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 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 121
'toooo many fish in the sea?'Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

That's because most women can find the time to go through 15 or 20 e-mails every couple days,

Ya, I´d like to meet some of these women... granted, having my profile hidden and no pics helps...
When I posted full body pics I got tons more mail but definitely the wrong kind so it was a huge waste of my time.

location location location............quality quality quality.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 122
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 3:24:47 AM
I wonder if it's actually a waste of time though because if you are in business like me as opposed to just working for someone you look for things that can keep you occupied while you are waiting for your business to pick up. I mean you have to advertise and do what you can to get the business going but everything else is just killing time. As far as dating the old fashion way by approaching people you like, it is still the easiest way to get a date.There is nothing like being three dimensional and that can't be done in a profile thread. You see them, you smell them, you hear them, and you try to judge if you want to approach them and if you have a chance. It's never been a problem for me the old way.My success rate has been very good but then again I ain't no player.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 123
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 6:51:10 AM
...you would think we would use this technology to make it easier instead we choose to make it harder.

The technology is what it is. Whether or not that makes it harder or easier for a particular individual depends on whether or not that individual utilizes the technology in the way that best fits the technology. If you try to make online dating like real life dating, online dating will be harder. If you have difficulty making choices because a ``kid in the candy store mentality'' prevents you from recognizing what you want when you see it or you keep shifting your focus to the latest novelty, online dating will be harder. If you can't make yourself interesting to the people you want to meet with a written profile, online dating will be harder. If you have a good line of bs in person, but can't translate that into written messages, online dating will be harder. If you don't take advantage of the time you have before meeting people to filter them, you'll meet a lot of people you should never have met and online dating will be harder. Online dating is at least as easy as real life dating dating unless you are one of those fortunate people who crosses paths with lots of datable women as part of what you do everyday. For example, if I were a massage therapist in a trendy part of town, I'd probably have no reason to even know online dating exists.

It's not pof's fault people can't take advantage of something so simple.

For people who live in major metropolitan areas where they have a relatively large dating pool, people can take advantage of something ``so simple.'' I think most people who are used to dating in real life, (which at this point in time, is most people), are just resistant to changing the way they approach dating to fit the technology. Dating online is simple if one approaches it in the way that best fits the technology. If one thinks of online dating as real life dating with a giant dating pool, online dating will be frustrating. Real life dating would be even more frustrating if one tried to make real life dating work the same way online dating works.

We have culprits on both sides but I think both the men and the women agree that it is mostly the women's fault that everyone has to spent the night at the lake with an empty line.

I have to disagree that it's primarily the women's fault. I think men and women are at fault for different reasons, but I really don't think women are more at fault.

not at all- that's more bad karma...I am done w/ online dating

Really? After less than 3 months, you've decided that online dating is worse than real life dating?
 curmudgeon_ed
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 124
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 5:30:20 PM
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Peabody5.html

the above link explains a lot about why so many people dont seem to do well with dating sites and why we dont seem to do well with the people this link references....

in conclusion..most here dont operate within the realm of reality...
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 125
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 7:15:56 PM
^^^^^I agree that a lot of people on dating sites may not be cut out for good relationships. But I'm not sure I'd take Susan Peabody's authority that all those identifiable types of addiction exist. She seems to have made some of them up.

I don't think most top medical authorities would call those things addictions, but rather symptoms of various emotional disorders. A lot of those things can interfere with sharing yourself with other people in ways that make you both feel good, and that you can make last.

That means you first have to know how to give of yourself like you would with any friend, and want to. What I've seen makes me suspect that a lot of people on dating sites who claim to be open to something serious with the right person really aren't. For them, there never IS any such person. For various reasons, they seem afraid to love.
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 126
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/30/2010 5:26:03 AM

Really? After less than 3 months, you've decided that online dating is worse than real life dating?

