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 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 106
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Stop being a NICE guyPage 5 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Pink,
To elaborate on your point - I was out at a bar one night and I saw these two women sitting at the bar scoping out the different guys. I was ready for another drink so I approached, stood next to them and listened to their conversation - it was exactly what I thought it was about. So, I got my drink, turned to them and said “I have this uncanny nack for reading people. Let me see if my estimations on these guys match yours.” I went on to point out the a-holes, the nicer guys and the ones that were just shy - jived with what they thought, mostly, and even proved them wrong a couple of times explaining to them how you read body language.

Eventually, one of them asked me what kind of guy I am - I answered “Oh, that’s simple. I’m an a$$hole.” They disagreed with me. But it sparked a conversation, I got to know them both better and got a date with the one who asked me the question.

You see, I played the “game” by my rules. But I wasn’t the proverbial “nice guy” who lacks the confidence to approach and I wasn’t the proverbial a$$hole who beams with confidence but has no idea how to make an appropriate approach (they usually lead with something about your appearance or use some cheesey line). I tell guys all the time - you want to pick up a woman, talk to her like a normal human being. It’s really not that difficult.

The problem with this thread and all “nice guy” threads is “nice guys” don’t really have an idea about what they are doing wrong. It’s not about becoming an a$$hole, it’s just about changing the things you perceive that make you a nice guy, but really make you a door mat.


edit: pinkifzz - tried to e-mail you the answer to your inquisition above - but I’m blocked LMAO!!!
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 107
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:07:38 AM
hahahaha , yes maybe I had no backbone or was perceived not to have one well anyways what ever it still works even with successful confident women who claim not to like badboys , hahahahaha. When I had no "backbone" , I even bought cars for them , paid their house bills , took them to Japan on my bussiness trips , protected them from abusive ex boyfriends , visited them when they were in jail ... became their gym training coach to help them get a better body ...the last time I helped out a female friend I was interested in and insisted on , I helped her father out so he would not go into bankrupcy in his bussiness, not with money but with sweat and work together with my friend , the last time I saw her she did not want to dance she did not feel like it but she did dance with other people , she came with me to that party ....

did everything for them that not even their relatives would do.

now I do not do any of that and I am happier .


people put one or two examples about their own rejection but they would never know how it feels to be the recipiento of constant , or even very ugly rejection comments or situations .

Most women do not realize how many guys get very burning responses from women even if he just said hi . Guys know what I am talking about .
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 108
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Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:15:01 AM
Yeah, SD, you needed to make changes. Personally, I’ve just stopped trying. That seems to work the best
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 109
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:19:11 AM
Yamsee you had a technique that worked for you , alot of women expect a pickup line , just saying hi in a bar does not work , it is the approach , the technique that intrigues them , what you did was approaching technique I use techniques alot , I used to say hi and introduce myself , some would just laugh at me or ignore me like I was not there others were pretty cruel at minumum they would say hi and not say much and keep themselves occupied with other people more desireable to them . seee you play the game well. Worst ever was to give a girl a flower in a bar , it seemed hilarious and gay to them , hahaha , not only in one bar or city , hehehehe I was so lame
 Sparklepants
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 110
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:19:59 AM
sddude -

Sounds like you didn't know how to say "no". Nice guys can say no and still be a nice guy. No wonder you're happier now...no longer a doormat.

Sometimes it's difficult for women to figure out if a guy is a nice guy. I've had many men be "nice" to me, but then during the same date, treat the waitstaff in a condescending manner, or rudely bark orders to someone who works for him.

That's a big turn-off for me. I know he's not what I consider to be a nice guy when that happens.

-sparkle
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 111
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Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:30:45 AM
SD,
You’re right - it’s not just a matter of approaching. You have to carry yourself correctly. Be creative. There’s an angle to any situation. You have to remember, a lot of people, especially women, put up walls in social situations. One night I was out I saw a woman order a Guiness - that was my opening. We talked about beer for an hour. I didn’t get a date out of it, but we had a great conversation and we’ve talked several times since when we’ve been in the same locations.

Oh, and never approach women when they are in a “pack.” You’re outnumbered too greatly and nothing will work. 2-to-1, or even 3-to-1, you’ll be ok. But, if they’re with like four or five or more of their friends, just let it go.

pinkfizz - I didn’t mean to say you have me blocked, particularly, but I don’t pass through your e-mail filter. It’s ok, it happens from time to time.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 112
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:53:24 AM
Well I am nice to everyone , people just say I am always too happy , hahah that was my problem , never condencending to anyone .

Yes yam the woman pack is just aweful for some guys especially the way I was sending a flower to one girl got them into a torture and tease frenzy being humiliated often sometimes several times in one day was normal for me , many rejections daily was the norm .

