sex to just take the edge off.
It does not mean there is a relationship, just taking the edge off until you are in a real relationship.

So just think of it as doing each other a favor.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 89
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 3/10/2010 12:07:08 AM
I disagree. I do think men and women can just be friends...
 ElleShooTiger
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 90
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 3/10/2010 11:19:12 AM
I have a very beautiful neighbor who is a good friend. When I met her, the ink was not yet dry on the divorce papers, plus some health problems and really low alcohol tolerance, so I "friended" her quickly. Not long after, she got a disease....so yeah.....I have no interest in sex with her. We've both dated other people and they have had jealousy issues, but beyond sometimes hanging out and going grocery shopping, neither of us would go for more. Sometimes having somebody around to talk to and give/take advice is much more important than sex.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 91
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The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 3/10/2010 11:56:30 AM
I'm going to say that it would be dangerous for a married person with marriage problems to have a very close friend of the opposite sex.

I mean one that he would see very often and discuss his ongoing issues in great depth.

I think the divorce rate is hovering around 50%, and some ongoing relationships are in trouble too, so that would mean that more then half of us fall into that 'having problems' category.
 Mr1700
Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 92
The Billy Crystal Question...Can men and women be just friends?
Posted: 3/26/2010 2:33:52 AM
Yeah if your not attracted to her. But why would you date someone you're not attracted to? Its possible but only if one party would never cross that line.
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