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Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 188
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?Page 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
If kids are not physically disciplined, then what will they do when they get to be adults?
They are very likely to assume that they can get away with rape and murder, and guess what? They do. Crime is on the rise in a big way, ans most of the rapes murders are being done by young men and women, for insults and trivial things. Then you wonder why all the prisons are full.
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 203
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/17/2007 7:22:13 PM
Reading the above posts, it seems that a lot of people who consider spanking to be the same as abuse have either never experienced a good spanking, and there are such things, or they were really abused. Perhaps a bad experience or lack of experience hampers one’s ability to differentiate between a properly administered spanking and real violent physical abuse.

I remember when I was spanked as a child at the age of around ten. I remember why as well. After the misdeed, my mother, who was very angry, sent me to my room and told me to wait for my father to come home from work. I waited for half the day until he arrived at dinner time. I’m sure there was some discussing downstairs. He came to my room, explained that I was going to be spanked and why. Then I got hit three to five times, bare hand to bare butt. It was painful. I cried. I was humiliated. But you know what; the actual physical pain was gone quickly. In fact, the most painful part of the ordeal was the actual wait for my father to come home. During that time I thought long and hard about what I had done, and the punishment that would come. After the spanking, I ate dinner, went to bed, and the next day, things went back to normal. I had done something wrong, was punished, and could move on. I had learned a hard lesson. I also had respect for my parents and their rules. I am glad I was spanked and do not see it as abuse. Sometimes the best love is tough love.
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 209
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/19/2007 1:41:56 PM
You can say there are no good spankings, and you have experience with spanked and un-spanked kids, but I have experienced a good spanking. A good spanking is one that is rarely used, is for serious offences, is done only after emotions have cooled, and is explained as to why it is done. Humiliation and lack of trust? What lack of trust? These are all fun words to drop, but the fact is in my case, and I can only speak for myself, is that there was no lack of trust. As for the humiliation, I experienced far more in middle school, and even more in boot camp, and I wasn’t hit or spanked in boot camp. What I don’t understand is why people think that corrective punishment is supposed to be free of displeasure. I hate to break it to you but all forms of discipline are humiliating to a degree. Losing toys and being sent to time out is humiliating.

“Why continue the same punishment expecting different result?” The same punishment can be used to end single types of bad behavior, not all bad behavior.

“If spanking ended bad behaviour once and for all I might understand your arguements for it.” Now replace the word spanking with whatever form of punishment you prefer. Time outs, taking away toys, whatever. You can see that no punishment ends all bad behavior.

“Unacceptable behaviour is part of the growing/learning process(for most adults too!).” Likewise, unpleasant punishment is part of the growing/learning process. Punishment during the childhood years teaches that there will always be someone who can impose pain of some kind if one breaks the rules. As an adult, you can be punished by the state far more severely than by parents. Fines (financially painful, especially for the poor), prison time, life sentences, and even death in some states (I am coming from an American point of view). All are unpleasant. All are humiliating. Far better to be well adjusted to these facts of life.

“It will continue whether you spank or not! What wont continue if you dont spank is the expectation on the part of the child that if they are not "good" in your eyes they will be overpowered and physically hurt.” In the parent child relationship, it is very important for the child to understand that the parent has the power and authority. The two positions are not equal. You are looking at this issue from a negative standpoint. Conversely, I look at it from a positive one. If a child misbehaves, they should expect a punishment to fit the offence. If they don’t, the parent is not doing his or her job. Not living up to their responsibility. In my case, the pain of the spanking was very short lived, but the lesson was not. It’s not that I wasn’t good in my parents’ eyes, just the action that called for the punishment.

