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 HappyHeart777
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 119
open/dating/polyamory relationshipsPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I know a couple that swings. I asked the wife one day how she does it because I could not. Her reply " I love him too much and can't let him go" how sad. The same day she told me this is the same day she told me how he had given her an STD for the fourth time in there 20 year marriage. Needless to say I do not call them friends only aquantiances because I will not associate with people having such low morals.
Meanwhile, to each their own.
 Text Addict
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 120
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:34:29 AM
My two cents worth:
1) I think there are many suitbale matches out there. There is no one right and perfect person. I think that we have to, and to some extent we do, make concessions, compromises and choose another that is best suited. Perfect? No such thing.
2) I think that you can date more than one person at a time. Typically though this is done without the knowledge of the other datees and this is where the problem comes in. Is it ethical to date several persons at once? Unless you are open about it...no.
3) Can you love more than one person at the same time? Absolutely. Most people has a maligned vision of what love is. Their idea of love is possessive and therefore in their mind one that loves can only love one.
4) Just dating is just that ...going out on a select date with someone. "Just" dating suggests to me that the relationship /friendship is casual and the participants are free to date elsewhere as well.
5) Exclusive dating is wher ethe couple have decided to and have talked about being exclusive...no dating others. This particular landmark typically occurs in the woman's mind the first time the couple has sex. that man is not always aware of the landmark .

I have dated 6 women at one time before and all knew about the others. Sometimes we wnet on group dates and other times one on one. The one thing I had to keep in mind was that these women as well had the option of seeing other guys. One has to be able to handle the emotional turmoil this type of relationship can throw at you.
 sunkissedlotus
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 121
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 10/20/2009 12:40:55 PM
I truly wonder when you did the group dating thing, one male and six women if the women went because they were all genuinely interested in you or they wanted the challenge or beating the other girls to you.
 grinnell12
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 122
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 3:26:05 AM
Before anyone makes assumptions about poly relationships, they really should read "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. In American culture we are constantly bombarded with monogamy and the negative implications of any other type of relationship, so it might be productive to give it a look. You can get in most book stores and I think there's a PDF of it floating around somewhere. Enjoy.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 123
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 3:27:45 AM
I'd be really happy with one very cute loving guy that was only interested in me and vice versa....................
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 124
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 3:56:08 AM

grinnell12 wrote:Before anyone makes assumptions about poly relationships, they really should read "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. In American culture we are constantly bombarded with monogamy and the negative implications of any other type of relationship, so it might be productive to give it a look. You can get in most book stores and I think there's a PDF of it floating around somewhere. Enjoy


Yes!! That is an excellent book. Know it well. America could learn a lot from the Europeans who simply have a healthier view of sexuality.

~Beth~
 unique1011
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 126
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 3:07:33 PM
Even just one guy always gives me some huge headaches. can't handle more than one at the same time. just not for me
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 127
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 12/10/2009 4:05:25 PM
One size doesnt fit all. As Joseph Campbell often noted, as an adult we need to follow our bliss.

~Beth~
 FloridaGal00
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 128
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 1/4/2010 8:25:58 PM
I would be open to an open relationship however not with out discussing it with who I was seeing
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 129
view profile
History
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 1/5/2010 9:36:44 AM
the reality is that north americans are into poly relationships, over 50% of women in the usa cheat,at honest about almost 40% of men do to, its
just that there not honest about it
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 130
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 1/5/2010 9:49:15 AM
Been doing the FWB thing for about 2-3 years now (just one FWB :P ) & it seems to be working out for us...neither of us want a full term, all-out relationship, just friendship, laughter & the occasional boink ::))
 walking the pooch
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 131
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 1/5/2010 1:31:18 PM
You just date as many as you like all at the same time until someone gets ticked off then you remove that person from the call list.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 132
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 1/5/2010 1:41:02 PM
I simply don't have the time or energy to focus on more than one person at a time, and I don't believe that a man can make me happy or give me the attention I deserve if he is spreading himself too thin or pulled in too many directions.

and for "want to travel" - polyamory is not to be confused with cheating or promiscuity. It is not the same.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 133
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 1/5/2010 2:08:47 PM

the reality is that north americans are into poly relationships, over 50% of women in the usa cheat,at honest about almost 40% of men do to, its
just that there not honest about it

I'd love to see some info on that. I did a simple google and it seems that it's NOT the women cheating more. Most of the things I found (at a glance) indicated a pretty universal view: between 30-45% percent of men cheat, 12-20% of women. (I don't buy into statistics, I'm just wondering where one can find info to the contrary of what I found:
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveSCat/31
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17951664/ns/health-sexual_health/
http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html
http://wcco.com/goodquestion/cheating.men.women.2.851996.html
The only I could find (in a post-haste mode) where women cheat more than men:

~OT~ I was actually more than interested when I met my first polyamory family. Once I knew them, their dynamics and learned to be a little more open minded than I once had been, I understood how/why they choose to live as they do. It works for them. It wouldn't work for me, for a number of reasons, but I only live my life, whatever makes someone else happy is good with me. JMO
http://www.womenlifestyle.com/entry/women-cheat-more-than-men-study/
 AfternoonDelightss
Joined: 1/18/2010
Msg: 135
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 3/26/2010 11:22:50 PM
If I were married and my wife wanted another lover male or female, I'd be ok with it, but I wouldn't run around on her.
 lovemysox27
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 136
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 3/26/2010 11:50:26 PM
I have been in an open relationship and it was quite nice to be honest. I was much younger though so now I want just one man but I am bi so Id bring a woman I could trust into the bedroom for special occassions thats all
 Diagoro
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 137
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 3/27/2010 11:24:32 PM
I do not think that there is only one right and perfect person out there, but there is in my heart (i.e. my dream girl).

