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 Billstv
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 74
Men dating single mothersPage 3 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Thank you Ruth. I am a single father and being broke 99.9% of the time is the norm. but that does not mean he suffers. actually he has everything he needs and much much more. Orion has taken the selfish side of me and made it go away forever, now when I have extra all I can do is think about what I can do for him. I need or want nothing but for him. But it seems when I meet women the fact I am broke and stuggle turns them off and they run away, yes even most of the single Moms that I prefer to date run fast when they realize I am poor.
 out a line
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 76
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Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/28/2006 2:49:55 PM
hi i would rather date a single mom i am a single dad i know how hard it is to be bouth perents and kids need the suport of both a mom and dad we do ok but some times he needs a moms love and that i can not give him my son has just turnd 11 for over2 years + it has just bein me and him we do ok together but ther are just some things i can not anser he is smart and found this site and set me up here and started i/m ing some folks i gess he is droping a hint to me and yes i love him alot he is my beast friend and i try yo be a good dad we do a lot to gether
 Tired of the lies
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 78
Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/28/2006 10:06:01 PM
Women with children generally have no goals or vision for what they want out of life and end up living a poor, or at best, mediocre lifestyle.

WHAT!!?? Come on now! Have you suffered a bonk on the head recently?? As a single mom, who works full time and raises my daughter on my own (with no help fom welfare (not that there is anything wrong with welfare I'm just proud not to be on it), let me be one of the first to slap you with the reality stick!! Being a full time worker and and a full time Mom is a hell of a lot harder then any job you have!! Physcially, & emotionally (And it don't matter what you do for work!) From 12-7pm I may be a dedicated employee, but 24hours a day I am a devoted mommy!! You probably go to work, and go home, probably go out with your buddies and waste your time watching sports ( boys in tights throwing a football, or maybe a bunch of men skating and making way to much money for it). While you are doing that, I would be reading to my daughter, and making sure she is safe and healthy. So in reality it's looking like I may have less money then you, BUT you are far worse off then I ever will be!! I will work everyday of the rest of my life knowing that I am accomplishing something, what can you say??!!
 Tired of the lies
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 79
Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/28/2006 10:15:10 PM
If a guy does not choose to date a single mom, thats cool.. BUT that does not mean that he has the right to bash them!!
 Tired of the lies
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 81
Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/29/2006 10:14:30 AM
FYI.. I was making a simple point that YOU pointed out as well!! He is doing things that HE enjoys, just as single parents do as well!!
 twigy12000
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 91
Men dating single mothers
Posted: 8/1/2006 8:54:08 PM
I am a single mother now of 7years. i have never been on welfare or gotten any help in anyway. I have worked to raze my kids with no help and there are alot of mother that do. Just because a few turn to welfare and deside to sit on there butt,s. not all of us do. My kids have learned to respeck me for this and see the eye,s of other people that jugde us. And it makes my kids strong, so i now they will be strong adults and i hope someday when they find there love,marry and have kids, they will brake this cycal wall the kids are in today. So, please dont jugde all single mothers.
Thanks
 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 98
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Men dating single mothers
Posted: 8/16/2006 1:24:59 PM
Pardon me... a few words to the single moms who feel it is an attack on you personally.

Let it go ladies. Let him move on with his life. He will offer a single woman the world and possibly get married and have a family of his own. Just wish him the best and move on with your lives.

Don't waste your time and energy on the negative. So he is one man out of how many on this planet?

He is entitled to date who he wants to and doesn't need to explain his reasoning for why. No man needs to explain why he chooses to date a woman with or without children. Do you honestly grill potential mates about why they will or won't date brunettes/blondes/redheads? Why they will or won't date super skinny women or obese women?

GET REAL!!!

No one's opinions but your own matter.

Just take a deep breath... exhale.... and move on.....
 xusnlt2
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 99
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Posted: 8/16/2006 5:03:55 PM
No. I do not pass up single moms. In fact, as a single dad, I only get responses from single moms. The issue isn't the fact that they are or are not parents. More important are the following:
1 - Do her 3 kids have 3 different dads? This is a gal who just loves losers (then whines
about them being jerks)
2 - Do her kids live elsewhere? With the courts favoring moms, this usually points to a less- than-motherly mom.
3 - Does she want someone with no kids of his own? This one is a head scratcher for me, but
a father definitely doesn't want the headaches of being with someone who is predisposed
toward disliking or mistreating or neglecting or ignoring his children.

Now, I'm sure that there are exceptions to these 'rules' - but I've never met her and don't know anybody else who has either...
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 118
Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:06:34 PM
I have myself dated a single mother and have no problem with it at all what so ever but the one thing I hated about the last one I dated was she dropped me because she THOUGHT I said she was coming between me and my kids. Mind you I get my kids on the weekends only Fri - Sun and she has her's 24 / 7 of course but at the same time I was at her place more than I was my own so you tell me how did she come in between my kids and me. I tell you how and thats becuase I didn't she just wanted to move on which I would have accepted but to use my kids as an excuse was wrong very wrong. But I will not hold what she did agianst the next single mother I meet because she may be my next wife but then again maybe not. So I will not say all single mother are like that so I do not judge all on that one incident but to move on to the next on who prove worthy of being HONEST AND TRUTHFUL.