I can approach women even a large pack of women and get to know all of them even be the life of their little group before I was just nice, correct , sweet, thoughtful , generous, chivalrous, kind of funny , helpful.... you know the list women make about the guy they want . Now they tell me I am bad news for them but they do not care I am fun .

My only last problem are the parents , they never approve of me at first but once they know me the real me because I can be real with them without techniques I end up being the guy for their daughter even if I am not interested , they think I can fix their daughters evil ways , have them go to church with me . I still am the same one just differently packaged with more flashy stuff women like. see the pretty colors ? hahahahaha .
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 113
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Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 12:42:48 PM
See, Taurus, I like to think of it in terms of sports. The most successful teams don’t go into a game with the idea of fiinding a way to beat the opposition at their game - they go into it planning how to force the other team into playing their game. My game is pretty simple - it’s not a game.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 114
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 10:40:03 PM
Musikmaster quoted : The problem is that C. King's "pointers" don't always work; infact, they don't work all that often .


Yes it does not work all the time...there are no absolutes in life.
Ever go fishing ? Ever catch ALL the fish in the pond


OT
It is not about a certain set of circumstances..its about a certain set of attitudes...
I have been rejected many a time-who hasn't....
You can do 2 things...whine or MOVE ON...I chose to move on.
The problem with self professed nice guys is that ......they need to get a clue when a woman is not interested.....its nothing personal....and she does not owe you an explanation as to why she is not into you...she is just NOT.

And I have known many a Joe average who camplain that good looking women dont give them the time of the day.....yet they ignore the Jane Average who is interested...
hypocrissy dont you think ?
 Musikmaster
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 115
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 10:55:41 PM
There is a reason why youre single? first thing women at least the women that i know dont like to be refered to as "chick".

Okay, substitute 'girl' then. I was only making a point.


Second thing, dont confuse the nice guy vs the pushover guy, yes some women go for the trophy guy but not all women do, me included.

I didn't confuse it. Anyway, I don't believe you.


Maybe if you stop feeling sorry for your self and tackle the real issues, things would be different.

More assumptions. I don't think I'm sorry for myself. I'm merely making observations and assessments in the discussion. What do you mean by 'real issues?'


You think youre the only one with rejection issues? Ive been rejected too and i dont make a big deal over it, you wont be everyones "cup of tea"

If I am making any issue at all, it is about hypocrisy, I think.

To C. King and anyone else who finds it relevant:
This is not necessarily about whining or accepting. It's just about reality, about social norms and relationships. It's about how people act and their values in a relationship construct. At least, that is what I was getting at. I was illustrating how bad or negative things are. It just is. It's not about whining. If you want to interpret it as whining or complaining about a rejection, I don't care. That's your own personal interpretation which, imho, is quite narrow-minded and weak.
 Smoking Tiger
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 117
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:08:08 PM
Ya know, I seriously considering stopping being nice... since my ex had my heart in a blender for three months... to bad I don't know how... I want someone who will like me for who I am ... It's like getting rich so you get more women... sorry, I don't want a girl who likes a$$)-(oles ...
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 119
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 11:46:47 AM
kindacute , damn you are cute ! too bad you are far away

people here need some sedatives , and thier anti depresasnts , maybe some cheesecake will do the trick .
 musum999
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 120
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 2:12:06 PM
Ya know, I seriously considering stopping being nice... since my ex had my heart in a blender for ten months... to bad I don't know how... I want someone who will like me for who I am ...
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 121
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 4:11:07 PM
Yup that makes sense but most complain of the application , it is so hard not to have a relationship for years or a real date in a year with a woman that is actually interested , that is kind of why some opt to throw away what they are , just for the hook of getting the girl they want but that has it's big problems but loneliness is reduced , yes it is wrong , but what can one do if for weeks he wants a girl on his side just to go out and spend some enjoyment time instead of dreaming and looking in magazines, internet dating and bars that give nothing but rejection over and over to no end .

It is just to escape and see what we are doing wrong and not be lonely .

Being a badboy is bad but not lonely

I am trying to put up that facade now , it is wrong but it works ,

I only had one real girlfreind in my life , really , well almost two , the second one cheated on me the first week.

too lonely to stay the course ....
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 122
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 5:18:01 PM
no I just cannot go into the relationship mode at all , what happens is that I go to myself and it changes everything for them , they think I am actually too nice and then they place me in the friend box , they use me as a friend almost weekly ... several if I stay the badboy I can go out with them and stay interested , badboy drinks and smokes , wears guiness cowboy hat and cutoffs ,drives noisy fun jeep with no top but two surfboards... nice guy does not drink or smoke is mellow, well dressed, responsible and drives typical luxury sedan (boring for alot of younger women) .Nice guy is only the friend , niceguy cannot get real dates , niceguy not allowed to kiss because the women that get to lknow him see him as a friend .

That my my dilema , dating versus not dating is badboy versus nice guy .

