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Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 38
view profile
How to tell someone you have herpes?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
to women especially pregnant women and their babies this is NOT a minor virus,...

it can be both live threatening,...and cause birth defects that include among the list deformaties, blindness , brain dammage, and death,.....

so telling is responsible,....and imperrative,....
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 40
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/19/2006 2:05:50 PM
I have had HSV 2 for 13 years, compliments of my ex who knew she had it and did not tell me until after she infected myself.

My experiences when telling any woman about this condition are not good ones.

As soon as I tell a woman I have a skin rash that shows up now and then and it is called Genital Herpes, well she can't run fast enough.

Some have said very cruel and hurtful things to myself as well.

If I develope a friendship via online dating, and it looks like the relationship is going to the next level, I will tell the woman.

CLICK! Friendship over!

On some dating sites I mention HSV in my profile, almost nobody contacts myself, unless to chew me out for having the nerve to post my diseased -self to the site.

The sites where I do not mention it, I get some contacts, but only until I mention HSV.

Bottom line is most people are shallow, ignorant and narrow minded and down right cruel.

There is an unwritten rule among most women; they will not spend any time getting to know a man that she will not have sex with.

A rule I have noticed is: if the woman is just intending to waste a few years of your life, take what she can and move on, she will not date a man with an STD, after all she does not want to become damaged goods herself which would limit her potential future targets.

My reasoning guys is this: if the woman does not run after you tell her then there are two possibilities why she did not run,

1) she has a worse STD than herpes she is not telling you about (get her tested)
2) she really does care about you, is likely planning on staying, in that case treat her BETTER THAN YOU HAVE EVER TREATED ANY WOMAN!!

As far as the 'right' time to tell a woman........well there is no right time.
Sort of like there is no right time to tell someone that their favorite Chinese restaurant with the different looking chicken served in the sweet and sour chicken just got closed down because it really was not chicken!! Meow!!

Personally I now live a very solitary life to avoid the cruelty of most women, and I never eat Oriental food!!

 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 43
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:28:12 PM
I was ready to start a new thread after another POF member informed me that he believes all people with HSV should only date one another! He cited "research" he had done on the Internet - as opposed to quoting statistics from peer reviewed medical journals. After 13 years of living with this thing I've done a LOT more research than this character - who BLOCKED me before I could reply to this last message.

Then we have the 21 year old girl in Sudbury who opined in another thread about STD's that anybody with a disease should be "euthinized" [sic].

Babylonia - you are now my favourite mod. Sorry Lateā„¢.

Sombient - you totally rock - I've noticed you posted some educational info about this virus in some other threads as well.

And to the rest of you who have disclosed your virus in this thread and are worried you'll never get another date on POF - let's spend our lottery winnings to all meet up at some city that's midway between us all and have a big old orgy so we won't infect anybody ELSE.

Okay, my stomach ache has gone away now. Thanks to all of you for that. Laughter truly is the BEST medicine.

Back to the OP - how do you tell somebody? The same way you will make love with them - carefully. Of course this thread was started in October 2005 so by now I'm sure the matter has been resolved for THAT particular couple.

I was diagnosed on January 27, 1994. For several months I thought I was just getting recurrent yeast infections but I went to the doctor when I felt a blister. When he told me it was herpes I burst into tears and the s.o.b. LAUGHED! Certainly in the age of HIV/AIDS herpes is not really a big deal - but trying to tell a prospective partner that is NOT easy.

I gave the first guy I met after getting the diagnosis a book to read - WAY too much information! There are a few pamphlets available off the Internet but you have to be very careful about how reliable the information is. Anything funded by the drug company is NOT reliable - a British researcher in the early 90's was given a quarter of a million in hush money not to publish his discovery that the company which makes the antivirals FUNDED the propaganda campaign in the 1980's to make people think that catching herpes would totally ruin your life!

The drug company turned around and charged this man with blackmail - trying to get an update on whether he's even out of prison yet. The article appeared in Toronto's Now magazine in 1995 - I can scan and email a copy to anybody who's interested.

I would agree with those who have suggested that you don't really need to have "the talk" until you are sure the relationship is heading in a sexual direction. Funny how people who get cold sores on the face never feel the need to disclose that before kissing somebody!

And while it is true that the virus can possibly, hypothetically, potentially be transmitted when no symptoms are present, with type 2 (the most common form of genital herpes) the risks go down exponentially over time. I don't have the exact numbers at my fingertips as I lost my copy of Dr. Sacks' book. I just remember that the greatest risk of contagion without symptoms is within the first 6 months after the initial outbreak.

