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 AUTHOR
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 96
Background checks?? Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
It is smart to check anyone out.
Would you buy a car or home, hire a builder/contractor with out a full background check into certain things?

And you can check anything out. You know the right sites and right people..

Of course medical records are a bit difficult.

Who in there right mind is going to invest them selves into any one with out checking them out in real life or online?

After a few dates you need to be offering up some things..

Give me your drivers license and county you live in.. I have almost everything I need.



And of course it's just horseshit to be cautious because every guy we meet
online tells us his real name. As a former cop you are telling women to
NOT BE CAUTIOUS?



NOT what she said..READ.

Your prior experiences you have put out for people on line don't show you have made intelligent decisions in the past IMO..so what are you doing? Just having a bit of a poke at someone?
Lets run one on you...lmaoo

You have every right op to find out who you are letting in you life.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 97
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:23:57 AM
I suspect he's cheating and lying to say the least. Please help!

if this is happening, there are two reasons for it:
(1) you're paranoid; or
(2) he has given you a real reason for suspicion.

i'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the latter. because people who are habitually deceptive by nature will give away little clues about themselves even if it's sorta just under the radar. we can perceive it with what we commonly call "intuition". but probably at least 80% of a liar's lies can be detected just through language patterns and body language alone. that's why i have a good friend who is now out of prison on a life conviction for murder and to whom i'd trust my life & possessions, but i wouldn't trust half of the people i see walking around Wal-Mart with a butter knife and a box of fire crackers.

that being said, if he is so suspect, WHY would you even pursue a relationship with him? either you question him directly about it and get an answer (which may or may not merit being checked out), or you just say "meh, not worth it" and get on with your life without him.

i have a strong personal preference for the latter. saves everyone a lot of time. ;)

p.s. i guess the third possibility is that you don't trust your own judgment. some people are notoriously poor at discerning others' character & motivations. in which case, you shouldn't even be dating.
 padman57
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 98
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:42:05 AM
Judging by the number of people who say it's OK to lie on their online profiles (another thread), I disagree with the assumption that a significant percentage of the online population are nice, trustworthy people.

When I apply for employment, I expect to have my background checked. When I obtained a CPL, I expected to have my background checked. When I meet someone from an online dating site, it wouldn't surprise me to learn she had checked my background.

Someone who was involved in a robbery where someone got killed is not someone I'm going to trust. Period, end of story. I don't care how innocent they claim to be.
 sweetlikesugarcane
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 99
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:17:34 AM
I am all for background checks!

 6citygal1
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 100
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:25:51 AM
I think background checks are going overboard. Do you do a background check on every person you met at bar, bookstore etc. A potential murderer, rapist, married person looking to cheat etc could be anywhere.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 101
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 11:42:59 AM

Judging by the number of people who say it's OK to lie on their online profiles (another thread), I disagree with the assumption that a significant percentage of the online population are nice, trustworthy people.

When I apply for employment, I expect to have my background checked. When I obtained a CPL, I expected to have my background checked. When I meet someone from an online dating site, it wouldn't surprise me to learn she had checked my background.

Someone who was involved in a robbery where someone got killed is not someone I'm going to trust. Period, end of story. I don't care how innocent they claim to be.


Agree.

You can date all the ex cons and guys who have 2 wives and owe some innocent kid 50 grand in child support all you want to.

Women who bounced checks from Cali to Texas..go ahead

Armed robbery..but he did his time and deserves love..gawd, cool love him all you want to.
Manslaughter..was just a bar fight out of control..geez you can have him,

If you have been committed or had 3 DUIs..you bet I want to know.

I welcome any background check as I would any STD test and if someone doesn't want to check me out and is offended I want to check them...wah wah wah

Just because he deserves love doesn't mean he is getting it in my freaking bed/house.

 seperate1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 102
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 12:41:07 PM
alot of people are leading double lives, i have known men and women on here who have listed as single when they were married or tried to hide things, i.e. criminal history or financial issues.

at first i used to think it was an invasion of privacy; but given the consequences that can result financially, legally or morally..i feel that people are well w/in their rights to ask or question or research.

if you got nothing to hide it shouldn't be an issue, but this goes for both men and women don't do a check and then get offended when one is done on you.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 103
view profile
History
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:55:34 PM

Any way to find or trace hs online posts, emails, etc?


