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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 351
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?Page 16 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I'm not "scared"
I just prefer my own age or a close range of it.
A Mature Man.....with a bit of "Little Boy" still in him!
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 364
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:30:00 PM
because younger men have the brains of a toad stool. My sister says men dont start growing brain cells until 25 and she may have a point.

Young guys are into mostly one thing; drinking and sex and not in that order.

There are exceptions but not many.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 370
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/10/2011 9:15:15 AM
Why are older women scared about dating younger men ?


As an older woman I am terrified that his friends might that think I am his sexy,drop dead gorgeous intelligent Mommy..

PS. A silly question deserved a silly answer.........
 serve chilled
Joined: 8/29/2010
Msg: 371
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/24/2011 8:30:12 AM
they aren't - it's your own personal experience, the majority of messages I get are from older women, I'm not talking a few years older - but from women in their fifties and even sixties. Messages from women that have zero in common with me, messages from overweight, smokers with grandchildren who only date men with a university education, women who obviously they haven't even read my profile. I feel as if they are just replying without genuine interest...am I behaving like a chick?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 373
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/24/2011 10:06:51 AM
I am an old woman but a young men don't see that , perhaps American men can't differentiate our age,because" most of us " Asian are small and always smiling..
I have a few Asian friends who hits young guys ,they are rediculous on my way of thinking, even how short their micro mini crotch hugging skirt with a nice pair of legs to die for, or their low cut shirt, they can't fool me . It is a big difference like May and December... Kinda like hanging out with Auntie or Mother because he can't find a date, lol....

At one time , I was so stupidly flirting in body language to a man infront of his grayhaired ,prune face ,stooped mother ,oppps it is his wife.

And my mexican girlfriend is angry why people yes strangers is always asking " Is he your son? > No my Husband.lol.....

I don't mind if a man is younger than me in age a few years ,but not in personality..
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 378
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/25/2011 12:21:35 PM
I have a very twisted experience of this issue. I find it rather interesting that the two main objections in this thread to dating younger men is the fear of being ostrasicized (or personally sickened) for being with a guy who looks young enough to be the woman's son and the unequal life/relationship experience. Women MY age have rejected me for both looking too young to date ("people will think I am with my son!") and being too inexperienced to date (quite a few high school kids have more dating experience than I do -- my best friend's daughter is not even a senior yet and her total years in relationships tops my total; I'd definitely give her the edge for much higher quality relationships, too!). I often email women on POF who are close to my age and not only look far younger but actually say in their profile that they look far younger, in the apparent false believe that our appearances and similar experiences will balance the situation, but they are never anymore likely to return my emails than any other women. It's obviously more of a plus to be a young-looking woman than a young-looking man.

Recently I was at a bar with my best friend and a couple other people in their 30s/40s and I started chatting up a pretty woman who was there and not a member of our party. I thought our conversation was going highly unusually well for me, but she attempted to put an end to any notion that I was getting her number or something, saying she was too old for me. My fairly well educated guess from looking at her and talking to her was that she was around my age, so I made a bet with her that if she was more than a couple years older than me, I'd buy her drinks for the rest of the night, and if she was less than a couple years older or younger, she'd give me her number with the expectation that we'd go to dinner some day. Turned out she was 2 years younger but thought I was in college or right out of it -- I had to get my best friend (a woman) to vouch for me and then show her my driver's license to further prove it and even then she muttered something about it being a fake (oddly, the bouncer that night didn't even card me even though I didn't even know him -- you go into a bar with a bunch of obviously 30-40-year-olds, I guess that's good enough for them). Anyway, she gave me a number and quickly excused herself.

Of course, the number turned out to be fake. Nevertheless I kind of treasure it -- been a few years since I got ANY kind of number from a random stranger like that.

Generally, I have discovered, that actual older women who have shown interest in me (including the ones who first contact me on POF) are some seriously disturbed individuals, so I make no attempt to pursue older women, less I get what I was pursuing. But I would not outright reject one who was attractive and seemed sane. I'd wait for her to prove that she was insane first!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 384
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:50:28 AM
I agree, not afraid.....just not interested.
Most men younger than me have children at home. I prefer to not get involved with
someone with underage kids.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 386
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/26/2011 10:53:12 AM

I find it rather interesting that the two main objections in this thread to dating younger men is the fear of being ostrasicized (or personally sickened) for being with a guy who looks young enough to be the woman's son and the unequal life/relationship experience.

