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 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 112
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PolyamoryPage 2 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
This one really gets me 'cause there is this woman in love with my bf and she thinks it would be just fine if we shared him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF - crazy B!tch! The situtation goes deeper (long story) but I am sorry if I truly love someone, really truly love them I will not share!
There are threesomes that are totaly different from Polyamory - that to me is just sex, just an adventure not a loving relationship. When you are talking polyamory we are talking relationships.
 NoixdeCoco
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 126
Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 10:12:59 AM
I wouldnt be able to do it, I'd get to effing jealous!
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 137
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History
Polyamory
Posted: 4/30/2006 8:06:16 AM
Ms Ali,

Another primer for poly is Love Without Limits by psychologist Dr. Debra Annapol. It has some things about working through jealousy to advance yourself to a state of unconditional love.

Another discussion of this is:

Jealousy and the Abyss

by William Pennell Rock
From the Journal of Humanistic Psychology, Vol. 23, No. 2, Spring 1983, 70-84
Copyright ©1983 by the Association for Humanistic Psychology

Reprinted by permission of the author at www.PlanetWaves.net

Sorry, I don't know its current status at that site. You may have to track it down.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 139
Polyamory
Posted: 4/30/2006 9:33:38 AM
I know many in poly relationships. It works beautifully for some. For me, I'm much too territorial. I don't share my man or my shoes. BUT, I don't think my preferences are for everyone. My personal experiences with those in poly situations are all positive, from the outside looking in, of course. How to mesh more than one partner into a household is a mystery to me, but all things are possible. I love women ~ who they are, their individualistic beauty, etc., but there is no way that I could co-habitate with one. One interesting observation on my part, the trust and honesty level of those relationships seems key ~ no lies, no games, no guessing what the "roles" are....it seems to be quite open on many levels. I do wonder at times, however, if the initial "sister" is manipulated into poly, I have NO proof of that, but I do wonder if the fear of losing him is a catalyst for some women who do agree to such arrangements ??????
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 147
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Polyamory
Posted: 5/3/2006 4:36:52 PM
Hunibon,


Polomary? What is this polomary? This must be something completely different and you are obviously confusing the 2 terms because you are so far off base with your views that they could not be referring to POLYAMORY, which is what we are talking about here:

" polomarists' have an inability to commit" ??? I don't think so. They are just as committed to several partners as one monogamous person is to one partner. No one has ever said that all partners have to be loved equally. That could happen, but generally there is the recognition that one has a primary which is the dominant relationship in one's life.

Polyamory is also not about "sharing" either. It is about extended opportunities to grow through your experiences with more than one partner. There does not even have to be a sexual relationship involved.
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 150
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Polyamory
Posted: 5/4/2006 7:04:10 AM
"My opinion,though, is that it is just some casual swinging"

You are entitled to your opinion, and I would not deny anyone that right. What you do not have the right to do is spread misinformation, myth and hearsay in the name of opinion. I am just calling you on it that is all. Poly does not involve casual sex at all. You can think of it as fidelity between a small group of people or with more than one partner. You seem to purposely miss my point that poly relationships can be emotion based but not be sexual at all. That is well documented in the literature. Purposely and conveniently ignoring that fact to support a pre-conceived notion makes you judgemental.

Perhaps you would care to enlighten us about your research into this area that you base your opinions on. There are a lot of references and papers on the net, you could fill several binders with them, and at least 20 books debating marriage and alternative models to consider.
 jessikaowl
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 162
Polyamory
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:27:48 PM
just to add, the whole idea is not for me...... but the show "big love" is GREAT and I love seeing the interactions between all of them. I know IRL it doesn't work like that, but that's why it's really good.
 zombies are chasing me
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 164
Polyamory
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:20:38 AM
@OP

hey if its your thing.. go for it! But it aint mine :)
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 168
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Polyamory
Posted: 5/21/2007 1:28:57 PM

I am not referring to threesomes. Just the act of loving a person but allowing each other to love other people as well.
That's not polyamory. That's an open relationship.


Polyamory (from poly=multiple + amor=love) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they respect a partner's wish to have second or further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships
(source: wikipedia)

