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 staggy65
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 82
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married? Page 3 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
^^^^^^^ Ok that's fair enough. Just as well I'm not out there trying to find a woman then. Personally, my family come first and always have done. If that means I don't stand a chance with women then so be it. I would rather leave this world knowing I'd done some good and been there for my parents (or in my case, my mother) when she needed someone around than leave an elderly mother to deal with things that she wasn't prepared for. I think its hard for some parents, my mother would have been left to handle financial stuff that she knew nothing about (thanks to my father being "old school" and not showing her how to pay bills or deal with bank accounts) and I stepped in and took over. Yeah its hard on me but how selfish would I be if I thought only of myself? They had hard times when I was a child but they didn't think "hell this is hard, lets put him up for adoption!".

Ok I'll get off my soapbox now.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 84
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/7/2006 7:18:24 AM
~OT~ Leary of men in their 30s-40s who have never married? No way ~ that would be hitting the dating lottery. Never married and no kids ~ woooooooo hoooooooo
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 85
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/7/2006 7:35:18 AM
Really now????.....hmmmmmm

Would it not be better to have what you offer?????

Most would have been married at least once by 40 and have at least one child, and it does not matter if you are male or female. Both those life experiences are necessary for maturity and growth by 40.......at least I would think that.

I dated one female that at the age of 45 still took her laundry to her mother's house and was never married or had any kids. Talk about being set in your ways and a little off......lmao...

Just my opinion....
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 86
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/7/2006 2:00:38 PM
Hey Rabid ~ haven't seen you for a few days!!! Thank you. I think that C was nicely saying that I am being hypocritical. And I am. I have been married and I have a son. The big difference, my ex isn't baggage as he's my very best friend (hell, he wants me to date ~ he's tired of me tagging along with him and my new wife-in-law!! LOL) and my son is grown. I know, without a doubt, I am NOT step-mother material. And you are right ~ I have tons of freedom and I wouldn't do well working around schedules of other people. I went against my better judgment one time ~ I dated a man with two children. I feel in love with the children and ended up breaking their hearts when I just couldn't stand him any longer. I will NOT be put in that position again. I felt that I needed to stay because of the children and I knew I couldn't stay because of him. I don't want to ever be put in that position again.
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 87
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/7/2006 3:18:48 PM
Interestingly enough, there is one category of women who don't seem to have any hangup - in that they themselves are still single at 30+.


verygreeneyez: ...Wife-in-law!!
What an ugly term. Although it's not what you meant, I have seen this term in two other contexts, neither of which seem to apply here, but you should still be made aware of them:
1) Polygamy. Usually excommunicated Mormons in Utah.
2) Prostitution. A reference by one lady-of-the-night who regularly sleeps with her pimp to another "lady" who does the same. (I know this from my former law enforcement experience).
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 88
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/7/2006 3:30:50 PM
Thanks for the input. In our lives, that term is very endearing. My husband's new love is my wife-in-law. She's a very welcomed part of our family and we love her dearly. I'm very familiar with poly lifestyles (poly-amorous for a correct term outside of marriage.) The term used in poly-households today is "sister-wives." Not sure how long ago another term may have been used, but it isn't used today, at least not in the circles I have knowledge of. And NO, we don't live a poly-amorous lifestyle. So I was not aware of any negative spin on the term. I'll be sure to pass this along and ask her if that makes her uncomfortable ~
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 89
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/8/2006 3:29:01 PM

Won't date a guy who has no car
Won't date a guy who does not have a career (income is the basis)
Won't date a guy who does not listen to the the same music
Won't date a guy who has never been married
Won't date a guy who has a close relationship with his parents/parent
Won't date a guy who lacks physical attraction
Won't date a guy who is in his late 30's he is either too old, not good enough or too young
Won't date a guy who does dresses a certain way


OH MY. Well, I'm older than you Rabid ~ and we all know that story!! LMAO ~ yes, I'm a cradle robber...those damn 40 year old's just do something to me....LOL On a serious note ~ those are some crazy won'ts. Here in rural American, I understand the car thing. You can't date someone who can't get to town for dinner..LOL But, in the city ~ I didn't even take my car out of Idaho when I lived in the city...no need, I got around just fine. As for the other things you mention...other than the dress code, I think those are some strange wants or don't wants. My husband was total gangsta...that was weird. I would get off work and meet him for dinner and he looked like Puff Daddy and I looked like I just left the courtroom, it was strange ~ but it was how he was. I don't know I'd do that again, but I didn't even notice it when I first met him. He captured me ~ every cell of me ~ I don't even think I looked at his clothes, until later ~ when I started buying him clothes....LOL...he still managed to pimp-out from time to time.

