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 Eric2008
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 263
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?Page 7 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
plus spankings lead to sexual deviancy i can totally vouch for that too

I am sure you can.

My parents spanked and used belts or switches on all four of their children and none of us have any criminal record worse than a traffic ticket.I have an Aunt(god rest her soul) who would not spank any of her children and all three have been in and out of jail for just about everything short of murder.
I try to avoid spanking but some behavior crosses the line.
When my nine year old came home from her first day of pre-k(at the age of four) and told me that I could not spank her anymore because her teacher told her to call the police if I did.I had to go to the school and tell the teacher that I could and would spank my child any time I determined it was necessary. I then called my local school board representative.It is no longer the policy in local county schools to tell children that parents can't spank,especially since our local high school uses a paddle with parental permission.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 264
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:20:36 PM
If the only way you can "correct" a child is by hitting them, either you are out of control, you have no control over your kid, or you lack creativity. Do you honestly believe the only way you can teach a child is to physically hurt them?

I've noticed over the years that the best parents I knew never hit their kids and the worst parents I knew hit their kids without a second thought. The most well-behaved children I knew were never hit and the kids I knew who were hit were not well behaved.

I think there is nothing to be gained by hitting a child and it can easily become child abuse.
 SAguy_06
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 267
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:58:31 AM
I got spanked as a kid by hand, broom, slippers and even belt -ouch- it hurt my butt alot. Back home, spanking is a common norm to make the kids behave. i don't know having kids time out by sending to their rooms is effective punishment.


In theroy, time out is used to Teach children that mis behavior has consequences. By removing the child fom the behavior and telling them that the behavior is not acceptable your training your child that such behavior is not acceptable.

Spanking, could teach the same, but in your case you were hit with brooms, slippers, belts...seems more like just punishment without any learning...

1st, if spanking was effective, why didnt you stop mis behave after the first whipping?

2nd, Punishment is not intended to rehabilitate...people are in prison, not for rehabilitation, they are there for punishment of their crime...Seems they never learned Consequences...just punishment.
 SAguy_06
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 271
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:08:13 PM

You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority


they dont respect you they fear you.

spanking is a tool, its not the only tool you use...Spanking does set autority and commands atention, in a yournger child(4-6) but if your still having to spank at 7+ your not getting your point across.
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 273
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:33:45 PM
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ultimately, I think how you discipline your kids probably has less effect on how they turn out than how much they respect/fear you in general. Children are like animals. You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority, and will continue to do whatever they please regardless of the consequences. If they respect/fear you enough, they won't want to step out of line.


Question: how many kids do you have?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that's sad. I wanted kids with "spirit", who could think for themselves, be creative, have opinions and so on. I never spanked my sons. Funny thing, they always knew I was the adult and thus "in charge" and treated me respectfully just as I treated them respectfully. They never feared me. How can they feel safe if they are in fear of a parent.

When they were young, they had some time outs, for up to 10 minutes then we had a discussion on what they did, what they should have done instead and how they can prevent doing it again. Then they were hugged, told they were loved and it was forgotten and not spoken about again.

We also talked a lot about trust and responsibility, just in conversation not just when they were being disciplined. They were also taught about consequences for their actions, whether those actions and consequences were good or bad.


Well said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
exactly my situation here...and btw I was threatened as a child....threatened to be beaten senseless....had things thrown at me...threaten to be 'KILLED'....my mother is old school...how they do it in the old country.... make kids feel worthless, beat down...and frighten of their elders.

I don't treat my kids that way....I know that as an adult that my mother still threatens me and I hate her....I have been mentally damaged by her abuse.
Abuse is abuse.

I saw something on The View the other morning that drove me nuts...one of the hosts said she travels with a wooden spoon and whips it out all the time to threaten her son...and she did that at an airport recently and someone walked up to her and asked if everything was alright....she got indignant.
Damn right.....that stranger was worried for that child...this parent knew that they had the power to threaten their child...intimidate thier child...and possibly hit that child with that spoon as a form of punishment.

If you wouldn't do something like that to your pet....don't think about doing it to your child!
 Promiseskeeper
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 275
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:36:41 PM
Nothing is bad about it except we have a bunch of freaking WIMPS in government who need to learn to MIND their own business. There is a difference between discipline and abuse. A parent who will not discipline their child does not love them.
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 280
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:40:58 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Question: How many illegitimate kids aka 'Servants' do you own?