yes, try this site:

http://pipl.com/
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 104
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:20:22 PM
When your vetting process for dating is tougher than that for a vice presidential candidate, maybe it's time to ease up a little bit.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 105
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:30:30 PM
Jestiny ~ so how much time did you do? You sure are very "okay" with people who have really nasty backgrounds. I do not know about you, but I certainly do not want someone in my home who is on the Sex Offenders list for sodomizing a child (found 5 of those.) Or someone who raped younger girls when he was 37 (I know, he needed love.) I have no problem with people who have MINIMAL issues. A lot of people have bad credit, lost their homes, jobs; maybe had a DUI. I am talking major shit. And let me tell you, if these people need love then they can get it from someone else. Not me. People who are so "pro murderes need love" probably spent some time in the big house as well ~~ I mean really, who wants to date a Ted Bundy? I know I do not. I myself am not perfect. I also have not done anything CRIMINAL and I do not live my life worried about what I have done. Maybe you should join Cellmates.Com...I hear they need some hot men to "love people for their weaknesses. " Yeah, an x murderer, sodomizer and spousal abuse case is a great fkn catch. Gawd allmighty. Unreal what people think is "okay." I have my limits. lmfao Not to mention, people with these pasts cannot get jobs, cannot rent apartments, or even live normal lives. Probably why they are on here. Looking for someone to take care of their sorry asses ~
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 106
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:39:00 PM

f you got nothing to hide it shouldn't be an issue, but this goes for both men and women don't do a check and then get offended when one is done on you.


So true.

All of us are not speaking from being first hand fools, but know women/men who have.

Nothing gets me more than someone who takes advantage of another person except the fool who lets them. Over "love" then comes crying about it and expects their friends to pick up the pieces after they have been told things don't add up.

It really is pathetic.

People should grow up and put more thought into choosing a potential mate than you do a new dishwasher.




Jestiny ~ so how much time did you do?

Taking things a bit personal aren't you?

 MiketheZombie
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 107
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:50:48 PM
What the heck, ladies.


You are all paranoid.

If it gets to the level you seriously consider background check, dump them.


Without trust, there isn't love. You can't love someone you do not trust.


Plain and simple.

If you feel you have to run a background check, dump them.

Honestly, if I was dating a girl and I found out she was running checks on my background and stuff, I'd feel violated and dump her anyway. Because I am an honest person and I have no skeletons. She wants to look through my email? Here's the password.

You know? It makes no sense. If you honestly have that much mistrust/baggage from the past, maybe you should spend that money on therapy and not background checks.

And here's a tip:

It costs more to background check someone than it does to take someone new out to dinner.



 TopTownKaz
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 108
Background checks??
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:42:37 PM
Its honestly just a mixed topic. For some people if things don't add up, ok go for it. But there is a point where you do/can go overboard. I dated a girl in my hometown. She was a graduate teacher at the university. I had mentioned my time there as a student. She went into CLOSED school records to verify what I said was true. Needless to say, not only was it illegal to do so, but she told me that she had done it. I don't mind a public search. Do a Carfax, go to intellius and look me up. Keep it legal.

But as soon as someone crosses that line, no thanks. That's the point of paranoia I can do without.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 109
Background checks??
Posted: 2/8/2010 12:23:58 AM

MURDERER.

Are you better than a MURDERER, ladies? Well, if he's the NightStalker or a WifeBeater or a Child Abductor, then I'm pretty sure you are.

However, what about the 43 year old guy who just served 20 years for being involved in (but not the shooter) in a convenience store or bank store robbery where a cashier was killed? (No..NOT ME, silly.. no criminal past here)
He had no childhood role models, got caught up with the wrong crowd before he ever developed self-esteem or positive self-worth. He has since acknowledged his wrongs, stayed clean as possible in jail, followed the Bible, got his GED, took some technical courses..and now's he back on the streets.

Is he an 'EX-CON', a 'MURDERER', or HUMAN BEING who made a mistake (a big one) when young.. who deserves love as much as anyone else.


I don't care if it was a 'mistake' he made when he was 23. I don't care if he uses the excuse of 'no good rold model/caught up in the wrong crowd' ect. Many criminals 'find god' when in jail. But I'm not going to date him. Small petty arrests such as a possession of marijuana? Maybe. But any arrests for assault or felony convictions is a deal breaker.
 CJ8Rock
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 110
Background checks??
Posted: 2/8/2010 1:04:15 AM
Unreal -- some of the posts in here advocating actions that I would not be surprised if half the posters would be in here claiming they were being stalked by a nut-case if they had the same crap pulled on them.

I do not care if a date uses google/yahoo to search my name being curious to find out more about me. Second I found someone pulled a 'background investigation' report -- end of relationship. I don't care of that would be first date, pre-first-date, 20th date, whatever. End of story.