I will not have sex, unless I'm in a committed/monogomous relationship.

There is no fine line between single and slutty, because they are unrelated. Sluts have sex with too many people. (IMO) Having (or not having) sex isn't a requisite for being single.

"dating around" is what people do when they're interacting with potential LTR partners. (IMO) It's wise to date around, but it's unwise to sleep around.

My phone isn't ringing off the hook, but I have a few close friends who are there for me when I need them the most.

-D.
 takin_a_look
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 138
view profile
History
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 3/28/2010 12:09:32 PM
Watch Big Love works for them! lol
 Berdarien1
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 140
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 3/28/2010 12:30:56 PM
I think being in a realtionship and loving someone means you love that person. If you can't just love that person I would assume you need to find someone you can love. That is just how I feel about it. No way I could do this. It might be a bit of an ego thing for me but I honestly feel if I love someone I will give all I can to them. I don't really think I could add another variable to something I am already offering so much to. Nor would I try.

Maybe some people can make it work and while I don't agree with it I wouldn't attempt to belittle them or try to "save" them from their dastardly ways. It takes all kinds.

Bear
 bikerhoney69
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 141
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 11/16/2010 5:53:46 PM
We are a couple very happy Who want another woman to share in a relationship. And yes it can work if all 3 are committed to making it work. But the 2 women need to be able to get along as friends and lovers. as well as the man . And we will find it, there is someone out there that feels like we do. javascript:smilie('')
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 142
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 11/16/2010 7:54:47 PM
^^^ I hope you find it/her!

I'm too insecure for a poly relationship... I do however like that my GF and I are open sexually, it only works for me because I know I'm not sharing her heart... just her body.

Kudos to you for knowing what you want and going for it.
My curiosity is piqued with your dynamic though.
If you three all met and became poly I could see it work more clearly than you being in an established relationship and adding a third...will he, she and you always look at her as a third? Probably not, but that's what my brain gets stuck on....
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 143
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 12/11/2010 3:17:35 PM
The Ethical Slut is a good book.... I'm reading it now...then my slut GF is going to read it too! Oddly enough, we're also reading Dr. Laura's: Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! The good Dr. Would tear me and my GF up on almost every detail of our relationship.....it doesn't change the fact that the book contains some VERY good advice for women dealing with their man. From a man's perspective...the Dr. is right in that all a woman has to do show us love, affection and appreciation and we (men) will go to the ends of the earth to please our gal.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 144
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 12/13/2010 6:41:08 AM
"Where is the fine line between single and slutty?"

All perception,.. mostly B/S..ruled by antiquated Victorian crap, and the infamous "Scarlet-A crowd" One person's slut, is another's Angel.. I personally am called a "Manwhore" by many.. which is not true,. if anything I'm a "ManSlut" as I don't get paid for it and it's free,. (well except for that one time,. )

"What is just dating, and how exclusive do you think that should be?"

Once you decide that you got the right one (or at least one that is in the ballpark and preffereably "infield" on the diamond) I think you let everything else drift off and focus attention on the one that makes you "feel" her.. The bad part about excess irons in the fire, is when you finally find one you actually WANT to persue,. she ends up thinking you a "slut" and distances themselve from you,. even if you've closed off all other avenues with others,. I've just experienced this one, so it's painfully fresh,. But,. then again,. I think this one was desperately looking for an emotional out...and used that as an excuse,. and it worked pretty good,.

"Do you date one person at a time, or does your phone ring off the hook?"

I've dated/talked a few @ a time,. talked to a few,. but as stated above everything else fades away after an emotional target-lock is accuired..

"Just curious."..

Hope that satisfied your curiosity If not,. I can tell you about the 3 women I lived with @ one time back in the late 80's..but, there's a parental advisery with that one..
 HarashoPuck
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 145
view profile
History
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 6/22/2011 12:16:21 AM
The website posted Above actually will get you to sign up and get started then take you to AFF ( Adult Friend Finders).

If you have nothing against such a site, more power to you.

I have nothing against AFF, but I am not impressed by the rerouting site that is not honest.
 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 146
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:23:32 PM
personally, i dont think the whole "open relationship" thing is very healthy. i don't think most people can do it. i don't think a happy, healthy, sane, well adjusted person is going to flourish while in a relationship of this nature. it's just too unstable. that being said, i am sure there are some people that are built this way and more power to 'em. i prefer to date one person at a time, and i most certainly would not feel comfortable being intimate with more then one person at a time, nor want to be with someone that was sleeping around.
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