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 justcueit
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 36
Is it necessary to have common interests?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I look for common interests to a point, but my lifestyle seems to change depending on who I'm in a relationship with at the time, so different interests work as well.

I DO pay attention to different interests when they are something that I'm just not in to. For example, I'm not a dancer.... so when a guy posts in the first line of his profile (or the first date) that he "loves to dance", that tells me we won't be a match.
 csod64
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 37
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/20/2007 10:20:58 AM
It depends on what you're looking for exactly. If it's for LT, then you better have lots in common--or an ability to appreciate your differences without being judgmental. Now, if it's just for an "Intimate Encounter", perhaps the less you know about the other person the better--except know that you're both wanting the same thing...sex. (Then you should at least be attracted to each other. At the very least.)
 EyeDye
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 38
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/20/2007 10:21:44 AM
Sometimes having a partner that is very different from you, can compliment each other in many positive ways. However, I feel you must have at least SOME things in common, or you are likely to not enjoy each others time quite as much. In a relationship its good to enjoy doing some things together.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 41
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Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/20/2007 12:48:07 PM
It's easier to find someone if you have shared interests.
It's also easier to get on with someone if you have something to share.
But I'd give it a shot either way. I LOVE to learn new things.
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 42
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/20/2007 1:22:46 PM
Having common interests does not mean that you share all interests or that you never spend time apart, it just means that you have some common interests. A common interest can be one you share now, or one you develope while getting to know them, but for me it has to be there in one form or another.

I've tried dating those that I've had little in common with and it hasn't worked. I found their company boring and unfilfilling, even when they were genuine, kind, intelligent, and beautiful.
 sweetguy1962
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 43
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/20/2007 6:09:26 PM
I think it is a must to have some common interests. The relationship will be stronger if you enjoy the same things. It also will be fun creating new common interests as the relationship grows. Having fun and enjoying life together is what I think love is all about.
 PositiveOne
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 44
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:35:06 PM
Searching for a match with some on who shares some of your interest yes I think is important, you need to have a base to start and interest vs. looks is a great place to begin, give you something to open communications and communication is very important in any relationship.

Now when you find that you enjoy each other than you can explore and learn together new things to keep the chemistry alive in your relationship should one grow whether you stay only friends or you become something more. so yes searching for that interest is important. I find that compatibilitu/interest #1 and then personality #2 and then I move on to the looks.

Just my opinion!
 PositiveOne
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 45
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:42:42 PM
I agree its a major ingredient and so is giving each other space to do do there own thing, all interest and hobbies do not need to be shared together that's when respecting each others space comes in. Sometimes letting some one do something with out you give the other a reason to come back and share with you what they did again opening doors for communication another important ingredient.
 oysterloaf
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 46
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 6:55:07 PM
Well...it can't hurt, can it. Seriously, it does give you both something to do and something to talk about. The shared experiences, shared lives thing.

It also depends on the interests. Some people flip over politics, others the environment. Whatever. It is even better if instead of shared interests, they are shared passions. You get exited over something, then I get exited over something. So commonality helps cement a relationship. But is it absolutely necessary?? I don't know.

I think it is also important to have some separate interests. This gives different outlets, different acquantances, and just as importantly time apart. Hope that doesn't sound odd, but interests apart help define ourselves. If, in doing these things we feel good about ourselves, then this is transmitted to people in our everyday lives. After all, most people I know like people who feel good about themselves.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 47
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 7:14:17 PM
I don't necessarily look for common interests, rather focusing more on compatible values. But, I have a wide range of interests so that isn't a big issue for me. I love to learn and try new things - almost adventurous that way. Keeps things interesting.

 1800DoUCare
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 48
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 7:18:46 PM
I don't believe it's as much of having common interests as excepting one another for the way they are, taking an interest in their way of living and thinking vise/versa. and both being able to compromise,
You often see two people to gether who were once as different as night and day.
Having somethings in common I believe helps to be the first building blocks towards a relationship. As long as two people are compatable..
 paradoxdreamer
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 49
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 7:21:28 PM
Not so much common interests, but if a woman mentions something that she is interested in that gets me to react similiar to, "Oh wow! That's cool!" Then of course that will draw me to write to her and feel more eager towards her response. If she names off a long list of things I find boring or uninterested in, yeah, the lack of compatability will be a turn off.
 LukinRnd
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 50
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 8:09:26 PM
Awwww, gee whiz....now ya done went and stirred up a memory.

