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 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 241
Do children need a father?Page 17 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

he despises his father, youngest built a relationship with his dad..n thats all i wanted..for him to b a eldest boy struggles..he is emotionally scarred..he is angry..n guess what?...his dad dosnt understand why!!

His dad shouldn't get to make any judgements or conclusions about his son's behavior if he hasn't put the time into raising him.

And - Thanks everyone for giving me feedback. I think some of you hit the nail on the head that I am grieving because of the realization of the father and parental support I never had. It still feels self centered to me though. But then again two dysfunctional people having children together in the first place is pretty selfish too.
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 243
Do children need a father?
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:59:44 PM
Children need loving adults who take care of them and provide for them lovingly. it is a tragedy that my kids lost a wonderful man, yet i have faith that they will turn out ok, as they have a mom and a family that loves them very much.
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 246
Do children need a father?
Posted: 11/16/2008 3:57:08 AM
good morning, in todays society, i would say yes children should have a father in there lives, cause bieng a single mom its hard to be there for them all the time...if a father cannot be a part of there lives becouse he choose not to be, then i suggest what i do for my two teenangers, i give then my friends that are males to be friends with my children , so that way they are getting a type of father figure somewhat in there lives, i have one male friend that is great with my family& my children turn to him for a lot of advice. .excpially my son growing up to be a man without a good father is hard for him.i thank my dear friend for what he has done for them my children love him like a dear friend, he can give them insights on life that sometimes mom just cant do....children can live without a father, mom has to pick up the empty space that dad has left behind, so friend works out great for my two children ...i have alot less stress these days..
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 250
Do children need a father?
Posted: 11/17/2008 6:42:04 AM
"To a little girl...a father show a daughter how a man is suppose to treat her and respect her. That is how a girl learns to choose her mate. He does this by the way he treats her mother as well."

A single mother, or other loving adul,t can do this as well.

"To a little boy...he show him how he is suppose to love a woman and be the man of the house as well (meaning you can be loving, but stern at the same time in a respectful and teaching way)".

A single mother, or other loving adult, can do this as well.

I am not going to just lie down and resign my children to growing up to be emotinally screwed up derelicts because my husband is gone. I plan on raising them to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise, emotionally secure adults, in spite being a single parent household.
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 251
Do children need a father?
Posted: 11/17/2008 11:49:22 AM
I believe that children need both parents in their life but sometimes that is not an option.

I am a single mom. My son's father is not in the picture and that was his choice. His father left before I knew I was pregnant. When I found out, I told him and that was the last I heard from him.

I would love to have a strong male role model in his life and at this time, that is his grandfather and his 2 uncles. In my position, not having the birth father around is probably a positive thing b/c he is not a good influence. I think that if the father wants to be around and he is a positive influence, then by all means, he should be involved in the childs life. I think it all depends on who you surround yourself with and who you allow in your childs life that will affect your childs development.

Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 252
Do children need a father?
Posted: 11/17/2008 9:01:08 PM
Im feelin' ya Amore, i just loathe of people who ASSume that no father equates to a screwed up kiddo.
H20, it is wonderful that he has a loving grandfather and uncles. Any loving nurturing adult can contribute to the emotional well-being of a child.
I would muchhhhhh rather have a loving involved nurturing extended network of family and freinds, than a lousy POS father. If the father IS a good parent, man and role model, of course he should be in the childs life, but if not, just rock on at being a good mom and doing the best for the kid or kids.
Joined: 3/12/2009
Msg: 254
Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:01:02 PM
I have a 12 year old girl. Her dad is dead beat. I cannot teach her to hunt, shoot, and other things that she has interest in. I feel that a father figure is important. However, in this current day and age, the biological father is not always the best father figure to have around. Any good male role model is best, an uncle, friend, grandpa.
Moving forward, I teach my daughter that when she chooses a husband, make sure that he will be a good father. Stop the baby out of wedlock thing that we (myself included) have created.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 255
Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:25:02 AM

Moving forward, I teach my daughter that when she chooses a husband, make sure that he will be a good father. Stop the baby out of wedlock thing that we (myself included) have created.

It frightens me that births out of wedlock have become so accepted and praised. Girls who grow up without a father have a very high chance of promiscuity. I know that first hand. Craving the attention and validation of men can really drive a girl's life into a very lonely direction.
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 256
Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:33:00 AM
i totally agree with her, when the guy is a dead beat father he doesn't need to be in the childs life and if u have a strong enough mother thats all u need.
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 257
Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/4/2009 9:46:16 AM
my kids live with me, I love them and am the only parent in their lives. Their mom chooses to not be their but a weekend or so every other month. So the answer to this question for me is YES my kids do need and have their father in their life everyday. Our home is filled with love and compassion. I am still single and we are doing just fine. .......with ONLY their Father.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 259
Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/21/2009 3:28:28 PM
Go watch Tv for a while. You will see that any of the commericals, the father/husband is either not present, or offish/foolish/dumb. Sit coms arent much better.
So you will believe they certainly think fatherhood is obsolete if not passe
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 260
Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:11:58 PM
Most men have this innate authoritative tone to their voice. It's alot scarier and definite then a mothers voice. I sometimes have struggles with my son, but a man tells him to do something and he does it, almost immediately. It's a little disheartening, but I welcome the help when I find it.