I was reciently very very interested in a girl that I met on the internet on the livejournal site , journals for everyone to see , yes I have one, I was in niceguy mode because that was me myself unchanged not looking into any agenda , just myself , she 21 and in an orchestra , played the french horn , I was lovestruck but I had to play it safe , we had lunch at a fun tourist place all on me , bought her margaritas it was fun , we talked for ours , she told me she felt that she knew me for such a long time and that she was glad to meet me , well I ended up as one of her friends , one of the good ones but that is all , she says that she does not want to ruin the friendship with a more invoved relationship , .... what got me most was that her next guy was one of my "cool badboy friends " she worships him , she always thought he was no good but when he persued her he got her easily .

That got me thinking ,

being a friend and having coffee and talk like always or actually getting a date and having a girl give you hope beyond friendship , yeah I know it is cheating.

I was married jimmy , I know where you are comming from , I thought all women was like my wife genuine , easy to know , easy to please and actually loved who I was and the kind of man I was , we never fought ever it was so deep and nice a fairy dream but she died .

Being single again showed me a different reality , that most women are not like her .

to me it is like trying to climb a mudslide unless I cheat , just do not want to be dateless , got to get some kisses every now and then ,
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 123
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 5:24:04 PM
hahaha , being myself does not work , you ladies can say anything , you get dates , you may not know how it feels to be widowed young and too nice to get a date even you tired ?

I agree with jim completely , I am celibate , I do not go with hookers , I have friends and dogs , do you think that is enough ? tow years and sit and wait .

Well the other girl that cheated on me , I was in the good guy persona, me she found it so easy to make out with a guy infront of me cuz I was so nice and never got mad for anything , you know I did not , I just demoted her to a friend , she is one of my bestfriends , she bakes me cakes and pies and walks my 4 dogs , she loves them ....
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 124
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 9:42:12 PM
Well that is a good idea to get back into , I did judo for 2 years , I did yoga a long time ago right after highschool , I was able to put my foot behind my neck . Maybe I just need peace and no one else , even in my house I have no peace just so many people using my house as a pub , all so called friends maybe I need to lighten up and forget about looking just let it happen , maybe in a few more years ....

I do not have a nice attitude ? , hahaha you do not know me in person , here is the only time I even attempt to vent in person I just seem to be such a cheerful guy like ned flanders in the simpsons , venting is neededevery now and then , hehehe

Thanks for reminding me that exists as an option , I did enjoy those activities.
 tom_canadian
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 125
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Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 9:46:14 PM
Nice guys sleep alone


Need I say more?
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 126
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/26/2005 10:10:32 PM
^^^Yikes Ula is a serial sleeper
 Musikmaster
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 127
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/27/2005 12:25:24 AM

Really i dont give a rats a$$ if you believe me or not, my mandate isnt to justify anything to you

Ive read your profile Ace and i can see where these hypocrisy issues occur, anyone who claims chases crack house whores and best friend girlfriend for dessert ,either has a poor sense of humor or is just one sick f**king person, so dont lecture me on what women think?

when guys like you wouldnt even look at a plain average girl or BBW or give her the time of day, hypocisy works both ways Ace

and spare me with the negative scenerio, the only thing negative here is your perception , your personal experience and maybe a few other guys who want to blame the world for your shortcummings

When I stated I didn't believe you, I meant I think you're a liar and a hypocrite.

What's with the condescending "Ace" crap? My profile was created quickly and if you can't read the sarcasm within, you have problems. "Guys like me?" LOL. You know nothing about me. You might want to use a spell checker. If you're going to lecture, it helps if you at least appear like you're somewhat coherent. 'Another queen of insinuations and insults.
 Musikmaster
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 128
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/27/2005 8:36:34 AM
I'm going by your posts. There's a lot of them. Okay, if you don't like liar, then poseur. Again with the Ace.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 129
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/27/2005 9:44:06 AM
Jimmy ,

it does not seem to work , only one out of a million bite , like winning the lottery , maybe in 50 years , I guess everyone thinks that is reasonable . If you had the 200 hundred and so female friends and aquaintances that I have and gotten no real response but just frienship like I have , you would understand . I am in beersports teams , surfing , clubber groups even religiuos organizations , I know alot of people , that does not make the odds better , I am definitely doing something wrong , right so I change it but still the results are not perfect.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 130
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/27/2005 9:56:22 AM
MMMMM so Katherine , what is the secret for women to even be attracted to me instead of loving me like a brother or a cousin or a confidant?
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 131
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/27/2005 11:45:34 AM
Yeah one in a milion , just for a date too , hahaha not only the one.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 132
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 10/27/2005 2:54:08 PM
women all of you be quiet about this !!!!!! It is a secret

it is supposed to be a secret , you have many books and gurus about relationships , guys never mention them , let us have our hunting women bible , just one without making us all embarassed .


Now who is this guy? where can I get his book ?
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