"Common Interests"?
MY very mostest and bestest favor-itist "Common Interest Story" goes like this:

Back in the 90's construction sucked big time out here in CA, and being a Contractor, I was caught up in the BIG SQUEEZE of attempting to chase money that just wasn't there to be caught very easily. So I worked all the time....weekends meant nothing, nor did 14 hour days, 7 days aweek...I had a big ranch, and a BIG mortgage on it...a couple ex wives (oh my!!!) to pay ON TIME, 1 kid in private school, car payments, insurances, etc., etc., etc...

ANYWAY, my wifie-poo at the time was a stay at home wifie-poo...She took care of THE DETAILS, and also spent a lot of time playing with her horses. Which didn't bother me none, and anyway, I was too busy chasing bucks to be bothered much.

And our personal "together" time was cut back on pretty good being as how I was either out and about chasing them bucks, sittin' in my office at home doing office stuff, or on the phone scheduling jobs, chasing more bucks, or trying to get people to pay me the bucks I had already caught--- 'Cause they ain't YOUR'S
'till they is in your hand!!

And my little lady was rather unhappy that I was busy working all the time, and we didn't do a lot of stuff together...and she made mention of that quite often, and she said we didn't have enough in common anymore either---It was a CLASSIC Catch-22 for me...if I hung out with her more, we suffered financially, but if I worked enough to keep the wolve's at bay, we suffered in our relationship. It kinda sucked to be me at that point in time I can tell ya!!
In MY mind, what we had in COMMON at that particular juncture, was a desire/need to forge ahead above all else, pay the bills, and keep our lifestyle intact...but what do I know?

So....pretty much every evening when I dragged my butt home, and we sat down to a wonderful dinner (great cook she was!!), we would discuss what was happening out and about, and there at home....and without fail, she would tell me what Dr. Phil had talked about that day on his show, and in her mind it was very apparent that Dr. Phil was GOD!!!!

And I got to flat out hate the crap outta Dr. Phil, and that was without ever having seen the man!!! It seemed I was ALWAYS the A-Hole Extraordinaire in all things that were not quite right at home, according to Dr. Phil...

Then one day I came in early, which didn't happen very often...and the wife was out back playing with her horses. So instead of going straight to my office, I popped a beer, flopped down on my Lazy-Boy, and grabbed the T.V. Remote---I started flipping channels (it's a Guy Thing!), and watching several channels at once (another Guy Thing!!), and all of a sudden, I ran into....Dr. Phil!!!

THERE was that gOoFy sumbiach that was ruining my life...right there, in color, on the tube...so I watched him a few minutes, trying to gather information as to where he was, so I could go choke him to death...but at the same time, I was listening to what he was saying. And he was explaining to a couple sitting there, an unhappy couple as it were...well, mostly it was an unhappy WIFE he was trying to explain just why it was, that a couple....now get this:

"DIDN'T HAVE TO SPEND ALL THAT MUCH TIME TOGETHER, AND DIDN"T HAVE TO HAVE ALL THAT MUCH IN COMMON EITHER"!!!!

So I watched, jaw hanging, drooling a bit, as he went into details with those folks...And at the commercial break I ran outside; yelled to the wife to "hurry and come see"....

And when she got to where I was standing, I told her Dr. Phil was on, and he had a really interesting topic going...so I led her into the house, stopping to grab another beer of course, and sat back down, with Dr. Phil still rolling along...

And the wife was kinda standing off to my left, and behind me, so I couldn't see her face as Dr. Phil spoke...And then after about TWO minutes...I heard footsteps heading towards the kitchen on the hardwood...but Dr. Phil was still talking, so I was kinda confused....and I called to her:

"Hey, where ya goin' (figgerin' maybe she was gonna get me some chips...)?"

And she said....and I swear to the Good Lord, this is what she said:

"He doesn't know everything."

Then she was out the back door, and gone to the barn....

