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 Ilove2hike
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 152
single and forty....Page 8 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Having been there and done that(twice) I am in no hurry to get married again. From past experience I've learned that it is better to be "selective" in who I want to get involved with. So for the past four years I can count the number of dates I have been on and I am okay with that. My friends of course question my sanity and several have even questioned my sexually wondering if I've gone over to play for the home team. I had one female friend tell me I'm not moving fast enough when it comes to prospective partners. Right now I think I am more interested in making friends and seeing if there is a connection. Because let's face it, the days of "instantly clicking" are over.
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 153
single and forty....
Posted: 1/18/2010 5:20:29 PM
that is not true...i know people who are in a relationship and they are past fifty...you have to remember...lots of relationships end when people are in their forties...how many people want to be alone? ...not many
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 154
single and forty....
Posted: 1/18/2010 10:14:30 PM
Well, once you weed out all the angry, bitter divorced men out in the dating world that want for you to pay for what their ex-wife did you'll be okay.
 staggy65
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 155
view profile
History
single and forty....
Posted: 1/20/2010 1:02:55 PM
well I'm now heading quickly towards being 46 and single, never married, not had a girlfriend since I was a kid, still a virgin (yes really!) and I'm happy to stay that way. I think there's way to much pressure put on people (men and women) to settle down, why? If you don't feel the need to get married or whatever then why do it? I can say with 100% guarantee that I will remain single for life and I'm happy to be on my own. I have friends (both male and female) but that's as far as it goes! If anyone wants more from me than friendship then they will have to look elsewhere!!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 156
single and forty....
Posted: 5/9/2010 2:16:55 PM
the thing about settling down..... it has 'settled' right there in the title, why would you expect anything less.
 cheeriness
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 157
single and forty....
Posted: 5/9/2010 4:53:42 PM
dead wrong.

I enjoy dating at almost 40 and I am meeting many cool guys. When I find the right one I might marry again. Probably not but who knows.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 158
single and forty....
Posted: 5/10/2010 12:25:00 PM
I'm single and 41 and really I do find it harder to find good women. But I think that there are not many women over 35 who are ready for anything long term. Many single women, from my experiences so far, have just been in a LTR and so they want to go on dates and have fun with guys who are good looking and are willing to spend money on them. And it seems for some odd reason when a man is single in his 40's, there is something wrong with him. A woman single in her 40's, she is starting to live her life for herself as the kids are grown up, the husband is gone. The assumption most times is that a guy in his 40's and up is not interested in women his age. That is a load of BS. And that there are no good men left.
I believe that there are lots of terrific men and women in thier 30's, 40's and 50's. It is just that as we get older, it isn't as easy to meet new people like it was in our 20's. We have to work a bit harder to find the decent ones and weed out the undesirables.
 bsp71
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 159
single and forty....
Posted: 5/26/2010 10:40:41 PM
I disagree also. It just depends on what you are looking for. Men who are established and financially secure as long as they are healthy have many options and choices out there.
 MissJenniferW
Joined: 5/3/2010
Msg: 160
single and forty....
Posted: 5/31/2010 9:34:15 AM
I would love to be 18 again and know what I know now!!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 161
single and forty....
Posted: 5/31/2010 6:21:52 PM

I find in my forty's that it is easy to find a one night stand or FB but increasingly difficult to find a man who wants to date or a long term relationship

I think there's truth to that. Think about it though -- that's not outlandish. When folks are in their 20s, there's a societal 'goal' of in the end, getting hitched at some point. In the 20s, you'll always find particular crowds that are up for hooking up, sure, don't get me wrong... but into one's 30s, when they hit the dating scene of fellow 30-somethings, people have been divorced (or witnessed all that), and many don't have that 'goal' to get hitched anymore. They don't have to be in that boom-boom-club crowd to want to be more casual about things. The notion of white picket fences & living out Campbells Soup commercials & romantic comedies isn't in the minds of as many -- hence, many aren't "looking for" couplehood, and are more willing to take a more fun, casual approach. It's not the same as the 20-somethings looking for just fun... but there's more folks in a mainstream approach of "I am actually just being single & independent, on or off the market.... but hey, I am human..."
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 162
single and forty....
Posted: 5/31/2010 7:03:21 PM
Wow I have yet to ever have a woman want to be a FWB. I always figured that was reserved only for the really good looking men out there. Wouldn't it be impossible for an average looking guy to find a FWB?
 wmdcar
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 163
single and forty....
Posted: 6/3/2010 1:30:17 PM
Well, I'm done with this place. I send out messages to women my age and get NO REPLIES. I'm smart funny good looking in shape have all my hair and teeth no beer belly I make $100,000 a year and can't get a date or meet anyone not even a hey thanks for the message but i'm busy.......

Seems the only messages I get are from fat women who smoke with a car load of kids... sorry no.

I'm not hanging out in bars hoping to pick up someone. I'm honest and genuine. It must be payback for all those years when I had girls chasing me around school and I could'nt run fast enough to get away.

guess it's time to look to eastern europe for women.

l8r
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 164
single and forty....
Posted: 6/3/2010 4:35:22 PM

Wow I have yet to ever have a woman want to be a FWB. I always figured that was reserved only for the really good looking men out there. Wouldn't it be impossible for an average looking guy to find a FWB?