I have, at various times in the past, dated men 20 years older to 20 years younger than I am. Now, I find most - not all, though - men more than a few years older than me sound like my first stepfather. Not gonna go there. And I find it disconcerting, to say the least, when contacted by a man who is younger than my son (not only that, but had the same name as well). That would make me feel incestuous. On the other hand, I've known quite a few happy and lengthy marriages where the wife was considerably older. One woman told me she had no intention of being stuck with an old man when he retired - he was career military, so he wasn't that old when he did finally retire - but she ended up outliving him by a considerable number of years anyway.

As for life experiences, that is more important than one would think. I have some specific things in my past that most men don't want to even remember, forget about relating to, if they didn't have similar experiences. So as for myself, I wouldn't go more thana few years older or younger. Life is what it is, not always what we'd like it to be.


Generally, I have discovered, that actual older women who have shown interest in me (including the ones who first contact me on POF) are some seriously disturbed individuals, so I make no attempt to pursue older women, less I get what I was pursuing. But I would not outright reject one who was attractive and seemed sane. I'd wait for her to prove that she was insane first!


Being seriously disturbed really doesn't have anything to do with age.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 388
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/26/2011 11:57:59 AM
Indeed...if I want something to train I'll get a puppy.
Older women are not "scared about dating younger men", they just aren't interested in dating younger men.
Cindy O
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 389
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:09:45 PM
"you have the weirdest experiences"

What can I say? Weird people tend to have more weird experiences than non-weird people.

I didn't even mention the short thing in that post. I was referring to the youthful appearance of my face, though it does not help for that to be coupled with shortness, that is for sure. My brother also still has a fairly young appearance (ignoring the balding) but at 5'10" it matters much less for him. Sometimes he grows a full beard and looks 10-20 years older than he is instead of the 5-10 years younger he looks without it. When I grow a beard, I generally just look ridiculous. (More than once, I have been called a leprechaun.)

"personally it never occured to me until POF"

I've long wondered if it's a generational thing... or if women just stop caring after they get to a certain age, no matter the generation. I've noticed it mostly bothers women 22-40, while above that and below that, they care far less. And that 22-40 thing has been fairly consistent most of my life, so I had been leaning toward it being an age issue, but there's plenty of evidence, including your post, to support it also being a generational issue.

"As for life experiences, that is more important than one would think."

This I don't doubt. Problem is, I'm going to fail with every woman if I'm being judged by life experiences, so I attempt to avoid that topic as much as possible, as absurd as that sounds. I pretty much lived in a completely different world from all my peers, and there wasn't anything much I could do about that then, and there's certainly nothing I can do about that now. Now if you mean by "life experiences," remembering what it was like when the Challenger exploded or 9/11 happened or Kurt Cobain blowing his brains out, obviously I can have a good conversation about that (I recently gained a 16-year-old co-worker and I was discussing a Nirvana song with this other older co-worker and the 16-year-old asked, "Who's Kurt Cobain?" We looked at each other and were like, is this girl dense? Then I realized... she was actually born after he died! And although a casual rock fan, she probably wasn't enough of a rock fan to have delved into who he was. Of course, to me, knowing who Kurt Cobain for the current 16-year-olds is the same as me knowing who Jimi Hendrix was at the age of 16, despite the fact that he died years before I was born, so maybe she just was dense).

But I figure you mean more PERSONAL life experiences rather than history. Heck, I run into this issue with long-time friends, much less dates. My best friend from college and I were like twins in interests back in those days. Since then she's gotten married, had 2 kids, gotten divorced, cared for 2 dying parents, overcome a catastrophic illness and been pushed to the brink by all these things. We have literally almost no interests in common now, because I have the same basic interests as we did in college and all her interests are centered around her kids and surviving divorce. We met while working at a movie theater; I'm so intertwined in movies I couldn't divorce myself from them if I wanted to. But when I saw her in October, she admitted she had no idea when the last time she saw a movie was and she just seemed to have no interest in my movie project whatsoever. (Interestingly, though, my current best friend also got married, had 2 kids, got divorced and cared for a dying parent in the time that I've known her. Yet she was the co-executive producer on my last movie and attended most of the local festivals with me for the first one. So, the "life experience" thing is a complex b*stard.)