Deaf ears, hardly. I have read what you have posted, understood it, acknowledged it, and chosen to maintain my position. That’s how a discussion works. I don’t have to agree, or concede my position. That’s what irritates me in this debate. There are some people (not necessarily the poster above) who consider spanking to be the same as abuse. They want to push their views on others and if that doesn’t work, they hope for a government ban.
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 214
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/6/2007 3:54:51 AM
You know, I think that a good beating, would do a lot of kids some good these days. The place where I work, is part of a community service program, and the kids that are coming through for major hours, are getting younger and younger. Used to get 16 and 17 year olds, but now we get 13 and 14 year olds, who are jacking cars, breaking into houses, and beating people up for money. If my kid ever did anything like that, I'd beat him/her black, and beat the black off of him/her. Seriously, my kid would never get into trouble again, because they'd still be crippled from the first time they f*cked up. A lot of these kids, have no respect for their parents, and do not listen to them. Yeah, lots come from screwed up families too, but lots are just spoiled brats. The way kids these days act, is just sickening at times. Not all kids, but most kids, come off with that attitude like they know it all, and if you tell them to do something, or not to do something, they beak off at you. Some 14 year old kid, went into the store where my gf works, and tried to buy a lighter. She refused sale(which is store policy), and he threatened to come back and kill her. If he'd have done that with me in the store, I'd likely be in jail right now, because I'd have picked the little b*stard up by his neck, and told him that he'd be dead before he even looked at her wrong again. If that was me when I was growing up, I guarantee that an adult, would have come over, and given me a beating I wouldn't soon forget. Most of you, probably would have had the same happen. Getting suspended from school, used to be punishment, because either mom or dad, had to miss work to keep an eye on your a**, and you can bet that they weren't happy about it. You did chores, got yelled at, did more chores, got slapped upside the head for being stupid in school, get yelled at, and smacked for screwing up some more, and did more chores. There was no "vacation from school". You went to Mom and Dad's work camp. Touching stuff in the store, was a big nono. Mom would slap your hand clean off if you messed with it after being told not to touch. As for beakin' off at your folks, you'd get a smack, and if you dared tell them off...all I can say is holy f*ck! They would have killed me, revived me, and killed me again, if I ever told them to f*ck off. That's what the bad kids of today need. A good ol' fashioned a** beating. I don't have a criminal record, because if I couldn't do it without any chance of getting caught, I didn't f*ckin' do it. The hell with being scared of going to jail, I was scared of the thought of what Dad would do to me after he picked me up from jail. I'd have likely killed somebody just to stay in jail.
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 217
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/6/2007 1:07:40 PM
I'm not saying beat the kid for every little thing. I believe in teaching kids accountability for their actions, and corporal punishment, is always as a last resort. However, if my kid were behaving like these ones, in spite of my best efforts, you bet I'd knock them down a few notches with a trip to the woodshed. Everybody talks about being charged with child abuse, but no cop in their right mind, is gonna arrest you for disciplining your kid, as long as you don't use excessive force. Especially if your kid, is on their sh*tlist already. My friend's teenage daughter, thought that it would be okay to tell her mom off, and smack her around. My buddy, tuned her in but good, and when she called the cops, and they came, he explained why he had done it, and the cop said something to the extent of "I'm glad there are still good parents out there." She's been golden ever since. Doesn't beak her mom anymore, and doesn't even think about getting violent with her. Her dad told her after the first belt lacing, that she'd get it double if she ever pulled that again. She'd never been spanked before, so it worked great. I totally agree about not getting slap happy with your kids over every little thing, but if they stop responding to verbal punishments, and time outs, or groundings, then it's time to remind them who's in charge. I'll put my teenage kid over my knee, before I kick them out of my house, and further mess them up.
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 225
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/29/2007 1:37:18 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Harsh but true.

I was from a family that got spanked, all three of us. Did it hurt? Yup. Was I scared of my parents? No, I was scared of getting disciplined. Did I stop to think what the consequences were going to be before I did something? Pretty much every time I knew I was thinking about crossing the line. The funny thing is that my parents didnt get all that mad with us because the line had been drawn and you knew where it was so you knew the consequences if YOU chose to make a bad decision. Ever notice you rarely saw a parent in public dealing with a screaming child having a temper tantrum, never saw a kid spit in their parents face. Never heard a kid tell their parents to f*ck off! No You didnt. I was responsible for my decisions and I knew it at a very young age and that stayed with me forever.