She's actually been here awhile under a few different accounts. Started a hilarious thread last year bout how all women hate her because they're/we're jealous she's so cute.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 127
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/30/2010 6:57:22 AM
More options, less chance of commitment ....... nothing new here.

Before interwbs dating ONLY real players and socially popular people had options. Your average person's options were limited to their daily circle and their friend's circle.
Your friends setting up blind dates with "their" friends, etc...

Well, look at it now... I have 600+ women holding a sign say " I am single - contact me".....
You like one and then realize there is always a better one in line waiting .... especially if you're somewhat good looking with not much drama in your life - you'll get a lot of hits....

that makes it very hard to focus on one person.... first sign of "incompatibly" I am gone.
Why stick around and try to "see if it works" ..... It's not like there is a shortage of women or anything....

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years. I am sure if they had this many options left and right.... well I am sure the end results would have been different ... Plus all the social stigma/expectations they used to deal with ..... We don't have any reason to stick around these days...

sad but true.....



 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 128
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/30/2010 11:53:17 PM
As I've said quite a few times, there are way too many fish on POF. But that's really just a "me" thing. If there are a large enough percentage of people who will date you and you are fairly adept at figuring out who they are (at least from pictures, stats and maybe profile wording), then POF is your oyster. Your personal social circle is very limited compared to POF and this site can expand your options greatly under the right circumstances.

But if you have a lower percentage of people who will date you and you can't figure out who they are to save your life, then 10,000+ options is just WAAAAAAY too many. You can waste, say, four years on this site trying to find those needles in this mountain-sized haystack. I actually have done much better on sites with much smaller "ponds" because, primarily, the competition just isn't as fierce. But I think there's a pretty good argument that POF is putting those other sites out of business, because most people are better off with more options, not less.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 129
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/31/2010 7:18:04 AM

But I think there's a pretty good argument that POF is putting those other sites out of business, because most people are better off with more options, not less.

Actually, a lot of marketing research shows that although some people may be better off with more options, the majority of people become confused with too many options and their ability to make a decision is paralyzed when they have too many choices.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 130
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 1/2/2011 7:11:45 AM
After I posted that, I realized that I misstated what I meant to say, but my connection went bad and it was really late at night to be bothering fixing the connection with work looming in the morning. It should have read more like, "because most people THINK they are better off with more options, not less." It doesn't really matter if they actually are or not. Any hetero guy would rather attend a party with 50 girls and 1 guy than one with 50 guys and 1 girl, even if that one girl was his "soulmate." I mean, there's no way you can possible know that prior to attending, so you'd automatically go with the odds.

I spend far more time on POF than I do any other dating site, partially because there are so many options here, despite the fact that I have definitely had more success meeting women at EVERY other dating site. There are tens of thousands of women on POF in my area -- it is impossible to get through all of them before there is 50% turnover, necessitating that you start over again in your quest to see them all. Most other sites I have already seen every woman they have to offer and just go on them to see if there are any new women, which limits the page views for the free ones, so the big (POF) get better and the smaller perish. Arguably I am better off with sites that have smaller memberships, but their smaller memberships cause them to be un-competitive.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 131
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 1/3/2011 9:14:53 AM
[wuote]More choice for consumers would probably hurt sales of your product. Researchers know this, and that could bias some research.
The research only validates what I've observed and what I've observed contradicted my assumption that people would not be paralyzed by too many choices. Back when I was an undergraduate, I had a full time job selling stereo equipment in what was the high end audio store in the city. We really had no competition, since the owner was willing to get anything anyone wanted if it made a sale. Whatever competition we had was pretty much with other products in our storem not other stores. It took the owner a year of repeated proving to me that not only were people were indecisive when given too many options, but happier when they bought the first thing that lit their eyes, to believe him. He never had to be deceptive or stretch the truth to sell stuff and once that sunk in, it was much easier to make sales. As soon as you tell someone how many other options they have, most will have difficulty making a decision and also be less satisfied with their choice. I found this difficult to believe, but I watched it happen in practice often enough to know that, in general, it's true.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 132
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 1/4/2011 9:27:37 PM
In my opinion personally the amount of fish in this sea, just make it that much easier for people to carry their aces in there back pocket. uggg

1. I believe that when someone that you are trying to get close to resides in the pool of eligibles, it makes it that much harder to really get close to people.