Question: How much did your Momma and Pappy hit you?
Rephrase: How many times did they hit you in the head?

Observation: Apparently not enough.
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 285
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:57:12 PM
Double Amen to that!!!! I think when a child's behavior warrents it, it IS and SHOULD be okay for the PARENTS to spank!! I was spanked....not all the time, and for good reasons behind it, and I'm living a FABULOUS life, thank you!
Parents today are SO enthralled with their little ones, that they're fogetting WHO the actual PARENT is! That's doing SUCH a dis-service to the children!!! If you're the one who gave birth or helped deliver your bundle o' joy,YOU'RE the parent! It's highly unrealistic to NEVER set down ground rules with your kids,never tell them "No" even ONCE in their young lives.......and THEN, expect them to suddenly know right from wrong when they're school-age!
If a child of say, 2 to 5 years old does something wrong,time out in their bedroom is an acceptable place to go..........PROVIDED that the child DOESN'T have a Television, movies, music player and C.D's, a Playstation2 and games.....anything of that nature in their room as well. Why? Because....WHERE'S the discipline?? Even sending them twice to their bedroom is okay. Just have them sit on their bed for a minute or two.THEN....explain why you had them do that,and what happened to warrent it.
The third time, however, should be a spanking....with your hand.If you feel the need for wooden spoons, fry pans, OR metal spoons......you have anger management issues.I myself was spanked 3 times that I recall, and.....GUARENTEED!!!..........I deserved each of them! You're really doing your kids more good than harm by sticking to your own convictions and teaching consequences when children misbehave while they are young.You're showing you love them ENOUGH to say "No", as well as to teach right from wrong. It's hardly a secret, but,they WILL be off on their own someday. The question is, do you want them knowing enough about right from wrong to make GOOD choices, or ...NOT to,and to fly by the seat of their pants? You LOVE them, right? Then LOVE them enough to teach discipline
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 288
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:43:21 PM
Ruby


If a parent can't teach right from wrong without hitting a small child, than the parent should go to parenting classes.


So what do you do if the child if openly defiant. Example: Did you do your your homework ?
NO. Do you need help. Or lets work on it together. No Answer. Then go to your room. NO

So now lets have some options here ?

------------------------------------
So you know where I stand. I believe in spanking, and if need be, meet the matching aggression. I do believe there are many options, before stinging one's hand.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 289
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 12:14:56 AM
it's my opinion that the only thing you teach by hitting a child is that it's ok to hit if you're the biggest ...

so ... when THEY'RE the biggest ... I guess it will be ok for them to hit whoever is smaller ...



Queen Bee said it ... spanking does for child development what spousal abuse does for marriage ...

maybe those who beat their spouses learned as children that ... it's ok to hit if you're the biggest ...
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 293
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 2:21:18 AM
Well keeping the child in at school lunch hour may not work, especially if the home work is not assigned yet. Then after school requires school babysitter, and special busing or requires parent to pick up child at appropriate time.

If the child complies with teacher then, what happens when it occurs again. Remember the school is not the child's responsibility, the parent is.

A child can outsmart you by saying they have no homework, or only do part of their homework. I had this problem once with a boy 8th grade. The way it was eventually solved was by use of email. In fact before he was home from school I knew what classes, teachers, and problems. He could no longer sign the papers the teacher's thought I was signing.

I would also interject that parents need to stay on top of schools and teaching methods as you may find your child will lack a real education with a diploma they don't deserve.
----------------------------------
Molly



Queen Bee said it ... spanking does for child development what spousal abuse does for marriage ...
maybe those who beat their spouses learned as children that ... it's ok to hit if you're the biggest ...


How you can extend a spanking into spousal abuse is a big leap. Does the same hold true when the mother does the spanking or slaps you across the face. Too many people extend occasional spanking into real abuse. I HAVE SEEN BOTH, and their is a big difference. In fact both my middle and high school had corporal punishment, and I think the crime rate among my generation is far below today's generation of children.
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 296
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 11:30:22 AM
Ruby


Educating this child is also the school's responsibility. That's its job. And if the kid's not handing in his homework, a good teacher will let you know


No its not. They are there to offer an education, and have discipline in school. That means students are not to be disruptive. If that can't be handled by simple methods then the student is expelled. At which point its the parents problem.

