Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SAguy_06
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 267
what's so bad about spanking your kid?Page 3 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I got spanked as a kid by hand, broom, slippers and even belt -ouch- it hurt my butt alot. Back home, spanking is a common norm to make the kids behave. i don't know having kids time out by sending to their rooms is effective punishment.


In theroy, time out is used to Teach children that mis behavior has consequences. By removing the child fom the behavior and telling them that the behavior is not acceptable your training your child that such behavior is not acceptable.

Spanking, could teach the same, but in your case you were hit with brooms, slippers, belts...seems more like just punishment without any learning...

1st, if spanking was effective, why didnt you stop mis behave after the first whipping?

2nd, Punishment is not intended to rehabilitate...people are in prison, not for rehabilitation, they are there for punishment of their crime...Seems they never learned Consequences...just punishment.
 SAguy_06
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 271
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:08:13 PM

You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority


they dont respect you they fear you.

spanking is a tool, its not the only tool you use...Spanking does set autority and commands atention, in a yournger child(4-6) but if your still having to spank at 7+ your not getting your point across.
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 273
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:33:45 PM
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ultimately, I think how you discipline your kids probably has less effect on how they turn out than how much they respect/fear you in general. Children are like animals. You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority, and will continue to do whatever they please regardless of the consequences. If they respect/fear you enough, they won't want to step out of line.


Question: how many kids do you have?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that's sad. I wanted kids with "spirit", who could think for themselves, be creative, have opinions and so on. I never spanked my sons. Funny thing, they always knew I was the adult and thus "in charge" and treated me respectfully just as I treated them respectfully. They never feared me. How can they feel safe if they are in fear of a parent.

When they were young, they had some time outs, for up to 10 minutes then we had a discussion on what they did, what they should have done instead and how they can prevent doing it again. Then they were hugged, told they were loved and it was forgotten and not spoken about again.

We also talked a lot about trust and responsibility, just in conversation not just when they were being disciplined. They were also taught about consequences for their actions, whether those actions and consequences were good or bad.


Well said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
exactly my situation here...and btw I was threatened as a child....threatened to be beaten senseless....had things thrown at me...threaten to be 'KILLED'....my mother is old school...how they do it in the old country.... make kids feel worthless, beat down...and frighten of their elders.

I don't treat my kids that way....I know that as an adult that my mother still threatens me and I hate her....I have been mentally damaged by her abuse.
Abuse is abuse.

I saw something on The View the other morning that drove me nuts...one of the hosts said she travels with a wooden spoon and whips it out all the time to threaten her son...and she did that at an airport recently and someone walked up to her and asked if everything was alright....she got indignant.
Damn right.....that stranger was worried for that child...this parent knew that they had the power to threaten their child...intimidate thier child...and possibly hit that child with that spoon as a form of punishment.

If you wouldn't do something like that to your pet....don't think about doing it to your child!
 Promiseskeeper
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 275
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:36:41 PM
Nothing is bad about it except we have a bunch of freaking WIMPS in government who need to learn to MIND their own business. There is a difference between discipline and abuse. A parent who will not discipline their child does not love them.
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 280
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:40:58 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Question: How many illegitimate kids aka 'Servants' do you own?

Question: How much did your Momma and Pappy hit you?
Rephrase: How many times did they hit you in the head?

Observation: Apparently not enough.
 Studybreak
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 281
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:02:24 AM
Spanking is Sexual.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 282
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:50:39 AM
"You can teach a child how to act with out hurting them. If you do it starting at birth. "

What Sammysalt said.

All spanking does is teach that physical violence and the threat of physical violence is an acceptable method of control.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 283
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:55:15 AM

The only thing bad about beating your kids is that they don't get beat enough. Parents now are wimps. They want to be there child's friend. Children are servants. They need to be BEAT in order to affirm discipline inside of them and prevent them from messing up there lives.


Asinine in the extreme. Children are not "servants".

I had children because I love them, and love watching them develop, not so they could serve me.

I have the best behaved 6 year old daughter anyone could want, and all without spanking. A+ student, well behaved, well mannered, and all without laying a hand on her.