What I was alluding to with my original post is that my life experience is not even close to being on the same level as the life experience of the typical woman in her 30s. So this issue ironically damages me with women my own age, much less women older than me. Life experience is much like job experience in that you can't get it without having a job first, leading to the frustration of those new to the workforce when they encounter this on an application. Similarly, you can't get the relationship experience some women require without actually being in a relationship first. Frankly, having actually dated a woman who had less dating experience than I did not long ago (for what I believe was the first time in my life), I'd think it would be more intriguing to some people to have someone they can train to be a good significant other than to try to change someone who's already got it all figured out.

"Being seriously disturbed really doesn't have anything to do with age."

Although this is certainly true (I can rattle off a Magna Carta-sized list of young women I've come across who were off-their-rockers), ALL of the older women (by which I mean, more than 5 years or so older) who have shown interest in me were troubled individuals, while with younger women, the record is curiously mixed. Though certainly most of the younger women who weren't outright "crazy" were generally rather immature, which can be mistaken for insanity. I suppose it's possible to be older and immature, but I can't say I've come across that too much in women (men, sure).
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 391
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:43:11 PM
Deborah, I know the feeling. DIRT is younger than I am. But I didn't know older women were SCARED about dating younger men, I thought that those who forego the opportunity simply aren't interested.
Cindy O
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 392
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/26/2011 4:31:57 PM

...if I want something to train I'll get a puppy.


there is a book coming out next week called (i kid you not):

How to Raise a Boyfriend

by Rebecca Eckler
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 394
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/26/2011 6:16:59 PM
^^
I just had a visual of planting a seed in the garden and "raising" a boyfriend!
Train him like a Bonzai tree into the shape I want him!

 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 398
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 1/27/2011 11:16:50 PM
Good Question...

I think in the back of my mind it's all about the (men) growing up and then seeking a younger women and who wants to put in your time to be replaced by a younger model?

Open to Love at any age as long as they are in for the long haul.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 402
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 3/21/2011 9:09:35 AM

they aren't - it's your own personal experience, the majority of messages I get are from older women, I'm not talking a few years older - but from women in their fifties and even sixties. Messages from women that have zero in common with me, messages from overweight, smokers with grandchildren who only date men with a university education, women who obviously they haven't even read my profile. I feel as if they are just replying without genuine interest...am I behaving like a chick?

Dude women in their early to mid fifties aren't that much older than u are.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 415
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 3/31/2011 10:49:29 AM

these guys think an older woman is appreciative of their attention and are therefore undemanding.

The more fool they.

I had an experience at a different dating site where I got a very sweet email from a guy half my age. I emailed back that I thanked him for his kind words but that I just couldn't see myself dating a man young enough to be my son.
He then emailed back thanking me for my response, and asking would I let him know if I changed my mind.He claimed to love older women and closed with the statement that he would "do anything" to be with me.

I couldn't resist the temptation to dispense some motherly advice;
" Son! Don't EVER tell ANY woman that you will " do anything" to be with her! You could find yourself washing windows-or driving the getaway car for a bank robbery!"

I didn't hear back from him, I hope my advice helped.
Cindy O
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 428
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:45:41 AM
Two main reasons why many older women don't date younger men. They think they have nothing in common with them. They think younger men are immature and are only looking for sex. Although that can apply to some men from all age groups. Having said that, there are a segment of older women who prefer younger men. Yes sometimes it's primarily about sex. But other older women feel that they are in general more compatible with younger men.
 Sean4MD
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 434
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:44:17 PM
I don't mind older women at all and actually am starting to prefer them.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 435
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:59:26 PM
Someone dug up a 7 year old thread. Scared to date younger men, how absurd. I can think of many other words, for me..disgusted, replused...the ick factor is something I have no desire to try to get past. I have kids (and even shoes) that are older than some of the ignorant 20 something horndogs that email me, hi sexy...ugh. If I found men the age of my kids attractive, I'd have "hit on" their friends. My kids have some good looking, charming, smart friends...but ehh...nah. Scared? Hardly, that last thing I'd want is another kid. I've done my thing, raised my own, and not looking for another child. If I were I'd be a foster parent.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 440
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:54:08 PM

as you lay there in the nursing home aching from head to feet from old age hardly able to move and incontinent will you say "i sure am glad i dated and banged that 20 something hot young guy when i was in my 50's!" or will you regret that you didn't?

the choice is YOURS right now.


