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Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 151
confessions of the mindPage 7 of 66    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

Caught up in this lie, all the while I try
To deny, I pretend I don’t know what it is you make me feel,
Yet all I know is; it’s real, and in time I will reveal.

Questions ever asked yet I wonder if they are truly
What’s gasped, are you asking for the knowing or just for a showing.
A show of hands sure would be nice, instead I get the feeling that you
Would rather roll the dice

A different taste every night, while youth
And love take flight, when will we realise that the
Physical has become the shortest in weight.

Sometimes I feel that I am right, at other times I
Just don’t know, and this makes feelings evaporate
Leaving a fire at the highest Fahrenheit

Today I feel calm, but then no one knows for how long.
Cast Away an image and a flashback, I wait in anticipation
For it all to crash, for this is what has happened and it’s
Me who ends up in the middle of a bashing, in wait for that one
Who calls himself dashing.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 152
confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/16/2005 8:14:28 AM

I want to be able to put into words how I feel
And why I don’t deal, yet every time I try I come up short.

I can’t divulge even though my heart does bulge.
I open my mouth to speak and instead I become meek.
It makes me mad then I feel bad for trying to say, and in saying
What I do, I try to make you pay.

I wish I could recant, but life has taught me that I cannot,
Instead I’m left here trying to pick up the pieces. The power of
The tongue leaves me wondering and highly strung. Always evasive
We are, yet sometimes I feel I need you to be erased, then I won’t feel so defaced.

This my own doing, I always end up looking two faced. Pride and stubbornness
Always at the forefront, no wonder none of us feels the need
To reveal, instead we revel in self pity and this takes us asunder.
Here we roam and moan, at the misery of a world down under.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 153
confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/16/2005 8:33:51 AM

Sweet lover, make me feel like there is no other
Let’s discover together a life undercover. No subdues
Just make me feel bruised, emotions and sensations, please
Lover, no abating, abrasions and slaves is all I crave. Make me
Numb and teach me to behave. Naughty and haughty I know that’s not
What I am supposed to be, but oh what a world this would be if only
We could believe, I know it’s nice but I feel like I need a device, entice
And make it feel like cool vanilla ice.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 154
confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/17/2005 8:09:57 AM
oh newlysingle... well i think you sense correct cause well i dont know i think i might have reached a breaking point and i guess its coming through in my writings... as well as alot of frustration and confusion about stuff... hence the mixing up of emotions and all that bull...he he he he...
thanks for being here and uplifting me like you do..

hugs and squeezes
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 155
confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/17/2005 11:33:37 AM
thank you soo much
love you always and always

Take over

Three o’ clock in the mourn, the clock is ticking
And it feels like my mind is tricking. I sleep light,
All the while wondering what you’re doing tonight.

Some would say who, but I prefer to think what.
Squeaky clean you’re not, just normal is what you are.
What I like about you is; you think we’re not on par.

What I detest is this test, I’m getting bold and soon you will
Have no hold. Are these rhymes I spin becoming old or,
Am I just realising that I need a fixed abode.

To live without blinking, for with you to blink,
Is to lose, disappointment and heartache henceforth ooze.
Tired of this brain abuse, I sigh and roll over, close my eyes
And Will my thoughts to take a back seat, but does sleep take over?
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 156
confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/18/2005 7:30:19 PM
hey love
your welcome and i am here anytime for you...
all the best and much love and happiness always
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 157
confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/20/2005 3:09:33 PM
that was excellent... i loved it... thanks for being there man
luv ya
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 158
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/20/2005 5:45:45 PM
thanks for that... i hope you had a good read nonetheless although i dont know what conclusions you came to for you to post something like that here...

thanks and do take care
all the best
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 159
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/21/2005 7:02:40 AM
hey danny what ya have to tell me.. i will have sent you mail when you get this..
thanks for all the fun times...keep em coming..

luv ya

Newlysingle... hey love how are you... yah that was definitely one that made me go hmmm and it made me realise a couple of things too...thanks for giving me laughter..
love you

Majoa... thanks for posting... i love it as usual and i will need to read more to understand totally but thanks for being here..
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 160
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/21/2005 9:36:34 AM
hello you... hope you are well and just keeping warm... its sooo cold here...
take care and thanks for visiting..