I can't remember what else I wanted to include in this post as I got interrupted by a phone call so I'll end this now and come back to the thread tomorrow if I can locate the stats I was looking for.

Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 45
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:02:54 AM
LOL Lisa. It's not curable.

I honestly can't tell you how you can tell someone that you have herpes but you definatly have to tell her BEFORE you are sexual with her.

RE: message 2

 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 47
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/7/2007 1:28:23 PM
You're right planetsatan that is scary - and it's that kind of statement that makes me question the claims about "70% of people were infected by a partner who didn't know they had it". Yeah and he wasn't going to cvm in my mouth either.

Here's something that's even scarier. The blood test for HSV is not part of a routine screening for STD's! I guess the powers that be figure it isn't worth testing for something they can't cure? Who knows.

So the next time you are getting a checkup and getting bloodwork just to be sure you haven't caught anything - make sure you ASK for the HSV test - herpes symptoms can mimic a yeast infection, dermatitis, all kinds of things, so it's not at all uncommon to have it and be unaware.

Ignorance may be bliss but it's also DANGEROUS AND IRRESPONSIBLE.

 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 48
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/7/2007 2:45:53 PM
PlanetSatan - you've got some really funky restrictions on your email - only men between 95 & 96 living in Estonia can send you messages!

I've added you to my faves so you can message me directly and I'll do my best to answer all your questions.

 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 49
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/7/2007 7:50:35 PM
OP -

When you are looking for information, either to educate yourself about the virus in general or to help you disclose to your partner, it is very important to consider the source. Anybody can post information on the Internet - websites which end in .gov, .edu or .org will be more reliable than .com sites.

Let me try and address an issue that has been raised in this thread.

after the first six months asymptomatic shedding occurs only about 1% to 2% of the time - in other words, three to seven days out of the year

This is from Managing Herpes - How to Live and love with a chronic STD by Charles Ebel, Director of the Herpes Resource Center of the American Social Health Association.

Another excellent resource is The Truth about Herpes by Dr. Stephen Sacks. Dr. Sacks was a Professor of Medicine at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver and founder of the clinical research organization Viridae, which specialized in viral infections.

These books both contain a lot of very helpful information including how to discuss the issue with your partner and prevent transmission of the virus.

I hope this is helpful.

Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 50
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:16:51 PM
I'm glad I don't have herpes, but these days it takes up to date info, to avoid contracting this disease -- there's just so much misinformation out there.

> Managing Herpes - How to Live and love with a chronic STD by Charles Ebel

This one's pretty dated (revised edn. 1998), and, an reviewer reflects most of my own sentiments on the topic:

"January 11, 2004
Reviewer: A reader
This book is awful. The name should be called should be called "Sugar Coating the Bitter Pill of Herpes" or "Herpes; Your Sex Life Does Not Have to Change at All" If you have herpes one should not have unprotected sex outside of marriage. This book does not endorse this practice. I realy don't understand how the so called M.D.'s that wrote this book can live with the fact that every other page of this book does not say "If you have herpes do not have unprotected sex!!!!". The woman who gave me herpes said there were risks but I did not have to wear a condom. This book is filled with similar propoganda. Her excusses must have come straight out of this book. " can be recesive for along time, you may have already had it..", " least I told you, and I was not maliscious..". If you care about not spreading herpes, this is book is not to be read."

As to "The Truth about Herpes by Dr. Stephen Sacks" an even older book (1997), again, an reviewer reflects sentiments similar to my own on this topic:

" Once comprehensive but now outdated, August 9, 2006
Reviewer: Reader - See all my reviews
The most recent edition of this book is now nearly 10 years old. In the medical field, that is a huge amount of time. I bought this book based on the positive reviews posted on Amazon, but ended up more confused after reading it. This book focuses primarily on the medical facts about herpes (if you want a book to help you deal with the emotional issues, this is NOT the book for you), but much of what is discussed is outdated. For instance, the book discusses that not much is known about asymptomatic shedding, but that there probably isn't much risk of infecting a partner unless visible sores are present -- science now knows that this isn't the case (in fact about 70% of people got herpes when their partners had no visible symptoms). The anti-virals such as Valtrex were just coming on the market around the time this book was published and effectiveness of these drugs wasn't well known at that point. A few days of research online will educate you far better than this book will about treatment and reducing the risk of transmission.