And we didn't last 6 months after that.

Point is, trust me, Dr. Phil says ya don't need all that much in common, so ya prolly don't.

End of story.
 MisKondukt
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 51
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 8:12:45 PM
I definitely go for some of the same common interests. However, it is great to learn new things and try new things. It is also great that you can have your own interests and do them without your S/O.
 steevmark
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 52
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 8:23:09 PM
Umm,

Have you ever heard the expression "Doh!" before? I think it's made it into the most recent edition of Oxford. Basically, it means "holy crap, did I really say that out loud?? Sure hope not, 'cause if I did, people are gonna think I'm retarded."

Whaddaya think? Is this a question that could possibly elicit anything but a split vote, some saying yes, some saying no, in pretty much equal measures? And so, is it worth asking at all?

'doh'
 steevmark
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 53
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 7/21/2007 8:26:29 PM
Yes, let's all except one another.

If this is the level of ability to communicate, when we ostensibly speak the same language, is it any wonder we want to kill each other when different dialects are drawn into the mix?

'damn, how this tricky inglish language makes surtayn werds that mean nothin' like the one I'm tryin' ta say be spelt so much like 'em.'
 wodehousefan2
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 54
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/19/2007 4:57:49 PM
You need to have some things in common, and some things different. Nothing in common gives you nothing to fall back on when the initial chemistry wears off. Not enough differences gives too little stimulation to move in new directions together. It is not " either/or" people...it's "a bit of both" that is needed.
 Tesserae
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 56
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:52:54 PM
I appreciate common interests, they give us something to share past memories of. Hiking for example; "Have you ever been on such and such trail in the Rockies? No?? Well let me tell you about my trip back in the '90's..." Then your partner gets all excited and you're both inspired to go on some hiking adventure together and create new memories together. Things are much easier when you first meet and are getting to know someone and it turns out you've got something in common to relate about other than the usual small talk which can seem like 20 questions from a job interview. No, I don't want to be joined at the hip with anyone, and appreciate my time for other pursuits. If he has his own, excellent, it's all about balance! People who mould their lives around each other too closely might get sick of each other when nothing new can be brought into discussions.
 GEOSC
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 57
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:04:40 PM
As long as she likes camping ,sex, hiking, sex, fishing, sex, movies, sex, dinning out and did I mention sex.
 tmotts
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 58
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:10:24 PM
I love to experience new things. Our passions and hobbies don't have to be the same, but if its important to him, and he wants me to share it with him, than I would. I am very adaptable and can have fun in almost any situation. Ideally, he would be willing to do the same for me. I wouldn't expect him to like everything I like, but if it were important to me, than hopefully he too would be willing to share with me.

I think more than anything your basic values and morals should be similar in order for the relationship to be peaceful and respectful.
 tmotts
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 59
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:23:00 PM
LukinRnd you are one funny guy, enjoyed your little story!
 mtnskigirl
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 60
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:38:19 PM
Interesting thread with thoughtful comments.

Common interests is an important element in a balanced relationship. I think having a connection in a shared passion helps to unite a couple. I am a ski instructor during the winter months and would love to find a passionate skier play in the moguls with me.
 Viel
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 61
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:53:25 PM
Boy, ummm, I've had it both ways. I dated someone where we had a lot in common, but I just didn't feel anything for him. Then, there was another guy I dated and we have nothing in common, infact we are opposites, but man, I was crazy for him.
I prefer having the chemistry. Yuk, dirty word. It then would be nice if both are willing to learn from each other.
 extrememale2004
Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 62
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:23:40 PM
It is good to have some common interests. I find it easy to talk to a women who have some common interests as me but I also learn that each person will not have it all in common but have to learn to respect each other interests on the things they might not have in common.
 BobRuinedTheDate
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 64
Is it necessary to have common interests?
Posted: 9/21/2007 6:21:15 AM
Before I comment, what exactly is "dinning out" as one of the posters noted his interest to be? Is that like going out with pots and pans and big metal spoons and banging them like crazy?

Anyway, it is necessary to have common interests and no, adult humans are incapable of learning new interests. You should have EXACTLY THE SAME interests without a single variation or it will fail miserably.
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