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 ca1angel
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 171
Do children need a father?Page 5 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
They need a father as much as they need a mother. They need loveing and nurturing PARENTS, gender is regardless.

I can't wait for the single dads to get wind of this forum. So many sexist comments basically saying the sperm donors serve no purpose. Thanks for making every male on the planet feel like dirt, I'm sure your your own dads, grandfathers and brothers and uncles would appreciate your viewpoints.

And from what I've seen stepparents have a harder time of it than the bilogical parents do, as older kids don't tend to recognize the person's authority over them, or respect them at all. At least a biological parent gets that recognition that your their blood kin.
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 172
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/1/2006 11:55:04 PM
I think the overall consensus here is that children need good parents.
It's quality parenting that counts not gender or quantity.

Dosperos the situation you describe is the reality I refer to yet society tells your child that his family is 'broken' or 'dysfunctional'. It's not! He's blessed to have both parents actively participating in his life.

Schools refuse to acknowledge any other version of the family. They continue to have them draw numerous pictures of mommy and daddy holding hands? I've never witnessed this in my reality. It was confusing to be making crafts on Father's day for someone who wasn't in my life? These things just made me feel like crap when normally it never came to mind.

Noone should tell their children that the other parent is not important and likewise noone should tell them that they are missing out if that parent is not present for whatever reason.

My God what do we tell a child if one parent dies? "Oh don't worry about it...you didn't need him anyway!" How do they feel when they have to make crafts for their dead parent?

Every child has the right to both their parents. No child should be subjected to derogatory remarks about their parents. They will learn for themselves if that parent is not ideal.

It's my opinion that children can benefit in some way from any parent. When they are unfortunate to have one who is not so good at it.....they can learn to forgive.
 Broken_Soul
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 173
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 2:40:58 AM
I think every child deserve's to be around their dad/father, there are some thing's a mother can not do/give her son. And their are some things a father can not do/give his daughter but every child has the "right" to know about their, father N mother even if their realtionship didn't work out.

No child should have to live a life without a father around or without a father being, apart of his or her life.


Boys raised without a father in their life are

63 percent more likely to run away


37 percent more likely to abuse drugs


Twice as likely to drop out of high school


Twice as likely to be arrested


Four times as likely to need help for psychological and behavioral problems
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 174
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 6:52:18 AM
There we go with those stats again. Wherever did they do that survey? In the ghettos?

Here are the stats from my 8 brothers who grew up without a father:

0 percent ran away from home

0 percent abuse drugs

3 out of 8 did not finish high school
(although these are the three oldest so they at least had their father for some part of their childhood)

2 out of 8 have been arrested
(both as juveniles, both for petty crime, one served time in reform school)

Sorry I don't have stats on whether any of them 'need psychological help'.

When viewing the stats given by broken soul one needs to consider that many children are from broken marriages so their problems may have began when they were in that environment.

I repeat that it's poor parenting skills that produce problematic children.
Children need a GOOD father but will thrive without a bad one.
 mandy21fca01
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 175
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 12:16:09 PM
that sucks.
I'm glad my daddy was part of our lives.
Who would have taught me how to throw like a boy and defend myself against pervs?
:) And protect me when I got scared at night.

No we need our Daddys. If your kid's daddy is no good, don't hang all the men because of your one bad experience.
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 176
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 5:56:29 AM
this has got to be the stupidest question ive heard since i signed up.ofcourse children do better with a dad its common sense that a child devlope stepment is created for better or worse through thier mom and dad and i mean biological mom and dad.step parent just dont cut it.
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 177
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 6:01:39 AM
most mothers who have custody are very selfish they either think they can be mom and dad or thier new hubbys or boyfriends can take on the role when in actuallity these men are clueless im know im drawing a broad generalization but from my experiences these guys are losers.
 this1lovesthesea
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 178
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 6:24:55 AM
your almost right. Actually step-parents don't get to do a darn thing.
The step-kid has no respect for you and your spouse won't allow you to say or do anything to their innocent little angel.

"...these guys are losers. "
why? Because they married a woman with a kid? Maybe I read that wrong.