No, actually. Finding a FWB is not about looks, any more than dating is. It's just harder because it's a situation that many may not want. If you're talking about being FWB with a hottie -- then yeah, the guy's looks plays into THAT role -- same as dating one. It's all about a gal who's cool with that. In fact, if you were REALLY a hottie, it'd be hard to have girls not want to geninely date you. A gal's more apt to be cool with FWB (if she is okay with the concept itself) if she's not THAT into you.

I send out messages to women my age and get NO REPLIES.

What you wrote and who you wrote to probably determines that. POF is harder I would think, than match. You have to pay over there, hence, less competition.

I'm not hanging out in bars hoping to pick up someone. I'm honest and genuine.

Going to a bar and picking up a woman isn't a dishonest and ingenuous exercise... not any more than going online and picking up a woman. I mean picking up a woman by having conversation, garnering interest, and getting a phone #. Taking it beyond that may not be your cup of tea, but I just thought I'd point out that when one does take it further right then and there -- it's not dishonest. Once can choose to be, though, of course.

I'd suggest going to a laid-back bar, if available, that has an older mid-30 to mid-40 crowd. A nice restaurant with a bar is a classic example... of course, one that has a decent amount of patrons.

As far as POF is concerned, go to profile reviews -- maybe some folks can help ya out. My thoughts are -- who are your targets, what are you writing, and also -- full-body pictures help. They're not going to take your word for it that you don't have a beer gut. Decent catches get tons of mail.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 165
single and forty....
Posted: 6/3/2010 7:25:50 PM
No, actually. Finding a FWB is not about looks, any more than dating is. It's just harder because it's a situation that many may not want. If you're talking about being FWB with a hottie -- then yeah, the guy's looks plays into THAT role -- same as dating one. It's all about a gal who's cool with that. In fact, if you were REALLY a hottie, it'd be hard to have girls not want to geninely date you. A gal's more apt to be cool with FWB (if she is okay with the concept itself) if she's not THAT into you


FWB on the woman's end is high on looks. Meaning he has to turn her on when she looks at him. There is no way for example that any women, even on POF, would be looking at my pics, chatting to me, even meeting me and think "I don't want anything serious with him but I wouldn't mind a regular romp every now and then" because I am not a HOTTIE. I am average, which I don't see any problem with. But most women out there who are looking to hang out or a FWB is going to want a guy who they are more sexually attracted to than a guy they are not THAT into.
I would never look for a hottie per say for anything, because this is where most of us men over 40 start to overlook the main thing. When you are attempting to fish out of your league, you are bound to get no bites on your line. Women over 40 have a wide selection of men from 30+ to pick from. And more will be physically attracted to the guy who is in his early/mid 30's easily, before a guy in his 40's. And a FWB is more than likely with a great looking guy who is younger. Is just human nature. But as men we tend to not want to believe the truth. These days less younger women will date older men, more older women will date younger men. Leaves alot more single men in their 40's. The times have somewhat changed.
But I will say if you are willing to not be cheap in your 40's, then for sure women will take a chance on you if you are decent. It is true if a guy is generous in spending his money on a woman, he will attract alot more. I look at it as making up for the downfalls or the flaws in one's self physically. It is a way of getting your foot in the door. The woman may not think you are all that great looking BUT if she does take a chance on meeting you, take her somewhere nice and don't be cheap. She will then be more impressed and then you get to genuinely show her who you are as opposed to her thinking "This guy is not only unattractive, he is cheap too."
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 166
single and forty....
Posted: 7/6/2010 1:50:16 AM
look around at your friends, if you are single now...and they are all married; statistically the marriages all start to disolve around the 41-45 mark, right about the time the kids are out of the house, or close to it; someone finds a twenty something that will pay attention to them (either sex)... and my favorite someone gets a new tattoo or motorcycle. That marriage is on the way to being over.
(it was my prime market for sales when I was working the cycle biz; could not believe the number of divorces through the doors down at the shop)
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 167
single and forty....
Posted: 7/19/2010 11:13:40 PM
According to the Justice Department, you are now really screwed. There are no more 'radical islamic jihadi terrorists' and since they no longer
'exist'.... well you chances of getting shot by one just dramatically went to infintesimal proportions.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 168
single and forty....
Posted: 7/20/2010 2:52:52 PM


I think many people are pretty nervous about starting a new long-term relationship when they are in their 40's. We know that the initial bloom and lust wears off over time. We are a little smarter, more cautious and less impulsive when it comes to commitment. Finances and kids also play a huge role in these decisions. So yeah.. I'd say that there is probably some truth to that statement.

That is a luxury many women approaching their 40's can't afford if they want to get married (again) or have another LTR.

Learn from your experience and adapt.

It really isn't "smarter" to waste time you should be using more productively. You can mange your finances in and out of relationships and being in a relationship doesn't guarantee a loss of ones ability to assess risk.

If you want the luxury of making your children the absolute centre of your life, fine .. it won't do them any good but as long as it makes you feel wanted and generally better.

