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 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 99
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I have epilespy . it causes seiuzures . I do karoake shows . One nihgt a guy asked a woman who I know has seizures 2 per week . he asked this of her " can you have a seizure while we are have ing sex ? " of all teh rude things to say . this guy must have "thaught " just because she has seizures she is good in bed ? I don't ask those things . it's rude . BUT , to see a person have a seizure who you love is scary . We are capable of having a loving relationship .
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 103
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:02:46 PM
stages of accepting death, you know, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, etc. (Actually, those stages probably also fit the acceptance of the end of a romantic relationship, now that I think of it.)

Hmmm. So perhaps if I don't go through the stages of accepting death I can live forever? Some news is just too good to be true. Only problem is if your dead and you accept it, kind of hard to live. Blown out of the water at stage one. Alas, I think I prefer denial to death. Now if I could only get my doctor to agree.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 105
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:29:51 PM

Wise guy! You surely know I'm referring to that classic text by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross,


I know all too well. Personally I prefer Dylan Thomas to Kubler-Ross. The former glorified those stages, while the latter seemed to want to help them work their way through them and peacefully accept the end stage. When we accept death, we die. I prefer Thomas "Rage Rage against the dying of the light" at least when its done with a symblance of humor.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 106
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:39:10 PM
Likelihood is that without your disability or ailment you wouldn't be on a dating site, so why are they??!!

Unless any quality short of perfection is considered a disability, I don't think the above statement is true. Most of us are here for the second or third round. For some that may be because of a disability and for others it may be in spite of it. Unless failure to survive in a marriage is itself a disability than we are here for the same reasons that everyone else uses on line dating--because it is the social networking technology of preference in a society that has otherwise isolated us from the older traditional socializing networks. Our disabilities are incidental to that.
 ozziefan
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 107
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:22:09 AM
I know it can work. The best BJs I ever got-and the best long term friendship-came from a physically disabled girl I met in college. I never looked at her as disabled, and I treated her as I treated everyone else. She appreciated it, and showed her appreciation. Of course some disabilities are more problematic than others. If your mate weighs 500 pounds, there will be few positions you can safely/comfortably try. If one of you is epileptic, and drugs aren't much help, that can present problems. A lover missing a leg is not so problematic, but one with MS, MD, or such, can be. It a matter of individual situations, and tastes. Open minds often lead to open legs.
 ozziefan
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 108
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:26:11 AM
Cp is one of those things few people are very familiar with, and those who are familiar feel uncomfortable around. Also, if it worstens over time, few people can stand to watch a loved one suffer...so they shun the handicapped from the start, and so avoid the pain that falling in love with a sufferer can bring. They are protecting themselves, not trying to hurt you. The internet is probably your best hope for finding someone somewhere who is familiar enough with the disability, and brave enough to deal with it.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 111
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/14/2007 11:31:08 AM
Off Topic (Sort of)
Unfortunately Thomas didn't follow his own advice and took to self medicating his apparent depression. Sometimes its harder to follow advice, even your own, than it is to give it. That said, thus far, I as the older "father figure" now, find his advice sound. Like Thomas needed a father, so does my child. Her mother hasn't been there for her, so I'm what she has. Just hope I can be around till she no longer needs me. (Whether she will no longer wants me is another thread that belongs in the parenting section)
 deb457
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 112
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/14/2007 3:15:24 PM

Cp is one of those things few people are very familiar with, and those who are familiar feel uncomfortable around. Also, if it worstens over time, few people can stand to watch a loved one suffer...so they shun the handicapped from the start, and so avoid the pain that falling in love with a sufferer can bring. They are protecting themselves, not trying to hurt you. The internet is probably your best hope for finding someone somewhere who is familiar enough with the disability, and brave enough to deal with it.


I agree with you. Cause I have CP.