I think about you and these things often. I just want to search for you. I know so many nice women that would be so happy to meet someone like you. I just have to wonder ~ what is up with these women??? I'll email you direct later. If I can find my ex-husband an amazing women, I can certainly find you one!! You're a much easier sell than he was!! LMAO!!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 90
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/8/2006 3:47:26 PM
good idea verygreeneyez, maybe we should all try to find matches for each other, since most of us have a difficult time finding them for ourselves!!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 91
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/8/2006 4:53:43 PM
^^^^^^^LMAO If EHarmony and Dr. Phil can get in on the act, I think I can do it. Anyone interested, let's all trade "wants" and "don't wants" and see what happens. I know my picker is broken for my own self but I seem to be good at finding someone for others. Maybe I'll get lucky here and trade wants with someone who knows the perfect man for me!! There is actually a site I know and that is what you do ~ you have a "helper" profile and you send people to each other. That is where I found my ex's love. It's fun really ~ I get emails that say "Find a match for Jane" and there are profiles ~ you just wander around reading profiles for other people. Sounds silly ~ but I certainly am not overly proficient at finding the "right" man for myself, maybe someone else can do better than me.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 92
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/8/2006 6:51:31 PM
Bites tongue and shakes my head......

OT........many think they can find someone for others, but you must truly know that person well in order to do that and you must also know yourself.....

Anyone over 30 and not ever married or in a long term relationship that would simulate a marriage should be looked at long and hard for reasons why.....

Just my opinion.....
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 93
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/8/2006 7:32:48 PM
^^^^^I know me, well. Too well, I think (after a 6 year journey of self ~ if I don't know me yet ~ it's definitely a lost cause.) My ex probably knows me nearly as well. The only problem with him finding someone for me is that he wants them to love hunting ~ ARGH...not again!! Like I have previously said ~ I'm all for the never married men. It works for me. Maybe because I am not looking for marriage. I have issues with anything that resembles 24/7. I have a hard time with 2 hours out of 7 days. If I sit through dinner ~ we're making history. Add a movie and that's long term for me. Different lives for different people. My theory ~ whatever works. If someone else thinks of me and puts me with someone they know ~ OK. That's how I met the two men I married in my life. Both were blind dates. I guess my friends are fairly informed on "who" I am.
 kawi-rider
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 98
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:00:01 PM
How about just being so (apparently) unattractive that single women move away very quickly?

I'm over 40, never married, no major character flaws (at least no more than the average joe), live by myself, I take care of all my own financial and other obligations, people tell me I look about 7 years younger than I am (that may be a curse, but I'll take it), keep myself groomed, have held a steady job with the same company for almost 15 years, have a couple of decent vehicles, and yet I just as well be invisible (I am invisible on a bike, but that's a story for another time). Granted, the selection of single, unmarried women with no children in these parts is slim to none (Slim's got one foot on a bannana peel and the other in the grave), but it has been this way almost my entire adult life even living in a couple of larger cities. It doesn't help that I'm shy (ewwww a character flaw) or lack the perception to know when a woman is interested in me (strike two!), so I usually bumble through my days looking at that which can't be and not noticing what might be.

Perhaps I am so nondescript and ordinary that I'm not noticable.

Of course I don't have the experience of a prior marriage, but then I don't have that baggage or children either that would interfere with a relationship. I've always had high standards and even when I partied a lot in my youth they weren't lowered. Perhaps my standard are higher than my attractiveness allows? Maybe I ought to just go to bed now!
 JRJ73
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 100
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/29/2006 11:38:58 AM
Well, they shouldn't be. lol Marriage is over-rated. Men still have a desire to be married like women do, but face it people - marriage's statistics are very poor these last few decades. If you truly love someone, then I don't believe you need a piece of paper to prove it. Some religeons make it a bit difficult though.

Cheers.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 101
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:15:30 AM
Hmmmm

I think there could be a stigma if you are over 30 and have never been on a date and have never had sex and have never dated anyone at all. I think because you'll be at a different level emotionally than the other person. Its not easy being someones training wheels at that age, and while someone might accept it at 16-20, when everyone lacks experience, they won't at 30 or 40.

But for men who have dated, had some relationships and have had sex, why would not being married be a negative?

Most marriages in America end in divorce. You are really asking why a man hasn't been divorced yet.

A divorced man might have part of his income portioned out to alimony or child support, he might have lost his family home in the divorce proceedings and may not be able to restart financially until his early 50s. Hes also emotionally scarred and may be separated from his kids. Why would any woman stigmatize a single male who has, either by luck or choice, avoided most of those situations?
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 102
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/1/2006 10:47:41 PM
^^^^
I would much rather be with someone who has never married because he has been able to avoid having his income taken away, and his home lost to an ex wife. I am (I think) a reasonably attractive woman who is almost 40 herself and is not married because I don't want to marry someone who is wrong for me. I have had relationships and dates over the years so I don't find this to be a stigma in any way.

