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Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 91
How to tell someone you have herpes?Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think the idea of a tatto is hysterically funny. Have sex with strangers while you're unconscious much?

Any stranger has sex with me while I'm unconscious gets what he gets!

Otherwise: put it in your profile. You know? If you don't want to share that much personal info, then DON'T put a lot of other identifying info in. Will you get fewer responses? OF COURSE! But the ones you DO get will be privy to something critically important about you, and it will save much discomfort later.

I don't LIKE telling strangers, but I don't have a choice. I'm not undateable in any sense - but my pool of "potential" dates not only has to like a lot of my particulars and be interesting to me, they have to have HSV. So it'd be less than honest not to put it up front, wouldn't it?

As for the not telling - unconscionable in ANY situation. No excuses whatsoever, people.
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 94
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:57:03 PM

I think the infected person bears the greater responsibility for honesty. Tell the uninfected person BEFORE getting physically intimate with them.

Sounds reasonable to me. Problem is, most infected people don't know they're infected. So who goes first? The "infected" person? Because they know for sure? Or the "Uninfected" person, who's absolutely sure they're NOT infected but they haven't had a blood test. Remember, 25% of "uninfected" peeps are wrong. That's a bunch. And most are in denial about even the possibility they may be infected.
So yeah, if you're infected you need to disclose it. And if you're on the receiving end of this conversation, be honest and just say you don't know your status if you haven't had a blood test. And then, go get one so you'll actually know your status one way or the other. Otherwise you may be the one passing it along.
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 95
view profile
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:09:49 AM
After many years of feeling "Damaged", and spent being single,....I finally started getting back into the dating scene, and found it wasnt hard to be honest about having herpes, if I felt that a romantic interest was starting to develope.

But NO,...YOU dont tell someone you just met you have herpes, unless the subject comes up. WHY kill your chances before there even begun ?
(Let the person get to know YOU first.)

I can see it now,......

"Hello Beautiful, ....Im Victor,...I have HERPES !"

I was surprised to start finding out, that many of the Ladies that I admited I had herpes to,..also admitted they had herpes,....and was surprised by my honesty.

So,..if I go out, and meet someone,..and they start taking a personal intrest in me,..I let them get to know me,...and if and when, I see that there is possiably more than just personal intrest involved,....I tell them that before we get too close, I need to let them know I have herpes,....and take it from there.

No big deal,...youd be surprised how many Ladies I've told, has breathed a sigh of relief
and admitted they had herpes too,....

If you dig into the research concerning herpes, you'll find its so widespread that its almost common place....and sooooooooooo many people are not even aware they have it,,...its always best to be prepared,....and be honest.
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 97
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:58:03 AM
the people who have the worst and most contemptible attitude towards people with herpes are the medical profession.

From what I've read, that seems to be for the same reason as the public in general, good ol' fashioned ignorance. Until recently, most doctors got their information on Herpes the same way the rest of us have. Hearsay and myth from uninformed sources. Certainly not from Med school or Continuing Ed. That's beginning to change though.

Remember for every infected man who doesn't give a damn about spreading this brain and life destroying disease, there are four responsible women suffering a whole lot worse who generally don't return the favour to others.

I hope nobody remembers that but they probably will. I have NO idea where it came from. Yes, there are a few more infected women (percentage wise) in the world than men but certainly not 4 times more. And referring to Herpes as a brain and life destroying ANYthing is totally off the deep end. The common cold kills people too and it's a lot more contagious. But nobody refers to it as a killer disease.

refusing to allow people to know their own std status, discounting obvious outbreaks, refusing treatment to sufferers and worst and most disgusting of all - encouraging men to go and spread it to others for all they are worth without disclosure

Sounds like your doctor may have graduated at the lower end of his class. Granted, many doctors aren't up on the latest research but I hope not many are practicing what you're describing here.

