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 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 177
open/dating/polyamory relationshipsPage 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

ridiculous you'd have to be insane or just think in a non-human way to want an open relationship, its stupid everyone wants to be the "only one" its human nature, i suppose there are some random hippies/ so called enlightened people that think its amazing but its blatantly weird


That's not "human nature", what you speak of is Societal Conditioning. We are "trained" to think this way from the day we are born, by society and the church.
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 178
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:37:43 PM
I personally just think it's a selfish way to justify going and sleeping with as many people as you want.... Sure some people can do it for a few months or even a few years....but i just find it hard to believe that there are lots of people out there that can have this sort of lifestyle without it turning into..."oh well i'm done with these 3-4 people now onto the next 3-4"

Likewise who is anyone else to say that 1 person can't fulfill all your needs ? i'm not saying it happens all the time....but it's not IMPOSSIBLE.

I know that my opinion won't be popular and that's fine...i'm just speaking from the experience of knowing a bunch of poly friends...just seems like lots of hopping around to different people....and just seems like a very selfish lifestyle. I wouldn't like to be shared by the person i'm with and i wouldn't want to share her. Not to mention with the sh!t people lie about these days ?! yea i'd like to not open myself up to multiple STD dangers from multiple people where i don't know who else they potentially slept with an hour ago....i'd like to keep my bits intact and not of the falling off from rottenness variety thanks....
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 179
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:43:43 PM
I've been contacted on here by 2 couples to date - to be their misc. "lover" but I just didn't reply. I believe that it can work for SOME, but not most. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be comfortable with that sort of arrangement.

To each his/her own. Don't like it? Don't partake in it.
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 180
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:53:18 PM
poly is natural 2 homeo sapien, monogomy is a religious conditioning used as a controling tool. monogomy is a bout ownership n applies mainly 2 insecure people.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 181
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 6:42:10 AM
I just saved this from yesterday, since becayuse of posting limit I couldnt reply.
And I only understood and read NOW the thing about the relationship being non-sexual in a way. If that's the case, I'm really confused; how can it be any different from just having ONE boyfriend, and a really good guy friend? Of course you love your friend, but as long as your not humping him, or planning on getting married, I don't see how this relationship isnt just monogamy with good friends on the side...?

I just think we have all been "programmed" by society to view things in a certain way (socially acceptable). The church and society tells us that we must find that "one" true love, marry them, and settle down. That it is wrong to be attracted to anyone else after we have said the I Do's, or become "committed" to our ONE love

That`s only if you perceive marriage or a set of religious beliefs to define your sense of program. I`m kind of not for the idea of marriage, even if I used to be; the basic idea, an expression of love, has been twisted into a money making process (all the money to the suppliers of the wedding, the caretakers, the church, etc.).

But take it from an unbiased and un-religious point of view. Two people meet, fall in love, decided to hit it off together. NO marriage, no religious crap, just be comfortable together and stay that way. What would push someone to upset that, what interest is there in anything else? Personnally, if I was with a girl and she ended up "falling in love with someone else", I would feel diminished. How could I not? She obviously chose to spend time with someone else over me, because said person has qualities or facets that I lack. And maybe even JUSTFULLY so. But is that justification enough for the pain it`s causing me? ANd what about that guy she sees? When the same happens again (in a polyamorous relation, there really is no end to this) will he feel the same? How long until someone has a spurt of jealousy the wrong way and ends up with a gun, wanting to kill?
I don`t get your logic of how confiding in a friend of the opposite sex is considered emotionnally cheating. It`s the first I've ever heard of it. Unless your confiding you want to sleep with them, or that you love them, I don't see how it is cheating. I have close friends, male and female both, with which I will have a relationship that will last me a lifetime that might transcend whatever gf I have, wether it be short term or long term. I fail to see how keeping said friends could be cheating, even if I go into details of my sex life with my gf with either one of them. Confiding is called that because you open yourself up to someone you know won`t judge; it`s also a form of love. I love my friends; I wouldnt sleep with them....

