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Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 102
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Okay, blue, I still don't get exactly what it was that made you angry, but if you have read my posts, then you know that I have lived it and do indeed have to deal with its effects every day. I am sorry if something angered you, but I do not post do have that effect, I only try to be supportive. Let me say this...most bi-polar people are very interesting, very intelligent and super creative. All in all they are great people to know, except for those who refuse to accept it and deny any problem at all, but mostly they are as wonderful as anyone, and more exciting to be around than most. They have their ups and downs as anyone does, just to more of an extreme. It's time to put away angry feelings and get into the holiday spirit! Have a wonderful Christmas!
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 103
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/21/2005 3:32:39 PM
You are very welcome, Benjamin, and I meant every word. I hope all is going well for you and all in the thread. Have a wonderful Christmas everyone!
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 105
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 4/25/2006 9:42:42 AM
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
I think that if the person is stable either through meds or therapy or both than its fine. I'm bipolar and don't think it should be an issue. There are lots of people who are abusive moody @$$holes with flaws that aren't bipolar. I seem to have met many of them over the years.

One bad experience with a bipolar person doesn't mean all are like that.
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 108
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/3/2006 7:55:41 PM
No. The only true, human thing to do is attempt to understand. And once you have an inclination, assess whether you are able to deal, when they cannot. I think it is worse for someone NOT to tell you they suffer from it rather than you think they are an a** when truly, they are just challenged. BUT do not excuse their behavior when inappropriate...that will only encourage them to continue doing what they do.

Make them take note, digest, adapt, and re-enter.

It takes patience and understanding...but NOT at the risk of your own sanity and health. Only then, do you walk. Hopefully just as a significant other. Friendship should be possible.

Too serious for bananas.

Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 111
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:28:48 AM
i would have to say {run quickly}from experience as well ,i met a girl here who was bipolar. she had nothing when i met her . {go figure} she would be very nice most of the time but she wouldn't take her meds all the time. when she didn't she would say and do horrible things . by the time it was all over it was apperant she was a con artist at times and that without her meds she would do anything to hurt you. i'm telling you right now {run now before its to late . remember when there off there meds thats who they really are all they have to do is slip up a little to turn into an evil person {so to speak}
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 112
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:42:09 AM
Everybody deserves to be loved but sometimes you just cant love them......

I have not personally dated someone with bipolar but my daughter has been in a relationship with a man for about 5 yrs who is.....She has been through the ropes,,,,I honestly dont see why she keeps trying.....She is a single mom who meet him while she was going through a lot of problems with her ex husband and he was very supportive of her....but over the last year, he has changed completely....blames her for everything wrong in the relationship, makes her feel like she is not worth anything to anybody...she is a very loving, caring, individual who loves this man with her whole being but I dont approve of the relationship anymore....all it is doing to her is bringing her down...she has had to go to therapy, was his idea but he wont go with her now.....keeps telling her that she has a problem not him.....Dont get me wrong he is a very sweet man who can be so good to her but he can be very cruel as well.....She keeps saying that he reminds her of Dr jeckyl Mr Hyde....changes personalities so quick, so high strung.......He knows he is manic depressant but does not think that it is so bad.....

She has done all in her power to try to stay with him but this time she has given up on the relationship but it is tearing her in half.....he is not happy.....upset because apparently she gave up but she cant help him anymore....Wish I could give her some hope....

How do you get someone to realize the extend of their illness and get help? I told her that he will realize it one day....sadly, he will have missed out on the thing he always said he wanted...someone to stand by him....

Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 127
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/24/2006 8:47:13 PM
i have been reading all the threads having to do with being bi polar and i am thinking that that has been the problem with the realtionship i had for the last year.
i love this man alot, but he kept constantly destroying what we had and so i said enough and he immediately took up with a gal and i heard today that he has since lost his job,is about to be evicted, has been drinking non stop, and the two times he did stop by to see me, all he wanted to do was talk about how in love he was with her.
i've been in alot of pain, but it is occuring to me that maybe he is bi polar and it is kind of a disease.

i have no idea if he will come to my door soon, homeless and jobless, but if he does, i am a little confused about ow to handle it.
i can see that rekindling what i thought we had is probably a joke, but i do still love him quite a bit.
but i've also realized that he is quite a liar...
but my heart goes out still, if in fact he is mentally ill.
i am not sure if he will involve me in his life anymore, but if he does, i want to lean in the direction of being an understanding and supportive friend.
not to the tune of taking him in and caring for him necessarily, but helping him to get some help.
he has a very brillient mind and he touched me deeply many times in the year we spent together.
all i know is hearing the news today that his life went down the toilet in a matter of weeks after i said i had had enough, just makes me sad.
but i was sick of wondering what he was really up to all the time.
it's a very complicated story, but i thought i understand him prety well.
i have a pretty open heart and mind, and my brother is really out there mentally, but i still love him too...tho he will not seek medical help and is very far gone now.
totally delusional.
i believe in emotional trigers for these chemical imbalances...
i don't want to take myself down with him tho....
and yet my heart hurts so much that they are in that much agony.
i have been very angry as well ttho, because as one post said, these people are incapable of true love and empathy.
so maybe i am not a good one to help because my feelings do get hurt when love or respect or friendship is not reciprocated, like him falling instantly in love with a gal with a missing tooth and who is crazy and homeless.

he threw everything away with us for that?
and when it all blows up in his face, which will be any day now, he may show up at my door wanting help?
it's all very confusing.
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 131
Posted: 11/25/2006 12:17:53 AM
^^^^pretty much sums up what I was going to say, in a much, much nicer way too, lol.
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 138
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/30/2006 12:47:41 PM
short answer no
generally when dating someone with a disorder.... not only they have to deal with it.. so do you.
not saying that you cant, but its a matter of inner strength.
the degree to which the disorder controlls their life and yours and how much you can put up with it is a question you have to answer for yourself
i think thats how it goes
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 143
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/7/2007 8:47:41 PM
If the illness is treated and the person has been stable from a psychiatric persepctive for at least a few years, there's no reason to break it off. As awkward as it may seem, I'd be asking about any recent hopitalizations and whether they intend to remain compliant with treatment. And if you stay in the rel'ship, read up on the condition.

Good luck!
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 147
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:05:00 PM
I know I wouldn't be able to handle dating any one with bipolar. I know several people who are and they don't get treatment for it...they think they are perfectly fine. and from what I have observed, it would take some one who is very strong emotionally to be able to handle it because they have their good days and they have their bad days.
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 154
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:05:13 PM
I'm sure by now you've about had your fill of reading posts (there are what 8 pages?) But I myself had been with a bi-polar girl for 2 years.

My advice is half as it would be for any relationship. How do you feel about him/her? If they are one of those people you can get out of your head then you're most likely going to regret not at least trying. I mean its not that she/he is a terrible person, they bi-polar and thus deserve to find love too.

Assuming you choose to be with them you need to be Very familiar with ALL fasets(sp?) of this disease. After 2 years of an emotional rollercoaster it was eventually my limited understanding of the "Manic" side of bi-polar which ultimatly destroyed us. If they are on medication and it works you probably wont have to go thru all of what I did but that doesnt mean that they wont have episodes from time to time which can include adio and video halucinations. As well as breaking up with you suddenly...and not meaning it but not taking you back until you chase them.

The entire thing can be very confusing, but it didn't stop me from falling in love with her at the time and if you're both willing to try I don't see why you couldn't last.
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 159
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:24:08 PM
I'm bipolar. As long as they're medicated it should be fine.

Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 164
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:25:14 AM
bipolar is a reason NOTto date someone....i lived 19 yrs with one with bipolar and borderline personality. i thought love was all he needed. i was wrong! the more i gave...the more he took! till there was no more me left! i exposed my children to this life....WHICH WAS A LIVING HELL! when i finally got the courage to leave....he started manipulating the children. this is what i had to protect them from all these they r dealing with it first hand. he didnt beleive he had a problem...he wouldnt take proper medication. This is the problem with most bipolars....they either wont admit there is a problem or they get on meds but then quit them. They have no rational...they are narcocistic, manipulative, mean, cant rationalize, paranoid, but usually are very charming and that is the thing that kept me staying. he would say im sorry and cry but after 19 yrs of it...i woke up and said hes not sorry ...his track record speaks for itself. They say one another! No amount of love in this world will satisfy them...and u cant cure them! and my counselor told me i would need to make a i want to continue to live with someone like this who will say hes sorry when he does something wrong, and he is sorry at the moment...but it will happen again and again. and again he will be sorry. People like this are usually in and out of relationships. and if u stay like i did.....u cant help but be affected emotionally and mentally and sometimes physically by it!!!!! I AM DISABLED NOW WITH FIBROMYALGIA AND SEVERE DEPRESSION/ANXIETY FROM LIVING ON EDGE WITH A BIPOLAR MAN! NEVER KNOWING WHEN HE WOULD EXPLODE.....ITS NOT WORTH IT!!! RUN!
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 165
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:31:41 AM
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 177
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 4/23/2007 7:45:13 PM
Firstly there seems to be alot of misinformation regarding bi polar disorder.
I read in earlier post that bi polar is a personality disorder. It is NOT and in fact is an Axis 1 diagnosis in the DSM which is the criteria dr's use to diagnose this illness.
Axis11 is the DSM used to diagnose Personality Disorders or PD's.
There is a vastttttttt difference between the 2.
Also if someone is misdx as a bipolar who is actually a Paranoid Schizophrenic, I would seriously ?? the competence of the physician/psychiatrist that came up with intial dx. The criteria for each of those illnesses is quite different.
I would honestly look at the overall picture and ask yourself if you are the kind of person who can handle dating someone with that lable. I have known many many successful people who in fact are bi polar. I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with him about his illness course of tx, last episode etc. I also think you need to really educate yourself and I am NOT sure POF is the place to do this. Contact Mental Health Services in your area and speak to folks who are qualified to answer.
I am a RN here in Canada with a 2nd diplomna in psychiatry and worked front line act
acute psychiatry for many years.
I am sure everyone means well, but you need an unbiased opinion based on his situation etc........not the rest of ours.
Best of luck to you both!
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 178
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:10:03 PM
9 times of 10 the answer is no way! I have had two long term relationships with bi polars. I did not know this at first obviously and after time they both had told me the truth. My last relationship was for 3 years on and off and it was very rocky. I do believe her to be more than just bi polar, probably closer to boderline personality disorder. She was completely self absorbed, always some sort of drama going on. When I first met her she came across as normal, exciting, fun, attractive, confident, secure, and simply just hadn't met the right guy to settle down with. The first month or two was great, I thought she was a dream come true. But after that I had found out it was more like a nightmare. Where do I start. Supposively she had been broken up with her ex boyfriend for a few months when I started seeing her which I figured to be enough time for her to have moved on. Apparently they were very co-dependant on eachother, and kept in contact. Now I have no issues with ex's being friends or staying in touch but this was taken alot further. He would sleep over frequently, supposively as just friends. I once read an emai she sent to him how she wanted his big well you know, and she needed it asap and for him to come over. I confronted her on this and she simply said nothing had been going on and she was mad at me that day for no reason basically so she wrote him that. She claimed when he saw it he was like why did you send me that since they were just friends. So I let that go but that shoulda been a warning sign. She had so many issues, depression, manic episodes, problems with drinking, gambling, relationships in the past, suicide attempts/threats, self mutilating, eating disorders, prescription medications, u name it. I supposed some of this was partially my fault since I stayed so long and was always trying to be supportive in hopes she would change and things would get better and maybe she was just having a phase. Things would be great one day, then the next she would fight with me, break up with me, then tell her never to contact her again for no reason. We wouldnt talk for a few days then one of us would contact the other, more times than not it was me feeling lonely and sad and perhaps some misunderstanding, but it was all her mental illness. This woman hurt me so bad I really did love her, and I woulda done anything for her. I saw this women go from over 100k in the bank to broke with over 50k in credit card debt all from gambling, and ofcourse nothing was her fault. Everything was always my fault, I didnt do this or I said this or why cant I be more caring like her ex who constantly hung around her. This woman almost ruined my life, she stole money from me, got me fired from my job, gave me a black eye, threating to blackmail me in certain ways if I didnt do what she wanted or give her money, used sex to manipulate me, always pouted and fought with me if she didnt get her way, manipulated me to pay some of her bills etc.. She would repeatedly verbally abuse me out of her own pain, destroying my self confidence. Ofcourse it was my fault she acted this way. Eventually after 3 years I left her for good, and it wasnt easy, I was addicted to this person for whatever reason, but I knew in the longrun I had to go, I think after 3 years I had a good idea of if we could be together down the road or not. She used other men to make me jealous, Im sure she cheated on me just never found the proof, she never trusted me probably because she didnt trust herself. Its been 2 years now and we have no contact. I emailed her recently simply asking her to take my cat since I had to move and I know they were close, ofcourse she says no and asks me not to contact her again, completely wrote me off since Im of no use to her anymore. Like Im the one that did something wrong lol. Shes a miserable person no matter what front she puts up to others. She has all the symptoms of boderline personality disorder, and hasnt had a relationship since I have been gone, unless you count the ex boyfriend which kept falling for her abuse and games and kept believing she would get better, yet she never did. People like her are a blackhole, they suck you in and drain you emotionally, financially, pretty much anyway they can, and theres no return on your investment. One day they will leave you if you dont leave them first, and it will be real cold when she does trust me. Sometimes I miss the 5% of her which was good but I definately dont miss the other 95% of pure evil and selfishness. The morale of the story, run! You cant fix some people you just cant. If they arent happy by themselves, dont ever think they will be happy with you. I gave this woman my heart and everything I could just to be screwed over and over with nothing but bad memories to show for it. So if you meet someone like this, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 184
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:54:39 PM
Unfortunately, it does take a special type of person to deal with bipolar disorder. The person having to make that decsion needs to dig deep and question themself on a serious soul searching way.
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 185
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 9/15/2010 11:04:59 AM
Okay, Interesting Read. I have been dating a terrific woman for 2 years but like others have said there are for the most part great day then out of the blue she calls and breaks up and blames me for what she can't explain, has not seen a doctor since the birth of her last child 17 years ago. The last 6 months have been pure hell!! I am convinced she is Bipolar, it all fits, even after she described her now ended marriage. what does the affect of alcohol have on this? mind you she is not taking any meds for anything. but does drink allot. Her brother died 4 years ago of alcoholism due to depression.