Then as if that isn't heinous enough, they then withhold positive test results from women trying to conceive babies so the poor woman ends up with a destroyed blinded and retarded baby. We need to band together and fight these medical professionals and run them out of business

Mamas with Herpes give natural birth to babies every day with no complications whatsoever. Transmission is so easy to avoid that, for a doctor to allow a newborn to be affected in this day and age would be the height of incompetence and negligence, not to mention incredibly rare.
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 98
view profile
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:51:08 AM
Most people are pretty decent about herpes,

NO,...actually,..their not,....

Most people will NOT tell you they have Herpes,..they will have unprotected sex, and run the risk of spreading the virus, without telling their partner, due to the stigmitisam
and shame of having the virus,....and just keep their fingers crossed.

The Girlfriend, that I contacted Herpes from,...Never,...told me,......till it was too late.

I have NEVER,..had a "Lady",...tell me they had Herpes,..first !

Only after I have admitted that I have Herpes,..
(when I see more than just casual intrest)
has a woman ever admitted they have Herpes.

Nobody WANTS, to admit they have this problem,..and thats why it spread like wildfire, because of Shame, and the unwillingness to be honest.

Mamas with Herpes give natural birth to babies every day with no complications whatsoever. Transmission is so easy to avoid that, for a doctor to allow a newborn to be affected in this day and age would be the height of incompetence and negligence, not to mention incredibly rare.

Yes this is true, a degree,...a lot depends on where you get your information,...

I have read web sites, where Dr's insist on a C Section, if a mother giving birth has Herpes,......and I've read other web sites,..where Dr's allow normal delivery, if the mother isnt broke out,.....

Yet Dr's have now discovered that even if your not broke out, you can still spread Herpes, what is described as "VIRUS SHEDING",...thus transmitting Herpes even when your not experiencing an outbreak, a lot of Dr's insist on a "C Section",..
just to be on the safe side,....

One side effect I've read about, if the baby contacts Herpes upon delivery,..that they can get,...Encephalitis,..(not good)


Herpes simplex encephalitis

Main article: Herpes simplex encephalitis

Herpes simplex encephalitis is caused by the herpes simplex virus that manifests in oral cold sores or genital sores. When this triggers brain inflammation, which occurs in 10% of cases of encephalitis (2 cases per million people), half of all untreated patients die. Brain damage, partial paralysis, seizures, hallucinations and an altered state of consciousness are all common symptoms. HSE can be passed from mother to child during birth in rare cases, where symptoms include lethargy, tremors, irritability, seizures and poor feeding in the first two weeks after birth.

Thats pretty scarey stuff,...even if it is rare.

Here is one link that addresses the issue concerning Herpes and Childbirth, pretty informative,...


Your best bet,....Be Honest, your partner,...and to your Doctor.
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 100
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/2/2008 3:05:27 PM
Herpes is NOT 4x times more prevalent among women. Where did you get this erroneous information?

CDC says that one in four adult females in this country have it, while one in five males have it. That means females are 25% more likely to have it, not 400%.
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 102
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:44:42 AM

1/4 women is 25%. 1/5 men is 20%. Women are 5% more likely to carry it. ( I assume this is only genital herpes

Technically, those are the stats for Type 2 infections which is not the same as Genital Herpes. There's lots of confusion between "Type" and "Location". Even medical literature confuses the two and healthcare professionals aren't much better until you call them on it and insist they get it straight. I guess it just seems nit picky but it's just one of many reasons the general public stays in the dark and confused about this virus. The term "Genital Herpes" includes both type 1 AND type 2 infections.
okay.......... carry on :-)
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 103
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/3/2008 2:51:10 PM

Here's how I read these stats:
1/4 women is 25%. 1/5 men is 20%. Women are 5% more likely to carry it.

That is not how the math works, but it's a start - darned site closer than 4 to 1.
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 104
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:52:13 PM

"1/4 women is 25%. 1/5 men is 20%. Women are 5% more likely to carry it. ( I assume this is only genital herpes"
Technically, those are the stats for Type 2 infections which is not the same as Genital Herpes.

After reading my own post, I'm afraid I may have added to the confusion rather than vice versa. I'll try again.
My point was, since these are the stats for Type 2 infections (very few of which are oral), then the Genital Herpes stats would be even higher because you'd have to add in the Type 1 Genital infections as well.
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 106
view profile
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:44:09 PM
I'll tell you the most repungant thing about Herpes,...

