Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Melissanicole
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 131
Do children need a father?Page 4 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
I agree with your post tick tock, despite the controversial tone. We all chose our life for the most part. Unless the other parent passes on, then we have a say. Sometimes people "change" or lead a life that is different from the type of person you were led to believe they were. We're usually young, inexperienced in life/relationships, and immature without the intelligence to listen to those older than us. This is usually a big part in our choosing a less than adequate partner.

Teen pregnancy shouldnt happen, deadbeat parents shouldnt exist. The point is- it does, and they do. Thats the real world. It doesnt excuse it, we all have to live with the consequences of our actions. We all make bad decisions in relationships or other wise. Some of us end up parents because of it. We are at "fault" for our circumstances, but does that mean our children are undeserving of love and support from their family and community.

I totally understand where you are coming from, but the smartest solution for society is to equalize the playing field. Better educated parents produce better educated children who are less likely to fall into the same cycles. By providing support, but also forcing people to work hard and earn their way we are decreasing the likliness that these poor choices will be repeated in the next generation.

None of us should make excuses for our lives, or project the blame onto anyone else. But we also shouldnt be harassed for making a mistake. You may not be a single parent, but I am sure you have made other mistakes in your life. It just isnt broadcasted for everyone to attack you about it.
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 132
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/18/2005 6:01:31 PM
^ Great post, melissa! One thing though, I don't think anyone was being harassed for their choices in life, merely pointed in the right direction when they employed the "victim mentality" excuse. As for my own mistakes, I have made plenty and have listed some of them in the forums. I expect honest feedback and respect others when they do so. And...I fully accept responsibility for 99% of the hardships I've endured in life. There may have been external forces involved, but ultimately my choices led to my own demise.
 Melissanicole
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 133
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/18/2005 6:21:10 PM
Thank you, I am glad we can see eye to eye, because I genuinely agree with the basis of your arguement. You probably say it a little more direct than I do, but your point is the same.


I fully accept responsibility for 99% of the hardships I've endured in life. There may have been external forces involved, but ultimately my choices led to my own demise.


TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE I think this is the hardest thing for most people to understand. Yes, it isnt fair that your parents failed you, or your ex isnt contributing to the well-being of their child-- but in the end none of that matters. At the end of the day, your child, your family, society-- everyone wants to know what YOU did about it. So in essence, everything else is irrelevant. My mother had the worst upbrining you could have, as do many ofthe kids I work with... and some of them choose to be a victim, and some choose to close the door on that part of their life and move forward with what little they have been given.

It is truly a choice. Life is a series of choices. Even if we make a ton of bad choices, we can always choose another direction. We are a product of our environment, to a certain point... then we have to choose to accept or reject that childhood and the values we learned.

For me, the year I spent in counseling truly working to understand why I had made the decisions I made was the best thing I could have ever done. I am overall a better person and a better parent because of it. I personally think therapy should be mandatory for all single parents (with few exceptions).
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 134
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:34:43 PM
Exactly, Melissa! So many people tend to use excuses (I hate to say it, but women do this more than men) rather than deal with their problems in a rational manner. I have faced more than my share of horrible experiences and have realized that had I chosen a different path in each of those situations, then maybe my life or someone else's would have been better today. It is way too easy to say that you didn't have a choice because of X or Y. Ever since I had that epiphany, I consider my actions carefully and ponder the potential outcomes. I hate when I hear people say any of the following:

He deserved it cuz he was a jerk...
He made me...
I had no choice...
She forced me...
etc.
 DragonRider29
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 136
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/19/2005 3:15:46 PM
Flame,
why don't you post a picture of you dressed up like a woman, would be after all fairly entertaining.
It's not, then you're just BS
DragonRider
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 138
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/21/2005 3:03:18 PM
Still Shelbe, you chose to date someone with obvious ISSUES to say the least.

Maybe you like the bad-boy types.

Whatever, when you have sex, you have to understand that there is ALWAYS
'ACCIDENTS' and you bear the responsibility when 'ACCIDENTS' happen. You can't
use it as a leverage to pry yourself away from him.

And yes, BADBOYS do beat their wives, they do drugs, they are criminals.

But, I'm not understanding why you chose to dump your bf....when did you get
tired of the criminal world?


i am NOT a victim


I would have been more convinced had you not listed all the crimes against you. Remember,
you chose to be in the criminal world and all the negatives the eminate from such
a world. Don't be such a victim.
 Melissanicole
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 139
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/22/2005 5:59:50 AM
Shelbe, hes a /troll

He is like many random people we get in here... they come in, refuse to accept that these situations are more than one dimensional and throw hate around like its their job.