This thread has shown me that I am not crazy with what has been happening, and do not intend to continue this relationship any longer.

I'm getting to old to have to deal with that. I just the love of a good woman.
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 187
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 9/15/2010 12:15:00 PM
Oh I have been doing research.
Like I said she has not seen any type doctor in 17 years and refuses to. I first thought PMS maybe, but the bipolar describes it, and what she says happened in her past marriage, i can understand why her husband was as she says if she treated him anything like she does me. I give him credit for hanging in 25 years.

I love this woman dearly but cannot deal with the wild ride weekly.

I'm pissed at my self for being sucked in, But Love is blind...Leason learned.

If I were only so smart so young.
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 188
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 9/15/2010 6:44:57 PM
There are many good reasons. Why would you do that to yourself? Nuff said.
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 189
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 9/15/2010 11:10:28 PM
I like my bipolars in the guts of a radio or TV ... not in a relationship partner.
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 190
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2010 6:05:19 PM
Thank you so much for this forum! I was dumped early in October by someone I was seeing for 8 months as a long distance relatioship but I was making plane trips three times to see him. In the beginning he was sooo affectionate with me, even over text, was saying the L word in less than a onth, and asked me to marry him when I first met him a month later! We went to high school together so I was really excited and obviously ignored the signs of moodiness and attributed it to the distance, then in early october he just turned into someone else completely and dumped me. I eneded up in hospital (I was on a school trip to LA) and when I got back home, he was very mean to me, saying "we are done" slamming the phone in my ear, and saying never to contact him agai, and no reason was given.