And to expect to have all your needs met by MORE than one person....it`s like asking for butter and the money to pay for it. You can`t have it both ways and expect people not to feel cheated, or lied to, or used. The true nature of people is that most people are selfish; it`s always been, and will always be. Great Empires crumbled because of love stories between two or more people. If polyamourous relationships were all that good, then that`s ALL we`d have.
So I stand my point. I still feel it`s justification for someone's actions who might be morally questionnable when faced with each individual's views of what is Right and Wrong. It's for someone who wants to sleep with more than one person at the time, reap all the benefits and have to deal with none of the consequences.
It's kind of like a magical fuzzy wuzzy dream come to life. But when you try for the long run with that, like anything else exposed to Humanity, it eventually crumbles to dust until nobody cares it existed in the first place.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 182
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 7:00:23 AM
poly is natural 2 homeo sapien, monogomy is a religious conditioning used as a controling tool. monogomy is a bout ownership n applies mainly 2 insecure people.


Yeah, right dude. Uh huh. I'm willing to bet my future houseboat on the French Rivera if you pick any random polygamous marriage and all the wives sharing that 1 husband are totally blissfully happy and don't want to fúçkïng rip each other to shreds. Yeah, a great, natural utopia. You can either keep seeking that imaginary needle in the haystack or DREAM ON.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 183
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 8:18:22 AM

To each his/her own. Don't like it? Don't partake in it.


There you have it. Quite the novel idea there, eh folks?

But gosh, that would be just WAY too simple, wouldn't it?
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 184
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 8:20:00 AM
simple isn't the point, methinks....how'ya doin POYD?
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 185
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 10:58:38 AM
Oh, I am well. Just fighting momentary boardom by checking out a few threads here and there.

"Boardom". Ha. I kill me.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 186
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 11:08:49 AM

Oh, I am well. Just fighting momentary boardom by checking out a few threads here and there.

"Boardom". Ha. I kill me.

Haha, you are actually quite the board-dom breaker, if I could not say so myself. And to answer your previous post, how boring would it be if we all came on the forums and all agreed with each other? Ever 3 post; yeah, huh, he's got it.
Urk.
I'd rather whine about stuff I can't change.
Makes my day go by quicker
But honestly,though, I still don't understand the concept, and I'd need help someone explainning it to me as if I was a 3 year old (trust me, in many ways, I am...); what is the difference between a polyamourous relationship and just having 1 boy/girlfriend, and 1 boy/girl really close friend? I think sexality IS the defining element here....
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 187
view profile
History
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 11:35:20 AM
I'd be willing to bet the great majority of posters here have never read Robert Heinlein. Which is, of course, their loss.
 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 188
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:36:02 PM
Capn_America :

There are several forms of polyamorous relationships, it can be quite confusing, at the best of times. lol I, myself, have only tried this once. In my case, I had 2 men who I loved dearly, and they loved me (this was many years ago). Anyway, we were completely open and honest with each other about everything, no secrets. It worked for us, at the time, however, we did wind up going our separate ways, eventually. This type of relationship is not for everyone. How this type of relationship works from one "family" to the next varies in different ways, just as how each monogamous relationship works differently for different couples.

As for the "emotional cheating", most women, not all, but most believe that if you are confiding or being consoled by another woman, it is emotionally cheating because you are getting your emotional needs met by another woman. That makes no sense to me either, but that is how most women view it to be. I have seen many threads on this site that make note of this.....men talking or being friends with a female coworker etc....and women on the site advising to put a stop to it because it is emotionally cheating. I, personally, just don't understand these jealousies....a person is going to do what a person is going to do, I just don't worry about it.

If I'm in a relationship, and the man I am with happens to fall in love with another woman and decides to be with her, rather than with me. I don't view it as a reflection of something I have done wrong, that I need to change to keep him etc. I see it as he has changed and needs something different in his life....we all change over the years, our needs change. It's just life......

And as has been stated, if it's not for you, don't do it. :)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 189
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:41:48 PM
ridiculous you'd have to be insane or just think in a non-human way to want an open relationship, its stupid everyone wants to be the "only one" its human nature, i suppose there are some random hippies/ so called enlightened people that think its amazing but its blatantly weird

I remember when I was younger and sooooooooooooooooo insanely silly. I was such a prude. Not an open-minded-bone in my entire body way back then. Then one day? I woke and realized that my way wasn't the ONLY way. Thank God for truly "enlightening" moments of clarity such as that.

