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 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 146
My Joke Thread.Page 3 of 97    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Technical Issues with License
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to get one.

They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged and vice versa.

They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued licenses, the judge is finally satisfied.

Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical **stards."

Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 147
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/7/2005 6:57:08 AM
Some funny business names


Wine and Cheese shop - Who cut the cheese?

Ladies Salon - Curl up and Dye

Plumbers - Drain Surgons

Clothing Line - Tommy Pullmyfinger
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 148
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/7/2005 10:53:32 AM
"Bulgaria and Ukraine announced they're considering pulling their forces out of Iraq. Yeah, the troops will be withdrawn as soon as they can find a car that seats 6 people." --Conan O'Brien

---

"Last week, the city of Boston sparked controversy when it renamed the giant spruce tree in Boston Common a holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. Also, the city's nativity scene will now be referred to as the Holiday Homeless Family." --Tina Fey

---

"A new poll reveals that 56% of Americans believe that Wal- Mart is bad for the country, while the other 44% work there." --Amy Poehler
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 149
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/7/2005 11:09:33 AM
A guy takes his pet snake to the veterinarian. After an exam, the vet says, I'm sorry but your snake is dead. The man refuses to accept that his snake is dead and demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back office and brings out a cat. The cat walks up and down the snake, pawing and pushing as it walks. The cat then looks up at the vet and says, meow, meow, meooow. The vet tells the man that the cat agrees, the snake is dead. The man, still unwilling to accept it, asks for a third opinion. The vet goes into his back office and brings out a black labrador retriever. The lab walks up and down the snake, pawing and sniffing as it walks. The dog then says, woof, woof, woooooof. The vet tells the man that the lab also agrees that the snake is dead. Finally, the man is willing to accept that the snake is dead and asks how much do I owe you. The vet replies $650. The man, flabbergasted, says $650?


The vet says, yes $50 for my exam and $300 each for the CAT scan and the LAB test.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 152
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/7/2005 8:07:47 PM
FEMALE PRAYER
---------------
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, whos not a creep,
One whos handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One wholl call, not wait for weeks.
I pray hes gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man wholl make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend. Amen.







MALE PRAYER
--------------
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store
and a bass boat.

(This doesnt rhyme and I dont care.)
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 154
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/8/2005 6:50:08 AM
A man walks into a store where he sees a sign that says "beware of the dog". As he enters the store he sees an old hound dog lying on the floor. He asks the owner is THIS the dog that prompted you to post the sign. Yep, that's him replied the owner. Well he doesn't look like he would harm anyone, said the man. The owner then replied, yes, but before we put up the sign, people would trip over him.
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 155
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/8/2005 11:01:06 AM
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his, DDS, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm ... Or could he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled SOB asked, "What did you teach?"
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 159
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/9/2005 6:56:26 AM
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asked her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"

Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And again he heard her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake was surprised to see a guy standing there with his hands high in the air. The guy, obviously distraught, said, "Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 166
view profile
History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/11/2005 7:35:49 AM
Dessert Test

No cheating. If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in
front of you, which would you choose? Pick your dessert, and then look
to see what psychiatrists think about you! After taking this dessert
personality test, send this e-mail on to others, but when you do, be
sure to put YOUR choice of dessert in the subject line above.
ALSO, SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU! Sorry you can only pick one.

Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue Pie
Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate Icing on Chocolate Cake
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake


NO. You can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think
carefully what your choice will be!














OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what psychiatric
research says about you:





ANGEL FOOD CAKE.. Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and
fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream
cone at the end of the day.. Others perceive you as being
childlike and immature at times.


BROWNIES... You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a
champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers
flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense
of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

LEMON MERINGUE... Smooth, sexy, and articulate with your hands,
you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher.
But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at
times, but you have many good friends.

VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING... Fun loving, sassy,
humorous.Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack
motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you. You are a practical joker.
Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.


STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about
other people and can be counted on in a pinch. ! You also tend
to melt. You can be overly emotional at times. And sometimes can be annoying.


CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE... Sexy; always ready to give and
receive.Very adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can
appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take
chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

ICE CREAM... You like sports, whether it is baseball, football,
basketbal l, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate,
but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the
remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.


CARROT CAKE... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to
laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you.
You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have
many loyal friends.
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 168
view profile
History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:36:05 PM
You mean that there ARE people out there who are capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time!!!! Maybe that's why I'm only ice cream.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 170
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/12/2005 12:36:56 AM
Quote :

CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE... Sexy; always ready to give and
receive.Very adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can
appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take
chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.




Did not pick it...but sounds about right.
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 173
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:17:22 AM
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”

“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”

She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?”

“Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.

“My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...

“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 177
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:23:38 AM
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 183
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/13/2005 11:59:55 PM
Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he
> > accidentally
> > > ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out
> of
> > > his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distaught. The
whole
> > > world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
> > >
> > > Suddenly be noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up,
> > > polished it and immdiately a genie appeared. "You have freed me from
> > > thousands of years of impriusonment," said the genie. "As a reward I
> > shall
> > > grant you one wish." "Well," said the Prince, "I have all the
material
> > > things I need, but let me show you this dog." They walk over to the
> > > splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you could bring this dog
> > back
> > > to life for me?" Prince Charles asked. The genie carefully looked at
> the
> > > remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to
> > > bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?"
> > >
> > > Prince Charles thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and
pulled
> > > out two photos. "I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana,"
> > said
> > > the Prince, showing the genie the first photo. "But now I love this
> woman
> > > called Camilla," and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see
> > > Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla
as
> > > beautiful as Diana?"
> > >
> > > The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said,
> > "Let's
> > > have a look at that dog again."
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 188
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/16/2005 12:44:24 AM
Found this on a user sugatush profile on POF...LOL
=======================================

9 Things I Hate About some people > > >

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". d*mn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film " did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the d*mn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest d*mn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 190
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/16/2005 6:27:45 AM
Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:

1. Get cans of cat food and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.

5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Put M&M's on layaway.

