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 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 159
OVER 50 And Alone....again.Page 4 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
tnshylady..
it's not only the men..women are like that too..I have found in my limited experience that after a woman is 5 yrs divorced that her opinions and attitude tend to be bigger than the both of us and she has by circumstance hardened off her life towards sharing.
tis a shame we just all can't accept and learn to forget..
dusty,
 Jadetoo
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 160
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/12/2007 11:04:39 AM
They like doing what they want to, when they want to. They will date you but don't want you getting too close. They like their freedom. Am I just meeting the wrong men, or am I right?

No truer words have been spoken, however they want to be invasive in your life at their convenience.
 TerryO
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 162
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/12/2007 5:27:51 PM
You're right, I am one of those guys who has been divorced for over 10 years but got remarried and became a widower 7 & 1/2 years ago. But I'm getting where I want someone to share whats left of my life to live with.
 Saxxy60
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 165
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:47:08 AM
Well not all of us are divorced...some of us are widdowers! But I've found it very difficult to date again at my age. I haven't done this for over 40 years...and its taking a bit of time to get "back in the groove"! At first I was tempted to just "latch on " to the first person that showed an interest in me...I wanted a partner so badly!...but then I realized that was foolish...if I truly wanted to find a partner for the rest of my life...I had to meet a number of people, so that I could make a conscious and informed decision, and hopefully select a special lady whom I could love forever.
Unfortunately what I've found is that women my age [in spite of what they may say] don't want to be just friends first...they want to form an exclusive relationship after meeting only once or twice. It's too bad that dating at our age can't be a little more like it was back in high school where you could ask a few girls out a few times without having to "go steady"! I'm afraid that at this rate it's going to take a long time to find the partner I'm hoping to meet, and that when I find her there won't be much of the "rest of my life" left to share with her!
 HOTPINKANGEL
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 170
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:39:38 AM
I am 55 ...WAS married 27years to my BEST FRIEND.....but the sad thing is WE were only friends...I HOPE someday to find out what the real meaning of LOVE is...does it really exist...Is it possible to fall in love at first meeting?....Is it possible for a handicap person to know IF it is LOVE or PITY...?...How can you be sure ...it isn't a put up deal to see what you will or will not do...or maybe what you might have in your checking account...(IF you are looking for a SUGAR MAMA...look somewhere else...I kissbut RICH comes from other places than money for me...sorry!!!....Honesty.....and Faithfullness....the two most wanted traits in a man that I choose....is HE out there????/
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 171
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 3:39:22 AM
Back to the original question:

"It is so hard to date when you are over 50. It seems there are only two types of men out there. Newly divorced men that just want to date around because they haven't been free for so long. They are like a kid in a candy store.....they want a little of this and a little of that. Then there are the guys that have been divorced for 10 yrs or so. They like doing what they want to, when they want to. They will date you but don't want you getting too close. They like their freedom. Am I just meeting the wrong men, or am I right?"

Two types of men out there...NOT! There are plenty of emotionally available men out there.. maybe you're not ready to find one. Time to go back to the pond and rethink how you are fishing... or accept the fact that this is not your time to find a mate but a playmate!

Been there done that got the teeshirt... Girlflower
 marelee
Joined: 4/16/2005
Msg: 173
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:56:31 AM
Being married they need to stay at home, as far as not getting any at home.. why would you believe that, the truth be known they may not be giving anything at home.
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 174
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 9:47:45 AM
An interesting topic...strikes home with me! I have been divorced since 2004, after being with the same person for 30 years. Frankly, I do not have the dating experience many here have, having been on only one date since the divorce. It was nice, but there were no sparks for me, so I didn't pursue it.

After being on other dating services, I was amazed to discover that many women in their 50's still essentially want the same things they craved in their 20's: a handsome man who is financially loaded! On Yahoo personals, you can specify the expected income levels of your match and I was absolutely floored to see that many wanted a man in the +$100,000 range! Do they have any idea how few people make that much?
And I strongly suspect that if a man does make that much, he's either looking for a trophy wife or a much younger woman.

Another factor which shows up time after time is the "space" issue. It would seem that women in their 50's have their lives pretty well ordered by now, with family, grandkids, career, etc., and really don't want any changes.

For me, and I do recognize that for the vast majority of people here this isn't an issue, religion is a deal-breaker. So for me the potential pool of matches is greatly reduced.
I notice the longer I live alone, the more I have gotten used to it and makes the urge to seek out someone less compelling. You learn to accept and adapt to your circumstances.

Donnchadh
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 176
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:09:22 AM
I am starting to think its hopeless to find someone. When I first started looking I had such high hopes to find someone I could fall in love with. Now, I don't know. I am probably being too romantic and unrealistic.

Donnchadh
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 177
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:21:44 AM
I'm so surprised at only one date since your divorce... You are a handsome guy.. really fit the tall, dark handsome range in my book... who loves to Garden!!! Now why can't I find one of you in my town????