And to all others good luck in your search be it they are single mother or not.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 120
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Posted: 6/5/2008 5:39:00 PM
Thank you, Johne, for coming full circle to the very beginning of your rant.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 124
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Posted: 6/7/2008 6:00:18 PM
Wow, Johne.... We didn't know what your position on the original topic was. Thanks for clearing that up for us... for the 400th fricking time. OCD much?
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 132
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Posted: 6/16/2008 4:07:02 PM
Wow, Johne... you can't actually work that one through yourself?

It's selfish on the face of it. I'm not saying it's WRONG, per se, but it clearly indicates a strong desire to fulfill only your OWN needs and desires. Hence, it's selfish.
 anna freedom
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 134
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Posted: 6/16/2008 5:23:37 PM
[Children do not need to see a parade of men wander through their lives. It only teaches them that men are transient and not to be depended upon.]

Re: Mr. Sullen's post:

...surely it is clear by now that men ARE transient and should NOT be depended upon. that is generally why we ended up as single parents! geez.
the movie VOLVER with Penelope Cruz captures this theme so well...i highly recommend it for any trying to vision a more consistent view of life, a vision that is based upon the solidarity of women.

signed,
ms. single parent ( who just happens to be over-educated, make a lot of cash, works a great job with lots of benefits, and still has a lot of realistic dreams.)
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 137
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Posted: 6/16/2008 7:37:53 PM
Holy crap, Johne... do you have any other keys on your keyboard? Seriously.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 140
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Posted: 6/16/2008 10:20:52 PM
Yep... so, if you had dumped your hubby solely because you didn't want to raise another woman's child, wouldn't you consider that selfish? I would. It's intrinsically selfish. I want to raise only *my* kids, and am willing to throw away an otherwise "perfect" relationship for that sole reason.

I'm curious... what would make that kid less deserving of your affection and direction than one that came from you? Right. Nothing. Nothing except ego-driven selfish desire to spend all our energy on our own offspring. Thank goodness there are others out there who are willing to do things like teach, adopt orphans and abandoned children, be Big Brothers, etc... Because really, that's what it comes down to.

Well, I suppose there's also the "virgin" aspect. That kid from the single parent has been tainted by the touch of another and you don't get to start fresh with them and raise them completely as your own. Still similar to the above, though.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 141
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Posted: 6/16/2008 10:22:05 PM

web identity: poor bob, what's your motive?


At least YOURS is quite clear.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 143
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Posted: 6/16/2008 10:58:42 PM
No, it's wrong to argue such a self-absorbed viewpoint while hiding behind the anonymity of a false or essentially blank persona on the internet.

Or is that just weak? I can never remember.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 145
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Posted: 6/17/2008 3:09:19 AM
Although I empathize with childless men/women not wanting to take on an instant family, I must take offense to the emphasis that certain individuals keep placing on only contributing to their own offspring and not to the offspring of another man/woman.

I spent 8 years raising my stepkids. Although my relationship with my ex was a degrading experience, if I had the opportunity to go back in time and decide whether I want to do it again, I would go through it again for my stepkids.

There is more than genetics that make a child yours. If you raise a child as if they were your own, they become yours. I look at my stepkids and even though there is no blood link, I still see lots of myself in them. I'd be the first to admit that raising stepchildren has its challenges, but it also has its rewards and its perks too.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 148
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Posted: 6/17/2008 8:20:57 AM
Wow. I gotcha now. "Damned if you do, and damned if you don't" on this thread, eh? Even if you ARE a step-parent who tries to see both viewpoints...but silly me, why would any of the single parents on this thread actually WANT perhaps a logical answer to their question. Meh...I give up. You obviously can't read, Rhino.


Oh, I can read... I just disagree that aborting a relationship SOLELY for a possible financial impact based on a child (or 4 children or however many) is "just being realistic." It's selfish. Financial issues of that sort can almost always be worked around or solved by changes in lifestyle or level of commitment to income-earning. You say it's "just being realistic." It's "just being realistic" because you don't care to deal with the problem, so you avoid it entirely. That pretty much defines selfish. (and before you go orbital again, the "you" in the preceding sentences is the generic "you." I can, in fact, read... I even figured out you, specifically, DID take on a step-child... but you wouldn't take on 3 or 4.


My point was just simply that, sometimes, if it's a question of taking on MANY children that we are talking about, then sometimes people (like myself, but obviously you're too f'in stupid to grasp that concept, even when I spell it out, silly me) just can't afford that.


