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Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 125
do men actually exist that date women with kids??Page 2 of 122    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Probably because women with kids refuse to date men with kids. I sure there are a lot of men, with kids, who'd love to date a women, with kids..but, alas.there will be fighting, so I can't date you, says the woman..I want a man WITOUT kids. Plus, you have an EX, I don't deal with the EX, you could deal with MINE, had you no children, but since you have thanks.
Joined: 10/29/2004
Msg: 126
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:33:00 PM
I think men (some)actually see women with kids as voulnerable. I think they think we are just going to immediatly get attached to them and not want to let go. I think they see us as baggage-like living up to a relationship with us and our kids is way too much work. At least that is the impression that I get. But what I don't get, is men with kids don't get this stereotype-they are actally in some cases more appealing to women because they have kids. I just don't get it either!
Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 127
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/1/2005 4:35:32 PM
I personaly would not have a problem dating a lady with kids.
I married a lady with 3 kids and had 2 of my own.
It lasted 24 years. Guess I need to find another lady with kids to date
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 129
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/1/2005 7:19:20 PM
I have dated a few women with kids with the latest having 2 Sons, (2 & 4), and I miss them very much. I have known people who dated women with kids that were 12 to 16 years of age and the KIDS were the reason why the relationships didn't work out. The kids didn't want there mom dating anyone with hopes of Daddy coming home. I am 44 years old and do not have any kids of my own and pretty much coming to terms that I probably wont so I always try to get to know the kids of the lady I am dating and include them on outings as much as possible. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd outing, the kids will let you know if dating thier mother will be a lot of trouble. I feel that I have been pretty lucky so far.
 social dragonfly
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 131
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do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/2/2005 3:20:08 PM
if the boundries are set before (for discipline,who does what,where an why)there is to much seriousness is involved,what would be the issue.though both adults must back-up each other.the subject is also in question, what caused the disciplinary action in the first place. from first hand knowledge i corrected a child 6yrs in front of his mom( tho i was not dating her). he almost got me where it counts n ran away.before he got to far my hand reached him,on da bum, the expression on his face was priceless. i called him back to me , and told him that if he did not want to be hit then he should not hit others,his mother backed me up.ten minutes later he come back to do it again all i did was point my finger and i guess he thought better of it because i did not get hit again.some parenting skills don't suggest spanking nut in this case it worked.
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 135
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 4:52:11 PM
i am a 23 year old single mom of 2 kids. i have the same problem as you guys. i go out and a guy will hit on me and talk to me all night. then i will mention that i have to get home b/c of my kids and all i see is a trail of smoke in front of me. my kids are 1 and 2, which would be a big commitment for a guy, but i never said i was looking for a father for them. is it too much to ask to find a guy who enjoys dating a girl who has other obligations and responsibilities other than to him?
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 136
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 5:48:34 PM
i agree to. i do not let my kids meet the men i date. i have a rule. if we see each other at least once a week for 2 months then he can meet my kids. that gives me time to decide if i even want to pursue the relationship and also see if he has the kind of patience and frame of mind to have kids in his life.
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 137
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 5:50:58 PM
i absolutely don't care if a guy has kids. actually, i would rather date a guy with kids. they have more understanding of what it's like being a single parent. the only thing that would bother me is if he had like 4 kids with 4 diff women and didn't take care of any of them or try to see them.
Joined: 12/3/2005
Msg: 139
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 6:04:48 PM
Since I have kids, I date women with children. They seem a lot kinder
Joined: 10/24/2005
Msg: 140
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 9:05:30 AM
I agree with the poster about the "damaged goods" psycology/aspect of dating/marrying someone who has been divorced/separated with or without kids.

Its nothing personal, its just that for me, such a person has already proven that they
don't understand the meaning of the marriage vows. They have already proven
that they will bail when things get tough and they are "just not happy" anymore. They allready have proven that they will not tough it out when times get tough or they get bored. They have proven that they are capable of "falling out of love" with someone and place themselves above everything else.

Bottom line is, I'm a flexible giver who belives in the sacredness of marriage vows, I want someone else who is also a flexible giver. If they bailed once, they are capable of bailing again and I can't trust someone who bails for no good reason. I liken it to reviewing a canidate for a job. If their resume identifys them as a job jumper, why would you want to hire them. I respect loyalty.

I don't belive in "Just giving things a try". Trial/starter marriages are for people who don't have their sh*t together. Repeat after me. " It's NOTa good thing to have one, two, three marriages in a lifetime due to divorce, unless your name is Elizabeth Taylor."