Yes, it is---and MY choice is to date people in my own peer group. Just because you choose to date people young enough to be your grandchildren doesn't mean that everyone else thinks the same way. Thankfully, not all middle-aged people out there are looking for a nurse or a purse.
 MsNoraL
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 442
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/20/2012 9:14:02 AM
First of all at my age 59 I'm done with having kids. Second what do we have in comon besides sex? I've been around and music, movies, venues, so much has changed and so much I've seen and learned over the years. I love to have things in common that we share more than sex. It's so sexy to have my brain stimulated as well. There's so much that a man in my age group has learned by now and can share with me. I don't want to teach a man, either we share and learn from eachother but not into the one way thing. Look at Demi Moore, and Hulk Holgans ex wife with the 19 year old? Crazy women! At our age we don't have time to waste. Younger men can move on to a younger woman and then what?? Nah...not a wise move.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 449
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:34:22 AM
^^^^

Considering your age, those "older" women must have been 70+. They have weak knees and tremble anyway.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 456
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:49:17 AM

you're right i DON"T understand. my question was why it wouldn't be "prudent."

the only thing i can see as to why people of different ages don't date is that either they find the other's looks or appearance due to age repulsive or juvenile or....


Although I've never given birth to my own children, there is something repulsive to me personally about the concept of being sexually involved with a person young enough to be my son---just the thought that I could have changed his diapers at one time doesn't exactly blow my skirt up.


(as in most cases) they are not intellectually,emotionally or socially broad enough to have a conversation or share interests with a person from another generation.


That's not it at all. I'm perfectly capable of carrying on a conversation with young people in their twenties, as well as having common interests with them. My two nieces with whom I'm very close, are that age, and we go on outings together all the time--I simply have no desire to date people their age.


on a date i had on Memorial Day i was with an elegant 71 year old woman, eleven years my senior. i had no problem discussing elements of the world that occurred in the 40's and 50's, different life experiences we've had or that generation's music. we had a great time together at lunch at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.


I don't think a difference of ten or eleven years is a big issue at our age. My man is ten years my senior.


multi-dimentional, multi-faceted people can be very successful dating omni-generationally.

it's also a matter of confidence.


Any 60-year-old man that would feel the need to boast in the forums about banging a 22-year-old girl like a Texas tornado doesn't have a whole lot of confidence---much less, any respect for the girl.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 465
Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:13:44 PM
Obsession that borders on harassment is its own kind of pathetic, IMO.


Indeed---especially when they e-mail you privately with lame compliments, and you're forced to block them.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 470
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Why are older women scared about dating younger men?
Posted: 6/27/2012 10:04:19 AM
Having been on both sides of the equation in my life, there are real logistical difficulties to a significant age gap. There's just no way around it.

Children, the desire to have children or not, attraction into old age, risk of health differentials in later years, financial inequalities, etc, etc.

Toss in that significantly older partners worry as well about their continuing level of physical appeal as they age, and it is definitely complicated.

Can they work? Yes. Is it always about sex? No.

I have friends who have married women 20+ older than them. Some of them didn't work, some of them have been married for decades.

The odds are against it lasting anything beyond a handful of years, but that's also true of all relationships. 50% divorce rate, average marriage lasting 8 years, median marriage lasting 11 years, you're up against the odds either way. A significant age difference stacks the odds against you a little bit more.

Women aren't necessarily scared, but many of them understand the real drawbacks and choose not to play that game at all.

Is it their loss? For some of them, probably. For MOST of them, probably not.

Still, is it worth the risk? It depends... some loves are worth it.
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