I had a trip a few weeks later to see him and he didn't want me to even visit him, hurting me greatly. I still visited my friends in the are for those whole 10 days and I was going that long to celebrate his daughter's birthday and take her out. I asked everyone what I might have done, what went wrong, etc, and one of my friends had bipolar but was on meds and once she said some stuff, I checked out the sites the other night and wow, all the stuff fit. The hypersexuality, the drinking, controlling, moody, the problems with money. I know veyr little about this disease but am learning more now. He never mentioned it at all, but has lots of headaches and sleep problems (works graveyard shifts) and won't take any pills, even a Tylenol. I am so thankful for this forum, people's thoughts are really helping me not blame myself and realize I didn't do anything wrong. I am diabetic and it knocked me and my illness down so yeah, I love him very much but if he is unwilling to at least go to a doc and see what makes him so moody (in case it is not bipolar) there is nothing I can do.
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 196
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/4/2010 3:54:27 PM
[quote[flat out told me her issues will never go away and that if I let them they will ruin my life

I don't know what this therapist's medical qualifications are, but I would take her assessment with a big grain of salt. It sounds like she was giving you a view that's already out of date in a very fast-changing field. And one that's wrongly and unnecessarily condemned a lot of women, especially, to the "hopeless" category as "borderline personality" cases. (Some of the literature suggests that's often made easier by the tragic fact their disorder makes them so unpleasant and hurtful that most doctors really aren't too motivated to try to help them.)

It's possible she'd resent your help, especially if she were in this angry, cruel phase where she wanted to hurt you. Any yet, she apparently agreed to this couples therapy.
I don't know if she'd already been prescribed medication for this--but if so, I'd that fact and the way she must sometimes suffer must make it hard for her not to realize she's to a medical problem. Having a bipolar disorder, I understand, is at times like living in he!!. If there were a good chance she could get out of that he!!, you'd have to suspect she really must be having a delusion, if she didn't want to know about it.

Doctors know far more about this group of disorders than even ten or fifteen years ago, and some of the newer drugs seem to be *very* effective. Especially when someone who *really* knows what they're doing gets the combination just right. THAT'S the trick, but there are some specialists who know how to pull it off, and you can find them. And even if you had to sell half your possessions to pay for it, it would be the best deal you ever made. Get well and happy, and you'll find a way to make it all back, and then some.

Some of best psychopharmacologists in the world who specialize in this area now think the so-called "borderline personality"--the self-centered, manipulative, cruel "B---h from He!!"--is probably just a misdiagnosis of a form of bipolar disorder. And very recent research suggests the core elements of this supposedly fixed "personality" respond to the newest medications just like bipolar disorders do.

No one who has this problem should live with it any longer. Life is too short--and bipolar disorders can make it even shorter. As if the unhappiness they cause weren't bad enough, they're also very hard on your body. Untreated--or not properly treated--they can gradually destroy cells in certain areas of your brain, and the stress of the agitation, insomnia, loneliness, etc. they cause often slowly damages your heart and other organs.

People with some untreated bipolar disorders grandly imagine they're like the hub of a wheel around which other things and other people revolve. And the main purpose of everyone they meet is to serve their needs, while they largely ignore the needs of anyone else. That's a recipe for a deeply unhappy, unsatisfying life.

But these grandiose delusions are part of their their disorder, just like the delusion that the moment anyone they like is less than absolutely perfect, that person suddenly becomes perfectly awful. But just maybe, now, for the first time ever in history, medical researchers understand this problem and how to fix it well enough so the people who suffer so much from it (and cause other people to suffer, too) can finally be happy.
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