Widows are entirely different story. I would date a widow, with kids or not with kids.
They honored their marriage vows until the end and are therefore honorable.

Yes, I know sometimes there are good reasons for divorce. Abusive spouse, Alcoholism and/or drug abuse, infiedelity, a difficult personality that makes it tough to live under the same roof with you, your spouse decides to leave you for good or poorly formed reasons.

But I don't buy it when its crap like.

"We just grew apart".

"I was bored in the relationship and ready to explore new things"

"I wasn't sexually attracted to him anymore."

"I never liked him and married him for his money."

" I didn't love him anymore."

"I didn't love him anymore so I cheated on him."

"I was embarased by him and my friends though I should leave him."

"I just wasn't happy anymore."

You know what I say to those kinds of reasons and those kind of people?

Shut up. What part of "richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live" didn't you understand? Morons.

You want to know ladies why guys are hesitant to get married these days? Because
people have no deep held respect for the marriage vows anymore. People bail at the first sign or trouble or unhappiness. Who gets shafted usually? The guy. Child support, Alimony,
half of what he owns given to his x. Cut off from the nookie he though he was buying into for life. Dealing with the fact that some other dude is going to eventually walk into his x wife's life and replace him as provider, nookie provider and parental type figure to his kids.
Who wants to go through that? Not when divorce is so easy for women (and men) to mentally do these days. Nobody shames you for it anymore. Its accepted by society.

Back in our parrents and grandparents generation. Divorce was available, but it was reserved
for the people who REALLY couldn't work things out and hollywood stars. Being divorced
was not something regular folk wanted to be because society looked down upon you. It wasn't proper. This really forced people to sort of cool their jets and really think things through before filing for divorce.

Now being divorced seems to be almost expected, a social status of sorts.

The people who get married and stay married for a lifetime because they found a way to keep loving each other and make their marriage work are almost viewed by society as
odd balls. My sister teachers at an elementary school and she has commented on how sad it is that over a thrid of her students come from single parrent homes. Sorry folks but that is a sad state of affairs for america. Kids shouldn't have to grow up having dad live across town. I am lucky, I grew up in a family where mom & dad loved each other and stayed together. Yeah, my dad did stuff that pissed my mom off, and she threatened divorce a few times, but thankfully my mother and father were religious folk who viewed marriage as sacred and they allways worked stuff out. They had some rough years, but they came out of it very much in love with each other with a strong marriage.

There is something to be said for stubornly sticking with it together even when your "just not happy" because sometimes there are things more important to stand for then your emotions which come and go as they please anyway.

Perhaps this makes me a conservative , but so what. Just because a concept has been arround for a while doesn't make it the wrong concept.

I'm tired of this new society we live in that focuses on "just how we feel" as being the most important thing. We are in a society that permits and embraces selfishness, and forget that at some point in our history we valued our principals more the we value "how we feel".

Dennis Leery said it best with his schtick on happiness.

God.. "I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would." Hey! Join the ****ing club, ok!? I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a ****ing helmet, allright?! "I'm not happy. I'm not happy." Nobody's happy, ok!? Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to ****ing work, ok!? That is it! End of ****ing list! "I'm just not happy." Shut the **** up, allright? That's the name of my new book, "Shut the **** Up, by Doctor Denis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy." I'm gonna have my patients come in. "Doctor, I.." "Shut the **** up, next!" "I don't feel so.." "Shut the **** up, next!" "He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? He just told me to shut the **** up and nobody had ever told me that before. I feel so much better now." Whining ****ing maggots.
Joined: 10/24/2005
Msg: 141
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 11:59:56 AM
hmm.. didn't mean to kill this thread...just felt like sounding off a bit... i guess it just touched a nerve when i read the thread... marriage and divorce is treated so casually these days, it makes me sad. ya know?

I have a friend who got married about five months ago and is already telling me how she is so unhappy because he's so immature blah blah blah. I wanted to say.