God bless,
Deb
 wisdomandlove
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 113
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/14/2007 9:30:35 PM
There are many types of disabilites a person can have, when people choose to judge others after learning that person is either disabled temporary or permantly they are someone who isnt worth anyones time. They are never willing to accept life for what it is. Some people can not choose to say yes I will want this to happen or no I dont want this. They have to deal with the way life is given. People can either respect what is or walk the other way.
 deb457
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 122
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 9/18/2007 1:56:46 PM

you know there are people out there that have disabilites, and they are human beings
and people that dont have heart and cant look past something like that are ungrateful
selfish people and maybe should go to church and ask god forgivness.. nothing pisses me off more when someone thinks they are better than other people. That proves that a snobish person like that will be alone for the rest of his or her lives... I mean really
what gives someone the right to jugde another person.... we are all gods children and he made us all DIFFERENT!!!! no one here is perfect!!!


I totally agree with you. We are God's childrens and God made us all different. Cause I was born with CP .

God bless,
Deb
 tofuwink
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 124
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disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 11/17/2010 11:06:02 PM
I have mild cerebral Palsy and I talk about it openly in my profile. Although, I know some people with disabilities think that any difference or mention of a disability sends people "running for the hills" that has not been my experience. I am not saying that I haven't experienced rejection due to my disability, but the reality of getting rejected because of my disability isn't as prevalent as I once thought it was. For example, I have found that, in the past, it was often ME who rejected my body before I gave my partner or romantic interest a chance to reject me. I projected my feelings of insecurity onto them. I have sabotaged more than one potential relationship because of my own insecurity about my disability. Today, I realize life is short and I am much more than a walk. I am honest about my disability (I walk differently anyway, so I can't hide it) and I do not apologize for it. It's my body, it is human diversity, nothing more, nothing less. I find that how people react to my walk is directly related to how I portray myself and how I react to my walk. Now, there will always be ***holes who will dismiss me no matter what I do, but I think they can be in the minority in my life.
I think in order to get dates or become intimate with a person, one has to first believe that they are sexy and date-able. For example, ( not to sound conceited) I think I'm hot. I go to the gym, I work out, I take care of my body, I wear clothes that show off my curves and make me feel hot, I am also kind, compassionate and intelligent and funny... and I have Cerebral Palsy, I walk with a limp. I can't give the people who view my disability in a negative light the power to erase the other positive aspects of my body and identity. Sometimes, this can be a daily struggle... but like everything else, self - acceptance and confidence sometimes has to be practiced in order for it to be believed. So when I do feel bad about my CP, I remind myself that I only have one life and one body; I am powerless over how other people react to me; and there is a hell of a lot of people in the world - and who I am to assume that they will reject me? Who am I to think for them?
I hope that regardless of how many dates any one has gotten since you first started this thread, that you all feel beautiful, sexual, and worthy.
Peace.
 dora62
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 125
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 12/10/2011 1:44:17 PM
Shawn,

I have a 22 year son who is severely disabled and uses a wheelchair.

I sure do empathize with you...wheelchairs chase people away

My son is the disabled one, but I can't get a date!!!!
 Pasionlatina529
Joined: 8/5/2011
Msg: 126
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:43:53 PM
There are a LOT of things ppl should not DECLARE when they are meeting people (unless it's obvious, like a wheelchair or crutches).....in general you should find commonality with someone - get a chance to meet them BEFORE a judgement of any kind is passed..if they declare they are disabled and the other person does accept them - great if they don't accept - it's best - you don't want to be with someone who will look or feel bad about you..you don't want someone who will pity you. It's everyone's perogative if they want to date/marry someone with a disability or not..it will be their life not ours to judge or take care of that person. That what free WILL is about.
 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 127
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:56:01 PM
There is nothing wrong with dating a disabled person depending on the disability. I will not date a man in a wheelchair due to my bad back I can not be on top for sex. Also I do not want to be someones caregiver if their disability is severely debilitating. My experience is they sometimes act needy and I can not tell if the disabled person truly likes me for the right reasons or just does not want to be alone. I dated a man with MS and it was like he was only dating me for the sake of having someone around, if he would date anyone that would pay attention to him. No real love interest in me, just being needy. I think neediness is a turn off
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 130
disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me!
Posted: 12/10/2011 8:15:32 PM
I've accepted that romantic love is not for me. I guess I am ok with that.I have to be afterall. What's the point in being bitter and kicking and screaming about it?
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