Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Suggestions to avoid players/con artists      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TerriM
Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 201
Suggestions to avoid players/con artistsPage 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
That sounds good in theory, but in reality, some guys have been playing this game so long they are vereran players. These guys are very hurtful. I know.
Imet a guy who checked out, every where, every time, until the last day, the day i talked to his "dead" wife on the phone
Nice touch. ***holes Hope none of you ladies had any dealings with shadow00768 he is married and a very crafty snake.
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 202
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:32:23 PM
Lots of players/con artists on here and anywhere and everywhere. Pretty well equal in both genders and all lifestyles. Just ask questions in conversation. Be pointed and direct .... don't be coy, suggest what might be there, or beat around the bush......or that makes you a player too.....doesn't it?
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 203
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:42:17 PM
People who want to meet immediately.
People who want to exchange phone numbers immediately.
People who want anything immediately, actually...

That's a good one.... What does this make a player? I wish to meet ASAP myself in order to avoid wasting my time with players who are only here to seek attention...
 Lnstarkiss
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 204
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:12:16 PM
A con wants your money. Everything they do and say will be directed towards that goal. They count on the fact that you will be too embarrassed to admit to the cops you have been scammed. An $80 background check can save you thousands. A player just wants another scalp to hang on his/her belt. Unless they are married, there isn't much you can do to find out about them. Pay attention to the warning signs. I've found six different websites that players can be posted. As this problem escalates, more people will be willing to utilize these types of sites.
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 205
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:19:06 PM
Players are posted on some sites? Man, I could make a site myself and fill it up in no time...lol. Oh, btw, was my face anywhere on them?
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 206
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:29:13 PM
I don't believe in the sites where you can post notices about others. It only gives bitter poeple the chance to post something either rightly and/or wrongly about someone . therefore tainting that person ...... and it may possibly be true but may be completely wrong and just bitter rage driven. Anyone can have an opinion and state their opinion .... WITHIN REASON .... but when you put that opinion in writing for all to see its then refered to as evidence and can be used in court.....and increasingly so, very bitter people are seeing the inside of a courtroom and loosing lots of money because of their opinions becommimg evidence on these sites. The site itself is not responsible, but the poster is and can be traced. My advise would be to stay away from these sites completely .... as their popularity grows .... so does the wallets of various lawyers who love these slam dunk cases.
 LovingAngel
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 207
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/3/2006 4:45:02 PM
Wow, Blastkist.That is good.All the things you said has been tried on me.They tell you that you've been hurt too much and the only thing they know about me is that I'm a widow.When I ask them over to my place they never show up if someone's home.Some ask you to drive over to their place.Could be the wife is on a business trip. They ask me how I like sex which is a good one.heheh Before they ask you about that they say"Hope you don't mind me asking this.I don't want to be too nosy.You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
Well that's a signal. So I tell them they can ask me anything I got nothing to hide.Then they ask the question.That's when I say to them"Do you know I'm saving this conversation?" and tell them my sexual preferation is my business.See a lot of them don't have the nerve to ask you sexual information in person.Lot's of them say that I'm afraid of having sex with them because I'm still broke up about my husband dying but I should be over that after all these years and I should get counseling.How do they know I didn't get it already.The part about me being alone for the rest of my life really gets me.Heheh Another one is how can you go without sex for so long?How do they know how long I've been without it?These are all done to get personal things out of me.
 LovingAngel
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 208
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/3/2006 5:07:09 PM
Yea waitin4cupid great for you.I know about some women who has done that to men.I don't intend this to be a put down but your self esteem couldn't of been to good.That is how she got you.Keep working on your self esteem and let go of your ego which is controlling you more than you realize.Good work and keep it up.
 legallyblonde38
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 209
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/3/2006 5:10:11 PM
All I have met on this site are cons and players..are there really some nice genuine guys on this site? This may sound negative but I have not had a good experience on this site with anyone. Just a simple question..nothing derrogatory or against anyone male in any way. I am a genuine nice person..where are they all coming from and why me? They are all different though I see the red flags sooner from experience.. the result is still the same.
 LovingAngel
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 210
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/3/2006 5:32:38 PM
SRV4ever we all have our intuition why don't we use it.Maybe some of us don't because we have something to learn.I just hope everybody watches what they do and not get into any danger.I always go and meet the person in a public place the first few times.I also have a great dog that will attack anybody that I don't invite into my house.The dog is also trained not to take any treats from a person without my permission so they can't poison them.Heheh
If I didn't have her I would not invite a person in.
 sir_tain_man
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 211
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/3/2006 7:32:52 PM
Garf, I disagree, I had met two women on dates shortly after we started talking online (in both cases, it was their initiative), there was only one meeting each, we found there was no chemistry, we moved on, didn't waste time. I also had the opposite experience, I met someone after talking for a while and while the date was good, we didn't see each other again for a reason which was not a fault of neither of us, (sorry I would like to keep it confidential). Anyway, all that time spent talking online was in the long run wasted.
My advice: meet as soon as you can do it safely, find if there is chemistry or not. If you wait with the meeting when you get emotionally attached, you might be very disappointed.