Remember school should not be a baby sitting service. That's one big problem in public schools today.

Another large problem with raising children today is peer pressure, and the media. No one wants to deprive their own children, but the media advertising makes it hard not to spoil them. The more you deviate from the expected norm, the more you hear my other friends can.
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 303
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 4:17:32 PM
Ruby



If you feel it's right to beat a child into submission


This is exactly whats wrong with forum discussions. You are one of many that distorts a spanking into words like that.

So lets distort it some more. What gives the right to parents or government to force your child to attend school, or even coerce them into doing homework, using any type punishment. If I set a routine of physical exercise for my child, many would call that cruel, especially if I made them, like in no choice.

By the way I'm glad you never encountered any major problems raising your children.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 306
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 9:18:35 PM
I just hope one day that child spanks you back. Real hard. So you learn to do as you're told and not argue.

Saw an interesting special a few years back. About elder abuse. Guess who abuses their parents? Kids of parents who abused them. . . .

Karma. . . .
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 308
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/28/2011 10:48:17 PM
OK lets define what I mean by spanking.

Its a method mostly used when a child is younger say less than 12, and by no means a daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly event. It should not be out of anger, or excessive, and used only when reasoning or other punitive methods fail. In fact probably over the range of 1 to 12, in a stable family maybe occur 6 to 8 times. A spanking is across the rump with an open hand usually. For a young child a slap on the back of a hand brings up a big pout and tears welling up, from hurt feelings. But the term NO! helps keep them safe.

I'm pushing 64 now, and during that time I've seen more mothers backhand their children than fathers. I don't mean love taps either. I think mothers tend to strike their children more often, but fathers when they do corporal punishment its more severely. And many mothers favorite words, "Just wait till your father gets home." Let dad be the bad guy.

As for my life, my father probably gave me some really good cracks across the a** with a oak board about 2"x 1/2" thick and 30" long. He didn't do it often, and truthfully I think once or twice when I didn't deserve it. I would never ever think of hurting my father and physically was capable at 16. He never drank, was mostly home, and I was never hungry or without the basic needs of a child. Other things were lacking between us, but life's not perfect. Sometimes I wish he was still around for some friendly advice.
 JustDukky
Joined: 7/8/2004
Msg: 309
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/29/2011 9:43:43 PM
The primary reason to not lord it over your kid, either with spanking or any other form of coercion is because you want them to grow up to be their own highest authority and self governing. Authoritarian parents create authoritarian kids who look for their position in a pecking order. They meekly accept forces of intimidation as having authority over them and given the chance, will usually look for someone they can have authority over in their own right.

So much for the idea of equality under the law...It just perpetuates a society that believes that people are incapable of self-governance.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 312
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:53:20 PM
i don't see anything wrong if it's a last option after non-spanking punishments have failed.

 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 322
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/31/2011 1:31:10 PM
I cannot state honestly that I never smacked my sons bottom.

I can only count a few times it was needed however.

If after exhausting all avenues, he still rebelled and his safety or someone else's safety was at risk, darned rights...he got a swat on the bum.

If only used as a last resort and with control... (IE dont do this if you are very angry, you will cause more pain than you intend to when you raise an angry hand to a little body)...it can be effective.

My son was never afraid of me and I have asked him a few times how he felt about being spanked. He has said he knows he was asking for it and in my shoes he likely would have done the same thing.

I think parents who solely rely on physical punishment will find one day thier child will raise a hand to them...I know if someone hit me regulalry, one day Id hit them back. It is our job to teach them how to cope and they need to be taught how to cope without raising thier hands.

But there are times when all the logic and reason just wont work and they need to be snapped out of whatever mode they are in...and a good bum swat will do just that. My son got a bum swat while wearing ski pants once. He will tell you, it didnt hurt at all...but he got the point-I was serious about not taking off from my sight! And he stopped running away in crowds after I swatted his azz in public.. It showed him that I will NOT be embarrased into letting him 'get away' with not following a clear and direct request just because people are looking. All the talks about it, time outs etc...did not work. And Id rather he have a sore azz and be safe with me than able to run off at the Santa parade (which attracted over a hundred thousand people) and never see him again.

