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Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 251
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Confessions of the mindPage 11 of 66    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

You guys are cool!

American Gentleman
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 252
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 8/27/2005 2:04:17 PM
lost am I
inside this demented darkness
I have arrived
on the doorstep of sorrow and dispare
struggling, grasping, for someone, anyone, to care

drowning in a whirlpool of silence, cluttered with lost forgotten souls
on the brink of madness, I long for control
sinking inside myself, I embrace the darkness, and except my fate
letting go of love, hope, life, and hate
it is better I say, anything is better then feeling this way
fear, though not of death, not of pain, nor lonliness, not even my last breath
instead the thought of being forgotten,or never mourned
suddenly another thought in my mind forms

what of things to come,what of the love that can still be found
surely I can only find peace when my feet are firmly on the ground
this person who has hurt me, I cannot let them win
make them sorry they every ****ed with me, then I could begin.
anew fresh like the dawn, no longer their puppet no longer their pawn

I am ruler of my own world, crontroler of my domain
I maybe alone, I maybe scared and full shame
but I am free, I am alive, and I am still me

so to those who cause distruction, pain, and sorrow to make other want to die
May your blackened souls be fed to the forgotten angels of hell as they cry
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 253
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Confessions of the mind - Get together explanation
Posted: 8/28/2005 8:35:00 AM
Now, now, this is just sad, sad. . . .
Let me explain to you, what happened. . . .

As always, me and the Big Guy upstairs, we have an understanding, when something major event is gonna happen, Him and I, we have a little chit-chat and we hope for good things to happen and that nothing goes wrong. Well. . . .since we've been on a good streak of nothing going wrong, I thought, I could leave the Big Guy out of the bowling get together!!!! As always. . . .that was a biggggggggggggg mistake!

Here's how the afternoon started. . . .

330pm, I call Shyning, we're good to go, I'm going to Bridgeport to pick up my sister Kathy and than to pick Shyning up, I will see her at 6pm!

345pm, I am at my job printing the directions to go to the bowling alley and my sister's Wendy's house, where Kathy is moving into. However. . . I neglect to print out the directions to Shy's house, I simply write them down and use short form words for the directions.

355pm, I am out of my office and on my way to Bridgeport, CT in record time, I'm thinking, oh yeah, I got this. . . .!

530pm, I reach New Have, CT in record time, and yes, I was speeding like you wouldn't believe

531pm, As I reached New Haven in record time, I come to realize that traffic is backed up for miles(over 10 mile back up!!!!), the beginning of the end. . . .!!!!

605pm, I reach Bridgeport, CT unfortunately in not record time, I am trying to call my sister Kathy's cell phone to say hey, where are you? And I am in Bridgeport! The directions to my sisters house sucked so bad!!!!

610pm, I call Shyning, I explain to her, my sister is M.I.A., I'm going to get you now in 25 minutes.

635pm, I arrive in Shyning's town, HOWEVER, in the directions I wrote from the net I did not put whether I should take a left or right so rather than taking the right once I get off the highway, I took a left!. . . .BIGGGGGGGGGGGG MISTAKE!!!!

645pm, I realize I'm on the wrong side after asking directions in McDonalds and I head to the other side of the highway exit where I am SUPPOSED TO BE at!

650pm, I flagged down a cop, the cop he doesn't even have a slightest clue on where Shyning's street is at gives me the weirdest answer, "How should I know?!?!?"

705pm, after going up and down and passing the street of Shyning's house, as any male would do who is lost for 20 mins, I FINALLY go to the pizza shop and ask for directions.

710pm, I arrive at Shyning's home. . . .

715pm, we are on our way to the bowling alley, and she pop's the question, "hey, did you talk to your higher power today. . . .?!?!?!?!?!" Like a child who forgot his homework, I just look over and said. . . "Uh. . . .nope!" Laughter ensues from the passenger side of my vehicle. . . 716pm to 740pm, I explain my afternoon to Shyning and we arrive, and we meet Nitin(cool guy BTW)

Needless to say, we had a good time though and it was pleasure to meet Shyning and Nitin, both great people in my book!
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 254
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Confessions of the mind - Get together explanation
Posted: 8/29/2005 8:14:21 AM
We also met up with a new POFer, Nitin, a great guy!!

And yes, you are right, I definitely speak to Him always, now I know what not to forget to do next time.

Stay safe and warm,

American Gentleman
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 255
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/1/2005 6:08:34 AM

In the life he lives, he has everything,
Yesterday was his birthday,
Only a few remembered his day.

He wonders what his family members have not called him,
To simply say the words of "Happy Birthday,"
Days pass, and receives no word,
He is hurt, he is angry,
He simply wants an acknowlegement.

On this young mans radio, he hears about tragedy,
Not to far away, in the south his country,
People have lost their homes,
They lost their towns, their cities, their schools,
They lost their place to worship the Lord.