Guys who are never married in their 40s often are busy professionals and are good prospects!!
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 107
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:54:01 PM
I think that perception 'Why aren't they married yet?' is really repeating normal social conventions.

You hear it all the time with single people at weddings.

"So Bob, when are you and Marcy going to tie the knot here?"

Well normal social conventions also equal a 50-70 percent divorce rate along with single parent households where children are often deprived of the guidance and full time avaliability of one parent.

Maybe this is hard for alot of women to see right now, but most men DON'T want to get married. Sure some really do, but most don't care one way or another. Men, honestly, really don't care about marriage. Many would be just as happy cohabitating and enjoying another persons company. Women however are under alot of pressure to get married. Old single men aren't called 'Old Maids' but older women are. Its a social stigma. You watch your friends hitch up and you get left out of social gatherings and events because you are a fifth wheel or some womans husbands next potential affair. ( married women think that way about single women, I don't know why, but they do)

So women, understandably confused and disenchanted with the idea of being single forever, feel this and project those normal social conventions and pressures onto the man.

"Why aren't you married yet?"

Would you feel good if he asked you the exact same question? If its a woman who is older and never been married, deep down, probably not.
 staggy65
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 108
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/4/2006 6:38:14 AM
I'll put my hands up to being one of the guys you all avoid because YES - I do still live at home - WHY? - because its a hell of a lot cheaper than living somewhere else (especially when you're recently out of work) and I'm not worried about how that "looks" or "seems" to anyone else - the fact is I'm not in debt to anyone, I don't have a credit card, what I buy - I pay for. I'm not scratching around to make ends meet each month like a lot of people are so I'd say that makes me better off than a lot of people - financially even if not emotionally.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 110
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/5/2006 6:04:08 AM
I think that it's far more that guys over 30, either single or divorced, have learned to be cautious of all but the most casual relationships.
 Trishnaa
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 113
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/5/2006 11:10:23 PM
"are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?"


Nope, not at all. I think that just shows he has common sense (which is great). I'd be leery of divorced and separated men rather than men that have never been married.

Besides, it's always nice to be the first one in everything.


~*Flavia*~
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 114
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/6/2006 11:27:44 AM
This can go both ways:

1) The divorced: It means that for whatever reason, the person and another made a commitment then BROKE it. Without the specifics of each known, there's a 50% chance that the one who caused the break-up is this person (and 50% the other person was responsible).

2) Never married: Although it can be said that such a person knows when NOT to commit, this could also be an indication of a fear or inability to commit.

Therefore, to me, this proves nor indicates nothing.
 treegrif
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 115
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/6/2006 11:48:32 AM
There are some of us over 40 never married and no children by chose. Maybe we have waited for the right mate, it doesnt mean we havent had any long term relationships i know i have a few. I am still searching for that ONE person that is just right for me! I know she is out there somewhere
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 116
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/6/2006 1:34:07 PM
Rabbitman brings up a good point.

Statistically speaking, if you are divorced once, if you remarry, your odds of getting divorced again are higher than those who are marrying for the first time. Those odds of the second divorce increase if your new spouse has also been divorced and the odds increase again if you are bringing children from the first marriage into the second marriage. I've read the numbers fluctuate between 60-70 percent for divorce rates for second marriages.

It makes sense, if you've been divorced once, you know how the process works and its much simpler to do it again if you want to. In that way, I guess its like prison sentences ( if you go to jail, your odds of going back into the penal system again jump up dramatically)

But the logic still baffles me. Why stigmatize a man over 30 who has never been married? You have a greater chance of finding someone in better economic shape, without the conflict of children and increased odds of a successful marriage compared to if hes been divorced already.

Thats like the new car/used car argument. Yeah the used car is broken in will cost less than a new car and won't depreciate as much, but its a used car for a reason. And all used cars have little secrets and nicks the previous owner isn't going to tell you about. For the short term, it provides you with what you need, but more often than not its not a complete long term solution. Odds are you might have to get another used car before long. A new car costs more initially, but you are the first one to drive it. The odds of its longevity and stability are higher as long as you take care of it. Sure there are some issues with depreciation but you never have to worry about what the previous owner did to kick it around.
 hot sexy guy
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 117
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/6/2006 5:35:45 PM
wow I'm thirty.... holy crap... didn't know it was an issue
 weez_good
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 118
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/6/2006 5:53:31 PM
I'm 35 and have been engaged (5 years ago) and have finally found my perfect mate (marriage date to be announced soon). Although my profile says I am married in actuality I am not. I can understand why people "give in" thinking that it is time to do it but that is SO wrong. It really IS better to be single than married to the wrong person. I think it would be a very good idea if more people took more time to really get to know the person they will be spending the rest of their life with. It certainly might help lower the divorce rate.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 119
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/6/2006 7:04:42 PM
^

Congratulations to you man.

Good to hear someone out there has found something positive and meaningful in their lives
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