~OT~ I'm not poly minded simply because I'm too lazy to deal with two men at one time and there is no way in hell I'm sharing my man, my home or my shoes with another/other women. However? I find great value in letting others live as they wish to live and wishing them all the best in doing so. JMO
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 190
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:54:22 PM

There are several forms of polyamorous relationships, it can be quite confusing, at the best of times. lol I, myself, have only tried this once. In my case, I had 2 men who I loved dearly, and they loved me (this was many years ago). Anyway, we were completely open and honest with each other about everything, no secrets. It worked for us, at the time, however, we did wind up going our separate ways, eventually. This type of relationship is not for everyone. How this type of relationship works from one "family" to the next varies in different ways, just as how each monogamous relationship works differently for different couples.


Oh, it isnt for me, and I wont try it, don't worry. But I DO want to understand it. Just this paragraph up there; I fail to see how this is a Polyamourous Relationship. If your sleeping with one and not the other, the one your sleeping with is the actual boyfriend; the other one is the close friend. Unless you were doing both, there IS no polyamourous relationship involved, is the point I`m trying to make. If people get mad at someone having a close friend, they have some serious issues. Also, I`d like to point out that NATURALLY you`d love your friends; hard to call them friends if you hate them LOL. So I don`t see a difference. If I were to apply said example to my life right now, that means there are at least 8 women I love dearly, and they love me, and we are completely honest with each other. No sex involved either.
Yet, I just call that FRIENDSHIP. I`m trying to see the polyamorous, but I really don`t...................
 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 191
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 1:05:38 PM
^^^^^I can see your point. As I said though, there are different views as to what a polyamorous relationship is, so it's quite confusing to understand. In some cases, it's one person with several girl/boyfriends who they do sleep with. In my case it was a bit different....and actually, not that easy to explain either....lol
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 192
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 1:07:12 PM

As for the "emotional cheating", most women, not all, but most believe that if you are confiding or being consoled by another woman, it is emotionally cheating because you are getting your emotional needs met by another woman.


I suspect this is horseshit the likes of Dr. Phil have been planting in women's heads over the last several years. It's simply asinine.

There have been many moments in past relationships where I've turned to other females for advice pertaining to my relationship for the sake of having an objective opinion or just a female perspective, not because I wanted to bang them. There are times when your "significant other" may not be capable of objectivity or they're simply difficult to communicate with. Yes, it really is just that simple, sometimes, but there will always be armchair psychologists who will certainly read more into it. Oh, well.

Oh, and by the way, "Polly Amory" would make for a good porn star name, yes?
 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 193
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 3:58:45 PM

There are times when your "significant other" may not be capable of objectivity or they're simply difficult to communicate with. Yes, it really is just that simple, sometimes, but there will always be armchair psychologists who will certainly read more into it. Oh, well.

Oh, and by the way, "Polly Amory" would make for a good porn star name, yes?


I completely agree, it really is that simple....and there will always be couch-psychologists who read more into it.

And, yup, I think Polly Amory would be an awesome porn star name.....lol
 bam365
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 194
view profile
History
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 5:38:56 PM
Being honest up front is important, because this is not the choice for everyone, and getting someone emotionally invested before letting them know is unethical. It also allows you to establish your boundries, and have every one know the expectations.

You have to be able to trust your partner(s) that they do care about you. It has been my experiance that this is actually easier in a poly situation because you know that the other person has no need to sneak around behind your back. I know if my girlfriend goes to the bar (or I go) for a night out and doesn't come home that nothing happened except maybe picking up a number and going for coffee. This is because we have our boundries set up. We communicate with the other before anything physical happens, and any new person knows about the existing relationship. You just have to be prepared to communicate any concerns you have to your partner, and be receptive to your partners concerns as well.

People have to be honest with themselves about if they are comfortable in wanting thier partner to be happy, and if they can they accept the fact that they are not the be all and end all in someones life. It allows my partners to know I don't want them to try and be someone other then who they are. If there is something that they find lacking in our relationship they don't have to compromise or sneak around to find it, the same is true for me. This isn't a reflection of something being wrong with the other person, I do love them and care for them passionatly, it's just everyone is different.