Its the fact,...that HSV1,...and HSV2,...are fast becoming one and the same.

Its a well known fact,....YOU look it up,....Im tired of being the one to inform the uneducated public about the perils of unprotected sex,..let alone the dangers of Oral Sex preformed on a partner that has Herpes, and doesnt confess to his partner.

Has anyone seen the comercial about Herpes, that shows the Woman, with Herpes sores around her mouth ??

If not, must be living in a cave,.....

It is horriable, to see ,....

I walked into a Gas Station to get a reciept for my record,..and there was the most beautiful Young Lady, serving customers at the register,...with the most Horriable Herpes Sores around her mouth,.......

Herpes 1,..and 2,..are fast becoming one and the same,.....sad,..but true,......

Id much rather do without Oral Sex,..than to wake up one morning, and my Lover/Partner, have her mouth broke out in sores/blisters.(or mine)

If you ever see the comercial,...and see this Beautiful Young Ladies mouth covered in horriable cold sores/blisters,...youd abstain from oral sex too.
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 107
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How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:52:23 PM
My Siberian Husky's name is Coco. He's caring, affectionate, loves to cuddle, a great kisser,

Just keep kissing your Siberian Husky Coco,..and you wont have to worry about spreading AIDS to the rest of the population,.....let alone Herpes.

Your Words, not mine.
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 108
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/4/2008 10:16:34 PM

Its a well known fact,....YOU look it up,....

I've been doing a lot of looking. And what I'm finding is that most facts about Herpes are NOT well known. But the misinformation and myths are EVERYwhere you look. And so is the confusion. And right now, I'm confused about part of what you said. Which is: "Herpes 1,..and 2,..are fast becoming one and the same". Fact is, they've always been the same except for some differences in their DNA. They look the same under a microscope and they cause identical symptoms. A doctor making a visual diagnosis can't tell the difference between a type 1 vs type 2 infection. It takes a lab test to determine which type the infection is.
I'm assuming you meant to say that Type 1 HSV is now considered an STD on a scale heretofore reserved for Type 2. Because about 33% of Genital Herpes cases diagnosed in the last few years are due to Type 1. Technically though, the two types are still separate types and are not becoming the same (if they did, I guess they'd be known as Type 1.5 )
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 109
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/6/2008 1:13:47 PM
"Ummm... I get cold sores every once in a while...

...on my penis. Just thought you should know."
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 111
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:55:14 PM
I avoid dating non-H ladies. Don't want to pass it on.

That said, I'm in a tricky situation right now. I've met a lady dancing, and we really hit it off. She hinted that she'd like to go out, and I kept telling her, half-jokingly, "I don't date." She kept it up until I finally invited her to dinner, so I could tell her why I don't date. Of course, technically it was a date. I figured it was worth a shot, to see if she might also have H. (My second wife did, when we met).

So, halfway through the date, I tell. Minimal reaction, some questions, including, "isn't it possible to have safe sex?" I told her it was absolutely impossible, despite what a certain drug company wants people to believe. It's possible to reduce the risk, but I told her flat out, I am not interested in being "the boy in the bubble" and constantly anxious about her getting it.

Thought the date would end there, and we'd part as friends, but she made it clear she didn't want it to. Went dancing, and things heated up. (Nothing happened). She called yesterday and invited me to a BBQ and more dancing. I told her no, because there was no sense in us "getting closer." I called her back a half-hour later and told her I changed my mind. We had another great evening of dancing, followed by a long walk on the beach, and then snuggling in a hammock we stumbled upon. At this point, I am really torn. I feel like I should walk away...but I don't think I have the willpower.

Normally, I would have told her before I even asked her out. But I wanted to get to know her first, to make sure I could trust her. I am fairly open about my herpes, but I'd prefer to not have all the ladies at the dances talking behind my back.