I did like some of the medical details regarding rarer symptoms -- this book does go much deeper than any information you will find on herpes resources online. This book also discussed herpes behavior on other part of the body -- something that isn't well discussed in other sources I have consulted.

If this book is ever updated, I think it will oncew again be a very valuable read. Until it's updated, however, the outdated information outweighs the detail it contains. "

For reputable information, something more recent and authoritative, has, imo, a better chance of being useful towards helping the afflicted figure out how to tell someone they have herpes. Someone new to the scene who wants to avoid getting infected, surely Does Not want to hear the 'rose tinted glasses' version, or material that's outdated and become dangerously misinformed.
 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 51
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:15:58 PM

It is truly unfortunate that some people prefer to promote stigma and ignorance. I do not have rose coloured glasses; in the 13 years since I was diagnosed I have NEVER spread this virus to a partner. This was confirmed by blood tests. I was living with a man when I was diagnosed and we continued to have unprotected sex for another 8 years because I was CAREFUL and did not engage in any sexual activity with him when the virus was active.

Contrary to whatever opinions might be posted by people who are not actually living with this condition, these two books I mentioned are recommended by every support site I have ever found on the Internet over the last 13 years. Yes some of the language is very clinical, which is why I was wrong to just shove the book at the first man I met after my diagnosis!

The original antiviral Zovirax (acyclovir) had its patent expire in 1997 which means it had been on the market for a SIGNIFANT period of time. The effectiveness of acyclovir was VERY well known. Valtrex and now Famvir are variations on the theme but not the first drug(s) on the market to suppress the herpes virus.

The research/statistics perpetuating the myth that 70% of people who spread the virus did not have any symptoms/did not know they had the virus is being financed by the drug company which makes the antivirals!

It cannot be stated often enough - 80% of the population of North America has one or both forms of Herpes Simplex. The only way to be SURE that you do not have it is to have a blood test done, and the tests are only done by request, NOT as part of routine STD screening.

There are at present 15 million people in North America and Europe who know they have herpes simplex. If that's only 30% of the people who REALLY carry the infection, then there are an additional 50 million people wandering around in ignorance. No reasonable person could find that assumption plausible.

I realize that there has been a LOT of contradictory information posted here. There are a lot of good support groups, both online and probably in your community. Use all of these resources to help you figure out how, when and what to tell your partner.

It is worth noting that not all sites on the Internet are created equal. Anybody can create a .com site - I was taught in college last year that the most reliable information can be found on sites ending in .gov, .edu, and .org.

I really hope this has helped you somewhat.

 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 56
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/8/2007 10:09:41 AM

Genital herpes CANNOT be caught from the bedding! And it is not FATAL to anybody. And since 80% of people in North America have Herpes Simplex type 1 or 2 or BOTH - unless you've had a blood test you could be one of the majority.

The World Health Organization recently published findings that there has been an increase in genital herpes caused by type 1 - which prefers the face - from oral sex - thanks to President Bill for teaching an entire generation that fellatio is not a $ex act!

The virus is easily killed by ordinary soap & water.

As to how easy it is to spread it by touching an active lesion and then touching yourself somewhere - skin, healthy, unbroken skin, is a very effective barrier to the virus. That's why it is so hard for a woman to give the virus to a man - even during an active outbreak - because male genitalia are protected by skin whereas women have mucous membranes.

Epstein Barr - which causes mono - is also a herpes virus. Chickenpox and shingles are caused by herpes zoster - there are a total of, I think, 8 herpes viruses but it's the two simplex strains that cause cold sores - whether on the face or the genitals.

I believe it requires a culture from an active lesion to determine if an infection is type 1 or type 2 but a blood test can determine if a person has herpes simplex. I have learned that in the US the HMO's don't cover testing for ANY condition where symptoms are not present but in Ontario it's easy to get tested - you do, however, have to ask specifically to be tested as they normally do NOT include this test in STD screening.

The post might have disappeared but I have written somewhere that the FEMALE condom offers better protection because it covers more area. They're very expensive though and they don't appear to be very "user friendly" - if anybody out there has experience with them perhaps you could contribute to this discussion.

CatholicAngel - I'm sorry your friend is having such a hard time. Yes Valtrex is very expensive and you have to start taking it at the first sign of an outbreak. If you pay attention to the "small print" of the advertising, even taking it every day to prevent outbreaks cannot guarantee 100% that there is no risk of transmission. The risk is infinitesimal but those folks don't want any lawsuits.

