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 ~LoriMac~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 141
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married? Page 4 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
I know i am...I find it a little funny that over 30 i feel like i need to explain why i am divorced/a single mom/whatever my situation is.....but really in the back of my mind i am wondering why this guy hasnt gotten married before. Why doesnt he have any baggage or community property? lolAssuming he has recently dated I wonder why he didnt get serious enough to marry? Obviously there are lots fo answers to that question...many of them are reasonable and great answers...but i cant help thinking fear of commitment
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 143
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 12/3/2006 10:55:48 AM
I'll take the thin and neat guy myself!! Thank you brainchild!

DW
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 149
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 12/7/2006 2:51:30 PM
yep, people are sooooo rude when they think we never married no kids people are gay, or really weird, or scared of committment ( people who have married several times and cannot keep a committment of marriage(affairs) are not to be considered as red flags but we who have not met the person we could be in a committed marriage with and have not married the wrong people are scary?......
 Loyal805
Joined: 10/9/2004
Msg: 154
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 1/21/2007 10:45:39 AM
Now a days someone in their 30's is young! The question should be, "are you leery of guys over 40..."

I've found there seems to be a stigma against guys over 40. Sure, it would've been nice to find someone 10 or 15 years ago, I guess I wasn't in the right place at the right time. At that time I worked in a male dominated industry and lost interest in clubs & bars; so my opportunities were limited.
I don't know how or why someone over 30 or even 40 would be considered undesireable..? A lot has to do with the path through life that a guy chooses and doesn't necessarily mean they have an undesireable trait...
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 155
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 1/21/2007 3:46:33 PM
"SHIT" happens people.Too busy having fun until age 30 to even date.Women make better "friends" anyway.You ruin the "friendship" by even thinking about it.Bestfriend was a Lady from grade 6 to till graduating,turned 19,started evolving the relationship while exploring other "opportunities".Aahh...the wonders of Alcohol,so much for that "Frienship".We're "single"because we chose to be.Can I emphasis,read profiles,find-out stuff before meeting.Depends on what you call a successful relationship.Yuppers,never judge what you don't know. Take a long look at kids raised by parents who don't belong together.For the most part that 20-30 generation should be sent to the moon and have nukes dropped on them.
 Mortavius
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 156
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:45:17 PM
After having first hand experience of just what a marriage made in Hell can do to people from my parents.... I'll find the right one, or die single.

If a woman feels that I am weird for making this choice and avoids me for it, that's her choice. Some types of experience are not worth accumulating.
 dg8672
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 157
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:21:35 AM
Hey, its my first post here :)

I'm 34, single, and always have been single.

Why haven't I been married? Trust. My capacity for trust was crushed out of me about 10 years ago by someone I was deeply in love with. And I thought she was in loive with me.

It's a very long sordid story that makes my friends murderous when I fully explain what happened (my friends are loyal, what can I say?)

In my experience, the fact that I'm over 30, never married, polite and considerate is a red flag to most women I meet.

Why? Because they think its all part of the 'game' of a 30+ 'playa' and that I'm not being sincere.

I was brought up to respect women and people in general. I talk to them like people, like equals, etc...

Somehow, that's viewed as being insincere...so the lack of trust goes both ways.

I've never been one to go for 'flings' - hell, in my life I've had one true fling and I still regret it to this day.

(When my friends and I go out to the bar, they're all talking about what they'd like to do to the waitress if they could get her home. I'm the one who says "She doesnt do it for me. She seems like a ditz.")

I'm looking for permanent, not a one night stand. Living in a college town makes that ten times harder.
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 160
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 1/26/2007 1:59:45 PM
Actually, I think studies are showing that people aren't really fighting to hold marriages together like our parents use to do. Look how many marriages are lasting 5 years or less. One of my friends who have been married since he was like 18 or 19 and has just divorced at 28-29.

Personally, however, I am still trying to figure out what is there to be leery about if anyone at any age was married or not or if they had kids or not. Sometimes fate is fate. I can say for certainty, that I haven't had a REAL (meaning where I an woman had face-to-face time) relationship in almost 4 or 5 years. And I wouldn't even count that as a relationship. The longest real relationship I had was 4 months...3 months/3 weeks being developed and 1 week for a visit. Well, correction 4 months, 2 weeks. I forgot about the two weeks we stayed in contact prior to my leaving the country.