So, in general, the earlier the better, IMO....but each situation is a little different.
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 112
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:44:11 AM
with your mouth. I mean with your voice. Honestly, just say it, that is how. Take a deep breath, then be upfront yet tactful of course.
 HSV kitty
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 115
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:30:09 AM
Blech, I hate that this old thread is even still here. This wasn't a good place to ask (hi all you rednecks!) as the replies you get are mostly from people who can't rub 2 sticks together let alone know anything about Herpes.

Few do or care to know as it is just something they think they don't have, because they had an STD screen and it ain't on there. Neither is HIV or HPV ....

For example, I have Herpes on my genitalia, but it is HSV1, the same virus as from a cold sore... on the other lips and got it from oral sex. So to all the griefers on here, who enjoyed sticking it , stick that in your cold sore and start telling people you have Herpes! And be sure to tell before you kiss!

No. I wasn't having a bad day until I read a few pages of this drivel..

To anyone who reads this forum for answers to anything, I pity you. Go to Herpes forums to ask questions and just do the talk before you are intimate with anyone... and yes that means kissing if you have it on your face anywhere. Intimacy is the closeness to another. It will weed out those that would never have loved you for you anyway! Bullet dodged!

Kitty's back is up
Joined: 12/31/2004
Msg: 118
view profile
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/19/2009 7:05:39 PM

It's the first serious thing you tell her. You can joke and make eyes with everyone you want. But when that first serious conversation starts -when the serious self-disclosure begins, "I didn't graduate college." "I just got out of jail." "My Stepdad raped me when I was 11."
Everybody wants to hook-up with somebody with which they can feel both safe and excited. Nobody wants to feel violated. So, get past the flirting stage, and in the Serious Business stage let it out! Dude . . . Herpes either makes you a better man (or woman) for admitting you have it . . . or it makes you a piece of crap for failing to admit it.

Get it over with. Either your partner accepts everything else you are or rejects you. If you get rejected - try again with someone new. Lots of people just like you -even better than you - have herpes.

There is someone I know and like quite a lot, but I like her so much I can't get past flirting. I want to go "Joyce - lunch - now! Or . . . soon please, I need to get into your mind, or out of mine." This dream woman is just too good for me. Rejection is hard even now, for me.
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 119
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 4/4/2009 10:46:01 AM
You should request healing for this on Just click on 'Prayer' , fill out the prayer request form and submit it. I had unbearable pains in my kidneys and now I don't because I requested prayer for it on Benny Hinn's website. It's definately worth a try. I also don't have night seizures any more.
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 123
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/5/2009 8:49:52 PM
I think an airplane pulling a banner would be a nice touch.
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 127
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/8/2009 11:46:40 PM
Ironically enough this recently happened with someone in the ER at the hospital I work at.

A nurse was engaged to be married, and had ONLY been with that one man. She finds out he cheated on her, and they separated. She was depressed and ended up being intimate with a couple of guys in the ER..only to have her ex call her later and tell her "Oh by the way, you might have herpes". Turns out when he cheated on her, he contracted herpes, and ended up giving it to her.

Needless to say the guys she slept with were mad at her...even though she didn't know at the time.

Personally, my philosophy is this: No, I dont' want a STD of ANY kind..especially a viral (incurable) one. However, if I was in love with a girl...and it was a very serious long term relationship that I thought could go somewhere, I wouldn't let it stop me. I'd just have to take extra precautions and be extra careful. However, if she KNEW, and waited until after we had been together to tell me...i'd be very angry.

In short: Tell her quickly...and good luck :)

Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 128
How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 7/2/2011 11:14:15 AM
What about those who caught it from someone who didn't tell them/weren't aware that they had it? Unfortunately, this story hits close to home. One of my close friends had known someone for a couple of years. .they weren't officially going out, she slept with him. .and caught clamydia, and herpes from him. He acted puzzled rather than upset when she told him she caught herpes. . he was always getting sick, a sore throat. etc, had no visible sores on his genital area at the time they had sex, but said it seemed that the people that he was with . .it didn't seem as though they would be in that situation.Before him, she hadn't been sexually involved with anyone in six years, so by process of elimination, it was him. He refused to acknowledge he could be a carrier, and avoided seeing her afterwards.
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