It might help her to take l-lysine, an amino acid which helps prevent the virus from "reproducing" and try and avoid foods which contain l-arginine which "feeds" it. Chocolate is one of those foods - it can trigger migraines too - comfort food my a$$

In the 13 years since my diagnosis I've only had a few of those gawdawful outbreaks with flu-like symptoms, aching all over, hurts to sit down - or even wear underpants! Two of those outbreaks were after my first time with a new partner - apparently that's not uncommon - the virus is triggered by STRESS - and it's important to use adequate lubrication.

I don't know how long it's been since her initial outbreak; I used to have outbreaks every time I got my period. If she's on the birth control pill she might want to talk to her doctor about doing something ELSE because that could be contributing to the problem. Outbreaks do become less frequent and less severe over time. Oatmeal baths help a lot.

It is actually cold sores on the FACE that has rare but potentially life threatening complications. When the virus in not active it lives in nerve bundles called ganglia - normally when it becomes active it travels out to the skin and erupts into cold sores. RARELY the virus can travel UP into the brain and cause encephalitis. About 2,000 cases occur each year in the U.S.

To keep this thread on topic, I think it's clear from recent posts that everybody has an opinion and because of the stigma associated with getting cold sores south of the equator far too many people would rather treat us like lepers. Latest figures - 22% of the population of North America has genital herpes - that's a pretty big leper colony!

This is what makes it so hard to disclose to a partner - the drug company has been spending a lot of money for more than 20 years to try and get people taking their pills by exaggerating how horrible herpes is. Yes SOME people do have difficult painful outbreaks BUT there are many millions of us leading perfectly normal lives, being responsible about having open and honest discussions with our partners, and NOT infecting anybody else!
 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 59
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/8/2007 11:06:10 AM

You are taking what I said out of context - 80% of North Americans have some form of herpes simplex - only 22% have genital herpes. MOST people with type 1 are infected before the age of 12 - being kissed by an infected relative or family friend!

You've read that some people think it's perfectly alright not to disclose to a partner - THAT is why the virus is still spreading! That and the fact there is such a huge stigma attached to getting cold sores in the genitals instead of on the face so people don't want to talk about it.

There was a kid at my son's school who had herpes on his face so bad he couldn't EAT for several days. When you have an outbreak of genital herpes you can't have sex. Big whoop! Yeah it's itchy and sore - but so is a yeast infection and nobody wants to put people who get yeast infections into a leper colony - you can spread them too! Contrary to what a lot of people think men DO get yeast infections - you just call it jock itch.

Again, read what I wrote. I ALWAYS disclose, and in 13 years I have NEVER spread the virus; this has been confirmed by blood tests.
 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 61
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/9/2007 8:55:39 AM
the disease can still be spread if sores are located in an area that is not protected by the condom

Which is why I have consistenly advocated for the use of the FEMALE condom which covers more area.

The CDC has a mandate to err on the side of caution, just as the drug company has an agenda to sell more pills by exaggerating how horrific this virus is.

There are many millions of people with this virus who have never infected a partner. I don't know which part of "my former partners have had blood tests done to confirm they did not catch herpes from me" you are having trouble understanding.

The topic of this thread is "how to tell someone you have herpes". Please stop trying to hijack the thread with your personal belief that we should all be ostracized for something that is entirely outside of our control (i.e. having caught the virus in the first place).


P.S. When did you have a blood test to make sure you're not one of the 80% who have some form of Herpes Simplex, btw?
 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 63
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/9/2007 9:21:24 AM
I'm not freaking out as you put it, I am merely trying to give you some perspective on the CDC report. I have never denied that it is POSSIBLE to spread the disease when no symptoms are present - see msg 76 for the details of how unlikely that actually is.

By your own posts, if people are spreading the virus because they don't know they have it, when it's very well established that 80% of North Americans have some form of Herpes Simplex and 22% have genital herpes, what makes you so [expletive deleted] sure that you don't have it yourself? Some people have it for years without ever experiencing an outbreak.

By your own quote from the CDC, condoms alone don't always prevent transmission, although a man is 4 times more likely to give the virus to a woman than to catch it from her. And if you actually READ all my posts, you would note that the W.H.O. has reported an increase in type 1 herpes outbreaks in the genitals. Are you THAT sure that every woman who's ever given you a b.j. doesn't get cold sores? Nobody feels the need to disclose getting cold sores on the face which is part of the whole problem, as I have said again and again.