Only bible thumping, non Door lovers, space gobblers, time wasters.. just joking please~

I too was on the other sites and saw how the other women chased the guy with the Corvette, the motorcyles or the boat and found out the guy had the personality of a car, motorcycle or a boat.... and got bored pretty fast!!! But also found the men were chasing the lady with a house or job or bank account and they sounded like a begging wishing well penny throwers with the I want this toy and I want that toy wannaitus... a bigger boat, a newer Corvette or a faster super chromed Hog!!! (Both sides have their misguided perceptions to contend with.)

I believe when a person is ready to open up their lives.. to stop being alone anymore it's a matter of being real about what you want... Someone to share the day to day ups and downs with.. and still love and like the person across the breakfast table... Also the person who is ready has taken inventory of themselves.. acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses.. accepted their responsibility for the past mistakes they've made and are willing to start over again.. and not do the same thing this time....

As for being alone.. I think my honesty and outgoing personality have become a liability at times... but if that is just too much for most guys.. then I'm not for them, I keep the faith that I will eventually find my better half as long as I am willing to be out there casting my net..

Good

Girlflower
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 179
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:32:53 AM
I must ask what's up with the Harley's? I was surpised how many women wanted guys with bikes...some sort of sexual fantasy? I admit they sound neat when rev'ed up, but the basis of a relationship?

You shouldn't be apologetic about a honest and outgoing personality....you would be surprised how emotionally guarded many women are today. Perhaps, some bad experiences?

Donnchadh
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 180
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:44:19 AM
Ah, the "nice guy" label. I know that one all too well. Seems like women say they want a nice guy, but who do they actually go out with? Some guy who got passed over for the Jethro role in a remake of the Beverly Hillbillies?

I agree with you completely about being 100% honest in your profile. What's the point of fudging the truth when you later meet someone, who is going to quickly figure out you are not the person you claimed to be?

My profile is probably one of the longest in POF because I am a talker ;-) and want a potential match to know what she's getting herself into. After all, its their call. Either they are interested or not.

Donnchadh
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 181
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:46:29 AM
First of all 61sunshine... Next time you are having a conversation with a nice man... say something along the line... Gee you are such a nice fellow would you like to come over for a home cooked meal sometime.?.. he'll be flattered and say yes... then ask him over... make it soon, the next day if possible!!! Make a nice whatever is easy to cook meal ... (don't forget to put the bread and butter on the table too, men love that old fashioned touch!) .......... Men love it when a woman invites them over too!!!!! Not all dates have to be on the town!!! (My meatloaf wins raves.. and I can always send them home with a meatloaf sandwich for the next day!)

donnchadh.. I've been in the guarded mode since my divorce in 88... that's a long time to hide behind your wounds... well it's time I gave up what is not working, admit it has been my fault for not finding the man to share my life.. and damn the topedos.. what have I got to loose other than another Saturday Night Alone... Smash/clang .. that's sound of the old selfmade chains breaking...... walking the talk here!


Girlflower
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 183
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 11:03:45 AM
I think the bike thing is fun but after my first 100 plus mile ride and how badly my back ached the next day.. it made me realize I wasn't 18 anymore.. And the guys who ride.. well they seem to be reliving a youthful time in their lives, that's okay if it's not a steady diet... Even chocolate gets old after too much.. yet the best place in town is the bike hangout.. great rock n roll... born to be wild music on the weekends..

For me .. I'm a aviation mechanics daughter and love all thing mechanical.. and going to the race track.. too bad not too many close by here.. so at least once a year I get over to the other coast to enjoy the roundie rounds.. The drags are too far.. not a 24 trip... but love top fuel.. ouch my eyes.

But... a goldwing... hum that is the exception.... riding in style!
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 184
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 11:08:25 AM
If I could offer some perspective from the male point of view: men really don't have a clue when it comes to emotional vibes. You must indicate, somehow and someway, that you are interested in him and that you are accessible. Women in committed relationship clearly put out vibes that they are "not in the market" so most men won't bother "hitting" on them. An acquaintence still wears her wedding ring, long after her divorce, as a "pest deterrent" (her phase) so she is isn't pestered by unwanted attention.

Subtlety is lost on most men, so you are going to have to make a judgement call on being just enough accessible without being too sexually forward. But it would seem to me that women have had millions of years of evolution to being able to figure out just what is the right proportion to use.

Donnchadh
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 185
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:19:01 PM
Boy, did I just get shot down....just out of curiosity I emailed a lady with whom we shared a POF compatiability rating of 99%.

She sent me one of the most vicious replies I have ever received....should have noticed she is a Luthern and lives in a very expensive suburb. A simple "not interested" would have sufficed, but apparently she felt the need to be mean about it.