Now, about spotting a player or con artist, here is my two bits:

Check the profile, does it look very, very good? if yes, that's a first warning sign.
In conversation, does he/she (yes, there are female players too) always say the right things,
does he/she always do what you expect? does he/she look like the person of your dreams?
If the answer is YES, RUN LIKE HELL
Why?
Old adage: If it looks to good to be true, it most likelyu isn't!
Just think about it, How do you get good at anything? Well, the only way to good very good at anything is A LOT OF PRACTICE. Only players and con artist are the ones with enough practice to say the right words every time, do the right things every time. That's the only thing they do! That's how they get good at it!

An honest, caring, sincere individual, who doesn't date much is bound to make a mistake, stuble on words, not sure what to do, and if he/she is particularily shy or nervous, he/she will make a lot of mistakes. That's how you know the person is real.

(OK,ok, I am no suggesting the opposite, if someone says everything wrong, and you should not waste your time on that person)

To sum up, if he looks like a prince, he's most likely a frog, DON'T KISS HIM

And ladies, spend some time checking profiles on your own, if you see something you like, make the first step. Most of the guys I know in real life are decent, I don't expect that online ddating sites attract only misfit, jerks and players.

P.S. you migh also check how many women have that person on their favorites list
 cleo4u
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 212
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 12:40:22 PM
Very well said people.
Always watch out for the sweet talking types, those who embellish on themselves and sing you sweet praises to grab your attention.
Those who won't give out there home number after a couple of months of dating, suggest they have a wife or girlfriend at home.
Some will even give you some warning regarding there charm and smile.
Beware of all the above.
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 213
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 3:09:19 PM
1)Well Ladies and Gentleman do you not agree when if a male and you come accross a female showing *Way Too Vivid* pictures of herself in Lingerie-like wardobe and exposing brazen phots does not your guard go way up?

Yep, you noticed she is trolling like one sees the females do in many big citys walking down the street like she is trying to snagg by trolling 'rough fish', like Carp, Suckers, Ginnel, Buffalo Fish, or maybe just pick-up a boot or snag a old tire at the bottom of the pond-scum in the lake!

Like: When I was younger, during Travolta's 'Urban Cowboy', being country was seen as cool. I used to spend a *little time* in the Cowboy bars; but I DID NOT BELONG THERE! I noticed this phenomena, that most females weren't really there to dance or even find a man. After close observation, I deducted they were mainly there to just get stroked, whether their egos or symbolically their genitals. They just seemed to be playing this game of "how many males really want me?" Latter the same players can't seem to understand why Karma has given them an unfaithful husband as their fate, as those who play games eventually are visited by Cronus(Greek God Myth), the Grim Reaper with his sickle!


2) Then one notices the *Short Profiles*, Hising something like a Black Widow weaving a webb to trap a critter to suck the lifebllod out of em after breeding.

3) and if you notice the one's who Aren't Courteous enough to answer you back, you put it together *Players* and they are just getting their genitals/Egos symbolicly stroked. Vanity has a price!

Do you think later in life they get a husband who plays with harlots because they were a player while young?

 misticspear
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 214
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 4:32:47 PM
The best part is none of this works. Put it like this almost every woman on here is tring to avoid the players. They know they exist they try to avoid them but to what point everyday you will find someone sad over being played. There is this thing most of them have it is called attractiveness. Why do you think each side seems so one sided? Sone girls think most if not all men are no good or players. Some men think most women are setting things too high and only want that "pretty" guy it is soo messed up because of this
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 215
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:55:53 PM
From Post #218:


Put it like this almost every woman on here is tring to avoid the players. They know they exist they try to avoid them but to what point everyday you will find someone sad over being played. There is this thing most of them have it is called attractiveness. Why do you think each side seems so one sided? Sone girls think most if not all men are no good or players. Some men think most women are setting things too high and only want that "pretty" guy it is soo messed up because of this


Yes there are many fools messing it up being players!



