Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 208
Would you date someone with Herpes?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
70-80% of adult Americans have oral herpes. Oral herpes can be transmitted to the genitals. Am I to assume that all the men on here who are saying "no way" will refuse oral sex from the 80% of women who have ever had a cold sore even once in her lifetime?

One in four women in the USA have genital herpes. Also 2/3 of people who have genital herpes don't even know they have it. So there's a good chance that at least some of these people who are like "ewwww no way" are actually infected with the virus.

ANYWAY, to answer the question. YES I would date someone with herpes... I'd want to know that he understood the disease and if necessary was taking medication to reduce outbreaks because I'd much rather not get it, but if by chance I did, I suppose it would not be the end of the world and I'd just hope I would be among the 2/3 of people who have symptoms that are so mild that they never even know they have it.

I think the biggest problem with genital herpes anyway is the stigma attached to it, NOT the virus itself.
 CountryCowgirl9
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 209
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/26/2012 8:58:08 PM
I've never had a boyfriend with herpes, and i've never had a cold sore...

i've smoked joints off people who did and still never got one, so... idk.
 Timmahh88
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 210
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/26/2012 9:08:36 PM
I've never had a cold sore and I never will and yes I have refused a females advances because she had a very visible cold sore, mind you this was at a club.
 Heather437737
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 211
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/26/2012 9:26:14 PM
YOU are so right about the statistic and the social stigma. really, i've known people with genital herpes, and it's really not that bad. an ass pimple might be more prominant. and i'll tell you what else, ORAL herpes is way yuckier looking AND actually carries a danger (you can get ocular herpes which can spread to the brain; really rare, but possible ONLY with oral herpes), whereas genital herpes does nothing more than a bump and should cause more caution for protection against other stds since open sores leave you at a higher risk... then again, so does a piercing or any other open cut in that area.....
 BeeRad82
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 212
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 12:13:44 AM
Hmm, decisions, decisions...

Continue to be a close minded @sshole without the herpes.

OR

Become open minded, empathetic dude with the herpes.

Okay, thought about it.

Still... Do. Not. Want.

Sincerely,
@sshole without the herpes.
 Timmahh88
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 213
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:14:59 AM
Why would you want to be open minded about herpes its a disgusting STD that you catch from being dirty still ewwwwww
 bilby886
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 214
view profile
History
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:52:53 AM
why not? if I liked them why not?
some adults need to grow up a little ^

At the time of reaching intimacy between us, there would be things to discuss, possibilities of seeing professional sexual health counsellors to be in full view of all the facts.
appropriate methods of safe sex to practise and so-on.
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 215
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 10:07:55 AM

Why would you want to be open minded about herpes its a disgusting STD that you catch from being dirty still ewwwwww



I've never had a cold sore and I never will and yes I have refused a females advances because she had a very visible cold sore, mind you this was at a club.


Um, Timmah88, you know that you can contract herpes even if there's no visible sore right? Also, the majority of people won't know they have herpes unless they have a blood test. ALSO just because you claim you've never had a cold sore, does not mean that you haven't contracted HSV1. You may have had a cold sore as a child and not remembered it.
A good portion of people who contract HSV1 and HSV2 only get the initial outbreak and then never get another outbreak.. some never even get an outbreak at all.


Why would you want to be open minded about herpes its a disgusting STD that you catch from being dirty still ewwwwww


Your lack of education makes you a prime candidate for contracting an STD. I educated myself when a partner was positive for HSV2 when he had a full panel blood test for every STD at the onset of our relationship.He never recalled having an outbreak and during our relationship he never had an outbreak. Before the relationship I tested Negative for HSV2 and discussed with my doctor about the virus etc...and after our relationship I was still negative.
 CountryCowgirl9
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 216
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:51:35 PM
yeah, well blood tests aren't always positive either... so you best keep checking.

If I know a guy has been fooling around with a chick with a coldsore, I avoid him like the plague, but you never know...
 Timmahh88
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 217
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:54:29 PM
Lack of education? I'm still the one who hasn't had a STD. If I had the slightest hint or one of my buddies told me that a girl I was trying to hit up slept around I probably wouldn't even bother. I need to grow up? Its probably someones immaturity that got them in that position in the first place.

I already know that some people carry it without showing symptoms means this means you have to be even more careful when picking your sexual partners.

Me a prime candidate? for that I think I would need to be sleeping with people.. so yeah I don't think that is relevant. I see it more as a "How did they end up catching herpes" that right there is a good indicator who he or she have got got intimate with.


Play with fire and you will get burnt.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 218
view profile
History
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 5:59:31 PM
Timmahh88... I think people are referring to your eeewwww dirty comment... about needing to be educated..... not all people with STD's are dirty or easy.... I have a friends who's mother died of AIDS..... she was married for 40 years.... slept with no one other than her husband.... her husband cheated.... and brought it home to her.... many people get it from a cheating partner..... or a partner that doesn't know they have it... you aren't dirty if you have... any more than being dirty for having any illness....

but even part of me feels like who cares how someone got it. if they are honest about having it. that is more important..
 Timmahh88
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 219
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 6:10:06 PM
Yes I understand situations like that as well as mothers who may have passed STDs onto their children thats unfortunate. But there are a vast number who don't get checked, don't use protection and don't tell their sexual partners that they have an STD.

