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 cookiemonster1010
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 196
Suggestions to avoid players/con artistsPage 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Hello everyone. I just have something to post regarding someone I met. A girl I work with was telling me about another site that I decided to look at to see her profile. Then I got curious and decided to look at some of the single guys. Well I came across one who I messaged and then the MSN thing took over. He works out of town (way north). He works 3 weeks in/3 weeks out. He is not from here; he's from the east coast so told me that he does this to meet people as he really doenst know anyone aside from his co-workers. We chatted on a regular basis and when he came home for the first time since we met, we met up for a coffee. The night went wonderfully. As a matter of fact, it went for three days. Then I had a look around at some other sites and found him on this one. So I faked a profile and contacted him as someone else. He told me that he hadn't met anyone worthwhile and does this to meet people. Then he was supposed to get together with me after not seeing one another for a week. I just so happened to have this other girl also be available to meet at the same time. He told the other girl he'd meet her and I called him at the same time to see if he was coming over. He told me it was too late (blah blah) so we just chatted. I kept him on the phone as long as i could so he'd be late for his "date". Then I asked him flat out if he'd tell me if he was going to meet someone else. He said yes, and told me that he actually had another lady lined up for coffee. He also told me that just b/c he goes to meet someone doesnt mean there is an interest. He has no friends and everyone is interesting with their own stories. The next day, I gave him the cold shoulder. He called and emailed a few times so I sent him a pretty sappy email explaining that I don't want to get hurt. About an hour later, he's at my door. He gave me the big sob story and told me he wanted me to be his g/f. Shortly after that, he emailed the other fake girl and asked her if she was me. (oops). I bs'd my way through the response and that was that. He was here for a few more days then went back to work. Before he left, we spend an evening together and he took a bunch of pics of me. Then I noticed on this site, he posted the pics of us together and changed his profile. But also notes on there that he's leaving the profile up because he has met some good friends and wants to stay in touch. (He does not know that I am aware of this profile...only the other one where we met). I asked him why he woudlnt' just give his "friends" his email address and they could keep in touch that way and his response was that not everyone has messegner. (duh...its free). I also noticed that he states on here that people who are looking for ....short term; photo exchange; etc cannot contact him. But i see that he left out "long term" and states he is a male seeking female friends. Now if I bring this up, he questions my sanity and trust issues (donest everyone). I am sane and I have reason to have trust issues. I've been burned before (on line too). Not quite sure what to do. I cannot admit to him that I was the other girl. And he claims he's just on here to meet friends. But how many women post profiles to honestly find "friends" who are only male?? Maybe I should?! He's always at home so throws that in my face and says "yah..the women are just lining up; thats why I at home talking to you". He also had in his original profile that he gets tons of messages and not to be offended if he deletes your message. And yah, he is a good looking guy. Then the other night we were talking about me getting a boob job (something I've always wanted as I am flat as a board). he told me that women who post pics of their breasts or butt have self esteem issues....yet....on his profile he's doing the "rate my picture" thing. (and I still cannot say anything). Arghh!! What do I do? Please help.

Thank you!
 OceanWanderer
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 197
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:16:12 PM
Holy bejeesus...I really don't think there's one easy way to tell whether someone's a player or trying to con you or not. There's a million little things that all add up to your subconscious telling you not to do it - that's that uneasy feeling you get in the pit of your stomache. A few of the scores of things to look out for:

They'll say something that doesn't sit right but you don't know why.

They'll give you more information than you asked them for.

They'll ask you questions that you don't feel comfortable answering yet.

When you meet them, maybe they won't look you in the eye or they fiddle with stuff constantly.

They'll totally treat you like you're already the centre of their world even though you've only known each other 10 minutes.

They'll push you to do things you're not quite comfortable with but they seem so reasonable asking that you feel like you're being stupid.

They'll drop information about you that they couldn't possibly have known without tracking it down ahead of time.

At the end of the day - if you have an uneasy feeling about something or someone, listen to it. In my experience, 90% of the time, that uneasy feeling is trying to keep you out of trouble. If the guy is genuinely a decent guy, he'll understand and still be there when it passes.
 LoveLilies
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 199
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 4:23:10 AM
Just to say 'ditto'. Everything is so much clearer in retrospect. Didn't see it while I was living it.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 200
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 12:55:45 PM

Chat with them, find out if they can carry on a conversation about something other than about themselves or how good they are in bed.