But you don't realize many gals on these relationship sites, on college campuses,etc., are just as wicked as the vile harlots that frequent the bars, that some stupid males are dumb enough to talk to and waste their money and time upon.

The strange thing is many people both male and female can not or will not see they are just collecting strokes, symbolicly letting the opposite gender, or baiting others to stroke their genitals/ or rather their Egos if you'd like it softer!

If they were real, either gender, they would cut the *PooP* and be real and then just maybe the Grim Reaper would not deliver the penalty for their false agendas!
 heARTeacher
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 216
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:42:05 AM
Blastkist, You put together a magnificent list. I'm printing this and posting it by my computer. It's something I've been concerned about. My "gut instinct antennae" have a way of warning me. Your list is better because it's so much more concrete. Very helpful.
 chauntie
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 217
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:05:33 AM
ya thats why i dont date guys off of here i mean i'd have better luck in a bar lol, i get tons of msg's we talk for a while butt nothing ever really happens, i mean if ur looking for a 1 nite stand dont act all burnt if he never calls u after u asked for it, if i meet up with someone i make it clear of what i want and i dont push anything on the guy, im not a clingy chick and i personaly dont give a @#$% if i hook up with a guy and never talk to him again, (im the one that usually deletes his number) i can read a guy like a book when i meet him, basicially i already know what im getting myself into and i brace myself for it. seriously, dont look for a relationship on a dating site, ive done it and hasnt done anything for me except give me stress and hearthache, not to mentiuon theres too many creepy guys and players on here, hey would u date a guy that was talking too numerous gurls on his msn at 3 in the morning? and quickly log off when i come into the room? i wouldnt, i just come on here to help the time go by and cuz this site is cool plus i have at least 6 lifetime frineds on here that i keep in touch with, later
 sterlingblu
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 218
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:09:38 AM
It is to bad we can't put a list on here of all the players.LOL Got to confess I have run into a couple of them myself. U r right if something sound to good to be true :it is...then run. It is really sad though cause that is what we r all looking for is just a really nice guy. I have been out of the game for many years,and it is all coming back. LOL Some things never change,no matter how lng it has been. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone came with a set of instructions? Unfortunately,we just have to live and learn...sometimes the hard way. Then we just move on....hopefully to Mr.Right!
 heARTeacher
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 219
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:14:37 AM
Kyle Morgan, do you know there have been women that have been insured and killed through situations like this? For her sake and that of her children I hope she cuts and runs, with or without her money!
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 220
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:42:03 AM
For the 22nd time... Everyone is a 'player', which is merely a female term of convenience. Women 'play' men all the time, only they call it 'dating'.
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 221
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:35:48 AM
From Post #224:


For the 22nd time... Everyone is a 'player', which is merely a female term of convenience. Women 'play' men all the time, only they call it 'dating'.


There is a lot of truth in your statement about life and the Relationship personal's sites!

But there is a misconception here. Back in the around the middle of the last century, a term Transactional Analysis was coined and a book 'I'm O.K. You're O.K.' was wrote by Thomas Anthony Harris.

A few webbsites to describe are :

http://www.chimaeraconsulting.com/transact.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_OK,_You're_OK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_OK,_You're_OK

http://www.businessballs.com/transactionalanalysis.htm


Anyway the point I'm trying to make is TA(Transactional Analysis) explains that People have honorable roles and dishonorable games in their actions and thoughts.

IE. A Husband who is loyal both in shared agreements whether sexual or of a multitude of areas to his souse is *Playing A Role*.

A man who is having a sexual affair by Judeo-Christian standards is *playing a game*.

So you can say by TA's definition that Males and Females on POF are playing *games* if they are just coveting strokes with no intention of finding that beau or gal contrasted to those with honest motives are playing a *role*.

IE When a Man marries a woman knowing he will be by Judeo Christian standards sleeping around and gambling away the funds meant for the family while married is he playing a *game* or fulfilling a *Role*?

A Woman who is getting married with the thought, "Once I get married I'll just do what I want, when I want, and I'll divorce him at 50, get alimony, child support...", is she playing a dishonest game or fullfilling an honest role?

One will have to read the book unless you already understand, *games* are dishonest while *roles* are honest!
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 222
view profile
History
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:48:41 PM
I'm a former member of the ITAA and therefore am familiar with Eric Berne's work and his many contributions to social psychology, as well of those who were part of the TA 'movement' (including Harris) several decades back.