I feel sorry for any kids you even come near, much less have.
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 285
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:57:12 PM
Double Amen to that!!!! I think when a child's behavior warrents it, it IS and SHOULD be okay for the PARENTS to spank!! I was spanked....not all the time, and for good reasons behind it, and I'm living a FABULOUS life, thank you!
Parents today are SO enthralled with their little ones, that they're fogetting WHO the actual PARENT is! That's doing SUCH a dis-service to the children!!! If you're the one who gave birth or helped deliver your bundle o' joy,YOU'RE the parent! It's highly unrealistic to NEVER set down ground rules with your kids,never tell them "No" even ONCE in their young lives.......and THEN, expect them to suddenly know right from wrong when they're school-age!
If a child of say, 2 to 5 years old does something wrong,time out in their bedroom is an acceptable place to go..........PROVIDED that the child DOESN'T have a Television, movies, music player and C.D's, a Playstation2 and games.....anything of that nature in their room as well. Why? Because....WHERE'S the discipline?? Even sending them twice to their bedroom is okay. Just have them sit on their bed for a minute or two.THEN....explain why you had them do that,and what happened to warrent it.
The third time, however, should be a spanking....with your hand.If you feel the need for wooden spoons, fry pans, OR metal spoons......you have anger management issues.I myself was spanked 3 times that I recall, and.....GUARENTEED!!!..........I deserved each of them! You're really doing your kids more good than harm by sticking to your own convictions and teaching consequences when children misbehave while they are young.You're showing you love them ENOUGH to say "No", as well as to teach right from wrong. It's hardly a secret, but,they WILL be off on their own someday. The question is, do you want them knowing enough about right from wrong to make GOOD choices, or ...NOT to,and to fly by the seat of their pants? You LOVE them, right? Then LOVE them enough to teach discipline
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 287
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:54:51 PM
Spanking does for a childs development, what wife beating does for a marriage.





I have chosen not to spank, & my children have no doubt at all that i am the boss.
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 288
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:43:21 PM
Ruby


If a parent can't teach right from wrong without hitting a small child, than the parent should go to parenting classes.


So what do you do if the child if openly defiant. Example: Did you do your your homework ?
NO. Do you need help. Or lets work on it together. No Answer. Then go to your room. NO

So now lets have some options here ?

------------------------------------
So you know where I stand. I believe in spanking, and if need be, meet the matching aggression. I do believe there are many options, before stinging one's hand.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 289
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 12:14:56 AM
it's my opinion that the only thing you teach by hitting a child is that it's ok to hit if you're the biggest ...

so ... when THEY'RE the biggest ... I guess it will be ok for them to hit whoever is smaller ...



Queen Bee said it ... spanking does for child development what spousal abuse does for marriage ...

maybe those who beat their spouses learned as children that ... it's ok to hit if you're the biggest ...
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 293
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 2:21:18 AM
Well keeping the child in at school lunch hour may not work, especially if the home work is not assigned yet. Then after school requires school babysitter, and special busing or requires parent to pick up child at appropriate time.

If the child complies with teacher then, what happens when it occurs again. Remember the school is not the child's responsibility, the parent is.

A child can outsmart you by saying they have no homework, or only do part of their homework. I had this problem once with a boy 8th grade. The way it was eventually solved was by use of email. In fact before he was home from school I knew what classes, teachers, and problems. He could no longer sign the papers the teacher's thought I was signing.

I would also interject that parents need to stay on top of schools and teaching methods as you may find your child will lack a real education with a diploma they don't deserve.
----------------------------------
Molly



Queen Bee said it ... spanking does for child development what spousal abuse does for marriage ...
maybe those who beat their spouses learned as children that ... it's ok to hit if you're the biggest ...


How you can extend a spanking into spousal abuse is a big leap. Does the same hold true when the mother does the spanking or slaps you across the face. Too many people extend occasional spanking into real abuse. I HAVE SEEN BOTH, and their is a big difference. In fact both my middle and high school had corporal punishment, and I think the crime rate among my generation is far below today's generation of children.
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 296
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 11:30:22 AM
Ruby


Educating this child is also the school's responsibility. That's its job. And if the kid's not handing in his homework, a good teacher will let you know


No its not. They are there to offer an education, and have discipline in school. That means students are not to be disruptive. If that can't be handled by simple methods then the student is expelled. At which point its the parents problem.