Im sorry though, seeing in here that a 16 year old was struck with a belt? That is assault. I dont care what career the parents held...it was an assault. For the family to also turn thier backs on that child is pretty sickening. I know if I was struck with a belt, Id be calling the police too...Im sure most adults would so why is it a crime for the 16 year old to do that? Im sure the poster who posted that would not want his own mother hit with a belt, so why is it OK for his neice to be hit with a belt?

A spank is supposed to be openhanded, and one time across the bum. That is all. No weapons used, even a belt. I do think using a belt crosses the line into an assault. I look at it this way...if you hit an adult stranger with a belt, the cops would be called...our kids deserve no less. If a stranger came up and hit me open handed across the azz...Id be weirded out, but I would not categorize it as police worthy....if someone struck me with a belt you can bet Id call the cops.
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 324
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what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/31/2011 4:05:10 PM
Ruby

Your post #295 on this topic was very good as methods go.

If your child's teacher or the school system is on board, it pays to work with them. I'm not totally an enforcer with homework, more so want to see what my child is studying at school at least twice during the week. Their homework keeps me in touch, and checking it or talking with them about it makes their interest higher, so long as I don't overdo it.

As regards Vipers 16 yr old niece.
I wasn't there and things may not have been that simple. The niece could have been more out of hand than a foul mouth. What ever it was, it wasn't child abuse. She realized that it was her actions that caused the results. Her own actions caused her grief in the end, as she had to find another place to live.

Given my age now, under the same circumstance, I would have ask her to leave my home and come back later. When she returned I would give her the option to apologize in writing outlining the circumstances. I would also permit a PS as to why she reacted as she did. In addition a hand written set of rules would be addressed. If that was not acceptable to her then she would have a week to find a new place to live. I would help her, and if she failed to within a week then I would deliver her to juvenile authorities and or let them know she is now homeless.

I came from a coal mining town in SW Pennsylvania, and middle school was 7th through 9th grade. Cracks in the hallway was not unusual and occurred with two teachers present. The paddle were a nice size board, and one teacher drilled holes through to cut down air resistance. I can remember each teachers name. A male teacher gave the cracks to boys and female teachers for the girls. Yes some girls were cracked. Number of cracks depended on the offense, but usually two (2) was the minimum and five(5) max. No one wanted to have Buzz (our gym teacher) be called out. His cracks really burned.

So I ask, was the whole school system wrong ? I had many friends that signed those boards and lived to tell about it, and I can't think of one that became a wife beater or child abuser. I don't believe spanking should be the primary source of discipline, but it does work more often than not, when used properly.

My last post in this thread.
 JustDukky
Joined: 7/8/2004
Msg: 326
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/3/2011 2:30:32 PM
Reading over some of the posts on this thread I'm dismayed and frankly disgusted at the general level of ignorance of most people. I'm not being hard on anyone; I was an authoritarian parent myself until I finally learned better (too late to do my kids much good).

The thing almost everyone is doing wrong is asserting authority over kids, whether it involves spanking, threats, intimidation (yelling) or what-have you, it is simply wrong. No wonder the world is turning into a fascist police state! Most of you are raising your kids to think its normal.

Maybe you should all watch this interview by Stefan Molyneux:

http://littlealexinwonderland.wordpress.com/2009/10/20/the-case-against-spanking/
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 328
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/3/2011 3:46:18 PM
Just thank God you never came from a military family..


What’s that supposed to mean? Enlighten me, from my military family background.

I am very familiar with men who think they can intimidate others, even family members, and are entitled to do so…let me guess, in the name of demanding “respect”. It is really, really obvious, and really, really pathetic.

I noticed you trashed femaleconnection’s post (327) by deliberately misinterpreting what she posted; you made an imaginary non-issue into your entire post point.

A slam dunk, to those less able to identify it.

Abandoning parental responsibility and foisting it on others is reprehensible; assault is assault, no matter how it’s rationalized. An absolutely disgusting story.


the bad thing about spanking is the liberal ****es at school see the red marks and wanna call CPS.


Yep, getting in trouble and being held responsible for your actions is the bad thing about spanking.