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 161
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/22/2005 7:35:40 AM

That moment when you turn around and walk away,
Captures my imagination and sadness comes out to play.
Once again I am back where I started, my efforts becoming arduous.

Why does it feel like we’re pulling at different ends of a stick?
Is it that I am thick, or is this just not all what it’s cut out to be?

I am weak yet I classify it as the meek.
It’s plain for all to see that I have been crippled by my minds physique.

I’ve been bombarded by truth and it’s left me feeling retarded.
I’m humbled by my faith and retaliation has me begging for more cake.

With this realisation I am shattered and I don’t know where to turn next.
Your reactions and actions still leave me feeling vexed.

All this I know, yet still I leave you room to grow, and we
Still come back to this point. I begin to despise you and hence
Hope reaches its demise.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 162
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/22/2005 8:52:09 AM
typo...."Is it that I am thick, or is this just not all what it’s cut out to be?"

its supposed to be...."is it that i am thick, or is the just not all that its meant to be"?

heres another...

Dead Beat

When you look at me what do you see?
Do you see what I am or what you’d like me to be?
Behind this strong façade lies a girl whose feelings are never told.

She feels so deeply, yet she sheepishly hides behind the bold.
All this so rejection and disappointment have no hold.

She goes through life alone in her world full of people. She
Climbs the realms of life’s steeples, sin and sadness weighing her

Stripped bare her emotions nude, she realises she’s been rude.
Neglected is spirituality, lost is her vitality and she becomes all that
She has despised, clarity hits home with fierce brutality.

All this wisdom she has gained, yet she still can’t bring herself to
Leave him out on the cold, banish him for good.

Though he has trodden on her heart, nodded to its beat, she needs
Reason to defeat and sorrow to retreat, she looks back and in the distance
Sees him standing alone and something compels her to reach out still.

Once done, she retires feeling worse than when she begun, once again, feeling like
She has been dead beat.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 163
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/23/2005 6:29:18 AM
hello you
thanks for this i love it and its exacatly what dead beat means... i love that you get it and i love that at least the message is clear... i know that you get it but does he....thats unfair question but i know you know what i mean...
i love you and i thank you for being here...
thanks once again
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 164
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/23/2005 11:53:28 AM

Just when I think my faith is gone,
A ray of hope will surprise me and I’ll
Be able to go on.

Your glory never seizes to amaze, I hope I am
Worthy and fulfill your praise. Truly good things come to
Those who wait, I need to believe oh Lord, please help me to breathe.

I need to be able to give without the notion of receiving,
Forgive with devotion to forgetting. I thank you for all your
Wisdom, I hope I too can bestow.

Restore your goodness in myself and not be selfish in wishing
For good health, please give spiritual wealth and help turn the world
Around, so that your love swells

I have doubted in the past, but now I know that righteousness
Needs to be sparse, spread forth and categorised as world class.
I see my faults through a looking glass and don’t like what I see
Sometimes, other times I just let it pass.

I thank you for showing me a better way, I hope I have learnt
To become a better child today, I hope tomorrow brings more
A hardship for it is through this that I have built the best of friendships.

I’ll live for now, and take care of tomorrow
A day at a time, with you by my side,
I’ll get through it somehow.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 165
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/23/2005 12:47:02 PM
Rambling Truths

You’ve past on the perfect colors of life, given
Love and received your share of strife. You’re
Beginning again and I guess this is why we make the bargain.

Those you’ve left doubt the reasons
Behind your departure, they need to understand
That you are enjoying bluer pastures.

And even though they feel like their life is about
To rupture, do let them know of your current rapture.

Blame and sorrow at the base of every thought
Peace and assurance is all they’ve sought. Even if some
Responses are uncouth, set them free and tell them the truth.