Can a mother raise a child on their own? Sure! Is it beneficial to have both? Of course!!
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 263
view profile
Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:59:01 AM
I could have written exactly what you wrote,
My son's father is a Loser,Doesn't give a dam about our son....
Only to show him off when he is all cleaned up..Which for a 18month old boy is hard lol.
Honestly I had a very Strong,Loving,VERY involved and loved my Mom till he died...FATHER
And it was extremely and still is hard for me to adapt...
To being a Single Mom.
I never would have chose this for my son...But seeing as i am strong enough to love,support,protect,and have been here since day one...For my son..I say **** him..
I don't and won't tell my son anything about his dad...He will see and realize one day all by himself that he a deadbeat..and i can be both mom and DAd.HE is mine all mine and I'm sure you feel the same about your daughter.i guess we should feel lucky that we got these losers out our lifes and our kids life before they were old enough to miss them...
You can't miss,want,need,or even love someone unless there around.
Out of sight,Out of mind.
Good luck and I hope you find the Man of your dreams...
God bless you both
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 270
Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/24/2009 9:57:38 AM


AMEN!!!!!!!! But I would also add that people get married so they can have guilt free boinking. I would say married or not, if a relationship is similar to the "Itchy and Scratchy Show", it's best not to have children together.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 292
Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 10:24:09 AM

I have no idea who was bad in this story.

You were refering to post #481? Looks to me like another tale of 2 people that never should have made babies together.
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 294
Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 5:58:16 PM
Isn't it nice if they do but there are many grounded kids that had but a mom.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 297
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/1/2009 2:44:37 PM
You need a turkey baster and a petri dish. Modern science is a wonderful thing.
Have at it.
I got my weapon holstered when I was 18, these genes aint reproducing. So as far as I am concerned, kids dont need a father, any more than I ever need to be one.
Feel free to breed your own commune, cuz remember it takes a village.
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 298
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:15:14 PM
Im a single mom myself, and I was raised by a single mom also.
I will say that for a child it is important to have his/her father involve in their lives BUT if they never had a father, or tha father wasnt involve then with time the child will understand what really happend. In my personal opinion, I didnt need my dad, I kind a did when I was very young, I always asked why the other little girls had a dad and I didnt. But once I started growing up I started finding out things about him and what happened wiht my mother, then I understood that it was for my own good not having him around. Im old enough now to say I DONT NEED HIM OR WILL EVER NEED HIM.
My ex kicked me out when I was 6 months pregnant and my daughter does not need anything fom him. She will ask one day about him and I wont need to tell her who he really is, she will figure it out alone.
So I think kids do need their fathers but only if they are good fathers.
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 301
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:47:05 AM
As in message 501, any guy can be a father, takes a man to be a daddy.

In some of the other threads here, it is obvious statistically, good male role models seem to be essential in children growing up to be quality adults.
But I also believe, the other way around, they also need good female role models.
To be a little blunt, who your children will choose to associate with as adults will be based on what they knew when they were children. it is what they will be comfortable with etc..
There are also studies that showed this is the case. Girls that are raised with abusive fathers, tend to marry abusive men. Same way with the boys, if they are exposed to less than quality women, they will become involved with less than quality women.
When you are raising a child by yourself, you do have to surround yourself with quality people, people of character and this includes family members!
Your children will adopt the characteristics of the people that they are exposed to, good or bad.

As kind of an example, if your child starts lying, you need to find out where they are learning from, because lying is a learned ability, they learn it from someone, you need to find it and stop it.

The hardest one is if it's a family member, sometimes for the sake of your children, you need to leave your family behind.
Because your child, now it is your family, everyone else is extended family and it needs to be understood that they are expendable for the sake of your child.
Your child's well being is the most important thing!
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 303
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:20:08 PM
Ya know.. futureshock..

Lots of times.. we don't "chose" to have a baby by ourselves, we don't "chose" to get pregnant and then raise a child by ourselves. Lots of times the man leaves after telling you how you are going to get married and have a wonderful family. Lots of times there are proposals, love and marriages planned. Lots of times the absent parent completely changes their colors after the baby is born.

There are so many scenarios. You can't lump us all together. Lots of the stories are true. We all made some mistakes, but for the most part, most of us are truly doing our best.

I wish you could see that.
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 307
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:14:36 PM
I don't think kids need a father - or a mother!

I saw on the discovery channel that if you take a wire mesh cage and put some carpet on it, a baby monkey will cling to it...

Maybe you could do that with human babies too! I should test this theory. I could make the cheapest daycare facilities around!

Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 309
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:43:23 PM
Why are there no debates about "Do children need a mother?"

This question is ridiculous. If children didn't need a father, women would be asexual and capable of impregnating themselves.
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 310
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/19/2009 4:54:05 PM

It is true to say any man can father a child but it takes a good man to be a dad

Yea, and any woman with a uterus and ovaries can get knocked up, but it takes a good, mature woman to be a mother.
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 311
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/19/2009 5:51:03 PM
anyone can be a father but a man in their childs life is a dad. I strong beleive that all children need their father's in their lives. I have an older that still needs her dad at times and i'm always here for her
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 313
Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/19/2009 8:45:05 PM
I think kids need a father and a mother too. They may not be living together but they both need to take an active part and show care and concern for the child. A father may not be a biological father but a father, none the less. Little boys need both and little girls do to.
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