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 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 23
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I definitely know what the OP is talking about. As far as confidence goes, if someone's not very confident/low self esteem, how should they work on that? It's been a couple of years on/off of first dates, probably only two made it past date one, and developed into a short relationship (less than two months). This is so discouraging, it makes me just want to swear off dating. Then , if they say no "instant chemistry", I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with my appearance, as in, need to lose weight. (10-15 lbs).
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 24
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 12/20/2009 8:22:04 AM
And I'd say it would be some first dates in my case, not lots of first dates. .
 latin9999
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 26
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:20:00 PM
back on the market,

started dating 10 days ago, I went on 5 dates, I did not like any of them,
2 are asking me to go out again, I may go out with one, I liked his cat

I have 2 more dates with new guys this weekend,
I think I wont like them either

Oh well, I will keep trying until I found the one who
I pick to be my future ex, lol
 MandaMarie25
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 30
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:16:29 PM
I don't think it is anything you are doing wrong. I go through the same thing. One thing I try to remind myself is that dating is a number game. Its not your fault. You don't know what is going with these men. If they don't ask you out again so what. Keep your head high and keep it moving. Thats all you can do. Good luck.
 Cartier84
Joined: 12/5/2009
Msg: 33
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:23:43 PM
not attracted to you. Period.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 34
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/5/2010 10:16:29 PM
I went on 8 dates with one woman I met from here. Nothing ever came of it and then there was no 9th date.
Such is life, you move on!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 35
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History
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:55:43 PM
I wouldn't worry about it. It's pretty normal to have a lot of first dates that don't go anywhere. You either click or you don't. For me, it's a big leap from meeting one time to wanting to go on a second date - there has to be a real connection and lots of potential for a second date, so if it gets to a second date with me, chances are, we'll be dating for months. Most will just be one date.
 bernta
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 36
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/6/2010 8:03:49 AM
I recently told a friend that I'm becoming the "one date wonder".

I go on a date and then WONDER why I went!!
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 38
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/6/2010 5:12:12 PM
The thing is that today, approaching women in public is not a good thing to do. The vast majority will reject a guy because it is not the common thing anymore. Everyone and anyone is doing online dating. With that in mind, the landscape of dating has totally changed. Women want a guy who is almost a perfect 10 now with no flaws. Reason being? With so many choices to choose from (amount of men contacting and amount of men she can browse through) the standards are alot higher. One flaw and she knows there is someone around the corner without that flaw.
Now remember ladies I am just pointing it out from a guy's perspective, I am sure it is no different from a woman's perspective too.

I would say that I have had more first dates and more actual dates with online dating over the years I have used it off and on compared to approaching women in public or as it is said, in the real world. I have been told "Get lost" "Sorry you too ugly for me" "**** Off" "You are not good enough for me" "You don't make enough money to spend on me" with approaching women in person.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 39
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History
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/7/2010 1:04:11 AM
^where are you trying to pick up all those delightful sounding women?
(you might want to look elsewhere)...

i've had a few pof dates over the past couple of years. i've also had dates with men i've met through everyday life...
(most pof dates i've not wanted to see again.)
i'm not looking for a "10"...i am after all a realist...
but i'm not interested in trying a second date if the first one is a fizzer...

online dating is a gamble, a gamble that who you're going to meet will be at least what you're expecting...
the reality can be numbing...
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 40
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/7/2010 3:19:22 PM
^^^ Well I may sound selfish BUT I feel I have experienced, and accepted, my fair share of rejection over the years and so online dating rejection is alot better than an in person approach rejection. I won't ever strike up a conversation with a woman ever again. Why? Because the social element is gone from our society. texting, messaging, email are all what the majority of people prefer. The human interaction is only acceptable when the guy is much better than say a 7 out of 10.
So online is the only avenue for me to hopefully meet women.

Those delightful women you ask where I have met them, online of course. And being a realist is fine but a woman wants a guy to be close to perfect. I mean when you have so many 9's on a site contacting you, why would a woman want to settle for a 5? Makes no sense to me.
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 41
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/11/2010 6:05:02 PM
some people are too phuking picky...

some people come online to meet Barbie/Ken...

Barbie/Ken can get it in real life...

my 2 cents, pursue your hobbies, meet a guy in real life.
 kow626
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 42
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/12/2010 4:03:15 PM
i think when we stop playing the blame game, become self aware, and accept responsibility for our failures in dating is when we'll have more dating success. if you're going out on date after date after date and not getting anywhere, it's time to kick back and learn what you're doing wrong, fix yourself as a person (if possible), and start picking better potentials. last year i had many dates, some led to 2nd and 3rd dates but not past that. only one turned out to be a good friend. this year, i've only had one date that didn't go to a second and met one other chick and we had a lot of fun hanging out but only talk and hang occasionally due to distance. those were all from online dating.

one chick i met IRL is still an acquaintance and we hang from time to time. so there's only one real date i've had all year long and i'm not complaining about it one bit. way i see it, none of my past dates turned into a successful relationship (cuz clearly i'm still single). i've become self aware now and know exactly what i want in a partner. that equates to less dates but i'm not wasting my time or someone else's and i can appreciate that more now. better to be happy and single, patient, and be damn well aware of when a good thing comes along and devote time to that rather than serial date and come up empty every time. i'm over that. higher quality dates v. higher quantity. if you're not just looking for a lay, which do you prefer?

learn about yourself, develop a good filter, and save yourself some time from dating incompatible people. you'll be a more complete person for it and when the right one does come along, you'll both reap the rewards. being single really ain't such a bad thing like people try and make it out to be. you're in the same boat as millions, if not billions, of other people. some of us seek our last first date. i'm one of them.
 rainbowcolors
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 43
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/23/2013 8:19:17 AM

i think when we stop playing the blame game, become self aware, and accept responsibility for our failures in dating is when we'll have more dating success. if you're going out on date after date after date and not getting anywhere, it's time to kick back and learn what you're doing wrong, fix yourself as a person (if possible), and start picking better potentials.


I find these one date wonders are a vicious cycle and I have calmed down a lot when on first dates/meeets. Initially I would talk too much and act nervous around the men whom I was very attracted to. Now I am taking a step back and treating those particular men like I treat everyone else. My old tactics probably scared most of them away, but I couldn't help myself.

My big fault here is also dating too many men thinking if I meet quantity that I will find someone compatible. The only relationship I found off of here was with a man who was very physically unattractive. After a month of dating him I did have an issue with it and felt embarrassed walking arm and arm. I am not sure if the way he looked was genetic or some type of syndrome I was not made aware of and I didn't want to ask.

All of these one date wonders are tiring me out. But despite all of this I do have a wonderful male friend whom I met on POF. We never got involved romantically but became coffee/hiking buddies. I was always aware that he was prettier than me (really, he is) and he said on our first meet I acted nervous. So, my previous bad behaviour was confirmed. Anyhow, I pretend I am calm when I am not and I think it works. Although, I normally still don't get past the first date but feel better about how I behave.

Oops I forgot about the very attractive 28 year old I was involved with a few weeks ago. But imo that doesn't count because he viewed me as a fwb. This post is about finding someone where there is mutual attraction and caring.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 44
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/23/2013 11:19:42 AM
It's the nature of online dating. I think most first dates ( even some of the ones that went well ) don't lead to a second date because of reasons that have mentioned by other posters. Such as the ones listed below.


1. There is no physical attraction.
2. Some people have unrealistic expectations and / or are impatient. They want instant fireworks like they see in some movies and commercials for online dating sites. Or they quickly lose interest.
3. Some people may have been dating multiple people and liked one of them better.
4. They went back to ex.
5. They are married / in a relationship.
6. They weren't ready for a relationship / not completely over an ex.
7. They became preoccupied with work, school, family, or other commitments.
 Mixture24
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 45
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/23/2013 1:43:34 PM
Maybe you portraying yourself one way before you meet and then when meeting you seem like a different person. Or you myspace angle your pictures too much.
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 46
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 6:23:02 AM

1. There is no physical attraction.
2. Some people have unrealistic expectations and / or are impatient. They want instant fireworks like they see in some movies and commercials for online dating sites. Or they quickly lose interest.
3. Some people may have been dating multiple people and liked one of them better.
4. They went back to ex.
5. They are married / in a relationship.
6. They weren't ready for a relationship / not completely over an ex.
7. They became preoccupied with work, school, family, or other commitments.


There is a lot of "THEY" in those reasons. However, when I didn't get a second date, it was mostly because of me. They didn't want to see ME again. Doesn't matter why. I have went out with women who I DIDN'T want to see again, but I at least gave it two dates. However some women just saw me once and said. NOPE! At first I cared why? Then later, I was like who the heck cares why? There weren't into me. I thanked them and wished them well.

My thing is that if you are only getting 1rst dates and not getting 2nd dates, then maybe it is something you are doing that is turning them off to you. Maybe it is something in you they are not finding that connection with to get the second date. You can only change you and who you are looking for. You can never change who you are dating.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 47
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 6:54:14 AM

There is a lot of "THEY" in those reasons. However, when I didn't get a second date, it was mostly because of me. They didn't want to see ME again. Doesn't matter why. I have went out with women who I DIDN'T want to see again, but I at least gave it two dates. However some women just saw me once and said. NOPE! At first I cared why? Then later, I was like who the heck cares why? There weren't into me. I thanked them and wished them well.


Sometimes it can be something a man said or did that was a turn off to a woman ( or vice versa). Sometimes a woman can lose interest because of reasons that had nothing to a man ( or vice versa) . Other times 2 great people simply are not compatible with each other. It is some combination of the 3. If most people were getting many second dates and someone wasn't, then I might think the problem is mostly with that person. However since not getting many second dates is very common, I think this is often due to the nature of online dating.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 48
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History
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 7:06:43 AM

However since not getting many second dates is very common, I think this often due to the nature of online dating.


Is this really the norm? I've never had this happen. Not to say that it won't in the future but I would hardly say it's the norm.

However it sounds like OP is having this happen a lot ( we will never know because this thread is like 7 years old). What that says to me is that, like others have expressed here, that more than likely OP is not representing herself in real life either physically or mentally perhaps both as she did online.
 Definition_Of_Insanity
Joined: 6/12/2013
Msg: 49
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 10:45:01 AM

Or you myspace angle your pictures too much.


OK, I have been hearing that phrase thrown around and I decided to google it - SCARY STUFF!!!
 midable
Joined: 5/19/2013
Msg: 50
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 11:18:22 AM
Having lots of first meets and much less second or even fewer third meets is natural. Think about it... you are only looking for one good one, most are not going to be a match.

Now, if it's happening for years and/or much more than 50 first meets, you might have a problem.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 51
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 8:19:13 PM

Is this really the norm? I've never had this happen. Not to say that it won't in the future but I would hardly say it's the norm.


Based on what I have read on dating forums ( including some responses on this thread ) , people that I have talked to on dating sites, friends / acquaintances that have used dating sites etc, I think what I said is common. When there isn't instant chemistry on a first date. I would go on another date to see if a connection can develop with more time. ( Unless there are clear dealbreakers. ) But many other people won't.
 -Flying-
Joined: 10/31/2013
Msg: 52
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 11/21/2013 10:54:15 PM
Or you will finally find the one and he will dump you. Because the only reason he is the one is beacause he doesn't want to commit to you
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 53
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 11/22/2013 6:32:43 AM
My entire dating line could be summed up as the "great one date wonder." From the very first date.

I gave up, there's a point where one's self esteem and insanity take priority.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 54
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 11/25/2013 10:15:43 AM
Dating for women is a win win scenario. Either you will get a free meal and never have to talk to the guy again after the first date or you can get a number of free meals in which you have the option to end things before giving him any sex or continue with the charade until he catches on.
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