Not that I am afraid of a little competition mind you, but at some point standing in line becomes alienating.

The fact of the matter is for me right now I am flying with no aces, because that is what I want to do. It is for me as much as it is for anyone else, I like things pure and uncomplicated.
Recently, I decided to put just for forums on my profile and label it freinds, but I still am getting new people wanting to go through the drill with me.
So that shows how much people really read profiles. If I hide my profile than people that I love chatting with do not know I am online.
I liked it the way it used to be, you met someone you decided to give it a chance and you did just that, you gave it a month or so and if you weren't a good match than you moved on. Serial dating sucks, I truly believe that if you really want to take a risk on someone you like you have to give it all you got and give up your aces.
If you do not do this you will always find reasons to keep looking back at that black book everytime things feel shaky.
 Signore_Angelo_Ducetti
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 133
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 1/4/2011 9:42:06 PM

'...Only very rarely do you have the chance of bagging one of them swordfish....'


And, when you do.........you'll quickly succumb to a heart attack....LOL
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 134
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 8/15/2011 8:51:57 AM

most of the people that I have come in contact with still want the same thing sex even though their profiles say other wise.


So many of the women here are that way. A simple coffee date, and their hands are all over you--it's like they don't care one bit about a guy as a person. It's so deceitful, claiming in their profiles that they want a meaningful relationship, when all they really want us for is our bodies.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 135
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 8/15/2011 12:20:59 PM

So many of the women here are that way. A simple coffee date, and their hands are all over you--it's like they don't care one bit about a guy as a person. It's so deceitful, claiming in their profiles that they want a meaningful relationship, when all they really want us for is our bodies.


lol. You know I initially thought you were joking, but I've heard that complaint from quite a few men over the years. Apparently, women have become very aggressive in that regard.
 jnita444
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 136
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/3/2014 9:32:21 AM
i want to delete this site
 jnita444
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 137
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/3/2014 9:34:00 AM
because i no loger need it i got married
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 138
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/3/2014 5:21:59 PM
^^^^^^ Congratulations !
Now there is one less fish for us men.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 8/11/2013
Msg: 139
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/3/2014 8:55:58 PM
I don't think the fact that a large number of men is registered on this site suddenly gives me grounds to think that my options are endless. Yes, there are lots of men on this site just like there are lots of men in the streets and in the bars and everywhere. Does it mean they're all going to be interested in me and me in them? No. A real connection is a rare thing, smart people hang on to it.

I loved somebody between when I was 27 and my early thirties - one person. Things did not work out, it was not my choice, and I had doubts as to whether I would feel the same way about someone again. It's been a few years now, people regularly tell me they find me attractive, but since him I've only met two men I liked... and they were not seriously interested in me.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 140
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/5/2014 6:03:22 PM
callendargirl- You are right. Being overly picky is in abundance when you are talking large numbers of people.
I'm not giving up, there's hope, but there is a better chance I'll meet someone offline.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 141
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/8/2014 6:14:41 PM
In a phrase it's called "spoiled for/by choice". On the upside, it does make you consider what you really need/want and what's important. Living in a major metro area, with oh geez, probably a couple of million singles versus Clem Dinkel meyer who lives in Goatsack Kansas and interests including muddin, Willie Nelsons albums and a prize for guttin a deer......we all fish in different ponds/lakes/seas or oceans. My pond is an ocean, which just means I have to be much more specific (NOT in my profile which is written to amuse!) but in response to my first contact emails.

I have my dealbreakers (filters) which would be the same if I lived in Whalesnot Alaska.