Not sure about other states, but in New York mandated reporters can lose their jobs and be criminally charged if they DON’T report suspected child abuse. The list of mandated reporters goes far, far beyond "liberals" at schools. It includes all medical professionals, law enforcement, day care workers, etc.

http://ocfs.ny.gov/main/cps/faqs_mandatedreporter.asp

http://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/child_safety/mandated_reporters.shtml


vvvvv Nope, I didn't HAVE to do anything. I wanted to respond.

A more effective philosophy is to keep poisonous PEOPLE out of your life.
 JustDukky
Joined: 7/8/2004
Msg: 330
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/3/2011 4:08:14 PM


The thing almost everyone is doing wrong is asserting authority over kids, whether it involves spanking, threats, intimidation (yelling) or what-have you, it is simply wrong. No wonder the world is turning into a fascist police state! Most of you are raising your kids to think its normal.

People that let their kids run wild, forfeit their whining rights about having to visit them on death row.
Just sayin'..

Don't fall for the false dichotomy that a lack of coercion means a lack of parenting. Loving guidance works wonders with kids.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 331
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/3/2011 4:35:29 PM
I’ve obviously given you too much credit. Your pride just won’t let you re-read post 327 correctly. The poster does NOT contradict herself, no matter how many times you claim it. You’re skirting around her real issue. Why? Why are you insisting she’s somehow duplicitous, when she clearly is not? Hmmm.

Your niece, at sixteen years old, was a child. THAT is the point, you yourself provided.
You choose to imagine post 327 refers to your niece as an adult, so her point is negated, and you win. ~sigh~

Dancing around may distract those less observant. I’ve seen it before; I’m not impressed.

However, I am through with this, and you.
 swingarm1966
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 334
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:19:29 PM
Man beats daughter for using the internet
The man has been identified as Judge William Adams from Texas . He presides over CHILD ABUSE CASES!!!! It is quite extreme punishment. He should get the same along with a fine and jail time and removal from the JUST-US system.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wl9y3SIPt7o
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 335
what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/10/2012 5:12:32 PM
But spanking, did NOTHING to my self esteem. - Halokitty


Unfortunately, Halokitty, we have entered the era of the godless United Nations, the anti-family organization who are hell-bent on destroying society as we know it.

Here in New Zealand, one of the most politically correct, controlled and regulated societies on earth, parents no longer have any control or say in their children's lives. This is now handed over to the State, to Big Brother and his multi-tentacled, multi-faceted organizations. We have the Children's Commissioner, but no Parents' Commission. We have Human Rights, but no rights. We have 'equality,' but I don't see a shred of evidence to support the notion.

I saw on the television news recently about a family who tried to discipline their 14-year-old daughter, without success. She was having a full-blooded affair with two married men. The school counsellor assured the daughter that her parents "would never find out" and that it would be "our little secret." One day, however, the smelly stuff hit the fan, and how. There was a major documentary about the issue on TV a few days ago. I was aghast at what I heard and saw. The girl did everything she could to have sex with these two married men, including running away from her parents' home. She then tried to 'divorce' her parents, so she took them to court. The parents had to fork out a fortune in legal fees. The bottom line? It ruined the parents, not only financially, but emotionally. It drained them to the point where they could hardly speak. The court, you see - the Family Judge - decided that the parents had no rights at all over their daughter, and that the school counsellor, after learning about the girl's affair with two married men, said "you should be lucky the girl's being loved," was correct with her interpretation.

End result? The girl left home and has had relationships with several men. The parents are left bewildered and broken.

Bring on the United Nations. We need more situations like this if we are going to have a One World Government. As G Brock Chisholm, psychiatrist and co-founder of The World Federation of Mental Health (under the aegis and umbrella of the UN) said: "To achieve world government, it will be necessary to remove from people's minds their individualism, loyalty to family traditions, patriotism and religion." They are forging ahead with this agenda, working day by day, chipping away at the nuclear family, at the very core of humanity's values and traditions. Expect to see more of this, and expect society to become so traumatized as to be psychologically neutered.

Before I go, a couple of statistics from Down Under, where I have lived for the last 20 years. I heard these facts on National Radio a few days ago. I was stunned by what I was hearing.

One in four Australian children has a mental illness, and self-harming amongst Australian children has risen by 91 per cent in the last five years.

The psychiatrists, counsellors, advisors, therapists, gurus and what have you are having an absolute field day.

Blessings to everyone on PoF.

Peter.
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