I love everyone. But I want sex with one person at a time. And I want the same from them too. Saves on STIs, and confused pregnancies. And jealousy.
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 171
Polyamory
Posted: 5/21/2007 4:33:14 PM
I think that the only place that it is really safe to have a threesome is in your fantasies! I don't see how a relationship could survive with more than two people. Even if you're just doing it for fun... you think... somebody is going to get more serious or like one person better than the other. Somebody will get thier feelings hurt eventually. JMO!
 helenandcraig1985
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 173
Polyamory
Posted: 5/21/2007 4:58:52 PM
Hi, This is Helen the wife in mine and craig's marriage. I don't typically write about stuff like this, or in these type forums bc I feel that my wants are mine and mine only and if I meet someone who would be interested in it would be the only person who I would care what they thought. My husband and I have been married for 3 years this July, we have never been so comfortable with eachother, I've been with a girl in front of him, we've both done things we're not proud of, but in that we realize we got on with it, and to be quite honest, I was a lesbian before I met my husband. He understands my want to be with another girl, and in that, I am fine with polyamory. We're still newcomers to this whole polyamory thing, and have yet to find anyone who wants to be in a relationship, only those who want one night stands and thats just not what we're into. But anywho, I think if someone wants to be polyamorous, I don't think it's a bad thing. It only depends on both of the people in the relationship to say "I'm okay with expanding our relationship".
 helenandcraig1985
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 174
Polyamory
Posted: 5/21/2007 4:59:32 PM
Hi, This is Helen the wife in mine and craig's marriage. I don't typically write about stuff like this, or in these type forums bc I feel that my wants are mine and mine only and if I meet someone who would be interested in it would be the only person who I would care what they thought. My husband and I have been married for 3 years this July, we have never been so comfortable with eachother, I've been with a girl in front of him, we've both done things we're not proud of, but in that we realize we got on with it, and to be quite honest, I was a lesbian before I met my husband. He understands my want to be with another girl, and in that, I am fine with polyamory. We're still newcomers to this whole polyamory thing, and have yet to find anyone who wants to be in a relationship, only those who want one night stands and thats just not what we're into. But anywho, I think if someone wants to be polyamorous, I don't think it's a bad thing. It only depends on both of the people in the relationship to say "I'm okay with expanding our relationship".
 CreativeAdventurer
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 176
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Polyamory
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:59:20 PM
Ok....Well,I had to look it up and guess what you all spelled it wrong...POLYGAMY-the pratice or condition of having more than one spouse. Sure ....two court case.
 Fun_Jess
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 178
Polyamory
Posted: 5/22/2007 1:28:27 AM
polyamory I just can't do, I'm an only child and wouldn't share well........

on the other had POLYANDRY........................maybe I would give that a shot!!!
 GoatGirlA
Joined: 2/15/2007
Msg: 180
Polyamory
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:52:58 PM
You know, I think it is one of the more fascinating things about this entire thread that it has created a perfect illustration of the ways that insecurity versus self confidence create the differences between a glass-half-full and glass-half-empty mentality.

Most of the people not interested in poly who aren't just trolling or trying to be jerks have said something along the lines of "I'm not willing to share" or "I'm not good at sharing".

Having lived in a delightful poly situation for 11 years now, there are tons of reasons it makes sense. But the selfish reason? Because I get my need met much more effectively with multiple sources for getting them met.

I think it really says something about the self esteem of the parties who only see a need to share, like they will sit at home and pout at being left out, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to not miss out on getting needs met more often.

The husband hurt his back? My other spouse can help me carry the box. My partner needs to work late? I can still enjoy dinner conversation with the spouse. My husband has to fly home to deal with family issues and I can't go? I don't have to be alone for a week because I have company here. I want a great orgasm but the hubby is too stressed to be in the mood? Hey, the other person would be happy to play. Hubby and I are having a fight? I have a free assistant to help us translate through the misunderstanding.

I have gained a phenomenal amount by way of poly, and I get to be happy when the people I love are happy, and move on as fast as possible when it isn't going to meet my needs, rather than being surprised later on that the other person snuck around to meet their needs while I was frustrated with not having mine met and denying myself. I really feel like it can set you free from so much self limitation if it is the right thing for you.

Yeah, there are a million examples of people who did it wrong. Sure, people like Koresh said they were into it. One idiot does not a movement define. And how many monogamous people do you know who can't make a relationship work for long? The statistics are actually slightly in favor of those who try poly for getting something working. It won't stay that way if more people are aware of it, just because most people are incapable of real adult relationships of any kind, poly or otherwise. But just because we know someone who failed at poly doesn't make poly any worse. We know people who fail at monogamy, and many other subjects, yet many of us still keep on with those cultural patterns, too.

Do it if it feels right to you to get more sources for meeting your needs and you don't feel you have a right to own the thoughts and actions and emotions of those you care about. Don't do it if it doesn't feel right. To each their own.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 184
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Polyamory
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:49:26 AM
I would think it would take a very big person to be able to do this.. and I kind of admire that.. it would also take a large amount of emotional energy to be able to be loving to more than one person (being there for them and investing emotionally) Geez, sometimes it's hard to give ONE person the time, love and attention they need.

One of Robert Heinlein books has this as a premise for the future in relationships, and I found it quite refreshing... because it would take the ability to grant freedom to your partners and a lot of self-esteem.