Oh look, here it is again. Yep, got it the first time. Thanks for the repeat, though. Sometimes I'm pretty slow.


Christ, and we've even seen single-parent dads already admit on some of these threads, that they don't want to have any more kids if it might mean their previous family might suffer monetarily because of it. Not you I guess though, you're in the rare position to be able to take on 4 step-children in addition to the kids you already have, and provide for them all so that none are lacking?


If that's the only concern, then using that as the sole motivation to sever a relationship is fairly selfish, yes. Just curious, how are these kids being supported up to this point? You really have to take the totality of the circumstances into consideration. However, with the online society we have here, it's very easy to dissect a single issue or concern and turn it into the sole factor that's under consideration.


Gawd....no wonder this thread keeps going....silly, selfish ME, eh? Gawd.


Nope... again, you took the "you" to mean specifically you. Obviously, you took on the additional responsibility, based on the totality of the circumstances. If you HAD bailed solely because you didn't want to take on the additional financial responsibility, THEN you WOULD HAVE BEEN pretty selfish. Is that clear this time? I'm afraid it didn't come through properly last time.


Go back to attacking Johne then, because heaven forfend you should actually take into account anyone else's viewpoints or reasoning....it's so much easier to fall back on the same ridiculous rhetoric, isn't it. Gawd.


I took your reasoning into account... I just disagree with your conclusions. The irony of defending Johne in the same sentence as "ridiculous rhetoric" is pretty damn funny, though.


Now I can easily see why threads like this keep going.


Yep, people take things personally and out of context, and feelings get smudged a bit. You're not surprised, are you? I'm also sorry I didn't give your first response appropriate consideration the first time around. I didn't mean to slight you.

Edited to add:
Take the other extreme: Someone who refuses to date anyone but a doctor, lawyer, or other high-income profession... would you say that person is selfish? Perhaps use the common pejorative "golddigger?" Just putting some of the rationale out there. :)
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 149
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Posted: 6/17/2008 8:23:33 AM

while i appreciate your feeble taunts, i'm still unclear as to what you would wish to know, it's my personal belief that discretion is the better part of valor.

try upping your contribution on the board discussion to the civilized mark and i suspect you may have responses more suited to your query.


BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I enjoy the condescension, but my ex-wife pretty much made me immune. Taking it from someone hiding behind a blank profile is not exactly intimidating.

**ignore**
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 154
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Posted: 6/17/2008 3:46:48 PM
If I read your response correctly, you see the above as being selfish. To me it is not selfish, that is taking care of my original family and responsibility I have to my child.


No, I think you've missed a critical nuance. The selfish part would be to take the drastic action of severing a relationship completely because of purely financial concerns, particularly if those are predicated on the assumption that the relationship will end within a few years.

Does this mean that I do not date single mothers, nope, it just means that I am more cautious as all responsible parents should be.


Precisely. You don't use that (impact on your financial situation) as the SOLE criterion. Which is what I said was selfish (see the all-caps "SOLELY" in the bit you quoted). Multiple times.

Good for you, though!
 Misa101
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 155
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Posted: 6/17/2008 3:51:11 PM
Wow I'm fierce naive!!

Here I am sitting at home thinking - I don't get out much it would be great to meet someone to share a life with - I'll hit the sites and meet some new people.

Now I realise to actually contemplate getting together with someone, I will have prepare a general statement of accounts as well as projected profit and losses based on the outcome of how we get on. And here was me thinking I would have to worry about to wear heels or not wear heels - I'm tall this it also something that causes sensitivity in uys - though not as much as cash it appears


So I have a question for you all, at what point do you decide get in or get out - when do you speak up about your values? Are you up front or do you string it out for other reason.

What worries me the most about some of the post above is not your views - everyone is entitled to have their values - I may think some are a bit narrow minded and judgemental but I respect that all people are different - we won't all be going for coffee :)

What Im interested in is how many of you are truly honest in sharing your views up front? Be a man so to speak - some women's comments are equally strong.

Because the scenario that crosses my mind is maybe I meet a guy ,I like him, he grows on me and it seems to go both ways and next it's all over cos I'm not financially viable. I'd be pretty unhappy.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 158
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Posted: 6/17/2008 8:06:17 PM
Nah, sweetness, you just took the discussion slightly down a tangent. There are a couple of men who regularly make the financial concern their sole criterion, or at least a complete deal-killer. Johne, for one.

No worries on the f-ing stupid. I figure if someone doesn't call me stupid at least every once in a while, I'm not trying hard enough to get the point across. :P
 sasquatch68
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 165
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Posted: 6/18/2008 1:39:21 PM
Not strictly true... I think that alot of single mothers feel hard done by. Not only from the state but from the father of their children. I think that their state of mind is bent towards looking for all the bad points in men (and by default transferring their ex's behaviour onto their new men, even if they have done nothing wrong). I must just add that not all single mothers are like this, as all men are not like single mothers' ex's.
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