Some people aren't lucky to have had the experience of a long-term or many short-term relationships, let alone marriage. There are so many of use who get turned down on a daily basis that we have not had the opportunity to form those intimate relations. We can't blame them for that (well at least not in all cases).
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 167
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/6/2007 7:25:02 PM
Not necessarily.

My guy is 37 and never married no kids. He was in a relationship that lasted a few years, it was tumultuous from what he tells me. No he hasn't lived with anyone. But he would for the "last one".
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 169
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/7/2007 6:51:20 AM
Speaking for myself, I have always ended up with odd kinds of relationships that ended for the other's lack of trying or giving up on hope.

1st Girlfriend--22--I just want to stop seeing.
2nd Girlfriend--(Not)--29--Internet game player for 2 years.
3rd Girlfriend--30--Lost contact.
4th Girlfriend--32--Moved away, heard less and less from her.
5th Girlfriend--34--Did not think the long distance thing would work.

Here I am nearing 37 and I have not had any prospects. It was my dream to be married by 25 and to at least have 2 to 3 kids by now. While I do fault myself in some of the choices I made in women. But, I also hold each one accountable as well. Except for gf #2, things happened. It wasn't good or bad reasons, just fate. But, trust me, I try to fight for each of those relationships.

So, now tell me. And other guys like me who just seem so unlucky at love...If you ladies are doing the right thing. Making the right choices. Why are those of use who would treat you right bearing the blunt of your failed relationships? If anyone should be leery, it should be us men for what if we chose you and OOPS! Another failed relationship?

And to put the shoe on the other foot, and for those of you who are leery...Should us men be leery of you ladies who have no children and have never been married? And for those women who have been divorced (especially multiple times) and who do have kids (especially those who have children from multiple men), shoulld we be leery of you? Should we be concerned about a woman in her 50's that seems to never have been in a long term relationship?

Ladies and gentlemen, if intimate relationships seem to constantly end in failure or if a person seems to be continuously rejected or not even looked at. Certain aspects of their ability to bond does ethropy. The ability to relate is like the musclar system of the body, the less and less it is exercised, the weaker it becomes. And it is not entirely that person's fault. Maybe sometimes if men and women opened broadened their horizons and in the words of the silly "settle" for a moment, they might find that wonder they are looking for. That man or woman that will make their heart sing. My last ex did that, and boy did our hearts fly like the birds for a spell. She was a one in a million. I hate to say it, you women out there are proving her right, none of you seem to even to be able to match one nail on her pinky toe. But, yet you all calm to be looking for the same thing as she was...A man who will love you for you. Not for what you have. For not what you look like. I am not saying don't have standards and preferences, I am saying if you see it not getting you the results you want...Maybe the problem is not the people other most of the time, but your own choices. I had to learn that the hard way.
 PeterHood
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 173
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/27/2007 7:50:01 PM
I read in a sociology's book that almost 30% of Americans are not married so it's very normal to find a single person these days.
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 175
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 2/28/2007 1:51:25 PM
Funny what might find-out online. Peeps these days be too busy and have better things to do then get married and raise families. That's the way it's meant to be though. The wonders of e-getting to know peeps never cease to amaze me. It's all awesome...so are some peeps....BRING IT ON. The truth can be scary,but learning it just might be fun. "Life be being a peep...take a peek at a peep....might get an e-mail".
 studplayrico
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 182
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:36:45 PM
I like being single and i have been asked why not married or have kids. I believe i go for the wrong ladies maybe or it was not meant to be. Marriage is not for everybody. Sure i'll love to have a great woman at my side and i see myself with one in the near future, then again if is meant to be.
 SuperFunGuy
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 183
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:34:55 PM
I'm 34 yrs old, never been married. Hey I'm still young. I have my priorities. Some things are more important at the moment. Sure its nice to go out and meet people, yes dating is great and hopefully somewhere out there, there is someone who is my equal that I will meet someday, and there is the possibility of marriage . I'm not going to dwell on it and say my life's over. Things are great for myself so far. Still looking forward to a better tomorrow. Could get interesting.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 184
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:11:26 PM
to the OP:

Andrew you still have a lot of time left. I think women start to get concerned the older a guy is and never being married like late 30's, approaching 40. By that time, we want to know what has been stopping him, especially if we get to know him enough to find out he has had commitment of some kind in his past. Past relationships etc.

