Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > catch 22 for guys over 30      Home login  
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 3
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
smith2267, where are you meeting the women that lead to such crass generalization? Perhaps you should find a way to meet a better class of them.
Personally, I'm intelligent enough to realize that I come with a lot of baggage (a matching set), who am I to judge someone else for having their own? I used to have a relationship with a wonderful, exceptional man who was a 30-year old virgin when I met him; nothing to be suspicious of there but a unique set of values. And any woman worth the effort should realize that it's far better for children if their parents maintain a friendly relationship, and work together to raise their children, which naturally entails some time spent talking to/seeing one's ex.

However, you are correct on one point: if you ignore your kids, you are an irresponsible deadbeat, and not worth our time.
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 4
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/20/2005 6:55:48 PM

If you ignore your ex and kids, you are a deadbeat and irresponsible;

If one ignores their kids, then yeah, they're irresponsible and a rotten parent; if they ignore their ex, and the child support part of it, that makes it harder on the kids. As far as your other comments, what the heck kind of women are you meeting?!
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 5
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/20/2005 6:56:59 PM
>>As far as your other comments, what the heck kind of women are you meeting?!

Actually I'm basing this thread on things I've read right here in the forums.
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 6
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/20/2005 6:57:50 PM
I can give links if necessary.
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 7
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/20/2005 7:01:41 PM
I feel like a stuck record:
I'm speaking for some of the guys I've seen posting here on the forums.
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 8
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 10/19/2005 5:26:06 AM

Actually I'm basing this thread on things I've read right here in the forums.

Then you're not reading all of the posts, as I've seen a number of posts from women who date men with children, and I'm one of them. I've done it before and I'm doing it now, and so are a number of women on here - and off of here. I consider it a bonus that my man has two great kids and is a wonderful father to them; it just adds to all his other wonderful traits.


I was thinking the same thing, this topic is sooo true.....I am a single father of two beautiful children, I make sure that when I meet people, I tell them right away , and then watch them v-line to the nearest exit..........

You do have beautiful children; they look a lot like their daddy, too...and I'm sorry to hear about the v-liners...not all women are like that...but it's better to find out if they are sooner rather than later...if they run, then you're not really losing anything special, as they'll only cause problems down the line. When you do find a woman who can accept you for who *you* are, and who will also love your children, then you've found a pretty special person. And the same goes for a woman who finds a man who does that.
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 9
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 11/5/2005 3:41:05 AM
Dude, what an astute observation! The best way to meet women is with a Ben Franklin or two, maybe 3 if it's a sleepover.
WTF is this baggage shit anyway? if you're over 25 and haven't lived your entire life under a rock, you have baggage!
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 10
women are nuts, duh.
Posted: 11/9/2005 4:15:07 PM
How about a man that is over 30 that does not have a pot to piss in and has 6 kids all over the world..He sounds like he could be a good catch.
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 11
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 11/14/2005 1:45:10 PM
>>I guess women over 30 don't have this issue though, right?

You tell me.

I think they still get suspicious if you've never been there must be something wrong with you.
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 12
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 11/29/2005 4:34:38 AM
It has nothing to do with age. There are just some guys women will have nothing to do with. It doesn't matter the stage of life, income, or education level, some of us were apparently born with some sort of cloaking device that makes us quite invisible to women. I know plenty of guys that work hard, have stayed in their communities and kept them viable and have been passed over time and again.

What really pizzes me off is that after high school the girls couldn't wait to get out of town. Now, 15 to 20 years later, they come wandering back home with a few kids and a divorce or two with the apparent expectation that we guys who stayed behind and kept the community going should somehow be grateful for their return. I'm not buying into it.

I'd rather die a bachelor than settle for a woman who has already lived her life (marriage and raising kids) and now just wants someone to provide a roof and grow old with. I'm never going to be able to relate to her kids or her marriage experience(s), thus I don't think it's fair to me to get involved with a divorcee with kids. I've worked hard, made myself financially secure, and now would like to meet someone who has yet to experience all of those things I put off when I was younger.

After being invisible all of my life, what's another 40 to 60 years? I've got my toys.
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 14
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 7/17/2006 6:19:00 PM

I don't have kids and women my age (35) stare like I've sprouted 10 heads when I say so. They just about pop a blood vessel when I go on to say that I don't want kids either. One 50 something old bitty actually said, 'What's wrong dear, are you barren?'.

There isn't anything wrong with not wanting kids. As to the 50 something year old woman's remark, that is just too funny!!! I didn't know people still used that word.

Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 15
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 7/17/2006 6:35:16 PM

Why is this a catch-22? Everyone had a life before coming here. I have kids and if the other person can't accept that I care for them and will always be there for them, she should move on. She should not be expecting to be first priority in my life, and never will. If she has kids, the same statement goes for me as well. I will always play second fiddle to her kids and accept that.

I have four children and even though they are grown will always be very important to me, but I can not agree with the rest of your post.

If I am just dating a man, yes of course his children should be way more important to him than me. No comparison. Same if I am just dating a man, he won't even be a close second in importance.

However if I ever meet a man that I love and that loves me and we get married, it would change everything. I would at that point expect to be an equal priority with his children, and he would also be the same to me. Sorry but no a husband or a wife should not play a second fiddle to anyone. Equal but never second.

Yes of course at times a child's needs come first(yes of course if I married a man and he had children, I too would put their needs ahead of my own.), but on an emotional level I would never settle for second place if we were married.
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:34:21 AM

If you have kids and/or an ex, you have "BAGGAGE" and women run away.

If you're single with no kids, they are "suspicious" (see the men over 30 thread), and again they run

If you ignore your ex and kids, you are a deadbeat and irresponsible;

If you support and visit your ex and kids, new gf gets jealous.