Ignoring him is the only thing that will work. You wont win on this one, cant argue with ignorance.

Youre doing an awesome job, he has no idea what your situation is. I dont see any "poor me" whining on your end, so ignore his insults.

Tick Tock seems to be reasonable as you can see from earlier posts. Lazy though, Ive yet to see him be reasonable. I'll keep waiting!
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 140
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/22/2005 3:10:01 PM
I'm no troll

I just subscribe to the fact that there are no such thing as accidents.

I may come off as harsh but I'm no troll. I don't buy into 'accidents'. If I
did, I'd have to dismiss people as being retarded. I think most people
are intelligent but if you insist otherwise...
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 142
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/22/2005 3:19:11 PM
^^^ I just say my peace and leave. I'm not here to tell people what
they WANT to hear. This is what makes me attractive to my friends and my gf.

 Melissanicole
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 144
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/23/2005 12:51:03 PM
Awesome post Kitty!

I think your post highlights the need for male(or female) influence and the challenges in being able to fill the "gap" when the other parent is absent. While it is not the best situation, you show us that it can be done.

Its not the ideal, but it does not mean the children are doomed so long as their is a strong family system in place and positive role models from the other sex. Mom/Dad is the best person to provide that influence, but those of us where the other parent is absent or unfit are not doomed to have hateful criminal children. It has to do with Quality! not quanitity.
 Melissanicole
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 145
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 10:32:32 AM
Great post Cupid!

Unfortunately common sense and reasoning can be ignored, as seems to be the case.
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 146
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 2:03:15 PM
Thats a redundent thing too say. who are you to assume anything about how a person ended up being a parent? My ex was on the pill for 2 years when the stork dropped off a surprise. Nothing is 100% so taking all the prcuations in the world cannot guarantee no kids.

How so??? If one did not want children in this day and age, they would not have them...it is that simple! The stork can be shot down so that's just an excuse. Your ex got pregnant and you decided to keep the child. There is nothing wrong with that and I salute you for bringing a child into this world. Again, when I said that I took every precaution that was available, that meant that I also wore protection...did you?


Many people take precuations however do not consider abortion to be one (Its illegal in Ireland BTW) for various reasons.

I understand that you are Irish and Catholic which makes having an abortion that much more unlikely...but these are things which should have motivated you to take even more precautions. Also, if you were of the mindset to get an abortion, you could have made the trip over to the UK.

edit: had i managed to impregnate a woman and she decided to keep it, I would honour my role as a father in every way.
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 148
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:17:14 PM
greeneyed... you don't have to look far for male role models


Actually, I would seek an answer where this HATE for his father materialized. Kids
are very sensitive and can pick up negative vibes. As the previous poster
mentioned - give it some thought.

It's NOT enough to have a male role model - what kids need is a strong bond
that only a father can offer. There is no subsitute for a father or mom. Where
do you find this role model anyway? Who has this enormous time to commit...especially
to a child that's not even theirs?
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 150
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:34:47 PM
It's awesome that he's surrounded with brothers and guy's.



i always knew my son would grow up without his father


Care to elaborate though on that one? You don't have to, just curious.
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 152
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 10:31:49 PM
All I can say - and it does address the thread, but if I change my mind and decide to have
children, my gf will make a suitable mother for my kids. I know her. She could
never become this horrible horrible person that you all married...it's just not possible.
To imagine that she will start mentally abusing my kids is inconceivable. If I had
the slightest inclination that she's capable of it - she ain't gonna have my children
I can tell you that much with certainty. No child deserves the monsters that
you guy's have been describing. No WAY!!
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 155
Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/26/2005 11:51:45 PM
^ personally, i believe that boys are affected the most by not having a father around to model appropriate behaviours in day-to-day life and in relationships...but it would help to have a stable relationship around for you to model these behaviours for him
 Broken_Soul
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 158
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/30/2006 2:41:43 AM
That's just wrong EVERY child "needs" their father at some point and time, in their lives.


I have a friend right now who is pregnant and she said when the baby is born, she's
not going to let the father be around the baby and i think that is just flat out wrong/hateful.



I have been around the "couple" and have known him/her longer than anybody else, and i know how bad it will hurt him for him to find out that she is NOT going to let him have anything to do with their child, he does not even know about this.