"Hey, you picked the guy, you liked him enough to date him and live with him for a full year before tying the knot. You professed your undying love to him three days after you met him. Sorry, I'm not going to let you complain about his obsesive love of vehicles. You knew that before you married him. Not letting you get away with it. Love your husband for who he is, and not who you think he should be. There are people starving in africa, and you have your health, a nice home and a husband that I have on good authority worships the ground you walk on. Shut up and enjoy your life. You don't have it bad and you have no right to complain or wish your husband was anything but who he is.. you picked him as he is. Punchbuggy, no punchbacks sorry. All sales are final."
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 145
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 5:56:13 PM
yeah!!! what she said!!
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 146
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 7:13:07 PM

I have said elswhere in a post that marriage now in Australia is not a union of two peoples minds bodies and souls but rather now is seen as a business transaction purely for the purpose of wealth

Buff I have to disagree with such a broad generalisation of one country

My parents have been married for 54 years and still flirt together and hold hands. They are together out of love My sister has been married for 20+ years and still goes cycling together and her husband picks flowers out of the garden for her. Another more emotionally invested marriage but however you did say 'now'

so over the past decade to now, and still people all around me, I see so many of friends over the year marrying for love, people who dont have a lot, and I see them build a future together together starting with nothing but a mortgage and i some cases even havig to sell their car to pay stamp duty on a mortgage....working in the finance sector I see the thought new couples put into getting together their savings plans from scratch. This is a huge market

I would say this is the norm. Not marrying for wealth, Though what you are saying does of course, its certainly not a whole country
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 147
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 7:18:40 PM
sorry EDIT - double post

to the OP - I am sure they are out there, as two of my divorced galpals, both with children over 10, get loads of dates. Sure, there are men who hesitate to take on that extra responsibility, but there are also men who realise its a fact of life today people divorce their spouses, not their children and the older you get, looking to date, the more chances of this happening increase, so the 'step-partner' relationship seems to becoming more and more accepted

I also agree with what benevolent T said. cheers !
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 148
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 7:22:06 PM
No, because they are scared they will be taken to the cleaners by the courts when the relationship doesn't work out.

Sorry, couldn't resist as this is being discussed in another current thread.
Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 153
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 12:35:28 AM
When I date I look for single mothers b/c I am a single father and feel like if nothing else I have met someone with whom I can relate. This may sound wrong to ppl but even if it does you have to see my point. Most of my close friends are women and single moms. My mother was a single mom. Now I'm a single father. So I get it better than most I think. We single parents have to stick together to keep our sanity I personaly wouldn't date a woman with two teenage daughters b/c I'm only 24 and how unfair is that to the child to realize my moms bf is only 11 years older or less than them.
Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 157
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:52:04 AM
Hold up guys I don't think she ment that to sound selfabsorbed and that doesn't think of her kids when choosing a bf. I'm not saying some ppl aren't like that but I just don't feel that vibe from her. We all do the best we can I don't think I do it all right. Half the time I have no Idea what I'm doing with mine. I'm a hard ass parent take no crap very strict "you will say yes sir no sir thank you please" I don't kiss boo boos and thats a place I need work. Now the point is no one will ever love my kids like I do but you get as close as you can I think and hope that the "right person" will love your kids as much as they can and be fair. I have never gotten a girl friend based on how I was toward her kids. You know what I mean.
Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 162
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:33:14 PM
Buff- heres where you went wrong if you don't want a reply from a single mother than don't e-mail them.I respect that you don't want kids either of your own or someone elses. However when you talk to a women and tell them they are "beautiful etc etc" than you open a door called a heart. From which free form emotion flows. Not only that but single parents are a different breed when you reject or turn them down due to the fact they have kids we single parents tend to take that as an attack or rejection aimed at our childeren. Now this is not to say I don't know exactly where you come from in nit wanting to be involved but just try to remember that being a single parent isn't easy and many times it's not by choice.
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 164
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/12/2005 8:46:56 AM
I think we are all different and buy the looks of most of these posts we are. It starts with two adults,, and if you both get along, then children can be brought in. I think you can build a bond with children that aren't yours,,and its done every day. There are tons of men who would love to date women with children. Nothing is perfect in life,, a if a woman with kids comes along and finds me wonderful,, then I'd be proud to help them in ANY way shape or form. Its a package deal,, and men should know this from the beginning. But,,, to answer that question. YES they do exist.
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 188
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do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/16/2005 6:52:48 PM
Like joe said - The fact they will have children is almost a given, and the relationship with the children can be awkward, never had problems with the ex - although again it was awkward when I met them
Like benevolent said - I see having had children as a plus
As to flyingdutchmen's points -
1 - I could deal with it - thought it was natural
2 - Each mom had done a fine job raising her children I wasn't about to screw things up
3 - Discussed it with them - neither one expected me to play "daddy"
4 - No problem when they were asleep - but children have a knack for showing up when you think you're alone and "safe". Dismissed it, accepted the embarrassment - after all - they had become accustomed to having mom all to themselves anytime all the time and learned to lock doors.
5, 6, 7 - Never happened
8 - The children were all young adults and the one time things "didn't work out" between us adults - I talked to them and said if there was something they thought I could help with - to just ask. She asked me not to contact them I respected that. Yeah, it bothers me - they were fine young men - I wonder what and how they're doing.
To the OP
Haven't seen this thought posted yet
I've been at both ends of the spectrum. As a 20 something year old I ran like a rabbit when the child started getting close to me. Hind sight being 20-20 that was really immature - then again my flight tells me no way should I have been involved.
With age comes wisdom (sometimes) and probably older children - I have no children myself - makes Christmas fun again, don't think I'm ready to do diapers yet. Bring 'em on.
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 191
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do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/17/2005 1:19:26 AM
wow...I just read through a few pages of these posts & I have to say wow. Hmmm? I am just getting back into the dating/relationship scene, but I have been in it in the past since my divorce (with my kids father) I feel for all of you going through so much crap about it all...uggg....