All of which makes us think women are nuts, and drives us to ---->

How many of these "over 30 and life sucks" threads do we have to put up with anyway? I'm over 30 (hell....I'm over 40) and my life is just fine, thank you.
 bike mad
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:26:35 PM

I don't think that is true. I'm 32 and I spent most of my 20s working hard in school and then establishing my professional career. I recently took a less stressful job and am trying to date.

If I were a single woman with no kids, I would think that, all other things being equal, a never-married guy with no kids would be preferable to a divorced guy. I would also think that a never-married guy with no kids would be far more attractive than a never-married guy with kids.

I'm in a similar position. I've spent years working long hours on crazy jobs (Armenia/Azerbaijan front line anyone?) so that I can be financially stable. Now that I have everything I could want and am old enough to stop thinking about myself - I find that women back off a little because I haven't already been married/had children!!!
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 18
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 4/1/2008 11:55:03 AM
I don't go around with this idea that I need to fit some profile to attract women. I am just happy to be me. I seriously don't care whether they think I'm one way or another. It doesn't matter, I'm not going to change for them. I don't even care if they like me or not.

And when women realise that you are content with who you are and you are not about to fall over yourself to please them, they start flocking in droves for some strange reason. Go figure!

I think it also helps that I am a member of a few local social dance clubs and I dance about 2 or 3 times a week.

So is it Catch22 for guys over 30? Not at all. This is our time. We're making better than minimum wage(I hope you are), we have our own places (or hopefully moved out by then), have a better idea of who we are, and hopefully still retain a little of our boyish charm.
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 19
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 4/4/2008 10:17:50 PM
haha, we can never win?
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:34:11 AM
I can't speak to most of the stuff, but OP is dead on accurate about the single and no kids part. Women, and there male sell-out puppets have all sorts of clever descriptions for men like that, ranging from irresponsible, and commitmentphobe all the way up to gay, pedophile, rapist, and serial killer. Just try getting a date with those labels. And at least some guys in that situation (like myself) are the same ones women haveing been tell for years that no one would ever be interested in. A definite catch-22
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 21
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:25:14 PM
very true,
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:34:21 PM
Well, I'm sure this is a rare situation, but I *almost* wound up in a case where I may or may not have been supporting my son, and wouldn't have been able to see him.

His mother was planning on taking him far away. Now, I know she wanted the money, but she also wanted not to be "forced" to live in the same area anymore (I'm in NJ, her family is in PR). So I don't quite know what would've happened - she could've come after me for child support, but doing so would've exposed her to being dragged back for me to have visitation.

Ok, that's probably an unusual scenario (at least I hope it is).

Wanna hear of a bigger kiss of death? Being separated!

Now, at this point, my separation's been over a year and a half, and the divorce process is slow, and being made slower by the ex (I might be accused of being biased in this regard, but the details would take up WAY too much text and probably put you all to sleep!).

However, when you're a guy, apparently, being separated means you're willing to run back to your ex-wife-to-be at the drop of a hat. Even if she now lives with her boyfriend.

Granted, there've been women who rationally understand the situation and realize that the marriage still exists on paper only... but those are fewer than I'd've thought would be.

Eh, I think I had a further point I had with this, but I've lost my train of thought.
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 23
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:29:36 PM
I don't think its that bad!!!
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:31:24 AM
It is definitely an issue for both men and women alike. I fall under the category of single with no kids. People look at you like something is wrong with you when you are 30 plus, but that is just social conditioning. At the very least they think it is suspicious. I find it funny that people who have gone through disasterous marriages or divorces can not understand the reluctance of committment by a lot of the 20s and 30s people who haven't taken that step.

X's can be baggage, and I can understand that if they keep hanging around in someone's life or if someone just has a hard time of letting go. There is a healing process after a long term committment has ended. Children should never be considered baggage, and if you go out with someone who sees them in that way, then I would be rather concerned about the underlying character issues of that person. But it is also fair for someone who has no children to want to start a family of their own rather than go into a ready made family, that is different than considering children to be baggage.
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 25
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:26:24 AM
Im 31 full time job in the government, have a hobby in music playing drums, i travel overseas, i write songs, poetry, am an artist, physically fit, not a total health nut, willing to better myself, have my own camping spot (not with a buddy, my own spot), i am tight with my family and friends....the list goes on....

Ive been here like 6 months, this new profile is not 6 months old but i have been here on and off 6 months. Ive met maybe 5 nice women, 2 or 3 willing to meet.

Yet every profile i read indicates "looking for a nice guy" or "do nice guys exists?" and all the other typical stuff you read on womens profile. Yet somehow ive met all of 2 or 3 women? Either this place is filled with profiles that no one uses, or fake profiles generated to make POF's numbers look great, or more then half the people on here are just playing games.

I thought i would be a great catch and i still do, but according to POF and its User Base, im on the lower end of the totem pole and im unsure why.

Then i remind myself no one knows me here, those who wont even try to know me, dont deserve to. If i remain single because people are judgemental and assume im this or that based of 3 paragraphs and a headline and some pics, so be it, they dont deserve me.

All you guys over 31 should have the same mentality. **** if they dont like you, **** if they judge you, in the end your better off and much happier. Personally im not deleting my profiles here anymore, but im not spending too much time on here either. I will wait for the one who has the patience and respect to get to know me for who i really am instead of trying to make it work with women who are ignorant and judgemental
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 10/29/2008 7:50:59 PM
sure.. im 35 never married & no kids... i think.. j/k

ive just been very careful over the years.. full focused on my career.. & who i date.. is important.. not everyone is ready to share your vision on life..
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 27
catch 22 for guys over 30
Posted: 10/29/2008 10:29:32 PM
GuitarMan 100 - Simply 123 - Jack Handy....ALL great posts.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > catch 22 for guys over 30