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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 16
Are YOU scared.......???Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
......correct attraction anyhow and you develope a feeling for this person.
Now my problem is that an ad dont show anything trustful to make a decision in that case.
None of my Dates I had where compareable to there ads. I had to adjust on the date cause I met a different person.
The ad showes just a "I want to be", "I belong to this or that group", "I am so and so"....aso as subject.
Only a (save) date can tell you the truth.
I mentioned that 5 dates were only about sex...
... and two of these ladys where looking for a serious relationship...
They had a long list of restrictments, strong belivers
and both had a notes like no sex before marriage.
Both where on the date only fokussed on sex and nothing but that.
It was nice and we had alot of fun. But dont ask me how I think about these ads.
At last I think a date is a good thing to check the real person behind the ad.
If you date clever you have the option to leave.
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 17
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/6/2005 6:02:40 PM
arg, I'm no hero.... just someone who tries to learn from my mistakes.
I am always glad if my mistakes can help anyone else make better choices.
I'm not always right and I have made my share of mistakes for sure.

@nice the feeling you speak of is called INTEREST... lol ;)
No, you will never know how a person is until you speak to them and see them.
Sometimes in just speaking to them you will know they are not someone you should
spend time to meet because you are not on the same page.
You should never adjust who you are.... you should always remain yourself.

I personally would not go to meet anyone who was just looking for a sexual only
relationship but if you did and thats what you got... you should be happy. If they
said they wanted sex only and then changed their mind, you have no obligation as
you only agreed to sex.
You owe them nothing.

If you meet someone who clearly says no sex... and then wants sex.... you can discuss it
with them at that time and come to an agrement or walk away. It sounds crazy to me, but..... I see a lot of crazy stuff on here.
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 18
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/6/2005 6:37:48 PM
1 Do you look only for one right thing???
- I look for the whole picture. There are some things that I won't tolerate (drug use, heavy drinkers, if a man is over 40, etc) but other than that I don't believe there is one "right" thing.

2 And is it allready completed in youre mind???
- Nothing is ever complicated. Either it'll work or it won't.

3 How do you perform a date with someone you dont know???
- Most of my dates are with people I don't know. That's why God invented "ediquette". Basic behaviors that one uses when with people one doesn't know. Most people don't use ediquette any more

4 Do you belive in words or action
- yes.

5 Do you belive in any ad you've seen here???
- I've met some absolutely wonderful people here. Unfortunately we weren't a match for whatever reason. I've not had the problem of someone not being the same as their profile yet. Guess my screening process works.

6 Do you belive that the person you will find is like the ad you see???
- Pretty much same answer as above.
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 19
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/6/2005 6:38:30 PM
Ok! you come closer thats good!!
short note...
Interest comes first for me, like or dislike does not matters.
Attraction is the second thing and feeling is the third part.
Adjust meant to present myselfe in the right way....
as exsample there is a difference between a tomboy and a lady.
I like both but both are used to a different style...
and I am not willing to play soccer in a suit.

The ladys made a real difference... they might change there mind,
they might hide a real interest for a good reason.... how about this
One said:
"All the mails you get from horny guys if you ask for sex on a dating site."
I was not angry or mad about it.
I really enjoyed it and with one I had/have followups.

The point here is how we get people... sofar they want to date together.

1 to a date without strings
2 to a save date

Some clever ideas would solve alot of problems.
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 20
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/6/2005 6:47:34 PM
Thank you morolim!!!!!
Nice post!!

I recived about 30 mails about this thread...
The problem for most is how to save the meeting/date situation
to see the person without strings.... find a good way to make it a good date.
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 21
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/6/2005 7:28:36 PM
I agree with you 100% rainbow fish! Coudn't have said it better myself! I am scared too, but you gotta get out there. I have had a few talk about sex, but I quickly turn them off, because I am looking for that congruency, that wholeness, the real thing. Starts with profile and pic, and I only write to those who write me first, with few exceptions, because they initiate the interest and seem not afraid to risk it. That is what I am looking for- that mutual attraction, a meeting of the minds and spririts that makes a reationship truly worth the effort, and sex will always come when the relationship has spanned all other vectors anyhow, why rush it and risk spoiling it? Makes it ever so much more satisfying anyhow. Not that I haven't made my mistakes, but have certainly learned much from them. The scared feeling is an inner voice to be reckoned with, sometimes alerting you to a mistake about to be made, sometimes the mere enjoyment and anticipation of a very good connection to be made, and sometimes just a slight bit of doubt that you may not live up to the expectations of one you may be interested in. I now listen to that voice and all it entails. Hope that addresses the issue somewhat, nice male. Gotta ask, is that you, or Clint Eastwood?
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 22
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/6/2005 7:46:34 PM
Okay, nice male, think I got a bit off topic here. To address your latest.