The mood is somber,
The people of this tragedy are simply happy to be alive,
They live moment to moment,
The young man than reflects what is happening in the south of his country,
Upon hearing the saddening news,
The young man whose birthday passed a day or two ago,
A sudden shock of reality is sent through his spine,
His throat becomes as thick as a apple,
He can not hold back the tears,
This shock can shake the mood of the hardest man.

The young man pauses for a moment
He beats his chest and offers to the Lord a prayer,

"Dear Lord,
How to tell you this, I do not know,
In tragedy, I always seek you,
This is not how is should always be,
Each day, each moment I should seek thee.

In my country, tragedy has come,
People have lost their homes,
And here I am complaining no one called me for my birthday!
Forgive me Lord for being short sighted.

People have lost their place to worship You,
And here I am complaining no one acknowledged my birthday,
Forgive me Lord, having you with us is more important.

People have lost their faith,
And here I am complaining, I still have my faith,
Forgive me Lord, I should be praying for those people to find their faith,

Truly Lord, for I am selfish,
Your forgiveness I beg for,
I lost sight of the bigger picture.

Guide me today, to pray and say the right words. Amen"

As the young man finished,
He realized his error,
He realized how blessed he has been all his life,
He realized how poor he truly is.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 256
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/1/2005 7:47:09 AM
Hiya all,
Bubbles, I’ve been reading your thread for months now, I love the way your writing flows and is full of emotion!!!! Keep up the great work!!!!!

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 257
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/1/2005 7:49:39 PM

Packed it up and left you there
Best thing ever, my life did spare

Now I’m living free and strong
Happiness now, will be long

No more eggshells, no more fears
You’ll never again, create my tears

Stop calling me, just go away
This is my life now, you had your day

I am growing and learning very fast
Just how meaningless was our past

So get on with it, let me be
For now I am, totally free

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 258
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/2/2005 7:04:58 AM
Morning Bubbles,

Took me long enough to get past the hurt, then the anger, to realize he wasn't worth the energy. Now I can move forward in life, It feels great now!!! So you'll get there!!!!

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 259
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/2/2005 7:47:51 AM
Thanks Pickles and Dragon!!!!
Being worthy and holding respect, should be equally shared!!!!

Took me long enough to realize it!! LOL

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 260
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/2/2005 8:52:14 AM
You are much stronger than you know!!!!!

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 261
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/4/2005 5:00:18 PM

Time will teach you
Listen to your inner voice
It tells you what you need
It’s giving you the choice

Find the one you locked away
And put up on a shelf
For it’s you that’s tucked away
Regain the power of the self

As you seek the one that’s lost
You’ll find yourself once more
Time is the healer of the heart
To live the way you did before

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 262
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/5/2005 12:27:38 AM

Like Pickles says: BELIEVE

I hope your weekendend is great too!!!!

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 263
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:28:08 PM

Bluer skies above
Brighter sunrises
Glory days ahead
Full of surprises

Gentle smiles
Friendly hugs
Simple paths
On new laid rugs

Comfort zones
Forever must
In yourself
One to trust

Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 264
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:39:58 PM

He is one man,
Tall he stands,
A great tragedy befalls his precious land,
He fights a losing battle,
He must continue until the end.

He will do what he can to save everyone,
But no one hears the cries of his land
But no one hears the cries of the people,
Each passing moment people are suffering,
Each passing day people are dying,
All he can do is cry and pray.

His pleas go silent and a nation watches,
Humanity, what has happened to it?
That is all he asks God.
What has happened?

It is until that as one people,
His country said in one voice,
They will not allow more suffering,
Together as one,
They spoke with their kindness,
They spoke with their prayers,
They spoke with offering the suffering their homes.

Humanity has spoken,
It will not allow one of its own perish in the night. . .
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 265
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/9/2005 8:19:39 PM
Hi Miss Bubble and Miss Shy,

Definitely I did! And for an added bonus. . .I am going to pass the good word you two!

God bless ya both!

American Gentleman
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 266
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/11/2005 8:33:29 AM
Rising and Setting Sun

Today is the last day she will see the sun rise,
Today is the last day she will see the sun set,
Today is the last day she will hold her husband's hand,
But she does not know this.

As she sees the sun rises,
She feels the suns warm embrace,
She is at peace.

As she sees the sun rises,
She remembers the time she met her husband,
The sparkle in his eye that captivated her,
She fell in love.

As the sun rises,
It is a struggle for her to stand,
But today, she will not her illness keep her in bed,
She is determined.

She is with her husband,
He holds her hand tightly,
Although the pace is slow,
She is walking with him,
And he is walking with her.

She feels a sudden peace today,
She does not know why,
But all she knows is that she is ready.

The sun shines brightly upon them,
The wind gently caresses their faces,
Upon his chest her head lies,
She hears his heartbeat, it beats fast,
He is scared, he is worried, he knows,
But he does not want to admit it,
He does not want to lose her.