I have spanked my daughter as she grew up and she doesnt hate me or her father and we have talked about it, she also know that violence is very different than a smack on the ass.
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 226
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/5/2007 1:32:37 PM
Spanking works because it's gratifying - when a parent wants to spank its cause they are filled with an energy anxiety stress and spanking is like exercising it out and spanking/slamming a lid on the anxiety - the recipient doesn't feel better and is in fact now filled with the parents anxiety along with the issue whatever it was but now they have a lid on that and their own anxiety they have learned better than to open it - in essence learned to 'not' communicate but to bottle it up and work it out with exercisers like yelling, spanking, blaming, drinking, running, fighting, working etc
The point is that those are all calorie burners
and burning calories and exercising are both good
therefor spanking must be good.
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 236
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:56:58 AM
I can count on one hand the number of times my daughter got spanked. I would only use spanking when she was very young IF she was at risk, or in the process of hurting herself or somebody else, and needed immmediate punishment. ie. when she ran out into a busy street when she was three, she got spanked as soon as I got her onto the sidewalk.

I grew up knowing full well what my dad's belt felt like on my butt and I told myself long before I ever had my daughter that I would use other forms of punishment on my child.

Time-outs, taking away privileges, grounding them when they're older, or other methods of punishment can be just as effective, if not moreso, than anything physical. I think a lot of times the parent who does the hitting is doing it out more to alleviate their anger at the child than as a form of punishment.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 239
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/9/2007 10:57:11 AM
Nothing wrong with it. I'd do it to my own kids. I was spanked when I was young, but only out of fear, and maybe when I did something totally wrong. My parents just gave me the evil eye with displeasure and disappointment and I knew I was wrong and should stop. Kids just don't have the respect, because of non-spanking. Also...BRING BACK THE STRAP! Especially in highschools.
 spank me please
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 241
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:01:14 AM
should a child or adult get spanked if they messed their pants
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 243
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:35:41 AM
Oterri, msg's 234 & 241, I'm so with you 100%

The difference between being "scarred" and "not scarred" due to the way your parents disciplined, comes down to self control. Discipline does not have to be in the form of physical abuse, and many of you are saying "of course not", but you're not the problem parents who are abusing your children.

There are some parents who do not know how to discipline, or control their children, they allow them to go so far out of control... then the parent gets angry and resorts to physically disciplining them, and that's when it usually progresses out of control with these type of parents...

The levels of frustration are so far pushed past their level of being able to handle it, they resort to hitting their children out of anger, frustration, and resentment... These parents learn to control their children with negative behavior instead of positive discipline and guidance. It becomes a cycle... the child wants attention, can't get it in a positive way, or it's not enough when the parents do try. The child's negative behavior increases due to his needs (the attention) being meet by the negative discipline.
That should just be unacceptable in our society...

Some parents don't realize why they have discipline problems in the first place... Yes, some are just lazy... but, others are over worked parents coming home, having to get supper, wash dishes, wash clothes, check homework, shuffle young ones into the bath, then into bed...

Now, let's put after school activities in to that, sports, dance class, maybe a birthday party, or dinner over a friends house. Let's not forget paying the mortgage, the phone bill, the cable bill, credit cards...

Shopping for food, clothing, and that gift you forgot to pick up for your parents party, or the birthday party of a class mate... have to get the car inspected, and weekly, if not more than weekly stops at the gas station to fill the tank.

The baby's doctors appointments, you or your children's doctor appointments, dropping of the RX's at the pharmacy, waiting for them, or having to pick them up later. Don't forget the lawn needs mowed, maybe fertilized too. Dragging the garbage barrels out to the curb, having to run the just filled trash bag out from the house to the barrels at the curb. What about a pet, cleaning up after taking care of? Maybe a few simple house repairs that you don't get to for a while, but, eventually do...

Having to clean the rest of the house, having to take care of our own needs, trying to find time in there to connect with your partner AKA "lover", All of this while you're still thinking about work, and did you include all those details in that weekly/monthly/quarterly report, are the money draws all even, will "so and so" show up for work tomorrow, will you have to go in early, or stay late...