If you review the book "Games People Play", you'll notice that a woman is the agent in all the sexual games described there. The idea that women are necessarily innocent/honorable victims of evil/dishonorable men is both a stance and a 'racket', meaning it's 'dishonest', which is to say it does reliably produce predictable feelings, namely resentment at men.

I'm not sure where you think the "misconception" lies. Nor do I understand all your references to marriage and spouses, when my statement simply referred to people engaging in the multifarious activity we call dating, which can be rather tedious when it involve people playing roles. Games involve a relatively limited number of transactions, so those other longer term situations you mention involve life games or scripts.
 cuba bay
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 223
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:49:57 PM
just say no....dont waste your time on them
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 224
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/25/2007 10:37:35 AM
From Post #226:

Thank You Young Lady, glad to converse with one who has read and studied the subject. As you know in the 70s TA(Transactional Analysis) was considered very big; revolutionary by some social scientists. And I'm hearing that in the past decade many universitys give it little credit. Which is sad, I find the work very meaningful!


If you review the book "Games People Play", you'll notice that a woman is the agent in all the sexual games described there. The idea that women are necessarily innocent/honorable victims of evil/dishonorable men is both a stance and a 'racket', meaning it's 'dishonest', which is to say it does reliably produce predictable feelings, namely resentment at men.


From the socialogy course I took, it is my understanding from the professor's understang of the book, that games are dishonest and roles are honest. As you are heavily involved in TA, you may know something that teacher did not. And as we well know every author has his or her own bias and agenda. Harris may have a bias against women, but he may only be using it as an example; despite his prejudices from his individual experiences.

As I understand a 'Game' according to Harris's book and I am largely biased from that teacher's understanding, is always dishonest. For the good of our *great Forum*, I'm not refering to games such as sports nor the games many of us wish to participate in in the bedroom with our significant other. I'll give more examples of my understanding of games from this course I took:

a) When two people agree upon a price of a certain item and one deliberately writes a 'hot check' or fails to meet the contract of payment it is a game.

b) When a couple whether Islamic, Christian, Jewish, etc., agree upon certain sexual practices that shall happen and some are taboo to them that will not happen, and one or both of them betray that trust it's a game. Like Adultery, or even flirting by some couples agreement may be seen as betrayal and a game.

c) When the price in a store says such and such, and a theif steals something it's a game on the theifs part as he is dishonest.

d) When an employer on a non-union construction job says he will pay $20 and hour for the work of the employee he hired, then payday comes along, and the employer only paid him for 30 hours of work when he worked 40 hours, it is a *Game* if the employer knows he was there, on the job and did the work. Without a union rep it may be very difficult for the worker to get his back wages and the employer knows this.

e) When a husband marries a wife knowing deep in his heart he is going to from the Biblical understanding, 'whore around' upon her it is a game in his mind and agenda as he is not honest with her nor with himself nor his understanding with God.

Examples of Roles:

In context of the society or certain expected *roles*.

a) In certain African cultures Polyandry( Wife having more than one husband at the time) was practiced and possiblt still is this way. If a Wife in that African village has more than one husband, in her culture it's a Role. But In Judaism and Christianity it would be a Game.

b) When a student does his work well and genuinely want to learn it is a Role.

c) If a spouse is loyal to their mate and their 'shared understandin' it is their role. When they step out of that contract or 'shared understanding' it becomes a Game.

d) As I understand when a Man or Woman on POF or any relationship site represent themselves correctly, are trying to be ethical towards others, are in control of their emotions in discussion, it's a functional role. If they have to resort to Profanity, most will say it's not appropriate and the group's consensus would be it's a game.


I'm not sure where you think the "misconception" lies. Nor do I understand all your references to marriage and spouses, when my statement simply referred to people engaging in the multifarious activity we call dating, which can be rather tedious when it involve people playing roles. Games involve a relatively limited number of transactions, so those other longer term situations you mention involve life games or scripts.


Young Lady, please give me more data, I'm not quite sure what you are asking in the above quote either, but we are doing fine, it will work itself out just make it plainer for me. But dating as I understand from TA is not nessarily games or roles all of the time. Some people are more honest than others and some people are playing games all the time as they pull their con artist tricks
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 225
Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/25/2007 6:52:38 PM
Pardon me forum, that previous opening on the post I made I said *Young Lady*. Without going to one's profile, from the picture I fooled myself, ooooppps

Watch those longshot pics they do distort one's perceptions!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Suggestions to avoid players/con artists