I have a stepchild and my own great son. Am i supposed to only be a dad to one of them? I don't understand.
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 179
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 6:46:17 AM
thats cool but you'll never be the real dad.
 this1lovesthesea
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 180
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:24:13 AM
Well I guess he could have his ex-con drug runner father in his life, but I think I'm safer. lol

I'm not claiming to be that kid's dad.

In his case he made it clear he didn't have any interest in a relationship with me, but overall I agree, its up to the inidividual person, adult/kid, how and who they get along with. You can't speak for everyone.

I don't see myself as aloser for marrying a woman I loved who happened to already have a 9 year-old. My biological son sure thinks the world of me and we're pretty cool buddies. I'm still not sure how a step-parent is a loser in the context you put it in.

I'm just doin the best I can, which is all anyone can do. The stepkid made it clear he wants nothing to do with me. I can't make him like me and after awhile its perfectly human to throw your hands up and say "Hey I tried". He's 18 now, living across the nation, and I could care less about him now. He's very abusive and disrespectful.

I just concentrate on my wife and real son now. Not sure how that makes me a loser, though.
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 181
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 10:08:46 AM
you make a good argument i think you are the exception to the rule though.you sound like you probably are a good dad.
 young_55
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 182
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/4/2006 3:45:56 AM
just to be fair here:

Has anyone bothered to read the stats on kids raised by Single Fathers? Hear alot about good single moms, what about those good single dads. This is the 21st century, folks, drop the discriminating.
 Broken_Soul
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 183
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/4/2006 4:43:40 AM
young_55


finnaly SOMEBODY spoke up, lol you are right this is the "21st century".

there are alot of mother's out there today that, only cares about
crack/weed/ALL drugs.

and there are alot of father's who ACTURLY love their kid's, and it's
a shame that they are not able to be apart of their kid's life.


some mother's out there today are NOT all bad but, we have some
who don't care about anything but themselve's/drugs/boose.

But i guess THATS what makes her a "GOOD" mom, according to
some of the court's...

I think it's pathetic how father's get, treated just because
they are "men" and what gives some of us women the right
to run/stomp over the "the father" just because we/they
feel like it.?
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 184
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/5/2006 12:58:58 AM

Sorry Deborah, but statistics don't lie



Oh no...stats NEVER lie. Please someone, help me up off the floor.
 Synical
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 185
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/5/2006 2:17:19 AM
ofcourse children do better with a dad its common sense that a child devlope stepment is created for better or worse through thier mom and dad and i mean biological mom and dad.step parent just dont cut it.


In a situation like this, blood literally means nothing. I was raised by my stepfather, who took the active role in my parenting and did a wonderful job. My 2 oldest children never knew their biological father, he ran as fast as he could as far as he could .. I give complete credit to their stepfather for the wonderful role he took in parenting them. I agree children need a positive male role model in their lives, whether it's a father, grandfather, uncle, etc. But to assume that it HAS to be the biological father for the child to develop at its best is just plain naive. My 2 oldest children are amazing kids, polite, well mannered, good grades, the works .. and I credit their stepdad for that.

Edit: I'm taking some of the credit for myself, of course LOL
 wildturk
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 186
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:18:19 PM
Lets bring this issue back on the stand. I have 2 boys that I would love to be active in there lifes but.... The mother refuses to let me see them. It seems that allot of women out here now days are looking to have children and then leave the father hanging on the rope. I was with my ex for 7 years had 3 wonderful boys which we lost one at 2 months from sids. What i have to say about this is lets turn this around do children need a Mother yes do children need a father yes. Children can sence like other people said in there posts the hostility,anger, grief, ect. That has or was or is built,building, has been Children are very smart they relize there last names if they have there fathers last name and relize hey moms last name and this guy i call father/dad has also got a different last name so were did my name come from. And what is a kids favorite past time?


Questions they love to ask questions. And i have delt with there mother telling them i am a worthless SOB and among other things. I asked her not to demean me in front of the kids but she still does this all the time. I am currently seeking full custody of my children as i have recordings of phone calls of her downing me and her yelling at the kids. Her adopted father thinks he is the father of the kids and she does not speak to me any longer i have to go thru her dad what BS i know i can stand up for myself why can't she there (OUR) kids and we have to treat them with love,affection,respect, and care. If we dont or didn't do this the justice centers would be full of people. Our kids learn from the parents roles in there lifes i want and wish everyday i could be active in my kids life.