With all that goes on in your life on a daily basis...
Where is the time you have to spend, and connect with your children? To talk to them before a behavior gets out of hand? Where or when is the time you just kinda consciously listen over your children, to make sure you can distract and redirect them when they seem to be irritating each other? When do you have the time to be actively involved with them? When do you get to play games with them, read to them, have them read to you?

Where or when do you have the time to teach them patience, security and trust, when do you acknowledge and address their needs, giving them value, showing them respect. When you, yourself have no time or energy to lead and show them those other very important qualities of life? Not just running a life, but living, acknowledging, and experiencing life. Children learn by example...

I'm sure many of you will be thinking... I live that everyday, and I don't have to hit my children, I find the time to balance all the demands, and still spend quality time with my children... You might say, I don't use the TV as a baby-sitter for 4 hours after school so that I can get things done...

But, what about the many parents who can't say that?
Who are pulled in so many directions, and the children are screaming out for their parents attention, they have needs and they're not being met by the ones who are supposed to be fulfilling them. What do those parents do then... when they want their children to just be quiet, and disappear... even just for 10 mins? That 10 minutes leads into a few hours sometimes, and as parents we think it's a blessing, they are leaving us alone. The reality is, we are deserting them.

Children are born helpless, it's up to us as parents to teach them. We need to acknowledge them, to value them, so they can learn to value themselves. Acknowledging them, giving them the attention they need so they can grow... Children do, and need to feel safe by the guidance and discipline of their parents... They need to learn to trust, and that only happens with "interaction"... So many parents have no time, and some really have no desire, as their own needs come first...

Who suffers? The children and then when these children can't sit still, or keep agitating others, or yell and scream... what happens? They finally get the attention they need...

Children need and will seek out attention, be it good or bad attention, they will find a way to be noticed, they will find a way to say hey... "What about me?" and "I need", if you're not listening when they are quietly asking, and then give them what they need... They will ask louder and louder, with inappropriate behavior...

It's very hard to bring it back around to the age when you could slip in Barney, Sesame Street, Disney movies, and pray they give you peace for just a little while, those 30 mins or so eventually turn into a few hours... It happens before you know it, it's routine, it's a way of giving you the time to do just one more thing, and we convince ourselves that we'll have more time later to spend with them... and for some parents, later never comes... until it's too late.

Then, you have an unruly child who is acting out for much needed attention, and you resort to whatever means you have to... first a slap, it shocks them, they are stunned, they walk away, or run away to their room...

Maybe you feel a slight pain of guilt, no one wants to hurt their children. But, then you start to justify it, they have left their sister/brother alone, they are not whining anymore, they have given you the time you need to do whatever it is you are doing...

What happens next is a usually slow progression to more and more physical discipline to stop the behaviors... common sense would have you say... it worked once, it will work again, and you keep trying to get those same results... that is abuse now.

For years now, society has made it okay for us to neglect the interaction and connecting needs of our children. Our children are rebelling, these children are demanding the attention they need, and many of their parents don't know how to appropriately deal with it... then the cycle continues...

Just my 2 cents...
 Bonita fish
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 246
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what's so bad about spanking your kid? or anybody?
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:30:20 AM
Why would anyone want to hit a little kid to make them understand?
Unless you are out of control and have no other resources or facilties.
There are many many more intelligent ways to teach a kid.
Good Animal trainers don't hit their charges and many animals have less intelligence than a 2 year old.
Try teaching a parrot or your dog by hitting it and see what happens.
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 261
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/21/2008 1:26:09 AM
yeah the bible is super relevant these days

spankings are not necessary or more effective then non violent forms of punishment i guess some people need to spank their kids to feel in control.

plus spankings lead to sexual deviancy i can totally vouch for that too
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 263
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:15:17 PM
plus spankings lead to sexual deviancy i can totally vouch for that too

I am sure you can.