Given the kind of stigma which you are so brilliantly demonstrating, I just don't get how you can be so sure that none of the women you've ever had sex with did not have the virus. 22% of the people in North America have GENITAL herpes. You're over 40 so you've probably had more than 5 partners in your life - the mathematical probability is that AT LEAST one of them has HSV, whether they know it or not.

It's very difficult to disclose to a partner because it's a lot easier to say nothing, practice safe sex, and hope for the best. Very irresponsible, but a LOT easier. Now would you PLEASE just let it go!
 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 66
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/10/2007 7:19:40 AM

I'm clean. Maybe it's a little bit a luck but it's largely risk management.

Let me say this again. Testing for Herpes Simplex is NOT done as part of the "usual" testing for STD's. It must be requested specifically.

I hope your friend was able to successfully sue the ba$tard for her medical costs. People with HIV who don't disclose are now facing criminal charges since that can be a death sentence; I was unaware of other STD's that could produce the kind of serious complications you describe. A good friend of mine has been unable to have children because somebody gave her an STD and after years of having it, untreated, her tubes became completely blocked.

Those of us who are responsible about disclosure would have a much easier time if there weren't so many people who think like another poster in this thread - that we should be treated like lepers and limited to dating each other! This virus does not define who I am; I'm a musician, an activist, an animal lover - THOSE are the things I look for in a partner, not a virus!

Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 69
view profile
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:17:20 PM
Does anyone know the current statistics on type 2? Also, what about the current commercial about the current medication to prevent transmission?
 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 71
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:48:26 AM
Gretin -

If you "read the small print" as it were, you'll notice that the commercials say that a daily regimen of anti-virals to prevent outbreaks cannot GUARANTEE that the virus will not be spread. Furthermore, a British researcher discovered in the early 90's that the drug company which makes the antivirals was responsible for the campaign of misinformation in the 80's which left so many people thinking this virus is much worse than it is.

Having lived with this thing for 13 years and never given it to anybody, in my opinion the only good reason to take the antivirals is if you already have herpes and experience very painful outbreaks. Bear in mind that herpes on the face can be very painful too; there was a child in my son's school years ago who could not eat for days! I don't know about you but I think not being able to eat is a lot more serious than not being able to have intercourse!

I think herpes_2 is quite correct, that the percentage of those infected with type 2 is probably higher among us older folks. The World Health Organization recently reported that there has been an increase in the number of genital herpes outbreaks caused by Herpes Simplex type 1 because oral sex is considered by many young people these days to be something other than a sex act so they don't realize the potential to spread diseases.

As you've seen from the posts in this thread, there are still people who think it's okay to say nothing and hope for the best; that's how most of us caught it in the first place! The stigma attached to getting cold sores south of the equator instead of on the face makes it difficult for us to have "the talk". That is why I have tried so hard to refute the posts of those who would treat us like lepers.

 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 72
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:48:40 AM
sorry computer hiccuped & posted twice
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 73
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/12/2007 4:16:19 PM
If you are having trouble telling someone you have herpes.

You can visit your local support group.

They usually have one in every state.

For the Southern California People. Which the percentages are
about 33% that have it.....

You can contact:

They have info on the orange county and san diego help locations.
You can go there for medical advice from doctors and ask questions
on how to tell, etc... From those who have successfully given the "talk"....
Meetings are once a month....

Hope this helps...
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 74
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/15/2007 11:33:09 AM
For anyone in the O.C. who would like advice or talk to those who have given the talk.
Here is a link for a social group in Orange County, California
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 77
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:45:53 AM
There's no cure I'm aware of, various meds do help somewhat but not much.

If you're including fellow infected people amongst your dating pool, I don't see why one of those can't turn out to be the decent guy for you. So long as they have the same variation of Herpes, neither of you are likely to cause harm to other, now are you? And, I believe there are also herpes dating sites, for precisely that purpose -- being able to date without harming the uninfected through spreading the disease. But this is such a big site, that there ought to be a more than fair chance of your finding partners here.

I am 56, and just found out two years ago that I had Herpes when I had my first outbreak. I felt and still feel that my hopes of finding a decent guy are over now.
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 79
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:58:54 AM

Because you know, with absolute certainty, that you have an incurable, infectious and contagious disease, that would not, with care, cause any harm and probably considerable emotional and possibly considerable physical pain there to someone for the rest of their life, that's why. You cannot say that for other dating scenarios, though.

Those that do not know they have it, are not nearly so guilty imo, if they accidentally spread herpes to someone they're dating.