She has also sent child support payments back to me. So i have tried to support my children she thinks now that she has kids she wants to do it alone and my kids the time i was around them they both were daddies boys they would not have anything to do with there mother think about how this effects them now. Children have a right and a say in what they want. Dont stop them from searching for there fathers or say demeaning things. This goes for fathers as well. Dont stop the kids from looking for there Mothers. It is unhealthy and wrong.


Just my 4 cents worth.
 wildturk
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 187
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/27/2007 4:39:18 PM
Sorry for taking a while to get back to this post but no the court procedings are in a shamble right now there asking for continuanses all the time. Basicly a way to heed me off from seeing the kids. As for hiring over there lol canada is a awsome place so i hear. :P Anyhow things will look up soon i document everything and it will look bad on her in court that she is not allowing me to see them and have that relationship with my kids.
 kaaleiyah
Joined: 4/22/2004
Msg: 201
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/21/2007 11:21:30 PM
i am the single mother of an amazing little boy. his father has never been in his life, and there are days that it tears me apart. Not only am i a single mom to my son but my son is also bi-racial he is half east indian which make it even harder becasue i want him to know his culture. And now that he is three he wants his dad and always asks me where daddy is. i was always telling him that daddy was at work i had no idea what else to say. In some ways i believe that it can leave last effects for a child not having a dad esspecialy a boy. boys need there dad. But at the same time my brother and father are very close to my son so that makes him have that male role model. i dont feel society makes men feel expendable.. it is just that it is so common for men to walk away. There are so many kids who are being raised by their mother cuz there fathers have taken off, and it blows my mind, cuz i have laid in bed many night wondering how my sons father can sleep at night knowing that he has a child out there who he has no care to see, or know.
 onetogo35
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 203
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:59:26 PM
matthew27....
I am dad and I rule! This is not a statment of arrogance. It took me a long time to really
grasp just how much my sons need me. Initilally, when Mom and I separated, she thought it not so important for dad to be around anymore....that a suitable bf would be enough for them. Alas for her, 6 years later, she would have the battle of her life if the boys didn't see dad every weekend...from them and me. I think they would turn on her actually if she tried to prevent it. I've dated women who resented the fact that my sons came first, them second. Too bad...that's reality.
When I was growing up, my dad was very violent. We were forbidden to even mention him afetr he was gone. However, no matter how badly she described him (I never knew him until I was 16),
I always had that natural need to find Dad. And I did, and it worked out in the long run.
My mother actually stopped talking to me when I formed a relationship with my dad...but I won;t apologize for that. Never. I have certain insecurities, a feeling of general mistrust with people day to day, and although I am a grown man, I can trace the origins of these
quirks right back to the family origins, and all the bs that occured.
I have always had my sons, every weekend since I left mom. But only recently do I begin to see how much that means to them...to sleep over at dad's every weekend. It is woven into the fabric of their existence, and they will turn down birthday parties and sleep overs with their friends if they are going to dad's..and I have always given them that choice..They have missed out on many such occasions because friday is dad day. That means everything to me, and I am so grateful.
And yes, I felt very resentful as I went to countless court hearings to secure court access agreement. I felt as though were buying back my rights to be a dad. I hated it. I had no charges against me that would make my access questionable.
I even told the judge how sad it was That a father had little say until he paid out his nose in legal fees, just to see his children. The mother gets first consideration always, and if she voices issue with dad, dad needs a lawyer and alot of money. It is wrong. On the other hand, I have a court order to see my sons, and if she doesn't comply with it, she is in contempt of court, and alot of trouble. However I know a couple of moms who lost custody over various issues as well, in favour of the father. hopefully the playing feild eventually levels out. Fathers are vital to the well being of their children, make no mistake!
 onetogo35
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 204
Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/23/2007 9:03:25 PM
not to make a run-on thread here, but I should mention, to helo you in your questioning, that "Mom" has had a wonderful BF since I left. He is great with my sons, but still it would devistate them if dad weren't around. There is a big difference. I had a great step dad..but my father was in my heart from day one.
 dontmakecookies
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 208
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/3/2007 11:47:58 AM
This is an interesting question and I didn't read the whole thread but I would venture that it depends on what you mean by the word "need".