My parents spanked and used belts or switches on all four of their children and none of us have any criminal record worse than a traffic ticket.I have an Aunt(god rest her soul) who would not spank any of her children and all three have been in and out of jail for just about everything short of murder.
I try to avoid spanking but some behavior crosses the line.
When my nine year old came home from her first day of pre-k(at the age of four) and told me that I could not spank her anymore because her teacher told her to call the police if I did.I had to go to the school and tell the teacher that I could and would spank my child any time I determined it was necessary. I then called my local school board representative.It is no longer the policy in local county schools to tell children that parents can't spank,especially since our local high school uses a paddle with parental permission.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 264
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:20:36 PM
If the only way you can "correct" a child is by hitting them, either you are out of control, you have no control over your kid, or you lack creativity. Do you honestly believe the only way you can teach a child is to physically hurt them?

I've noticed over the years that the best parents I knew never hit their kids and the worst parents I knew hit their kids without a second thought. The most well-behaved children I knew were never hit and the kids I knew who were hit were not well behaved.

I think there is nothing to be gained by hitting a child and it can easily become child abuse.
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 267
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:58:31 AM
I got spanked as a kid by hand, broom, slippers and even belt -ouch- it hurt my butt alot. Back home, spanking is a common norm to make the kids behave. i don't know having kids time out by sending to their rooms is effective punishment.

In theroy, time out is used to Teach children that mis behavior has consequences. By removing the child fom the behavior and telling them that the behavior is not acceptable your training your child that such behavior is not acceptable.

Spanking, could teach the same, but in your case you were hit with brooms, slippers, belts...seems more like just punishment without any learning...

1st, if spanking was effective, why didnt you stop mis behave after the first whipping?

2nd, Punishment is not intended to rehabilitate...people are in prison, not for rehabilitation, they are there for punishment of their crime...Seems they never learned Consequences...just punishment.
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 271
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:08:13 PM

You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority

they dont respect you they fear you.

spanking is a tool, its not the only tool you use...Spanking does set autority and commands atention, in a yournger child(4-6) but if your still having to spank at 7+ your not getting your point across.
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 273
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:33:45 PM

Ultimately, I think how you discipline your kids probably has less effect on how they turn out than how much they respect/fear you in general. Children are like animals. You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority, and will continue to do whatever they please regardless of the consequences. If they respect/fear you enough, they won't want to step out of line.

Question: how many kids do you have?

that's sad. I wanted kids with "spirit", who could think for themselves, be creative, have opinions and so on. I never spanked my sons. Funny thing, they always knew I was the adult and thus "in charge" and treated me respectfully just as I treated them respectfully. They never feared me. How can they feel safe if they are in fear of a parent.

When they were young, they had some time outs, for up to 10 minutes then we had a discussion on what they did, what they should have done instead and how they can prevent doing it again. Then they were hugged, told they were loved and it was forgotten and not spoken about again.

We also talked a lot about trust and responsibility, just in conversation not just when they were being disciplined. They were also taught about consequences for their actions, whether those actions and consequences were good or bad.

Well said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
exactly my situation here...and btw I was threatened as a child....threatened to be beaten senseless....had things thrown at me...threaten to be 'KILLED' mother is old they do it in the old country.... make kids feel worthless, beat down...and frighten of their elders.

I don't treat my kids that way....I know that as an adult that my mother still threatens me and I hate her....I have been mentally damaged by her abuse.
Abuse is abuse.

I saw something on The View the other morning that drove me of the hosts said she travels with a wooden spoon and whips it out all the time to threaten her son...and she did that at an airport recently and someone walked up to her and asked if everything was alright....she got indignant.
Damn right.....that stranger was worried for that child...this parent knew that they had the power to threaten their child...intimidate thier child...and possibly hit that child with that spoon as a form of punishment.

If you wouldn't do something like that to your pet....don't think about doing it to your child!
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 275
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:36:41 PM
Nothing is bad about it except we have a bunch of freaking WIMPS in government who need to learn to MIND their own business. There is a difference between discipline and abuse. A parent who will not discipline their child does not love them.
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