Remember school should not be a baby sitting service. That's one big problem in public schools today.

Another large problem with raising children today is peer pressure, and the media. No one wants to deprive their own children, but the media advertising makes it hard not to spoil them. The more you deviate from the expected norm, the more you hear my other friends can.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 300
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 3:26:48 PM

Want to break your child's spirit? Want to take away self-confidence? Want to make them hate your guts? Then beat them.


Beating them isn't the only way to accomplish this.

Just sayin
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 303
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 4:17:32 PM
Ruby



If you feel it's right to beat a child into submission


This is exactly whats wrong with forum discussions. You are one of many that distorts a spanking into words like that.

So lets distort it some more. What gives the right to parents or government to force your child to attend school, or even coerce them into doing homework, using any type punishment. If I set a routine of physical exercise for my child, many would call that cruel, especially if I made them, like in no choice.

By the way I'm glad you never encountered any major problems raising your children.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 306
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 9:18:35 PM
I just hope one day that child spanks you back. Real hard. So you learn to do as you're told and not argue.

Saw an interesting special a few years back. About elder abuse. Guess who abuses their parents? Kids of parents who abused them. . . .

Karma. . . .
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 308
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 10:48:17 PM
OK lets define what I mean by spanking.

Its a method mostly used when a child is younger say less than 12, and by no means a daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly event. It should not be out of anger, or excessive, and used only when reasoning or other punitive methods fail. In fact probably over the range of 1 to 12, in a stable family maybe occur 6 to 8 times. A spanking is across the rump with an open hand usually. For a young child a slap on the back of a hand brings up a big pout and tears welling up, from hurt feelings. But the term NO! helps keep them safe.

I'm pushing 64 now, and during that time I've seen more mothers backhand their children than fathers. I don't mean love taps either. I think mothers tend to strike their children more often, but fathers when they do corporal punishment its more severely. And many mothers favorite words, "Just wait till your father gets home." Let dad be the bad guy.

As for my life, my father probably gave me some really good cracks across the a** with a oak board about 2"x 1/2" thick and 30" long. He didn't do it often, and truthfully I think once or twice when I didn't deserve it. I would never ever think of hurting my father and physically was capable at 16. He never drank, was mostly home, and I was never hungry or without the basic needs of a child. Other things were lacking between us, but life's not perfect. Sometimes I wish he was still around for some friendly advice.
 JustDukky
Joined: 7/8/2004
Msg: 309
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/29/2011 9:43:43 PM
The primary reason to not lord it over your kid, either with spanking or any other form of coercion is because you want them to grow up to be their own highest authority and self governing. Authoritarian parents create authoritarian kids who look for their position in a pecking order. They meekly accept forces of intimidation as having authority over them and given the chance, will usually look for someone they can have authority over in their own right.

So much for the idea of equality under the law...It just perpetuates a society that believes that people are incapable of self-governance.
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 310
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/29/2011 10:07:20 PM
Spanking your kids does not work. It proves nothing and it doesn't change anything. Why do you think kids do what will get them spanked over and over and over again?
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 312
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:53:20 PM
i don't see anything wrong if it's a last option after non-spanking punishments have failed.

 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 319
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/31/2011 7:45:21 AM

the bad thing about spanking is the liberal ****es at school see the red marks and wanna call CPS.



If a child has red marks on them from being hit, i would damn well hope the liberals at the school would call CPS & get an investigation going on. I would call myself if i saw a child with marks on them from spanking.
 MuscleMermaid
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 320
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/31/2011 7:59:52 AM
Nothing. If more people did it maybe some children would behave more. It is simply disgusting when out, seeing people's children act like pigs and all the parents do is sit & watch it ! I do not think beating a child is necessary but I have no problem with a smack on the azz to get their attention. Then again if some parents had control over certain behavior, maybe they would not need to spank.

I can remember as a child, if we had to be asked twice to do something....we just * knew * it better get done. My parents did not need to spank or beat any of us. The rules were made and enforced before it even got to that level MOST of the time.