Where ever you live, or whoever you're wanting to meet.......bottom line IMO it boils down to this. You INVEST (not spent or waste) the time to learn how to make it work for you, or you start another new thread whining about how it doesn't work and pack up and go!
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 142
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/8/2014 8:03:48 PM


So many of the women here are that way. A simple coffee date, and their hands are all over you--it's like they don't care one bit about a guy as a person. It's so deceitful, claiming in their profiles that they want a meaningful relationship, when all they really want us for is our bodies.

lol. You know I initially thought you were joking, but I've heard that complaint from quite a few men over the years. Apparently, women have become very aggressive in that regard.
Nope ... he's not joking.

Early on, I gave a gentleman permission to call me so we could talk prior to meeting. At the close of our conversation, he asked me if there was still anything I would like t know before hanging up. I told him I felt I knew what I needed to know.

He was surprised and was at a loss for words, so I then asked him if there was something I still needed to ask ...

He told me that many previous women were asking him about how big "it" is and then explained their question by stating ..."I don't date any man with a teeny tiny weeny."

OP ... I don't think there are 'toooo many fish in the sea.

Rather, I believe there may be a lack of really good "fish in the sea".

For the older generation ... I think we have "life experience" on our side. We know what we want and what we will not tolerate ... which puts us in a unique position ... we just don't settle.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 143
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/15/2014 8:08:12 AM
Last time a girl from POF asked me, "Are you big?", her rationalization for asking was she claimed she's extremely tight, afraid of discomfort.

Alaska and rural Kansas probably have the highest number of men for each woman, so women there might get more attention. Most big cities have a shortage of straight men. The affluent ones (NYC, SoCal, San Fran, Seattle) have large numbers of women living or hanging out in the city, and many of the men are gay. The most troubled cities (Detroit, New Orleans, and my hood) also have many more women than men because crime affects men much more with a high male mortality rate.

Men should not settle or put up with undesirable candidates. There are plenty of women in real life.

Because so many women look for something "better" and imagine the new men who message them are a better catch, men should treat every date as if it's the last. Don't spend money on her as if you're in a relationship with her. Don't put off physical activity you both want to do, thinking there's no rush. Carpe Diem. There probably won't be another date. Later tonight she'll get a chat request from a new guy. She'll abandon you for him, just as she abandoned a previous guy for you.
 raxarsr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 144
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/15/2014 11:55:17 AM
its not a problem of having too many fish....................the problem is....there arent enough keepers
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 145
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 5/17/2014 5:53:38 PM
"its not a problem of having too many fish....................the problem is....there arent enough keepers" So true, another common situation is those who will tell you (in their profile) or try to convince you ( of you respond of have any interaction) worse than the used car saleseman why they're so...whatever.

I have posted this before, but quit because (which I knew) it wasn't something people wanted to hear or accept. It's difficult for many to understand that while you should feel good about yourself (a healthy self esteem) you're not ever going to appeal to everyone that YOU may have an interest in.

I think this is one of the ruts that many online users find themselves in, not accepting that. Many go way out of their way or get needlessly frustrated, because they're so foused on what/who they want. As an example, I had a first contact email...he came just short of begging...(I know sounds almost pathetic) so I DID respond, which I normally wouldn't and ONLY because I saw we had some things in common. We've been in contact off and on for a few months, and then it hit me. I spent so much time communicating with this person, email/phone...I very DIRECTLY and SPECIFICALLY told him....I don't know why I bother talking to you, because there's no evidence you've listened to anything I've said. So he responded like a whipped pup...apologized and promised it'd never happen again. I reminded him of how often...so he left me a whimpering voice mail and an email on HERE to which I responded..quit being a pest, leave me alone. I'll contact you if I want to when I want to if ever.

For someone who begged for a chance, I gave him much more than that, but anyone's patience has an end.

Point is, I was a keeper in his eyes (even though we'd never met) but he PROVED he wasn't a "keeper" for me.
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