Never-married men are hard to find these days, and can be a prize for anyone who is compatable. Me personally I would start to worry about a late 30's man who has never married and wonder why. Look at how particular he is, what his standards and expectations are. Most are petrified of failure and feel the need to "be sure" , nothing wrong with that, but when the expectations of the other person are so high that it rules out even the most eligbile bachelorette he is hurting himself. Sometimes I think a person like that expects perfection and zero conflict and unyielding worship of their ideas, methods, and opinions before they'll consider settling. Those guys spend so much effort on their own expectations that they often dont know what love really is. Love includes accepting someone for who they are, qualities AND flaws. We're all humans not storybook characters.
 mochahoney
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 197
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:00:08 AM
men over 30 no but over 40 I have to wonder
not everyone is going to get married though
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 200
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:33:31 PM
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Based on my observations: a lot of women are leery of such guys



i too picky?
No.
Likely just more stable-minded and intelligent than the person who's hastilly jumped into a short-lived marrigage (or 2, or 3) and then realised they made a mistake.



what do other men think about this question?
I'd like to think there should be some very possitive signs from the fact that a guy has never married.
-I never intended to marry, or father children, until I've hopefully found the right person for a permenant relationship. I don't think you say the same about the guy who's been divorced 3 times, and has children with 5 different mothers.
-I've also never settled for a woman. I'd hope that this would imply to a woman that if I'm interested in a serious relationship with her, she should consider it a sincere compliment to herself, and know that I really think highly of her.

--------------------------------------------------------------
post 5 is ridiculous
I'll admit to be a little leery about a guy who's over 40 and has never been married or had children... I think experience can sometimes count~~
Experience can sometimes count???
Isn't that an assumption that people are so unintelligent that they must have a failed relationshipship, in order to learn how to have one???
Maybe the person, who hasn't been married yet, is actually intelligent enough, that he/she does not need to amass a number of failed marriages before learning how to have one.

I'm intelligent enough to know that I wouldn't be content in a relationship with the wrong person. Apparently other people need to learn that from "experience" ?

 1Walker1
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 201
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:44:49 PM
"Livewire" is probably not on here anymore but it irks me that so many of you women think with your heart instead of your head! Not everybody is called to have kids or be married. My life has been awesome and I've been out with many fine ladies. I'm not a player and it has always been one at a time.
I've traveled the country, been on numerous vacations, retired at 48, do extensive volunteer work with hundreds of troubled teens and am worth 6 figures today. I'd rather be as I am today than to have been married, had kids and now be divorced (2,3,4...times). I enjoyed my life to the fullest and have shared it with many great ladies. We just never BOTH wanted marriage.
I took care of my parents until they died and I wouldn't have wanted to burden my gal with that responsibility. I really didn't have a minute to date from 2002-2007 because of my committment to them.
And guess what I find now? Thousands of divorced women, overweight, with kids and that have a serious emotional problem about guys! So who should be leery of whom???
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 203
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:48:24 PM

I'd be more leary of the over 30 who's been divorced 3 or 4 times and has kids all over the city by 8 different women. But on POF he'd probably be the better man.
I don't know if he'd be the "better man". But he'd certainly fit in very well with some of the people on this site.

I do notice that there's a lot of people on here, (specially in these forums) who seem to think that having numerous brief marriages is normal; and they actually seem to think there's something wrong with the minset of people who haven't had numerous "practice" marriages or relationships.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 204
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:41:41 PM
I agree with Stangs about never married guys being highly attractive because you don't have to deal with an "ex." Widowers also have an attraction because you aren't being dragged through custody battles and the other nonsense involved with a divorce. Never married or widowed for me
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 208
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:38:19 PM
I was in a twelve year awesome common law relationship in my 20's - early 30's so I may as well have been married.
I've got to ask: if it was "awesome" why are you no longer with that person?

Perhaps someone who's never had a serious "long-term" relationship has been patiently waiting to find a person for one permenant relationship. Rather than settling for a temporary relationship while in their 20s.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 210
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:47:12 PM

For the most part, people do not enter relationships with the intent of it being 'temporary' ?
Good point.

However,
perhaps one person enters into a relationship, hoping it will become permanent, only to later discover that it turns out to be temporary.
While another person patiently waits, and doesn't enter into a relationship until he/she is much more certain that it is a relationship that will be permenant.

Is that second person neccesarilly flawed?
Or, is it possible that person may be a little wiser, and a little more cautious about entering into relationships?
Perhaps that person, who is more cautious about entering into a relationship, is much more likely to take a relationship seriously, compared to the persoon who is quick to jump into a relationship for the sake of having one.