LOL!! HUH???????????? Do you really think that those of us who were single and approaching 40 were wasting time because we weren't consumed with finding a LTR? That's about the silliest thing I've read today (and I've read some sillllllllllllllly stuff today!) For most of us, our children were our primary focus long before we became single (and I see no where in that quote when that poster indicates that her children are the center of her existence, anyway!) Regardless? Life doesn't revolve around having an LTR, at any age, and if it does? Something's wrong. It's a wonderful addition to a full life, but life can be lived VERY fully without a LTR in place.

~OT~ Personally? I find that the older I get the more open to a LTR I become. Doesn't mean I'm actively pursuing anything, just means if someone wonderful were fall from the sky into my front yard, I would call 911 and see where things might go from there (after he gets over the injuries sustained from the fall, of course.) Otherwise? It's not likely I'll be half of a couple anytime soon. And that's just fine with me. JMO
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 169
single and forty....
Posted: 8/7/2010 4:10:19 PM
My thinking is, many people when they were in their 20's and early 30's viewed being 40 as married, kids, etc. So when they hit 40 and are single, it is sometimes a thought of "Where did I go wrong?"
Dating at this age is alot harder and more complicated than when I was in my 20's. I seemed to be naive as I have found as we got older, more people became pickier and made long lists of wants. It is no wonder so many people over 40 are still single. We have either become too unrealistic or have just given up
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 170
single and forty....
Posted: 9/12/2010 12:44:44 PM
I seemed to be naive as I have found as we got older, more people became pickier and made long lists of wants.

True... which has its pros and cons. However, as mid-40s woman pointed out to me before, many guys her age have just 'let themselves go' in a way. Or slip into the atypical "40 year old lifestyle". More lethargic and wanting to sit on the couch... keeping an old-school style that was held from way-back-when, etc.

I'd say it can be a bit harder, since men AND women can aim a little lower in age these days... I'd say that first and foremost, one doesn't have to be an "edgy hipster", but if you're single & 40-sih, have the same appealing lifestyle as someone single and 30-ish.

It is no wonder so many people over 40 are still single. We have either become too unrealistic or have just given up

Well, some people, whether they're 30, 40, or 50, don't necessarily see being single as "lacking" anything at all. Ya gotta put that in perspective. I'm sure as one grows older, they'd want that more, as companionship can be harder to come by... but many people don't need or close to need a relationship.

Of course, sometimes people are too bitter... and as the above poster said about some gals having a YaYa-Sisterhood moments, some people can find high-five-pride in being a bit bitter/negative toward the opposite sex in general because as ya get older, there's less reasonably attractive singles.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 171
single and forty....
Posted: 9/12/2010 1:48:53 PM

Disgreed. Its just (At least with me) the over 40 females out there are jaded, pissed off women who have been either bored by a husband for 16 years, or screwed over by a younger male, who used and abused them. So when I come along, they have "Raised shields" and its hard to get close to them when all they do is hang out with 5-6 other "jaded" females who have "man hating" tendencies and see me as a threat to their "YaYa sisterhood" friendship.


Agreed! Most are emotionally (and some mentally) coo coo...... Not worth the trouble....
 Tina002
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 172
single and forty....
Posted: 11/16/2010 7:04:04 PM
Have been single over 2 years now, I have not put alot of effort to date anyone... not really many places to meet new people... It is more difficult I do believe, some men I have come across my age only want booty calls.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 173
single and forty....
Posted: 11/16/2010 7:45:20 PM
Wow...just reading the last page of this thread makes me mentally coo coo...

Single and forty is what you make it, as with any age in our lives.....I'm personally ready to kick it up and get on the bus to HappyVille...and forty happend a long time ago...
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 174
single and forty....
Posted: 11/16/2010 11:37:54 PM
Cenomeno, what I am looking for is a NON-jaded "man" who wants to actually date and work on making a relationship.the "datee" needs to be given a higher spot on the Totem Pole than the rest of the "fraternity" of the YAYA "brotherhood" margarita pals. I know "he" exists, I just need to find "him".



There... fixed that for ya :)




(because the jaded and the cynical I have come across in life, work and in divorced groups in the over 40 age it is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more the guy who is jaded with sky high walls, cynicism and massive overt distrust who will "never let anyone else in" than women on average; though there have been exceptions both ways)

Not making a blanket statement; it is not all of either; just saying personally what I have come across is LITERALLY 10-1 massively distrustful walled off guy to massively distrustful walled off gal.

And I know a lot of divorcees over 40...


just saying it very much goes both ways... peace...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 175
single and forty....
Posted: 11/17/2010 3:41:51 PM

I find that the older I get the more open to a LTR I become.


Me too,,,if only for the fact that as everyday passes my definition of a long term relationship is actually getting shorter in actual time.
 valleyguyaz
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 176
single and forty....
Posted: 11/21/2010 3:42:34 AM
i'm single and about 5 months shy of my 40th birthday.i don't know if i will ever be married and this used to bother me up until a few years back.my feelings about marriage have changed.i put a higher value on good relationships with quality people (whether they are friendships or a intimate/sexual relationship)being married is not as important as that.
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