There are some MEN/GUYS out there who have tooken wrong paths during their life and who has, made some awful mistake's but that's no REASON to not let them be around their only child.



January
30th. 06
4:41AM


 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 159
view profile
History
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/30/2006 3:58:41 PM
Children need at least one good parent of either gender!


Do you feel that not having the birth father involved will definitely have long lasting affects on the child's development, and ultimately have emotional effects when the child becomes an adult?
Absolutely not! And that goes for either parent. The absence of a parent in itself is by no means the root of lasting effects.


And do many people feel that society in general plays a role in making men feel unnecessary or expendable when it comes to raising our children?
I agree that in some ways society tries to downplay the importance of a man's role in parenthood but at the same time, there is a growing trend in recognizing that gender doesn't determine parenting skills. More men are being granted custody of their children and single dads are becoming as common as single moms.
 get_over_it
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 160
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 3:41:54 AM
I run the risk of answering this thread because I want to get very emotional, but my son sure seems to need me and I know I need him. He's my everything. I couldn't function without him. He's like a little me.

I'm sorry for those you that have been burned, but don't lump all men into the category of useless unloving scum.

There's a few women out there that aren't very good moms, as well. The track runs both ways, ladies. This dad loves his son and I know my son loves me.

And maybe if society and media didn't disregard Dads in their advertising campaigns, etc, then Dads would feel more appreciated, as well. "Hey Moms" "Ask your Moms" "Kid tested mother approved", all activities during the day are geared towards females, go to the playground with your kids and none of the moms want to talk to you because your a man, so in effect your child gets left out of socializing too. And domestic dads are seen as bums and layabouts, which is not fair or true. I'll stop now.
 Broken_Soul
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 162
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 3:48:10 PM
No that's for sure life is NOT/NEVER has/will be a "rose garden" it has it's upsNdowns and it's bumpy, road's but i think you have to LOVE/BELIVE in one another and in GOD.(no im not church going.)
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 164
view profile
History
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 4:31:27 PM

Also they haven't experienced enough in their lives yet to know where that missing parent would have been very handy just then to talk to or lean on.
Only on the assumption that all parents are handy to talk to or lean on.....which they are not! I stand by my conviction that one good parent of either gender is better than two bad ones.

As much as we would like our children to live a fairy tale life, striving for perfection will stress out any parent in the long run and a stressed parent can't be the best parent they can be.
 Broken_Soul
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 165
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 6:30:31 PM
What would you say about a girl who is 24 and pregnant and say's when the baby's born she's NOT letting the father have ANYTHING to do with their kid, or even come around his son/daughter?. Not to mention this will be his FIRST child and he has no idea that she has said she doesn't wan't him around his kid or even haveing anything, to do with the baby.?


And it's NOT like he's an unfit father or that he can not provide for his child he work's mon-sunday 9am-3pm and, every penny he make's goes to "the mother"(well use to before she, moved out and left him.).



Now supposely she "lost" the baby and she doesn't wan't the father knowing, that she lost the baby because she say's it's his fault. She moved back into her parent's trailer the NIGHT after SHE called the cop's and had, him locked up and now he's out of jail and she still is NOT around him. She's not as "innocent" as she trys make everybody believe she is this is like her 4th time "supposely" being pregnant, and we have yet to see a child and now she say's she "lost" the baby.
 italiangr5463
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 168
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:02:19 PM
i think it dosent matter if the father is the biolagicol father because father is some one who loves the child and makes sure they are safe and cared for weather its a boy friend of the mothers or a stepdad but i think its very important to have a mother and father in a childs life or they grow up feeling like somethings missing or wondering what it would of been like to have one around i have two kids and it didnt work bettwen me and thier father but i would never not let them be with thier father being that hes a great father and would do anything to protect them and care for them so even thought it didnt work for me and him it should not not work for my children so in coclusion i think both parents are a big part of childrens life
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 169
view profile
History
Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:11:39 PM
I grew up without my father so maybe someone can give me an example of all the things I supposedly missed out on???

In whatever form it is.....a family is a family!
Your life is what it is! What if's won't change anything.

Children should be taught not to concern themselves with what they don't have but to be thankful for what they do have.

Which parent hasn't heard their child complain "it isn't fair".

Do we let our children grow up living behind rose coloured glasses only to go out into the world and be completely unprepared for reality or do we teach them to accept that things won't always go their way?

Children need to know that there isn't an 'ideal' life. Success is determined by making the most of the hand you were dealt.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >