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 Malice From Wonderland
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 52
Background checks?? Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I know this thread is a few months old but someone e mailed me this morning asking me what sites I used to run back ground checks and it brought me back to some weird but beneficial memories and for this new year I just want to remind people to be careful. In my POF experience, SOME of the men who had e mailed me, and wanted to meet claimed to be "nice guys" with a job and a clean life. 14 of the 34 had the following ; sexual predator back ground (very recent, some involved minors), spousal abuse (did a good number on their wife or live in girl friend) one had an attempt murder charge (had been out of the "Big House" for a while, but yanno...lol). So it is not always about paranoia. It does NOT HURT to find out who you are meeting. I have also met men OFF line with similar crap, so I know it is not just an on line issues, but there is a lot more of it on here than some of you may think. It is also not funny and can be really alarming for people who have children as well. Learn who you are getting to know. Find out about them. Be safe and Happy New Year to everyone. All of the people that I did find out about we all on "legal" freedom as of the time I checked; but still. These were men who claimed to be all that. Just sayin. :( I think what scares me most is when I see or hear what happens to some people in these forums. Does anyone take the time to know who they are having in their home? Being intimate with? Be safe people. Sometimes it is the people we least expect. In any state, use the State you live in, then Department Of Corrections.Com. This will show any previous or released persons. It NORMALLY has a photo. Also the local Police or Sheriff's site has a website as well that will show any other convictions. The Department of Corrections shows ALL major Felonies, etc. On that all you need is a first and last name. A few of the same names may appear, but you can find the person. Very simple, and FREE. *** MEN..run the women as well. I was looking at the sites and found a lot of really, wacked out female offenders as well. Crime is not gender related!!
 EmotionallyDetached
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 53
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 5:59:36 AM
That is how peeps find out where the "easy marks" are. They make it a specialty to search for the ones that have been in abusive relationships, just divorced, and whatever else they can find out. Just like you can do a background check on someone who just may be a criminal, they can do it on you. That is why someone people put up a fight because they think you are up to no good just to find out their last name and know that you will check it against a fake one that they give you.

Let them check you all they want, they won't find anything criminal or anything that you haven't told them to be the truth. Another story when a person wants to know them and what they are hiding. Evasive peeps are a big tip off.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 54
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 6:37:00 AM
I've never done a background check on women I've met online. I did have one woman do a background check on me as I stated in another post. Initially, I was shocked because it seemed like an invasion of privacy but after thinking about it, I realized it was the right thing to do, you want a smart woman so it makes her more attractive. I've gotten some messed up women which I tend to attract but I've never checked for criminal history and perhaps I should have. Once a friend asked me if I'd ever given a woman my credit card, I was shocked the guy even brought it up. If someone asks you for something you make the decision, you don't give someone a blank check. Guys, limit the funds so you don't get taken.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 55
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 6:38:09 AM
If he/she is the one and you want to be sure, a private investigator on the sly would be the trick, expensive, but at least you have peace of mind knowing about that person's past... if you REALLY want to know. Some things are better left in the closet and forgotten about.

Something like this hasn't been an issue the past few years as most I've dated were just 18... (and I was once newly 18 myself...) and as such, haven't been adults long enough for something serious to have happened and worry about.

Makes me a bit more conscious about myself now, I want to make sure I have a clean background when I hit my 30s and 40s.
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 56
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 6:40:56 AM
huh -makes sense.
about the guys I have gone out with few dates
1.Rich guy=extensive criminal record
2.good looks=fraud,on the run
3.police office="separated"(no papers filed in court)
4.Restaurant owner (one in state ,other out of state),has a beautiful condo on the beach=married ,bankrup,lawsuites
5.Finally "nice single guy"=wife beater,looser,almost homeless
The list goes on....................it sure is worth getting to know a little bit more about your dates before really letting your heart get the damage
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:36:05 AM
For a real sttudy in hypocrisy and contrast after reading this thread go and read the one about mandatory DNA testing to determine paternitymore proof of some women's superiority complex where they are innocent until proven guilty and if guilty,guilty for a good reason,so up your's...while men are guilty period.
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 58
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:41:06 AM
I can fully understand why people are getting so cautious in dating...............you are meeting with a complete stranger..you just meet with the outside yet you do not know anything about their past.Personally I can not afford to make any more stupid "guy mistakes" in my life due to my age (53)-I have older kids who would love to see me with a great guy.I will not waste my time on loosers and criminals anymore.Bottom line.
 Malice From Wonderland
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 59
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 9:00:00 AM
MsYesterday~ No one can afford mistakes. Men or women. I think what has bothered me the most is the fact people will flat out LIE about such things of their past, and then people are not smart enough to even look into a new person. Especially on line. Not that people off line cannot be dangerous as well ~ believe me they are. But they are more likely to tell you (eventually slip or it is just "obvious") or someone who knows them will ( hey, be careful of "so and so" he or she is not who you think they are.) Off here, we are taking people's profiles, e mails and word for granted. I look into people because my home is my sanctuary. I was also a Cop for 11 almost 12 years (now back in College pursuing more money and solitude) but there are some really, effed up people out there. And at times they are who we least expect. The ones I found out information on were such "nice guys" *eyeroll* and were NOT at all who they said they were. People need to be careful, period. I am amazed at the things I hear about. Getting in people's cars, going to people's homes, intimacy; you name it with people they do NOT even know a thing about. Scary crap. Back when I was new at the whole on line thing, I was not as worried until after the first two people I met basically told on themselves then I started doing my homework on people. Hate having to think that way, but I do.
 padman57
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 60
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 9:04:44 AM
I don't really have an issue with a woman running a background check on me, I feel I have nothing to hide and I will survive the scrutiny. Sometimes I wonder, though, if I were to do the same thing if I wouldn't get accused of stalking.

In a way, I guess I'm flattered that a woman would be interested in checking out my background. Just don't try to invade my privacy, because I will not react positively to the intrusion. If someone were to ask me for my driver's license number or other sensitive information, I would suspect they were out to scam me and they would promptly be shown the door.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 61
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 10:05:53 AM
I stumbled upon a website (I forget the name) and didn't even have to do a search, but found that a guy I had been e-mailing was 1) banned by Match.com and 2) had a settled lawsuit against him for scamming women. No mistaking him 'cuz his picture was even there on the front page.

I don't know if I would do a background check on someone because I'd like to take a person at his word as to who he is unless he is throwing up too many red flags to ignore. A friend of mine had met someone, and later learned that the guy was having gay relationships because she googled his name which led her to his Myspace page.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 62
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 2:14:35 PM
If you know a person's last name (in my friend's case he showed her his D/L) just a Google search returned his My Space page in which she was able to find out he was having gay sex. She wasn't looking to do a background check, just doing it out of curiosity to see if there was anything that came up. So I think something as innocent as that can turn up something that you wouldn't ordinarily know. In her case, that information saved her from heartache and, quite possibly STDs.
 Nathan_x
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 63
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History
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 5:36:03 PM
Googling the person and doing real background checks are 2 very different things. I generally assume a person might casually look up a romantic interest on the internet. It's human nature to be curious about people you're interested in. That sentence is even redundant.

But if I found out a woman actually paid money to do a background check on me that would probably end it right there. Even without anything to hide... it suggests she's distrustful, even paranoid, and I just couldn't be comfortable spending time with someone who's doing that much covert investigation of me.

But googling is no big deal at all. Other than that be cautious about where you meet these people until you feel confident you know them, and manage your expectations accordingly.
 KT83
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 64
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 5:44:54 PM
The thing about background checks is that they're a catch 22. Although I think they are necessary in this day and age, like Nathan stated, at the same time it shows distrust and paranoia. I believe if you feel there's some absolute shadiness, then by all means get that background check b/c it might prevent a potential disaster.
 msriteislooking
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 65
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History
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 5:45:21 PM
Oh come on, be serious!!! You have to assess risks as you do in every situation in life. You meet a guy online but he can't meet you for 3 months because of work??? you gotta ask yo0urself, is he really the kinda guy you want to get involved with? Of course he isn't and not because he's married with 3 kids........... but because he's not AVAILABLE!! Is it really any different from meeting a guy in a pub of club?

Bottom line..........keep your guard up until you know who you are dealing with. Only then take things for granted and not before!!!!
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 66
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History
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 7:00:31 PM
By all means let's be serious..you meet a woman online who says she's single and unattached but she disappears for days and gives you a number she can't be reached at..you gotta ask yourself is she realy the kinda woman you want to get involved with

Bottom line....women are just as full of shit as men are so keep your guard up until you know who you are dealing with....and never take anything for granted.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 67
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:41:46 PM
It wouldn't bother me. We need background checks. We're seeing too many openly married people on this site.

Hey--if they are married what the hell are they doing on a DATING website? They forget when 2 people marry they commit to that one person.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 68
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:54:02 PM
And the paranoia goes on...

People married, divorced, separated, etc. etc. for thousands of years before there was the Internet, databases and all the other things that the big brother society offers.

It's about intuition and trust. If you can't trust somebody it's not going to work out anyway. How about bullshit? Well again, if someone's playing silly games like not answering the phone, not replying to your messages, etc. etc., then you dump the ba$tard. It's as simple as that. If a person cares he or she will get back to you day or night, sick or healthy, broke or loaded, free or up to his/her ears with work and responsibility, kids or no kids and the weather doesn't make difference either by the way.
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 69
Background checks??
Posted: 1/1/2010 9:13:42 PM
People can google me all they want. There is maybe 1 article out there that has anything about me. Tons of people with my same name but not of me. And with my job you can't have any arrests EVER so he can run my background too.
 JimW1964
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 70
Background checks??
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:30:19 AM
A background check, or at least phone number and street address, real name (confirmed) is perfectly reasonable dating online. If a friend ( or God forbid, your mother) introduces you or fixes you up, then that is a reference, and it is pretty safe to say they know who you are meeting, even if you don't. Shopping online, for the most part you know only what you are offered, and I have heard people lie sometimes. And if you are offended or think you could be stalked when you are asked, you should politely decline and go home.

I'm also perfectly fine with a woman picking me up at my house. I guess it also proves I'm not married, and my inquisitors (children) can check her out.
 She_Biscuit
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 71
Background checks??
Posted: 1/2/2010 7:55:38 PM

Someone should start a dating site where they do a criminal background check before putting up your profile

I agree with this statement whole heartedly and no, I don't see anything wrong with checking out a perfect stranger, if there is interest in dating them. Gee's, I would not hire someone to work with me without checking them out and I certainly won't invite someone into my personal life without at least knowing some background on them either. This internet dating, ain't no high school dating ring and if a person has a problem with me securing myself, then that person can keep on swimming.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 72
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History
Background checks??
Posted: 1/2/2010 9:42:18 PM

Someone should start a dating site where they do a criminal background check before putting up your profile

I agree with this statement whole heartedly and no, I don't see anything wrong with checking out a perfect stranger, if there is interest in dating them. Gee's, I would not hire someone to work with me without checking them out and I certainly won't invite someone into my personal life without at least knowing some background on them either. This internet dating, ain't no high school dating ring and if a person has a problem with me securing myself, then that person can keep on swimming.


They do have sites like that and I am not allowing someone to look into my finances like that. I could understand criminal background but stay out of my bank accounts. There are sites with results of background checks, credit reports, employer verification and verified income. When dating goes to that system I am through with it.

I am always willing to prove who I am, not like I can hide it as I have a website with my name on it and that I have no criminal past. I have a concealed weapons permit and that proves I have no felonies or misdemeanor domestic charges. Look into me beyond that and I will get upset and I will find out. I have broken up a with a few women because I had hits on my credit report from private investigators and such. When I filed a complaint against them they revealed it was the woman I was dating that did it. Also had a woman have a cop friend run me and a friend of mine at the department let me know what he did and I pressed charges.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Background checks??
Posted: 1/2/2010 9:53:33 PM

If you get a last name you still just have the last name he told you which is not necessarily his real last name. I want to ask to see a driver's license from any guy I might
see after the initial meeting.

Of course criminals do not necessarily have their actual real names on
their licenses. So, do you really even know his name? Nope.]

And what background check site do you use? You might pay $60 for a full
background check but you still don't have his criminal rap sheet.
There is simply no way to do a full background check without fingerprints
and running through the federal NCIC--the FBI's national criminal
database.
Any online criminal background check is a joke. They don't have all the
data from every court in the nation and every police district in the country.

Bottom line: go very slow with them, don't be alone with them to soon,
check them out by phone number and home address as much as possible,
and keep your eyes and ears open.


Date a man that is a serious gun collector especially if he owns machine guns and silencers. If he owns these and has the paperwork to prove he does he is beyond clean and has been through a extensive background check. If you own these types of guns you have proven your identity to the ATF and the FBI and they have looked you over. Dating a guy with a concealed carry permit also proves he has never been convicted of anything of a serious nature.
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Background checks??
Posted: 1/2/2010 9:59:17 PM
deal with it.. you got rolled just like others do..

but if i found out someone did a back ground check on me and then brought it out in the open just to find out they looked up the wrong person? i would send you packing with only 2 words said.

GET OUT!

its rude and invasion of privacy
 DrumCollector
Joined: 12/29/2009
Msg: 75
Background checks??
Posted: 1/3/2010 1:02:30 AM
I had a similar situation happen to me! Met a wonderful guy from POF back in May...got to know him, and after about a month it started getting serious...however his stories were getting a bit shady and sometimes he would call me from a private number...one night he didn't block it and i wrote the number down without him mentioning it...A week later I asked him if he had anything he wanted to tell me about anything...it was an opportunity for him to come clean without me judging/or getting super upset...he got mad at me and basically made me feel like I was some psycho girlfriend with insecurities...I don't play games, so I private my number call this line and basically ask for him...once a woman answered questioned who I was and then handed the phone to him...I was shocked to find out my "boyfriend" at the time was not only mine, but in a 5 year relationship with another woman he lived with....the entire time he was with me, planning for us to move into together, meeting my family and friends, etc etc...this guy was the best pathological liar I've ever met! I called his girl up tried to tell her what was going on...but he intercepted the phone line and that was the last time I talked to him...so as of background check, makes you think...

1. If he hasn't invited you over to his place at least within the first month...something is up
2. If he doesn't introduce you to his friends within the first 2-4 months...something is up
3. If he starts mixing up stories, keep tabs on him without pointing him out and know that something is up...
4. Don't trust men from the start...guilty before prove innocent should be your motto as sad as it may sound
5. If you have the resources for a background check, I would say all the power to you!
 She_Biscuit
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 76
Background checks??
Posted: 1/3/2010 1:48:50 PM

I have a concealed weapons permit and that proves I have no felonies or misdemeanor domestic charges.


So do I, but not everyone comes with a license to prove this, right? Checking into someones financial, yeah, that is a personal thing, & nothing really needs to be shared about that, unless one gets serious about another down the line and then, sharing a fico score is not a bad idea. Not for ones gain, but for ones idea of what they are getting into. I would not give someone my social number though, that is a bit over the top.
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