Instead of there just being a person A to person B relationship there is a Person A- B, person A-C Person B-C and then an entire person A-B-C dynamic (granted this is in a triade but continues if there is a larger group).
 LookingforaGR8guy
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 195
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 6:06:06 PM
If you and the other person are okay with arrangement, then do what is best for you. Don't be shocked, tho, if other person isn't interested in arrangements. When you focus on just one person, you do just that....focus.....the relationship becomes comfortable, the sex becomes comfortable.....you learn what the other one likes/dislikes/expects, etc............it's hard to keep score with multiples. Should you find yourself with multiple 'friends', do not..........I repeat.........do not..........mix up their names!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 197
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 5/3/2012 6:13:00 PM

People have to be honest with themselves about if they are comfortable in wanting thier partner to be happy, and if they can they accept the fact that they are not the be all and end all in someones life. It allows my partners to know I don't want them to try and be someone other then who they are. If there is something that they find lacking in our relationship they don't have to compromise or sneak around to find it, the same is true for me.


This is EXACTLY the point I wanted to make, but couldn't think of the right words to explain it. I guess, being a writer, I had a touch of writer's block.....so, thank you for explaining better than I could. :)
 zen11_11
Joined: 8/29/2012
Msg: 198
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/5/2012 2:02:45 PM
Any relatoinship dynamic can work, people have more than one soulmate in their lives and at the same time.
It is a matter of unconditional love for me that means you accept eachother for who they are, and unconditional love is reserved for pets or God. which makes little sense as we are created in his/her /its image.
Poly relationships have been around for thousands of years , with plenty of bible stories with loving poly relationships.
It is about mutual respect and acceptance.
It is also important to understand that one cannot hold another responsible for their happiness..You must love and accept yourself.
Being "slutty" to me is going from bed to bed without love..however my version of poly relations are the same as mono relations, just with more people in a long term relationship where all are participating creating a strong family unit.
As far as dating goes , there should be no limits, unless you tell one person they are the only one involved..a part from that as forementioned be fruitful and multiply.. This world id full of division and separation.A strong poly relationship multiplies and does not divide.
 zen11_11
Joined: 8/29/2012
Msg: 199
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/5/2012 10:15:41 PM
I agree with you , acceptance about human behavior seems to be the case here, poly relatonships are in fact very normal as I've said in another thread, it has been around for thousands or years , first started due to a lack of males in the general population. It is no different then same sex couples.The world today creates much division and separation.When people lose their idea that anyone person is responsible for their happiness and yes ..accept people for who they are and not make anyone person responsible for how they feel, the world opens up in general not just in romantic relations but with everything else. I have been in a poly relati0nship in the past in fact I had that feeling as a child that it was perfectly fine.Now as an adult and in a poly relationship I feel it has been demonized much like everything else that is good for spiritual and or personal growth of all involved.How is it good ? it is good because it breaks down what the powers that be decide is "right or "wrong" As well forces jeaslousy out into the open ,fear hate etc are very negative emotions and once you get rid of those things look a lot different indeed.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 200
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:48:16 AM
I am a very selfish person. If I am in a relationship, I want to be the priority for that person, not an option. I do not want to complete for that person's affection with another one. I want to know that I am the person that is in their mind, and that they love me not someone else. Yes, we all have loved others before. I have as well. But then in my part, I do not want to dilute my emotions, my energy with several people, but rather concentrate that on one.

Some people may be okay with the poly type of relationships. I am not. And I would be very clear with the woman that I choose to be with, that would be a deal breakers. I don't share. She doesn't share.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 202
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/6/2012 2:34:21 PM
i want a one on one too. I think some men lied to me & I have been in poly relationships unknowingly in the past. I am definitely enuf for one man ;0)
 heypretty
Joined: 6/27/2012
Msg: 205
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:50:41 PM
sex and exclusive...hmmmm

sharing std's said one single slut to the other....

why doesnt he love me said the mistress to her friend....

if u love more than one leave the first cuz u never really loved them...
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