Some of what you all say sounds so complicated...uggg...

I know with myself, well, I haven't had a problem with guys wanting to date me or meet & they know I have kids...I had two fairly/somewhat serious relationships too since my divorce & the kids were never an issue....mind you. I am very, very close to my kids & well lately its been a long time since they have seen me with someone. Still, I haven't had a problem with guys interested etc.

To be totally honest, I haven't really looked lately either though. Just only recently I have thought about getting back into it all...I was curious about things & found all these posts & some of them are scary & haha to be honest scaring me off dating LOL

I have a wonderful relationship with my kids & well I plan to keep it that way, the way I see it, maybe one day a man or gentleman would love to join me in outings & meet me etc to start...I do keep my personal life totally seperate from my home life with my kids (to a certain point) then after some time & if things are good & right etc then yes, it can be all be brought the meantime yes I do introduce someone close to me to my kids but as a friend at first you know? See how it all goes etc? my kids are getting older so we have talked tons about me dating & them & all that & well who knows what will happen. I just hope its not complicated like some ppl's stories here...uggg.

I think if one lies down some general rules etc then it might be ok? I don't know? I am new to this so also not one to give opinions on either. I finally get along with my ex husband & I think his fiance is fabulous & my kids adore their half brother they have too & well yup, all is well in that aspect & I still put my kids first & love my time with them, maybe someday someone will join us on that & well on my days/nights off I can go out & meet someone maybe. That's just me though...I know my kids haven't ever seen me with someone (intimate or as a bf or live in etc) so yup, that's a one day thing for me to tackle too .......

Good luck to you all out there..I am sure its a complicated thing..I know I love guys with kids, I think that's great.. :)

I hope everyone finds their perfect fish here :)
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 195
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/17/2005 8:10:01 PM
You know, I think that maybe I had it all backwards. I am a single dad who is 26, I have fuill custody of my daughter and have raised her on my own since I was 22. I have hit the dating scene again but find myself reluctant to bring any of my dates near my daughter. Although I would like to re-marry one day, I am afraid of what getting in and out of relationships will do to my daughter. I do not want her to keep asking why so-and-so hasn't come by. It has been hard enough on me dealing with the "where's mommy?" questions I would not want to do it again with a girlfriend. Kids do get attached easily and as such et hurt quickly. I want to meet a really nice person(mom or not) and develop a relationship with them. Once I trust them, I will invite them onto dates and events with my daughter. But until then I do not really want to get them near my daughter.
Joined: 3/29/2004
Msg: 201
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do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:02:57 AM
if your close to me i only date women with kids give me a ring i have 2 myself
Joined: 9/17/2004
Msg: 204
view profile
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/26/2005 12:47:25 AM
I dated a girl with two kids and would have adopted them as my own. I am very, very patient around children. I haven't been married yet and I don't have a family. I loved her and loved her kids for 11 months. I told her I also wanted some kids of my own but she claimed she couldn't have anymore. I was close to marrying her anyway until I discovered she was seeing someone else on the side. I also found out that she and her ex were 90 thousand dollars in debt and that her ex had left the scene. We finally broke up. I still wouldn't mind meeting a woman with kids as long as she would be willing to have more. The problem is, most of the women I meet are done with having kids. I have had a great job for the past 20 years and own my own home but this doesn't seem to matter.
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 222
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:41:46 AM
well i have 2 daughters and im single again..i dont have any problems with dating a women with kids they have a better head on there shoulders and have a better back bone..they know what they want
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