Let us be able to cherish every moment we have,
For we never know when the game will be over, if we’ll
Win or if we’ll lose. Let’s face that we will never get to choose,
No matter what the abuse.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 166
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/23/2005 7:01:45 PM
ello you two...

danny i hope you are well i dont know about that one i hope you are ok bud...
luv you dear..

hey neo i have missed u too...much love and hugs
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 167
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/24/2005 7:43:14 AM

I’ve written the rhymes and spent
Time with the guys, I’ve seen pain and
Felt the shame.

I’ve delivered the truth with the ink of my pen.
I’ve done all this yet somehow I still feel unfulfilled.

I thought status and stability is what would make me
Happy, now that I have it I can’t help but feel that it will
All disappear and be on its way to someone more deserving, or
Thrown at someone who is used to serving

At the end of the day with all my shine,
I still end up feeling alone yet alive; I’ll take it because it’s better
Than the denying

My mind still in a whirl, I am mixed up even about
Gratitude, attitudes tell me to be careful yet behind lies
I cannot hide.

Despite the calm within my life, I’m still searching,
Waiting for the feeling to start its ailing, will I find peace and
Will the confusion desist?

Am I paranoid, stuck in a void or is it that I’ll end up
Feeling like contradictions droid

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 168
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/24/2005 4:35:09 PM
oh neo thank you for your love and i hope that you find what you are looking for soon too...

all the best and much love
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 169
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/24/2005 6:40:23 PM
oh my... i am speechless you have brought tears to my eyes...
thank u sooo much i love that i have made friends here and i love that you guys understand...
i feel the same way too...
thanks you have made my day
i love you too
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 170
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/25/2005 6:48:38 AM
Danny is that i a song my love... it sounds like a blast to sing.... thanks for posting it...
love you

midnight... thanks for those words i really appreciate your taking a look.. some feed back would be great and some interpretations even better...
thanks and yes i will definitely be a regular at your corner...
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 171
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/25/2005 1:12:42 PM
thanks Black knight i left you a message in yours but its always nice to see you here... do visit all you can..

all the best

Taint the Quaint….

I wait in anticipation for the silence to abate
The stubbornness in me is something I hate.
Confrontation and truth I have to face, but why am I always up for debate.

I always end up the one having to retreat,
Always admitting my defeat, you are always the one
Achieving the greatest of feats

Thoughts of self on your behalf, give me the cramps,
Thus letting me know I have to stop acting like a baby calf.

I need you to know why it’s so hard for me to say, I have to
Be able to tell you that you’ve led me astray.
Assertiveness never a strong point, I lash out at those closest to me
And they think it’s my lack of the holy anoint.

For all those who think they know, I hate to disappoint, for
It is I who is quaint, and purity I have to taint.

This leading me to the realisation that this Love is
Not necessarily authentic, just plain pathetic.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 172
Let me introduce myself
Posted: 2/26/2005 4:51:56 PM
thanks stevie girl... i like your name... its just stuff that come from my heart and i guess it i can reach out to someone and touch them then i would do it all over again...

thanks for visiting and be sure to come back when ever you like....

all the best
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 173
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/27/2005 1:09:13 PM
it sure does man....
thanks for being here....
Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 174
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 2/28/2005 1:33:26 PM

Feeling differently about this Port,
Sometimes I get the feeling that I need to export.

Feelings of alienation plague my every thought,
I need an outlet otherwise my purpose I might distort.
Anger at my faults leaves me feeling irate, I self destruct
Despite the help from a higher mandate.

My questions have no end, just like this feeling I can’t get to abate.
I surrender to my calling with a mixture of the why’s and the wherefores,
Yet still something feels wrong and sadness draws me in
As I try to run from its sharp prongs.

I am misunderstood when I try to be complacent.
It seems I try to hard too fit in the hood.

I never can win, torn between fitting in and becoming a stranger or
Not compromising the “cool” behaviour. Either way
A piece of me dies and the purpose defies the obvious.

At the end of the day I am still oblivious, to the reasons why I surrendered,
This realisation dawns on me, yet I still prepare to dine with the precocious and the obnoxious.

Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 175
Confessions of the mind
Posted: 3/1/2005 1:15:33 PM
i like the anaglogies here and i like that you are not fased by the critics cause well i guess whereever you go you will get some...
thanks for postin it here...
love you and i love it..
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