I agree w/ stoneside. I actually take that both ways, if the topic of sex between *us* comes up in the first few chats, I take it as a red flag in some ways. Not, y'know, if you're talking about your ex and say "he/she cheated, I guess sex was more important" or something, thats getting to know each other, but I want to actually get to know the *person* first, you can tell me you're good/bad/great/a-lump in bed for all I care, all its going to do is toss a red flag on the field. Long term, I'd take average sex and a rockin relationship in every other sense, over mindblowing sex with a woman I can't hold a conversation with.
 TerriM
Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 201
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:25:57 PM
That sounds good in theory, but in reality, some guys have been playing this game so long they are vereran players. These guys are very hurtful. I know.
Imet a guy who checked out, every where, every time, until the last day, the day i talked to his "dead" wife on the phone
Nice touch. ***holes Hope none of you ladies had any dealings with shadow00768 he is married and a very crafty snake.
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 202
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:32:23 PM
Lots of players/con artists on here and anywhere and everywhere. Pretty well equal in both genders and all lifestyles. Just ask questions in conversation. Be pointed and direct .... don't be coy, suggest what might be there, or beat around the bush......or that makes you a player too.....doesn't it?
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 203
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:42:17 PM
People who want to meet immediately.
People who want to exchange phone numbers immediately.
People who want anything immediately, actually...

That's a good one.... What does this make a player? I wish to meet ASAP myself in order to avoid wasting my time with players who are only here to seek attention...
 Lnstarkiss
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 204
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:12:16 PM
A con wants your money. Everything they do and say will be directed towards that goal. They count on the fact that you will be too embarrassed to admit to the cops you have been scammed. An $80 background check can save you thousands. A player just wants another scalp to hang on his/her belt. Unless they are married, there isn't much you can do to find out about them. Pay attention to the warning signs. I've found six different websites that players can be posted. As this problem escalates, more people will be willing to utilize these types of sites.
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 205
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:19:06 PM
Players are posted on some sites? Man, I could make a site myself and fill it up in no time...lol. Oh, btw, was my face anywhere on them?
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 206
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:29:13 PM
I don't believe in the sites where you can post notices about others. It only gives bitter poeple the chance to post something either rightly and/or wrongly about someone . therefore tainting that person ...... and it may possibly be true but may be completely wrong and just bitter rage driven. Anyone can have an opinion and state their opinion .... WITHIN REASON .... but when you put that opinion in writing for all to see its then refered to as evidence and can be used in court.....and increasingly so, very bitter people are seeing the inside of a courtroom and loosing lots of money because of their opinions becommimg evidence on these sites. The site itself is not responsible, but the poster is and can be traced. My advise would be to stay away from these sites completely .... as their popularity grows .... so does the wallets of various lawyers who love these slam dunk cases.
 legallyblonde38
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 209
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/3/2006 5:10:11 PM
All I have met on this site are cons and players..are there really some nice genuine guys on this site? This may sound negative but I have not had a good experience on this site with anyone. Just a simple question..nothing derrogatory or against anyone male in any way. I am a genuine nice person..where are they all coming from and why me? They are all different though I see the red flags sooner from experience.. the result is still the same.
 cleo4u
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 212
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 12:40:22 PM
Very well said people.
Always watch out for the sweet talking types, those who embellish on themselves and sing you sweet praises to grab your attention.
Those who won't give out there home number after a couple of months of dating, suggest they have a wife or girlfriend at home.
Some will even give you some warning regarding there charm and smile.
Beware of all the above.
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 213
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 3:09:19 PM
1)Well Ladies and Gentleman do you not agree when if a male and you come accross a female showing *Way Too Vivid* pictures of herself in Lingerie-like wardobe and exposing brazen phots does not your guard go way up?

Yep, you noticed she is trolling like one sees the females do in many big citys walking down the street like she is trying to snagg by trolling 'rough fish', like Carp, Suckers, Ginnel, Buffalo Fish, or maybe just pick-up a boot or snag a old tire at the bottom of the pond-scum in the lake!

Like: When I was younger, during Travolta's 'Urban Cowboy', being country was seen as cool. I used to spend a *little time* in the Cowboy bars; but I DID NOT BELONG THERE! I noticed this phenomena, that most females weren't really there to dance or even find a man. After close observation, I deducted they were mainly there to just get stroked, whether their egos or symbolically their genitals. They just seemed to be playing this game of "how many males really want me?" Latter the same players can't seem to understand why Karma has given them an unfaithful husband as their fate, as those who play games eventually are visited by Cronus(Greek God Myth), the Grim Reaper with his sickle!


2) Then one notices the *Short Profiles*, Hising something like a Black Widow weaving a webb to trap a critter to suck the lifebllod out of em after breeding.

3) and if you notice the one's who Aren't Courteous enough to answer you back, you put it together *Players* and they are just getting their genitals/Egos symbolicly stroked. Vanity has a price!