I don't know if I am that secure, but I'm not against the idea, especially if health and procreation concerns are dealt with in a loving and responsible way.

Interesting
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 189
Polyamory
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:14:38 AM

The one objection I keep seeing here is jealousy. But consider the following situation. You and your spouse have children. Are you jealous over your spouse's love for your children? Is the jealousy really about love or is it about sex?


Or, is it about a sense of "entitlement" or "ownership" rooted in patriarchal traditions of male ownership over females evolving into both genders believing and fostering a sense of entitlement and ownership.

People are not property. People are free agents and their relationships exist because of a mutual desire for them to exist. Love may be present and may not be present. Love is not a prerequisite for a relationship to develop or be sustained. Relationships are also maintained by hate. They simply function in a different manner than those based on love and those based on ambiguity, or friendship.

When humans question this particular arrangement, they seem to approach it with the questio of "why"? Why are you poly? Have they asked, "Why are they monogamous?" or "Why are they asexual?"

We approach those who have a different standard, a different belief system, and a different way of being from our own as if they were somehow less than, someone to be marginalized, and looked upon with disdain and as a social pariah. Who gave anyone that right?

Don't we all want to enjoy the freedom to live our lives as we desire without being pressured to conform, explain ourselves, or justify ourselves to those who do not share our views, beliefs, practices, or way of being?

Common courtesy seems to imply that we extend the same courtesies to others that we desire ourselves.

Polyamory has been around for some time hidden below the surface of society. It is emerging and growing as an alternative form of partnering. It shall be interesting to see how it evolves.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 190
Polyamory
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:49:09 AM
When individuals refer to this only working with certain people, they are likely referring to individuals who are secure in their own skin, have developed healthy self-esteem and a healthy sense of self. They have been given or learned to become self-determining and have put away the societal dominant themes that have been imposed on individuals that define what is and is not approved as it relates to relationships as well as a myriad of other lifestyles.

As individuals become more aware of their own uniqueness and individuality, this trend toward what are now termed "alternative lifestyles" will likely increase and become much more accepted in larger social system.

Best.

ACP
 tworough4u
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 193
Polyamory
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:38:50 PM
i think a poly relationship is diffrent for every one im a master with 2 247 slaves is that not poly god has nothing 2 do with it
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 201
Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:06:12 AM
i see nothing wrong with it if everyone involved is in the same mindset, this has been going on as long as humans have been on the planet, homosexuals have been around forever as well, they are now getting married these days..let them enjoy if they so desire, there are more pressing issues in the ole u.s. of a..come one
 ImThatSteve
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 205
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Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:49:52 PM
Hi Alson this is scott from Wasilla, Alaska. Yes, Polyamory is a VERY viable relationship. What most people miss is that we as humans are able to love more than one person with our whole heart. for example look at parents with thier kids, they love each child with their whole heart and in their own unique way. I myself am polyamorous and have been shunned from so called "monogomists" and boy can they get hateful; however, anyone who has been "seperated" and started dating again, been "seperated" and dated while still legally married, or has had more than one marrage (in other words committed "serial monogomy") are not true monogomists, they are somewhere in between a monogomist and a polyamorist. Nearly everyone has been in a polyamorous relationship to some degree or another; but, and this is a big one, Only those who are emotionally evolved enough to operate without that petty fearbased insecurity called "jealousy" are really able to accomplish the true nature of mankind, to enjoy life to their own fullest potential. Only a small percentage of people are mature enough to be polyamorous and it takes true open and honest communication and a balanced focus on ourselves as well as our parteners needs as well. It comes fairly naturally if you let it. Maslows pyramid shows that only about 4% of the population will become self actualized, I believe in these times that we'll see a much higher percentage which will open up a much greater dating/ relationship pool for people like us. fyi... people have been operating successfully as polyamous for thousands of years in europe and asia, it IS the natural way of being for many.
 giggleparts
Joined: 10/23/2004
Msg: 206
Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:52:17 PM
Blah, blah, blah (insert insightful crap here)

Otherwise,

No.

the giggleparts - Making sense since even before the release of Thriller.
 ImThatSteve
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 207
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History
Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:38:48 PM
Another point I needed to add after seeing some of these postings is that lees than 1/2 of one percent of all monogomist relationships ever last a lifetime and for being the majority of relationships out there (96% as estimated in america as of 2005) those are some truley really bad success rate numbers by any comparison. For example, 4% of all relationships are openly polyamorous in america, these have a much better track record for long term relationships (ie. one in four being life long with the majority of their intimate parteners) that is 25% of the minority being successful in the long run.... and before anyone get in a tissy, yes at times the "primary" relationship changes, but rarely completely disolves. (unlike the nasty multiple divorces of a serial monogomist) what a shame, open your minds and free your spirits. love always, and be free. scott from wasilla alaska
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