8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 192
view profile
History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/16/2005 9:23:06 AM
BUTCH THE ROOSTER


John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had
several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and
eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into
the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and
attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John
could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he
was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell
hadn't rung at all!

John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for
cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak,
so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to
the next one.

John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch
became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize"
but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a Liberal in the making. Who else but a Liberal could
figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our
planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them
when they weren't paying attention.
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 193
view profile
History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/16/2005 3:41:43 PM
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

- A half-gallon of 2% milk,
- A half carton of eggs,
- A quart of orange juice,
- A small head of romaine lettuce,
- A 2 lb. can of coffee,
- And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front
of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated," You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied...

"Cause you're ugly."
 Acecomedian
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 194
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:46:47 PM
Many years ago there was a wealthy gentlemen who had a large house in the country. He had a caretaker who would take him to town in the horse and buggy to run his errands. Whenever he had to travel, as he often did, his caretaker would watch over the house. The caretaker was a man of few words.
One day the caretaker picked up the gentleman at the train station after he had been away on business. They watched as the magnificent steam locomotive pulled its load of cars from the station and around a curve. As the sound of the whistle faded in the distance they began the trip to the country.
The gentleman asked his caretaker if anything had happened while he was away. The caretaker replied, "No, nothing much happened. 'Cept your dog died."
The gentleman asked, "Oh? My dog died? How did he die?" The caretaker replied, "Well, I reckon it was from eating the burned horse meat."
The gentleman asked, "Burned horse meat? Where did he find burned horse meat?" The caretaker replied, "In the barn. When the sparks landed on the roof the barn caught fire and burned. The horses were trapped inside. Your dog got into the barn, ate the burned horse meat, and died."
The gentleman asked, "Where did the sparks come from?" The caretaker replied, "Well they came from the house.
"The house?," the gentleman asked. "What happened to the house!" The caretaker replied, "Well, when the candle got knocked over the curtain caught fire and sparks from the house landed on the barn roof. When the barn burned the horses were inside. The dog ate the burned horse meat and died."
The gentleman asked frantically, "Candle! Candle! What candle!". The caretaker replied, "It was around the casket."
"CASKET! WHAT CASKET!", the gentleman yelled. "The caretaker replied, "The casket your wife was in. When we found her in bed with that other gentleman she was very frightened and her heart gave out. At the funeral one of the candles fell over and the curtain caught fire. The sparks from the house landed on the barn roof and the barn burned with the horses inside. The dog got into the barn and ate the burned horse meat and died."
"So," the gentleman exclaimed, "I thought you said nothing happened while I was away!" The caretaker replied, "Naw, nothing much happened. 'Cept your dog died."
 Acecomedian
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 196
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/17/2005 3:07:47 AM
On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me
I'm glad we've bought a turkey and a proper Christmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be heard
As we tucked into our turkey - a most delicious bird.

On the third day of Christmas we'd friends in from next door
The turkey tasted just as good as on the day before.

On the fourth day of Christmas Gran came, she's rather old.
We finished up the Christmas pud and ate the turkey cold.

On the fifth day of Christmas outside the snowflakes flurried
But we were nice and warm inside - we ate the turkey - curried.

On the sixth day of Christmas the turkey spirit died.
The children fought and bickered and we ate the turkey - fried.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave a wince
When he sat down to dinner and was given turkey mince.

On the eighth day of Christmas the dog ran off for shelter
I served up turkey pancakes and a glass of Alka Seltzer.

On the ninth day of Christmas poor Dad began to cry
He said he couldn't stand the strain of eating turkey pie.

On the tenth day of Christmas the air was rather blue
And everybody grumbled at eating turkey stew.

On the eleventh day of Christmas the Christmas tree was moulting
Mince pies as hard as rock and the turkey quite revolting.

On the twelfth day of Christmas at last Dad smacked his lips
The guests had gone, the turkey too - we dined on fish and chips!
 rodthemod
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 204
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:23:51 PM
why was the washing machine laughing ? it was taking the piss out the knickers
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 205
view profile
History
The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem
Posted: 12/19/2005 1:57:22 PM
I Love My Job!

I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss, and all the rest.

I love my office and its location, I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and grey, and piles of paper that grow each day!
I think my job is really swell, there's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers, I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.
I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won't care. I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the Firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job - I'll say it again - I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!!!
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 218
view profile
History
Smack the Penguin
Posted: 12/22/2005 3:20:24 PM
Smack the Penguin



1. Go to the link below

2. Click once on the snowman and the penguin will leap from the cliff

3. Click on the snowman again to hit the penguin as he descends from the
cliff.

4. What's your distance - 360 m + is possible? Good Luck!

5. Click OK to try again

http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
 vivienne3
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 219
view profile
History
Some things to note
Posted: 12/22/2005 3:35:32 PM
Some things to note


1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.

3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.

5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.

7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.

11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.

13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.

16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.

17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.

18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!

19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!

21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.

22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.

23. OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?

24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?

30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?

31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.

34. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.

35. WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?

36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED.

37. JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.

38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK!!!!
 shadowoftheraven
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 222
Some things to note
Posted: 12/23/2005 6:36:18 AM
EVER WONDER WHY?





- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
-
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
-
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
-
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
-
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
-
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
-
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
-
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
-
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
-
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
-
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
-
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
-
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
-
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
-
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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