Being only 24 seems like the rest of my generation seems to be on a mad conquest sleeping with as many people as possible then wondering why they end up with a nasty STD.
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 220
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/3/2012 6:14:42 PM
@299... can't you later develop cancer if you've had herpes? I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere... it's not an inconvenient occasional thing, it's your life. Also, if someone has herpes, it makes them more able to catch other stuff. I don't know... i'm herpes free and plan on staying that way, love be damned.
 Justatrubblemakr
Joined: 1/27/2011
Msg: 221
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/3/2012 6:23:53 PM
hmm not just no , but fu ck NO lol
what would a person wanna go there for? unless i had herpes why would i risk getting it ?
dont say they are ppl to and have feelings, fat lot of good that will do when u get their std .
 An a19
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 222
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/4/2012 9:32:34 AM
You could still see her if you so desire, but I sure as hell would not have sex with her.. Not worth the risk.. I had a guy I dated and he told me the same thing but he wanted sex and that is why I told him I could not do it.. So I moved on..
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 223
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/4/2012 12:45:05 PM
I know about HPV... I'm pretty sure herpes can cause it too, as well as make you more susceptible to other diseases such as HIV because of external/internal lesions on the mucus membrane...
 Creativetomorrows
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 224
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:31:00 PM
Simple point, do some research for yourself and make your own decision. I for one would have no problem dating someone with hsv1 or 2. Doctors really have no clue how this virus comes into play. Some say its only transmitted sexually, where others state that hsv1 (oral cold sores) can be transmitted to the genitals and become (hsv2). You also have shingles, and chicken pox which are the same virus just a different mutation. Chastising someone for having hsv is like pushing someone out of your life that will come down with the flu, the common cold or food poisoning. Get over the crap you see on tv folks. Valtrex made a huge amount of money with their scare campaign a few years back but you dont see their adds on tv anymore. Why? Because having hsv is not a death sentence and scientists are now starting to realize that the herpes virus can mutate in any person that has been in contact with the chicken pox virus. Do your research, if you go in for a std screen, they do not check for herpes. Herpes is considered a skin condition anymore. NOT A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE.

All I can say, is if you are ignorant enough to chastise someone with hsv you are just ignorant at what hsv really is. Blows me away that in this day and age that people are glued to the internet how few actually use the internet for knowledge.
 Creativetomorrows
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 225
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:50:34 PM
One more thing, if you do the research, blood tests for herpes are only 20% accurate. There is an 80% false negative in herpes blood tests. The only way to really know for sure if you have it is if the virus is active when you get the blood test or the doctor can swab the blisters. I had a friend once that went through a few years of horrible "bladder infections" when it was actually herpes. Doctors never thought to take a "deeper look". They just fed her full of antibiotics. And all this time, she was spredding it to her partners because the doctors told her she had a bladder infection. Current cdc stats relate to the fact that 3 out of 5 people in the u.s. have herpes hsv1 or 2. More than likely you have had sex with someone that has it if you have slept with more than 5 people in your life. YOU MAY HAVE IT YOURSELF without knowing.

More often than not from my experience, the people that actually HAVE hsv are more likely the ones to play off that it is gross and disgusting. Simply for the fact that they are striking out because it is such a stigmata.

Like I said in an earlier post. It is your choice. If you really like someone, do the research and go for it or not. You more than likely will be missing out on the best relationship you could ever have with someone.

If you think only slutty, gross, dirty people get hsv, that just proves you are ignorant and the world is lucky you are still single...
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 226
view profile
History
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/5/2012 11:06:13 PM
most of us prolly have dated someone with herpes. Infact my first GF (who was a virgin btw )had herpes.
 tinroofer
Joined: 3/15/2012
Msg: 227
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/6/2012 12:48:28 AM
Yup.

Got it from someone I was seeing who knew they had it and did not disclose.

Do I advertise it on my profile? No.
But I always disclose before meeting in person.

I haven't had anyone run away yet.
 DRSturdy
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 228
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:39:36 PM
My first post on POF. Not sure whether this is just a reply to you or to the thread posts.
My dilemma is whether or not to put on my profile, that I have herpes. I currently have it at the beginning. I was hoping that someone with herpes, or someone for whom getting herpes would not be a big deal, would contact me, or, if I contacted a woman, she'd look at my profile and decided right away whether she wanted to reply. I felt that this would save all of us a great deal of time. On the other hand, if my contact didn't know I had herpes and got to know me over a few dates, she might decide to take the risk.

It would help if POF had a section for people with herpes or had a place in the profile for listing STDs and herpes.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 229
view profile
History
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/10/2012 1:56:50 PM
If I were young, no, I would not. Mainly because I could get it (with proper care and vigilance, this risk can be quite low, fortunately, but not zero), and given how relationships tend to fail so often, I would not want to limit my future prospects if I did get it.

In my 50's or older, I probably would consider dating someone with herpes, but only someone I could see myself with for the remainder of my life.
 rsxguy323
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 230
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/13/2012 8:31:05 PM
great debate.

i was faced with this question and initially said 'no'

but then i said 'yes' to her and we dated (but did nothing sexual - she had genital herpes). we actually made it for about 6 months with obviously intamacy, kissing and some mutual masturbation that was very careful and cautious. my point was - WHY give up a potentially long lasting relationship just because of this disease? why not get to know the person. we had such a great relationship, it developed from a nice friendship into something more and it was nice to take a 'slow pace' to get to know someone without having sex too early. she was really nice, we were a great match and her last two bf's were total jerks to her (first one was mentally abusive and she had to quit school to seek counselling), the second guy is the one who gave her herpes after cheating.

however, she night and day'd me one fine day. out of NOWHERE - boom. gone. gone without a trace. only to re-emerge and basically turned into the meaniest, cruellest person I have ever met in my life. i was never an ass to her, we had regular ups and downs, but nothing enough to warrant her bizzare behaviour. the bottom line is that she went from sweet to a menace.

the takeaway for this is that now, i know, i will NOT date someone with herpes. i'm not linking herpes with her behaviour, but what i am saying is this. if you date and have sex with someone with herpes, you HAVE to HAVE to HAVE to know they are someone you potentially could marry. and that's VERY hard to determine even after a year or two of dating. look what this girl did - she flipped within 6 months. from super sweet to downright mean with NO explanation (her email response to me explaining her behaviour was MESSED UP - she is 25 but was written like a sweet 16 valley girl, very superficial and just a "high school" attitude all around). she is an extreme case, but nonetheless, you just DON'T know if that relationship will end in the end. YES, it is "ok" to date people with herpes and they are not lepers, but the quesiton is - do you want to expose yourself to getting it and then have a lifetime of having to explain your condition to the next person. I AGREE that herpes is NOT a big deal - but it's a vicious cycle. I'm not so much concerned about getting herpes for the physical aspects or pain of it - it's more about how others will view it when you tell them.

it's chicken and egg - you can say "well, if i love them, it won't matter", but in this day and age, it's hard to get to "love" without some sex, even if you wait 6 months to a year. what if you wait that long 'to be sure' and then the sex is ... no good? or the chemistry changes? or hell, you just fall out of love for other normal reasons like many people do?

like another poster said - maybe being older, it won't be a big deal because as you get older and into your 40's and 50's... you have a bit more understanding and knowledge.

imagine being in your 20's and in college or in the thick of the dating game with this? I am 35, but when I was 25 - I would never have considered even doing what I did with this girl. when i was 25, I knew there were so many equally cute and normal girls out there without it, and knew that the chances of any particular girl dating at that time, had a good chance of NOT being the one. girls I dated in my 20's were more for fun and in the moment at FIRST, before becoming serious. but when you're older, you have a different outlook. even now, being 35, her having herpes made me 'think' more. that says something. i never cared about the pain. i always worried how i would have to explain it to the next person.

also, as good as the meds may be, i do NOT want to take a med for the rest of my life. i would like to minimize my taking of chemicals for the rest of my life. in this day and age, many people in their 40's and 50's may be taking pills for cholesterol or diabetes or whatever... why add yet another pill on top of that?

so - original answer was NO, then it was YES - i tried it, it failed, and then i realized - NO, Final answer.
 Justatrubblemakr
Joined: 1/27/2011
Msg: 231
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/24/2012 1:42:03 AM
hmm anyone up to dating a lepper? or how bout someone with necrotizing fascitis? i mean cmon , what kind of person sets out to date a diseased person willfully? seriously i dont care if it is caught via sex or off a toilet seat or sputum exchange. personally i think if someone has a potentially life threatening contagious disease they should be put on colonies like they did in the old days with the leppers. granted in this day and age there could be reasonabloe fences and drs and foods delivered to them and they would b able to live relatively normal lives with the only risk of spreading the disease upon their own population. sure it may not be necessarily their fault they got the disease, however the aftermath is something the rest of society will have to endure due to a lack of mental fortitude in segregating these people .
ya hear on the news almost every month about some creep that knowingly goes out n spreads his disease to
unsuspecting sex partners. then laughs at a system that has no recourse to punish him. if he goes to jail he can threaten them in their with his disease, if he doesnt hes a burden to a health care system plus he has infected yet more people
one day society will grow some balls n put the breaks on the whole politically correct attitude and we will all be forced to suck it up n start to deal with the plague we have allowed to grow to massive proportions and spread out of control
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 232
Would you date someone with Herpes?
Posted: 4/24/2012 8:42:45 AM
They do have websites for ppl w herpes & other problems. HIV also
My girlfriend is on a site a.d dates quite a bit
_
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  >