1. To date without strings- This is always a matter of communication. If you let the ladies think you are gonna put out or get serious on a first date, some will take it as far as you let them. You gotta communicate (you can initiate this but other party has to communicate back the same reasoning) that this is no-strings. That you would like to see what they look like and how you seem to get along. I do this by public meeting mostly, meeting in a bookstore, coffee shop, maybe going for a walk in the park, etc. Gives you a chance to float ideas by them and see how they respond to you. Do not expect too much here yourself. Accept that which is given, unless they all in out go for you or go whacko or something, and give what you feel comfortable with. You will see a true connection when it exists. If there is none, at least you had a good time in the company of another human being and saw how one part of the other half thinks. Chalk it up to experience.

2. To save a date- I have not yet been able to save a bad date, but again I use communication. If I think something I have done was wrong or just wasn't responded to, I always get back to them, either by phone, email, or messaging. I ask them plainly if there was something wrong, or apologized for anything I may think of as not quite right. Figure that is the adult thing to do. If I get no response, I wait, then attempt to communicate again, if still no response, I give up and chalk it up to experience. Figure it wasn't meant to be.

Hope that helps some.
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 23
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/6/2005 7:56:11 PM
To me, someone who asks for no strings... would turn me away
from any interest in them at all.
Equally as bad is telling someone you want a NO STRINGS friendship...
with no connection why bother.

You know, if someone pops some surprise up like some perv stuff
I just walk away....
I mean why waste time with someone bantering about details like
"strings" which is elusive and subjective.....

Either someone wants to get to know you ...... or they don't.
If they aren't looking for what I am...... its not worth the time to try to negotiate anything....... its a NO GO.....
and its over.
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 24
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 5:32:15 AM
Let me ask you this!!!

You both say you are scared and sure you dont want strings.....
Thats not going to happen!!!

You are scared so you will put some chains around my personality when we date!!
It starts allready in the ad with restrictments.
Not only you are scared...
You will lead me how to speak, behave,
you will try lead/controll the situation cause you are scared.
The communication will stock aroud this fact.
When I am shy you will see that, if I am clever you dont get it.
You are not scared after a while if you get what you want but trust me,
that is not a man you date it is an actor who try to get along

So how can you make sure that you dont need to be scared on a date???

In my experience a woman looks at me and is just scared or not.
It depends only on her vision.... style, attraction, sound of voice,... aso
It does not matters what history I have. If she like what she see shes over me!!

I mention before that I take my date like she is....
I will find likes or dislikes, attraction... aso
Later and at the very last I will find out what I can do with her, that takes time.
The woman I had before dont have any time!!! They deside in a mnute and want sex!!
And I say again thats fine with me but at the very last just sex.
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 25
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 5:37:00 AM
....... you dont look, cause you are not open for a date.....!!
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 26
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 5:46:12 AM
OK!! OK!! Sorry!!!

Let me ask you this
How do you feel on a first date???.... I mean any
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 27
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 5:55:45 AM
ooops, shiza! lol (edit)
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 28
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 5:57:44 AM
nicemale,,,guten morgan (its morning here in michigan lol). Wie geht es dir?

1 Do you look only for one right thing???

~ No. There are many things that i look for when considering someone as a long term partner.

2 And is it allready completed in youre mind???


3 How do you perform a date with someone you dont know???

~By asking all the right questions that are important to me, and by listening to the potential date closely

4 Do you belive in words or action

~ Both

5 Do you belive in any ad you've seen here???

~I wouldnt necessarily say that i believe the ad. Its more like i am intriqued by someones ad,,that it caught my eye. Only by getting to know someones personality will i get a better picture of the person.

6 Do you belive that the person you will find is like the ad you see???

~Tis quite possible, tho here at POF i havent met anyone yet so i cant say.

Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 29
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 6:08:14 AM
You know what you want!! Nice!!
....... and youre ad is honest, I like that too!!!
....... and youre scared factor (about dates) should be below 0 or less, I think!!
Happy search
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 30
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 6:24:04 AM
haha Well i suppose my scared factor might not be so high becuz i do know what i want and like,,,and what i will and will not accept or put up with. I guess by being at this age and being single has me bound and determined to be more selective even if it takes me forever to find someone. You have to be (i believe) strict on certain criteria when considering someone to be a life time partner! Drinking for me,,is a huge huge obstacle and will not put up with someone who drinks excessively,,for example. I am very strict on that and that will not change. Experience (with alcoholics) has taught me that that is not what i want in my life.

Honesty. I do try to be honest! lol Speak from the heart and what is on my mind.

Happy search to you too!
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 31
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 6:48:20 AM
Yep!! The age, the experiences.... that gives a lot savety when it comes to a date...
I feel that save, so I come pretty relaxed to a date.
I listen and watch.... ask some things and watch the reaction.... a game with open end.
Only when both drop the mask, it starts to be serious.
Alcys or drugys are really a mess, but also real easy to select and dump
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 32
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:01:04 AM
NO.. .. I'm never scart......they are

(oh and I spelled it wrong on purpose)

Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 33
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:48:31 AM
....... how you make them scared??????

scat, scarted, saradwe???
I know, my usenglish needs to be developed.... for some purpose!!
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 34
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:52:17 AM
I think I had better rephrase something I said earlier. I said I was scared, lemme say I am a bit apprehensive instead, I fear very little in this world, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

I try to always go into any date with some knowledge of what the person is like to begin with from phone conversations. And I always take two things with me- a positive attitude, and a lack of big expectations. I always try to look nice and make a good impression, but then relax and just be myself. If a person cannot stand the me sitting in front of them, however are they going to stand the me that has just awakened in the morning before coffee?

I have not had one date off here in that the person wanted to have sex after 5 minutes and if they did make inuendos before the date was over, made sure they knew I was not interested in it at that point. I usually sort all that out before the date so as not to waste my or the other person's time. Some just want that, or a person to control and by the time I have a meet date and it is over, I make it quite clear that it is not what I am looking for.

I do the listen and watch thing too, nice male, and it is an open ended game you are right, and only when both drop the mask, that it gets serious. I do try to get to that point on a first date, though, so that both may get a feel for the other, and find out if a true connection exists, or it was all a meeting of the minds perhaps and nothing else. Makes for good friendships, but more has to be there for a real relationship to blossom.
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 35
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:07:50 AM
GOOOOOD Move!!!! Like it!! I hope some one read this!!!
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 36
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:43:21 AM
I never answered your earlier questions, so here goes.
1. Do you only look for one right thing? NO! Even in mathematics there is sometimes more than one right answer, it opens things up for a world of possibilities, but I do believe you have to be on a similar path in life and looking for the same things.
2. Is it already completed in your mind? NO! Mental scenarios almost never come to reality. That is something that you take a step at a time, and both contribute to.
3. How do you perform a date with someone you don't know? I almost never do, I find out a lot about someone from casual conversation before a date if possible, and if I do meet someone in the spur of the moment, put on my best face and take it a step at a time. Just be myself, and see if we connect.
4. Do you believe in words or action? I believe in both, but actions always speak louder than words.
5. Do you believe in any ad you've seen here? I had better be able to believe it and if not, I will find out very shortly and a fake will get no more of my time. If it is only someone who does not quite know how to express themselves, I will find that out too, and can make certain allowances for that.
6. Do you believe that the person you will find is like the ad you see? I do not believe anyone is 100% like their ad- most of us like to put our best foot forward on here, but the basics should be there (Not 50 lbs and 1 foot height off!) and their basic qualities they have posted should be noticeable. And thanks for the nice comment, nice male. :)
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 37
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/7/2005 10:00:21 AM
Wow even better!!!! You and windsong have it!!!!
I really hope someone read this could be a challenge for the shy pofs!!!
btw:.........You two just proved that smokers might be the better daters
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 38
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/8/2005 7:28:56 AM
Smokers,huh? Would make for an interesting study I'll bet, though, that if I quit, I'll still date the same way. You have quite an interesting mind there, nice male Good luck in your search as one lucky lady will find herself with a great companion, I am sure.
Joined: 8/30/2004
Msg: 39
view profile
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/8/2005 3:30:52 PM
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 40
Are YOU scared.......???
Posted: 11/8/2005 3:37:35 PM
Damn!!!!!! Thats sad!!.....

I did'nt understand what you said. Would you like to translate to german...
...... to difficult for you??

Thank you and I wish you the same!!!!! Make it nice!!!!!

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