We did get * spanked * a few times, but very few. It did not ruin us, as a matter of fact, we learned rather fast what NOT to do....LOL

 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 322
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/31/2011 1:31:10 PM
I cannot state honestly that I never smacked my sons bottom.

I can only count a few times it was needed however.

If after exhausting all avenues, he still rebelled and his safety or someone else's safety was at risk, darned rights...he got a swat on the bum.

If only used as a last resort and with control... (IE dont do this if you are very angry, you will cause more pain than you intend to when you raise an angry hand to a little body)...it can be effective.

My son was never afraid of me and I have asked him a few times how he felt about being spanked. He has said he knows he was asking for it and in my shoes he likely would have done the same thing.

I think parents who solely rely on physical punishment will find one day thier child will raise a hand to them...I know if someone hit me regulalry, one day Id hit them back. It is our job to teach them how to cope and they need to be taught how to cope without raising thier hands.

But there are times when all the logic and reason just wont work and they need to be snapped out of whatever mode they are in...and a good bum swat will do just that. My son got a bum swat while wearing ski pants once. He will tell you, it didnt hurt at all...but he got the point-I was serious about not taking off from my sight! And he stopped running away in crowds after I swatted his azz in public.. It showed him that I will NOT be embarrased into letting him 'get away' with not following a clear and direct request just because people are looking. All the talks about it, time outs etc...did not work. And Id rather he have a sore azz and be safe with me than able to run off at the Santa parade (which attracted over a hundred thousand people) and never see him again.

Im sorry though, seeing in here that a 16 year old was struck with a belt? That is assault. I dont care what career the parents held...it was an assault. For the family to also turn thier backs on that child is pretty sickening. I know if I was struck with a belt, Id be calling the police too...Im sure most adults would so why is it a crime for the 16 year old to do that? Im sure the poster who posted that would not want his own mother hit with a belt, so why is it OK for his neice to be hit with a belt?

A spank is supposed to be openhanded, and one time across the bum. That is all. No weapons used, even a belt. I do think using a belt crosses the line into an assault. I look at it this way...if you hit an adult stranger with a belt, the cops would be called...our kids deserve no less. If a stranger came up and hit me open handed across the azz...Id be weirded out, but I would not categorize it as police worthy....if someone struck me with a belt you can bet Id call the cops.
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 324
view profile
History
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/31/2011 4:05:10 PM
Ruby

Your post #295 on this topic was very good as methods go.

If your child's teacher or the school system is on board, it pays to work with them. I'm not totally an enforcer with homework, more so want to see what my child is studying at school at least twice during the week. Their homework keeps me in touch, and checking it or talking with them about it makes their interest higher, so long as I don't overdo it.

As regards Vipers 16 yr old niece.
I wasn't there and things may not have been that simple. The niece could have been more out of hand than a foul mouth. What ever it was, it wasn't child abuse. She realized that it was her actions that caused the results. Her own actions caused her grief in the end, as she had to find another place to live.

Given my age now, under the same circumstance, I would have ask her to leave my home and come back later. When she returned I would give her the option to apologize in writing outlining the circumstances. I would also permit a PS as to why she reacted as she did. In addition a hand written set of rules would be addressed. If that was not acceptable to her then she would have a week to find a new place to live. I would help her, and if she failed to within a week then I would deliver her to juvenile authorities and or let them know she is now homeless.

I came from a coal mining town in SW Pennsylvania, and middle school was 7th through 9th grade. Cracks in the hallway was not unusual and occurred with two teachers present. The paddle were a nice size board, and one teacher drilled holes through to cut down air resistance. I can remember each teachers name. A male teacher gave the cracks to boys and female teachers for the girls. Yes some girls were cracked. Number of cracks depended on the offense, but usually two (2) was the minimum and five(5) max. No one wanted to have Buzz (our gym teacher) be called out. His cracks really burned.

So I ask, was the whole school system wrong ? I had many friends that signed those boards and lived to tell about it, and I can't think of one that became a wife beater or child abuser. I don't believe spanking should be the primary source of discipline, but it does work more often than not, when used properly.

My last post in this thread.
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  >