Do you think later in life they get a husband who plays with harlots because they were a player while young?

 misticspear
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 214
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 4:32:47 PM
The best part is none of this works. Put it like this almost every woman on here is tring to avoid the players. They know they exist they try to avoid them but to what point everyday you will find someone sad over being played. There is this thing most of them have it is called attractiveness. Why do you think each side seems so one sided? Sone girls think most if not all men are no good or players. Some men think most women are setting things too high and only want that "pretty" guy it is soo messed up because of this
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 215
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:55:53 PM
From Post #218:


Put it like this almost every woman on here is tring to avoid the players. They know they exist they try to avoid them but to what point everyday you will find someone sad over being played. There is this thing most of them have it is called attractiveness. Why do you think each side seems so one sided? Sone girls think most if not all men are no good or players. Some men think most women are setting things too high and only want that "pretty" guy it is soo messed up because of this


Yes there are many fools messing it up being players!



But you don't realize many gals on these relationship sites, on college campuses,etc., are just as wicked as the vile harlots that frequent the bars, that some stupid males are dumb enough to talk to and waste their money and time upon.

The strange thing is many people both male and female can not or will not see they are just collecting strokes, symbolicly letting the opposite gender, or baiting others to stroke their genitals/ or rather their Egos if you'd like it softer!

If they were real, either gender, they would cut the *PooP* and be real and then just maybe the Grim Reaper would not deliver the penalty for their false agendas!
 heARTeacher
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 216
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:42:05 AM
Blastkist, You put together a magnificent list. I'm printing this and posting it by my computer. It's something I've been concerned about. My "gut instinct antennae" have a way of warning me. Your list is better because it's so much more concrete. Very helpful.
 chauntie
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 217
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:05:33 AM
ya thats why i dont date guys off of here i mean i'd have better luck in a bar lol, i get tons of msg's we talk for a while butt nothing ever really happens, i mean if ur looking for a 1 nite stand dont act all burnt if he never calls u after u asked for it, if i meet up with someone i make it clear of what i want and i dont push anything on the guy, im not a clingy chick and i personaly dont give a @#$% if i hook up with a guy and never talk to him again, (im the one that usually deletes his number) i can read a guy like a book when i meet him, basicially i already know what im getting myself into and i brace myself for it. seriously, dont look for a relationship on a dating site, ive done it and hasnt done anything for me except give me stress and hearthache, not to mentiuon theres too many creepy guys and players on here, hey would u date a guy that was talking too numerous gurls on his msn at 3 in the morning? and quickly log off when i come into the room? i wouldnt, i just come on here to help the time go by and cuz this site is cool plus i have at least 6 lifetime frineds on here that i keep in touch with, later
 heARTeacher
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 219
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:14:37 AM
Kyle Morgan, do you know there have been women that have been insured and killed through situations like this? For her sake and that of her children I hope she cuts and runs, with or without her money!
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 221
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:35:48 AM
From Post #224:


For the 22nd time... Everyone is a 'player', which is merely a female term of convenience. Women 'play' men all the time, only they call it 'dating'.


There is a lot of truth in your statement about life and the Relationship personal's sites!

But there is a misconception here. Back in the around the middle of the last century, a term Transactional Analysis was coined and a book 'I'm O.K. You're O.K.' was wrote by Thomas Anthony Harris.

A few webbsites to describe are :

http://www.chimaeraconsulting.com/transact.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_OK,_You're_OK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_OK,_You're_OK

http://www.businessballs.com/transactionalanalysis.htm


Anyway the point I'm trying to make is TA(Transactional Analysis) explains that People have honorable roles and dishonorable games in their actions and thoughts.

IE. A Husband who is loyal both in shared agreements whether sexual or of a multitude of areas to his souse is *Playing A Role*.

A man who is having a sexual affair by Judeo-Christian standards is *playing a game*.

So you can say by TA's definition that Males and Females on POF are playing *games* if they are just coveting strokes with no intention of finding that beau or gal contrasted to those with honest motives are playing a *role*.

IE When a Man marries a woman knowing he will be by Judeo Christian standards sleeping around and gambling away the funds meant for the family while married is he playing a *game* or fulfilling a *Role*?

A Woman who is getting married with the thought, "Once I get married I'll just do what I want, when I want, and I'll divorce him at 50, get alimony, child support...", is she playing a dishonest game or fullfilling an honest role?