Back in your prior post, you initially stated:
if I meet men who are in their mid thirties and who have never even had a long term relationship, I really do have a lot of questions and really have to wonder how anyone at that age could never have shared at least a few years of their life with someone by that point.
I will admit that it is legimate, if meeting someone like that, to wonder about the person.
Perhaps the person is "flawed" in some ways?
But I don't think anyone should immediately make that assumption. There could be any number of reasons, (or combination of reasons) why the person hasn't had a significant relationship.
-perhaps they spend a significant part of their 20s battling a serious illness
-perhaps they spend a significant amount of time working at a career which took them away from home often, and didn't allow for them to have a relationship
-perhaps the person spent a significant a amount of time getting his/her education and establishing a career
-maybe the person was more concerned with building financial stability first, before looking for a relationship, or before concieving children


Perhaps your relationship existed on good terms, and ended on good terms. But many of the other people on here have had relationships which didn't end on such good terms. ...and many of those relationships involved children.

I've got to admit that in some ways I regret the fact that I haven't yet found a serious relationship.
However,
I certainly don't regret that I haven't dealt with the drama of divorce or failed relationships; or dragging innocent children through the drama of a parent's seperation, or bitter cusody battle; or bringing children into the world before I was financially able to support them.
 belladonna813
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 214
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are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:43:18 AM
I don't give it a second thought. The men who haven't been married usually are just into their careers and have finally decided they want to settle down and enjoy life. Nothing wrong with that.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 219
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:28:06 PM
The first question that comes to mind is what have they been doing all this time? Spankin it at home? Playing the field? What?
You do realise that some people may have questions come to their mind when they learn that a woman is divorced with kids.

What has she been doing, and why is she divorced?
-Was she niave enough to just quickly jump into a marriage that wouldn't work?
-Why did her marriage end? Was it because she was a b1tch who her husband couldn't live with? Did it end due to her infedelity?
-Did she think of her children's well-being before concieving children who would later grow up in a broken home?

I don't mean to be a rude judgemental pr1ck. But if someone, who doesn't know me, is going to make negative assumptions about me, based only on the fact that I'm still single, then I'm quite prepared to point out negative assumptions that others may make of her.




Just like many things practice makes perfect and if they have not been practicing then I'm going to suspect that they aren't very adept at it.
Are you assuming that everyone is so retarded, and so incapable of interacting with other people that they must have "practice" relationships, which are meant to fail, so they can learn from them???
I'd like to think that many people are capable of working to make their 1st real relationship work. Whether they find that relationship in their 20s, or 30s, or older.

Perhaps the true misfit is not the person still waiting for their first relationship?
Perhaps it's the bimbo who has to keep learning from her failed relationships?



What do you know about nurturing a committed human relationship of any kind be it husband/wife, father/daughter, father/son? (No. Potted plants and puppies don't count.)Do you understand and know truly...deeply...the value of partnership and the richness that comes from a shared existence and happiness? Will you stick around when things are tough or will you bail early on because being single seems so much easier and it is what you know. It can seem like a comfortable alternative when things are difficult in a relationship.
Why would a divorced person say this?
-Did the divorced person not fail at their attempt at a commited relationship?
-The divorced person is not currently experiencing any of the "richness" that comes from a shared existence. Obviously their own experience with "shared existence" wasn't good enough for them to remain in.
-The divorced person obviously didn't "stick around when things got tough", but rather bailed early on because it would be easy single.



I don't have any stats, but I think it would be interesting to see who is more successful at finding permenant relationships?
The person who waited patiently until they found the right relationship?
or
-The person who's had numerous brief marriages, or brief serious relationships, (which they have the nerve to refer to as "long term relationships") while still in their 20s?




Do they REALLY want a long term relationship after being single so long.
Yes.
I just don't want, or need, any brief 2-5 year relationships in the meantime, which produce children who will later grow up in broken homes.




I don't really want to bash anyone for being divorced, or having failed relationships but, I want to point out:
If someone is very happy in a successful relationship, I'd be willing to understand if they criticised me for being long-time single.
However, I will not accept similar criticisms from a divorced person.

Yet, oddly, I've never heard such a criticism directed at me by a happilly married person. But for some reason, I'll occassionally read such criticisms in these forums posted by divorced people.
As far as I'm concerned: those critical divorced people can kiss my ass. They're no more successful at relationships than a single guy like me. In fact, they've proven that they may be less successful.
 SRQplatinum
Joined: 2/15/2007
Msg: 226
are women leery of guys over 30 who have never been married?
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:24:00 PM
I agree good subject, I was wondering if it was just me.
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