Why should we have to go to a dating site for people infected with this virus? There are people all around us that have this they just as open with everyone or they might not know that they have it.
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 81
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 10:32:38 AM
I'm pleased that the herpes affliction has touched you so lightly, merely cold sores from time to time. But for others, it can be a miserable, painful affliction during outbreaks, which may also be both frequent and long lasting.

There's considerable individual variation on just how badly someone is going to suffer if they catch this disease. True, herpes is not deadly, merely very contagious.

But some who catch it, consider it's impact on their social lives and health to be so worrisome and painful, that they come to envy the dead (or so I'd figure, from hearing some of their laments).

Your complacency is the real danger to others, as you're prone to treat this affliction too lightly based on your personal experience, imo.

Its not all as bad as people think ..if u know enyone that has cold sores its the same but vaginal
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 84
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 4:54:26 PM
I think it's no one's business, except for someone that you're contemplating kissing or becoming intimate with.

Branding sounds too painful and disfiguring, but I agree with the tattoo concept. How about a discreet but clearly understood tattoo? Something like 'Be careful, I'm contagious.', or just B.C.I.C., for short.

Since kissing spreads the disease it does need to be readily visible: how about under the tongue? or on the inside of the lips (like race horses have)? Discreet, yet readily inspected by anyone who's concerned. For community health purposes, are readers agreeable to this becoming a legal requirement?

msg 9 > I think the infected ones should be permanently branded, perhaps a tattoo on the arm letting everyone know what's up. Would save some awkward conversations later on.

Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 87
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/11/2007 1:35:22 PM
I continue to be amazed at Doninvictoria's attitude and ignorance about this condition. Most people carrying HSV become infected with SOME form of herpes virus before the age of 12 since there is NO stigma attached to getting cold sores on the face and lots of adults who are thusly infected kiss children in their lives on the mouth, thus spreading the virus.

There is a TV commercial now trying to convince you that 70% of people who contracted the virus got it when their partner had no symptoms. I have FINALLY found the print version of that ad which contained the following info in very fine print.

Based on a clinical study to determine the risk of spreading genital herpes (GH) in 144 heterosexual couples in which one partner had GH and the other did not. Couples were followed for a median 334 days and were counselled to abstain from skin to skin contact in the presence of lesions.

Twelve dozen couples. Wow. And they weren't cautioned to avoid contact when prodromal symptoms were present, only when LESIONS were present. And there is no mention of how longer after their initial outbreak this study was conducted. Talk about manipulating statistics!

Dr. Stephen Sacks' book The Truth About Herpes mentions that same study, which was a test for a vaccine (which proved ineffective). Couples had been advised to use safer sex practices during asymptomatic periods but only 15% of the couples actually did so. Only 14 of the 144 acquired the virus (9.7%) - and my money is on them being among the 85% not using condoms! Of those 14, 4 had intercourse when there were signs of the virus present. No data was available on the other couple.

Women were more than 4 times as likely to contract the disease as men based on this study. Additionally this study proved that antibodies from type 1 herpes (facial cold sores) reduce the risk of contracting genital herpes.

So the next time you see those scary statistics about 70% of people who catch genital herpes get it from a partner who had no symptoms present, PLEASE remember that they are talking about 9 people in a study of 144 uninfected partners who were NOT practicing safe sex!

And it cannot be stated often enough - herpes outbreaks are related to stress, therefore how a person FEELS about having the virus has a DIRECT bearing on how frequent, painful, and disabilitating their outbreaks will be. Type 1 herpes has potentially FATAL complications like herpetic encephalitis. The greatest problem with genital herpes is in women giving birth, and this is not an insurmountable problem.

If Don were to suggest that [insert ethnic group here] only dated [insert ethnic group here] he'd be banned from this site faster than you can say Markus. Too bad his form of ignorance and prejudice is so prevalent. When was your last blood test Don? The herpes test is NOT included in routine STD screening. Since at least 20% of adults in North America have genital herpes, if you've been intimate with more than 5 women in your life then the mathematical probability is you've already HAD a partner who has this virus.

Those other dating sites were created primarily for the benefit of those who have tested HIV positive, and perhaps hep C and other potentially FATAL conditions which can be transmitted through sexual contact. Earth to Don - there are NO HERPES ORPHANS IN AFRICA!!!!!
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 88
Posted: 8/11/2007 3:36:01 PM
Doninvictoria you really should get your facts straight - kissing does NOT spread GENITAL herpes! It is spread only through skin to skin contact. That's why would-be blood donors are not tested for the virus as it cannot be passed even through a blood transfusion!
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