One will have to read the book unless you already understand, *games* are dishonest while *roles* are honest!
 cuba bay
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 223
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:49:57 PM
just say no....dont waste your time on them
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 224
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/25/2007 10:37:35 AM
From Post #226:

Thank You Young Lady, glad to converse with one who has read and studied the subject. As you know in the 70s TA(Transactional Analysis) was considered very big; revolutionary by some social scientists. And I'm hearing that in the past decade many universitys give it little credit. Which is sad, I find the work very meaningful!


If you review the book "Games People Play", you'll notice that a woman is the agent in all the sexual games described there. The idea that women are necessarily innocent/honorable victims of evil/dishonorable men is both a stance and a 'racket', meaning it's 'dishonest', which is to say it does reliably produce predictable feelings, namely resentment at men.


From the socialogy course I took, it is my understanding from the professor's understang of the book, that games are dishonest and roles are honest. As you are heavily involved in TA, you may know something that teacher did not. And as we well know every author has his or her own bias and agenda. Harris may have a bias against women, but he may only be using it as an example; despite his prejudices from his individual experiences.

As I understand a 'Game' according to Harris's book and I am largely biased from that teacher's understanding, is always dishonest. For the good of our *great Forum*, I'm not refering to games such as sports nor the games many of us wish to participate in in the bedroom with our significant other. I'll give more examples of my understanding of games from this course I took:

a) When two people agree upon a price of a certain item and one deliberately writes a 'hot check' or fails to meet the contract of payment it is a game.

b) When a couple whether Islamic, Christian, Jewish, etc., agree upon certain sexual practices that shall happen and some are taboo to them that will not happen, and one or both of them betray that trust it's a game. Like Adultery, or even flirting by some couples agreement may be seen as betrayal and a game.

c) When the price in a store says such and such, and a theif steals something it's a game on the theifs part as he is dishonest.

d) When an employer on a non-union construction job says he will pay $20 and hour for the work of the employee he hired, then payday comes along, and the employer only paid him for 30 hours of work when he worked 40 hours, it is a *Game* if the employer knows he was there, on the job and did the work. Without a union rep it may be very difficult for the worker to get his back wages and the employer knows this.

e) When a husband marries a wife knowing deep in his heart he is going to from the Biblical understanding, 'whore around' upon her it is a game in his mind and agenda as he is not honest with her nor with himself nor his understanding with God.

Examples of Roles:

In context of the society or certain expected *roles*.

a) In certain African cultures Polyandry( Wife having more than one husband at the time) was practiced and possiblt still is this way. If a Wife in that African village has more than one husband, in her culture it's a Role. But In Judaism and Christianity it would be a Game.

b) When a student does his work well and genuinely want to learn it is a Role.

c) If a spouse is loyal to their mate and their 'shared understandin' it is their role. When they step out of that contract or 'shared understanding' it becomes a Game.

d) As I understand when a Man or Woman on POF or any relationship site represent themselves correctly, are trying to be ethical towards others, are in control of their emotions in discussion, it's a functional role. If they have to resort to Profanity, most will say it's not appropriate and the group's consensus would be it's a game.


I'm not sure where you think the "misconception" lies. Nor do I understand all your references to marriage and spouses, when my statement simply referred to people engaging in the multifarious activity we call dating, which can be rather tedious when it involve people playing roles. Games involve a relatively limited number of transactions, so those other longer term situations you mention involve life games or scripts.


Young Lady, please give me more data, I'm not quite sure what you are asking in the above quote either, but we are doing fine, it will work itself out just make it plainer for me. But dating as I understand from TA is not nessarily games or roles all of the time. Some people are more honest than others and some people are playing games all the time as they pull their con artist tricks
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 225
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/25/2007 6:52:38 PM
Pardon me forum, that previous opening on the post I made I said *Young Lady*. Without going to one's profile, from the picture I fooled myself, ooooppps

Watch those longshot pics they do distort one's perceptions!
 808 syndicate
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 226
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:04:53 PM
There is no way you can identify a skilled player. That is until at least you get used and abused by one..lol
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 230
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:43:56 PM
Women like men have certain things the want to hear in certain ways...when they get it they become easy prey..a man sends a woman a witty,insightful and enegaging email complete with Shakesperian eloquence and what seems to be genuine interest and they go for it...they say they don't but they do...an average guy says hello how are you and he's an unimaginative boring looser they have no time for.The fact is there is a resaon why players of both sexes use the same tools and methods.....they work ....the one's who claim to be so astute at spotting the players usualy avoid them by simply by rejecting everybody or else most of them wouldn't be here.
 MiketheZombie
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 231
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:05:32 PM
Garf's reply is wrong.


I know I don't want to waste time creating some internet dating fantasy, so I like to meet in person first then decide if I like the person.
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