Donnchadh
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 187
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:03:42 PM
Sweet Donnchadh watch her eye contact... you look .. she looks and if she doesn't stop looking first she's interested.... body language... does she touch your hand? give you a little nudge? even try to tickle you, flip or touch her hair?... she's interested.... for years my defense was the only contact was a handshake.... flirting is an art... but watch her looking at you.. it's a dance my dear!!! If she's not making eye contact with you... she's not interested... if she is... well hold onto your hat your in for interesting next few hours.... lol!!
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 188
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:42:37 PM
Over this last weekend, a couple of us were talking about how women can pick up on vibes which are largely lost on men. I used the analogy of being color-blind; men can't see the blue-greens (vibes) while women can. At least I know there are "colors" out there.

Thanks for the pointers!

Donnchadh
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 189
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:50:18 PM
Someone pointed out to me something I hadn't appreciated before: the differences between widowed and divorced people. A divorce can leave you feeling very guarded and not willing to take chances. A widowed person, while sharing a great emotional loss, isn't necessarily as protective in future relationships.

By the way, Happy Birthday!

Donnchadh
 rubyred6335
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 191
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 4:56:51 PM
Excuse the intrusion in your conversation folks but there's a lot of wisdom being spoken in this thread.

Stiff upper lip 61sunshine. I've been widowed now for almost 10 years. Finally, decided, after much urging, that perhaps this site might be a nice way to meet and interact with folks. When you least expect it. it will happen.

It's okay to be "old-fashioned". It's not that we're so much "old fashioned" than we just have our own way of doing things. Maybe I do talk way to much, so what, that's me. So what if the rest of the world is turning to the right and I'm turning left. Guess what, I will meet up with the rest of the world at some point. Does it matter if people understand why I do things the way I do .... not really. They'll see my logic after a while.

And Don when you get it figured out about women and harley's or fast cars .... clue the rest of us in will ya ..... lol

I don't want to be 19 or even 25 again. I'm almost 53 and I'm proud of my years. I don't want to live my youth again like it appears many on this site would. Our lives are what we chose to make them most of the time. There are so many positive people on this thread that it really makes me happy to know that the world is still right side up.

Cheers my friends!
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 199
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:36:37 AM
Below are the lyrics for 'All Alone Am I." Check them for metaphors and draw your own conclusions, especially if you have just ended a relationship, or 'cannot stand' to be alone, then surely you will 'fall'.

Close your eyes. Relax your body and mind ....
Center ... center again ...
Take several slow deep breaths.
Listen to the music.
Go to your heart center.
What do you feel?


All alone am I ever since your goodbye
All alone with just a beat of my heart
People all around but I don't hear a sound
Just the lonely beating of my heart
No use in holding other hands
For I'd be holding only emptiness
No use in kissing other lips
For I'd be thinking just of your caress

All alone am I ever since your goodbye
All alone with just a beat of my heart
People all around but I don't hear a sound
Just the lonely beating of my heart

No other voice can say the words
My heart must hear to ever sing again
The words you used to whisper low
No other love can ever bring again.

All alone am I ever since your goodbye
All alone with just a beat of my heart
People all around but I don't hear a sound
Just the lonely beating of my heart.
 Donnchadh
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 202
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OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/31/2007 7:36:20 AM
The real question for us over 50 is: when do you give up and accept that its never going to happen again?

Donnchadh
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 203
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/31/2007 8:59:41 AM
Hiwayman I agree with Akimbo also... he has the right advice for ladies.. if we look for a boyfriend (old school word) we'd have better luck finding a man who wants to stay around... I personally leave my shopping list at home when I agree to a date.. I'm seeking a fun personality, and easy going type of man.. who is an addition not a subtraction from my life..we enjoy just being together....

That said.. If I had something to fix.. he'd be the kind of guy who would want to help me fix it... ! He'd be aware that he's in my house a lot and would want to replace the things he uses on a regular basis... You sound very selfish.. and closed off!!!! I might also want him to live across town and have his own place... if he had something to work on together why not.. couples paint rooms together.. fun to shower together when the job is done... But... if the mood hits and man has been bitter and selfish I don't care how much the mood calls to me... I'd pass.... and start looking for a new "boyfriend".
 Honcho
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 205
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/31/2007 10:10:10 PM
Well I am 70 and a widower and reasonably handsome I guess. Found out a lady was asking about me, she was rather attractive, so I asked the person what kind of questions was she asking about me and the answer was "How much money does he have?" Then they told me she needed a new transmission for her car. Ha! Thanks but no thanks. That is a turn off if I ever heard one.
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 206
OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:10:33 AM
Honcho.. she is a golddigger.. me I'd ask for a the name of a good transmission mechanic.... then take care of my own business!!! Struggling or not!

Some of women out here would rather slit our wrists than ask a man to help us out in a financial way.... we have our pride.... I have been accused of not being able to be helped by my men friends who have wanted to do little things around the house for me... being too independent is just as much a curse as being too dependent sometimes!!!
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