Do I have anything to hide? Nope. Multiple security clearances in my life pretty much say I haven't done anything to be concerned with. But dating me does not give you the right, nor the privilege of your paranoia in my life. People pay me good money for that privilege!
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 111
Background checks??
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:15:48 AM
i'm with cj8rock.

nobody in this world can justify their actions better than a person who is paranoid and/or untrusting. because the only things they can ever trust is what's right in front of them (i.e., bleeding obvious). they have a very tenuous grasp, if any, on nuance and subtlety. not only do they not trust other people, but what's worse -- they can't even trust their own ability to trust other people. these are often the sort of people who are looking through your cell phone or your mail or your email account at various points along the way "just to be sure". the cosmic irony (or justice, if you will) is that so many of them seem to be subconsciously attracted to people who can't be trusted as far as you can spit a piano. and furthermore, the vast majority of people who cannot be trusted when it comes to relationships are not pedophiles or ax murderers, but people more like senator john edwards.... suave, sophisticated, respectable, accomplished, but who just can't muster up the intestinal fortitude to keep it in their pants. well, there's nothing illegal about being a f#cktard and a whore. where are you going to find that information?!?

i understand the mindset but sorry, not the kind of person i would personally care to date.
 padman57
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 112
Background checks??
Posted: 2/8/2010 7:51:36 AM
I guess I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to run a background check on someone you meet from an internet dating site. This is someone you've never met, you have no way of knowing if they are what they say they are. It's a quick way to tell if you want to put the time into getting to know them. It doesn't mean that if someone has a clean background that you can throw caution to the winds.

I don't think this is paranoia. I see it as a wise precaution. And I see no reason to disclose to someone that you checked their background.
 butmyeyesaregorgeous
Joined: 12/20/2009
Msg: 113
Background checks??
Posted: 2/16/2010 3:16:19 PM
The first woman I dated off a dating site made the joke that my background check showed up clear. I thought it was a joke, and 3 weeks later, I saw it. 3 pages long of nothing.
 Superfuntastic
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 114
Background checks??
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:37:01 AM
Does anyone but me think it is just a little creepy to start running background checks on each other over the internet? What ever happened to observation, intuition, asking the person questions, and trust?

Whats next, checking their underwear drawer for illicit substances? Peeing in cups? DNA tests?

Hmmm, though a STD test would probably be acceptable BG check everyone can agree with....
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 115
Background checks??
Posted: 2/20/2010 10:33:19 PM

So what do you think would you freaked out if someone "googled" you before you ever met? Or am I behind the times and are people already doing this???


Yes, I think I would be freaked out if I thought someone had googled me... then again if if I Was feeling some kind of bad vibes about someone I might consider it... Then again, if I was having bad vibes........I don't think I would be meeting them.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 116
Background checks??
Posted: 2/20/2010 10:35:47 PM
Nah if they want to google me go ahead. The only problem with googling someone is getting the right person I googled mys elf a while back and well there are 3 of me living in the same town on a little island of 9,000 people Not hardly..
The only true way to do a background check is to hire a professional and expect to be paying some big bucks.

First meet I am not going to waste my money...
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 117
Background checks??
Posted: 2/20/2010 11:18:35 PM
it's scary how people can back ground check ya in seconds.
 bach454
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 118
view profile
History
Background checks??
Posted: 2/21/2010 2:14:32 PM
Nothing wrong with Googling someone's name early on. Tracking down phone numbers, addresses, etc. may be a little creepy, however.

I find you can learn a lot by looking at someone's Facebook or Myspace. Employers do this all the time, and I think people who are dating should have that right too. After all, we're putting this information up for people to see--why get mad if someone sees it?

Last time I did this, I learned someone had a boyfriend. I asked them about it (maybe it was an out-of-date profile) and they confessed they were seeing someone. Think of all the time that could have been wasted, or the drama!

Nothing wrong with a quick internet search.
 green023
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 119
Background checks??
Posted: 2/21/2010 4:29:30 PM

I think background checks are going overboard. Do you do a background check on every person you met at bar, bookstore etc. A potential murderer, rapist, married person looking to cheat etc could be anywhere.


I agree. IMO some people are overly paranoid.
 lolatyou
Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 120
Background checks??
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:09:39 AM
Geez I had no idea that this whole background check thing even existed! I don't know how I feel about the idea of a woman doing a background check on me. I mean, I can understand if someone wants to know if the guy they are dating is married, but I don't want women I am dating to know how much money I make. Quite honestly, that's just creepy!
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