Kids can survive without a father. They can flourish without a father. But, the best situation is to have one.
All of those things are true about Mother's as well.

I am a custodial single father of a teenage son who's raise him since he was a baby. As such I've had the opportunity to observe a lot of single mother's through support groups, daycare, and such.

It saddens me that many of them haven't observed some very simple things about the parent child relationship. Being a father isn't about a particular thing they do. A Mom can teach them sports and to drive a car and to build a bird house and all kinds of guy things, but they cannot be a man. Some parents (both men and women) should really sit and think about that for awhile. The parent child relationship is so intimate and subtle and children learn so much at very early ages about how interacting with people can be that by cutting off a representative of 50% of the population they become clueless about men. It really explains why you can spot a fatherless girl in bar from 50 feet.

Also, pretty much all of the research shows that, as opposed to just a single Mom, kids with an involved father grow up much better off on every single measure. There was a nice thread on this on alt.support.single-parent some years ago. I remember someone went and listed all the studies. It was about 2 pages.

Now, if you are going to take this advice to go out and pursue some guy who doesn't want to be a father, child in tow, demanding that he do the right thing then you've missed the point. They need a father... not some man who doesn't want to be there. That's not the same thing.
 herba_mom
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 211
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Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:33:17 PM
I'm a single mom of one child. Since I was ready to be a parent, the biggest mistake I made was spoiling my daughter, part because she is an only child, but probably also as a way to make up for her not having a dad.

As difficult as it is, I try to be objective about my choices when it comes down to my daughter. Now that she is 12 we have talked about it and a dad would be a good thing in our life right now. I had already explained to her long ago, when she started asking, that the person who was her father was not capable of being a father. Biology does not make a parent.

I feel that it is a definate advantage for a child to have two GOOD parents. Because no one person can be everything a child needs in a parent. However, coming from a family where neither parent was really a very GOOD parent, who did not belong together but stayed together for the kid's sake (HUGE MISTAKE), I am also very aware that one GOOD parent is better than what many children get these days.

I feel that parenting is a huge choice and many people take the role too lightly. Raising a human being is an extremely important role with major impact on the future of our world. Please don't take it lightly.

Regards,
Jen
 down2earthguy.
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 212
Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:27:11 PM
there are no crystal ball solutions to this question....there are times when a daughter or son need a mom and a time when they need a dad....whether biological or not!!
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 213
Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:46:16 PM
i absolutely agree that children "deserve" two parents and, depending on the child, "need" two parents, which is precisely why i just recently put my second child (a boy...i have a 3-yr-old girl) up for adoption. in a mere 3 years, i have seen the effects of not having a "father" play out in my daughter's life...and bear in mind that she has a WONDERFUL grandpa that is heavily involved in her life, and probably a better "father" figure than i could ever imagine acting as her "father", but it is still not the same. talking to single parents whose children are older, in college, ect...even if they had both parents in their lives growing up, they still grow up feeling "different" and with a certain kind of emptiness (at least, this is what i hear). i cannot imagine what my daughter will go through not knowing her father as she gets older, although i get small glimpses, like 2 days ago when a little girl (with her 3 out of 4 sisters present) asked me if my daugher had a "daddy" and i explained that he lived far away, and my daughter very excitedly talked about how she would visit him when she got older (fiction, because he wants nothing to do with her). then, to add flame to the fire, the little girl commented that my daughter didn't have anyone to play with, which was sad! it is unfair to her, plain and simple...not to mention that many of us single parents have to "do it all" and cannot give our children our full attention, even when we're trying. these are the times that a second parent really comes in handy. or, when we are at our wits end and there is no one to relieve us. i disagree that society paints a picture that fathers are dispensible. where i live, being a single parent is attached to a very negative stigma, as there just aren't many of us here (too expensive to live). the good news is that there are many children who are raised in single parent houselholds that are well-adjusted, happy, and succesful induviduals...i just don't believe that they are meant to accomplish all of that one parent short.
 sweetheart6366
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 217
Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/19/2007 8:44:51 AM
A child needs a mans perspective and a females......that was the way it was intended by creation....both sexes help to mold a child....

But having said that they need both sexes who have their best interest at heart....just because a man or woman gave the child their genes doesnt mean that they can help mold the child the proper way....
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