Gently she lifts her head from his chest,
She looks him in the eye,
The sparkle that capitavated some years before,
She can see once more,
She tells her beloved, she is ready,
She is not afraid no more,
For she has conquered her fears.

Tears trickle upon his face, he accepts the inevitable,
She implores him, not to cry, to be happy,
Suffer she will not anymore,
Soon, will be part of the something bigger,
All he can do is hold her tight,
And lay her head upon his chest.

He sings to her their love song,
She remembers their lullabye in which they first kissed,
The warmth of that memory brings her comfort,
The warmth of that memory brings her peace,
It is that ever lasting moment of that memory she wishes to live in,
That is her Heaven, her husband holding her gently and warmly,
Keeping her safe from all warm.

All of a sudden, she feels tired,
She needs to rest,
They walk back to her bed,
The sun has begun to set.

Together they walk as one,
Holding hands together,
They are truly love,
Their love is blessed,
Their marriage is match made in Heaven.

As she reaches her bed,
She wants her husband to stay near,
To hold her hand, to sing to her,
She is tired, but she wishes to hear his voice before she sleeps,
She tells him how much she loves him,
How his warm hands bring her a comfort and love,
He tells her how much he loves her.

He sings to her, and slowly and gently she closes her eyes,
He holds her hand so gently,
He begins to cry, but he is strong, he continues his song,
He will not let her go, but he knows it is time.

Midway through their song,
Her grip becomes weaker and weaker,
Until finally her grip is no more,
At the end of their song, she opens her eyes alittle,
She smiles at him, and with a lasting breathe,
She utters the words, I love you,
With that her eyes close.

. . . The sun has finally set. . .
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 267
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/11/2005 6:35:37 PM
Hey Shy,

Sorry the write required tissue!

This write spooked me as well, especially while writing it and coming up with the ideas. I don't know what to say except that it does require a tissue or two to read it. The more I got into writing it, the more it began to spook me as well. When I was done, all i could say to myself was, "my God."

Next time I'll put a disclaimer for you!

God bless you all!
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 268
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/12/2005 11:13:08 AM
Hey Shyning, that's hitting below the belt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt that one! Hahahahahaaaaaaaa!

Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 269
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/12/2005 11:33:48 AM
On my way to meet new friends,
Being in a hurry, I did not talk to my higher power
So my journey to my friends home would have no end,
My evening journey was a bit sour!

Into friends town I have entered,
Seeking her out her home is like finding a needle in a dark cuppard!
Oh, why oh why did I not talk with my Higher Power?
Was it that I was too proud that I would get there within an hour?

Maybe so, maybe not, I won't get there on time,
Maybe I just needed a way to read the directions sublime?
Who knows?
All I knew is that I need to get to my friends house and I needed to go.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 270
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:48:36 AM
Hi Bubbles,

Just stopping in to read for a bit!! Great writes going on in here!!!! Hope all is well with ya!!!

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 271
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/13/2005 5:15:07 PM

In all the things that we feel
In al the things we see
Love the moment, now
Set yourself free……


Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 272
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/17/2005 2:52:42 AM
spelunker -

if now
only darkness holds
all that which remains
to me unknown
should i dare then walk
those same
dark winding paths
my mind
and soul
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 273
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/18/2005 2:40:37 PM

You guys are great(BubbleB and Shy), thanks for keeping me on track!

Always keep smiling,

Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 274
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/19/2005 3:43:07 PM
Thanks for the warm welcome told ya Didshejump I'd get it posted up here someday....granted took me a few weeks

Trio of Depths

Unutterable my seething resentment,
yet within her embrace a place still I long.
Her once tender surrogate affection
a spreading languished weeping,
left swollen, never to be undone.

Childish mourning turns a new conception.
I cast amid my own twisted thoughts.
adrift in some murky emotional dissuasion,
Barren it reflects the contempt upon
what it was(love) that I sought.


Supposed love

Forever destined to the extinction
at the vast end, the death of my life.
The whole temple of my achievements
now lay in ruins of its own abyss.
There buried forever beneath
its stench and rotted debris.
So not some heroism by fire
or all my passioned desires.
Nor my intensity in thoughts and feelings
or my devotions and whispered inspirations.
Not the labours of friendship thru shared ages
or the treasured embrace of two lovers affection.
Can preserve love
once gone and beyond the grave.


view -

a tear
a cry
a lovers wish
it all
a lie

a laugh
a word
a tear falls
but not heard

it crashes
like the rain
but from her eyes

loathing and hate
now im
shut out
to late
to late.....
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 275
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Confessions of the mind
Posted: 9/19/2005 6:44:55 PM
Hiya hun!!!

You got mail!!


Finding inner peace
Using time to learn
So when you take the chance
You’re wiser to the burn

Choices become easier
When you know your heart
You’ll know if it’s a dud
Or something good to start

Seeing the love
Between the two
Gives hope for all
That love is true

So many friends
Have found their mate
Time will grant you
The same fate

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