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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Men seem to think bareback is ok even though they have no clue of you      Home login  
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 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 451
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!Page 19 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
Some guy in an early reply to this post said he never used 'em and so far, had always managed to dodge a bullet. I want to know, how does he know? Many STDs are asymptomatic, and he could be a carrier, too, infecting many women!

The original question was about guys saying they don't have a condom but one miraculously appears when the woman says, No condom? No sex.

A guy doing this is being dishonest and selfish. I do not care if the relationship "seems" more than casual. You either pony up with STD testing results or a condom. No excuses either way. Geez, what the hell? And even the testing results are "iffy," unless you truly know the person well enough to put your life in their hands--'cause it's not like cheating is unheard of, and every time you have unprotected sex these days, you are entrusting your LIFE to someone else. It isn't just about pregnancy or herpes anymore, people.

Would you play russian rouletter if there were 100 chambers and only 1 bullet?

Both men and women need to run the other way when a new partner suggests sex w/o a condom! If that person is willing to do it with you, they have been willing with others, and it is an absolute indicator of irresponsible behavior. Don't waste time wondering if this is an isolated incident--irresponsible people show their true colors sooner or later, and you should cut your losses now!
 guyinacorner
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 452
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:31:03 AM
there are many birth control options for women. a man only has 1. so why is it that it's always on him to supply birth control. condoms suck. mabey the OP should try being proactive about protection instead of leaving it to him
 ellena.
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 453
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:40:22 AM
^^^^ Condoms are used mainly to prevent stds. Pregnancy can be prevented by other methods, yes. STDs can't unless it"s abstinence. Make your choice.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 454
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:40:40 AM


I don't discourage condom use; I just see a whole generation of people coming up that think that ANY sexual contact without them is "crazy, risky or stupid". I disagree. Absolutely, your risk is mitigated somewhat when condoms are used with a partner of unknown status. I prefer to know my partner's status and eventually get to NOT using them.


It's good to see this expressed by a woman here. It pretty much matches my attitude. There is risk in life. It only makes sense to take rational steps to minimize risk, but we also need to make our own choices to sort out which risk/benefit scenario works for us. I kayak, I ski, I drive a car, I spend a lot of time hiking alone. I try to do all these things safely, but won't give up on the chance to see yesterday's rainbow from the top of my hill because a tree might fall on me as I hike up or I might break a leg with nobody near to go for help.

Likewise, for me anyway, a condom detracts enough from intimacy that I'd rather do my best to be selective about who I become intimate with, make sure we've both been recently tested, and if needed wait until we both have those tests before being that intimate. There are plenty of other wonderful ways to explore each other in the mean time, heightening the anticipation. I don't get drunk and hook up with strangers, except for once thirty years ago. I have had sex on a first date since then, but not without sufficient discussion for us both to have confidence our STD risk was minimal.

At this age the list of people I know who have died has a fair number of names on it. Not a one of them died from an STD. Not saying it couldn't happen, to someone I know or to me, but I also plan to live as fulfilling of a life as I can, which means making conscious decisions to minimize risk while maximizing happiness.

Dave
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 455
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:17:26 AM

Some guy in an early reply to this post said he never used 'em and so far, had always managed to dodge a bullet. I want to know, how does he know? Many STDs are asymptomatic, and he could be a carrier, too, infecting many women!


That might have been me. All I can say is that I've generally retained friendships with past girlfriends or FWB partners, and no one has ever reported anything back to me after we stopped being intimate. I'm not hard to track down. I've had women I met here pick up enough clues to research their way to my full name and contact info, so any past partner would have little difficulty reaching me if she needed to, and as noted, for the most part I'm still in some sort of contact anyway.

The rest of your post is a bit confusing to me. At one point you state "You either pony up with STD testing results or a condom." which I'm fine with. I'll take door number one, thank you. But then you go on to assert that testing isn't enough, and somehow someone like me is being dishonest.

I'm being as honest as can be. Would I be sticking my neck out here if I wasn't? I'm honest that a condom detracts enough from my sexual pleasure that I'd rather do without and play other ways than wear one. Just as my vasectomy has prompted women looking more for a sire than a mate to move on to the next prospect, so too is it best if a woman who in not comfortable with the prospect of sex without a condom to do the same. I'll take any test as often as you want me to. I'll strive to bring you all the pleasure I can short of penetration. But a condom is not for me. That's as honest as I can be.

Dave
 bigfish0979
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 456
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:24:42 AM
Actually condoms do not prevent std's. They can and do break. The condom companiies are giving a false sense of security to people advertising that condoms prevent std's. I just don't have sex. I don't have to worry then. Then again I have not dated a woman in over 3 years. Most people that have STD's don't even realize they have one or more STD. Most people do not get checked regularly. I would not have sex with a woman until the woman got a std test and Iwould have to be there to make sure she isn't lying to me.
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 457
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:29:50 AM
i had the full check up.. and a all the tests for stds recently.

My doctor says some cannot be tested for nor detected unless they are flared up.

(such as) Herpes.. and HPV, which my doctor says 80% of the sexually active population have. Thats why women have to have pap smears every year.. gotta catch those cancer cooties.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 458
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:57:33 AM
Yeah, sure condoms break, I've learned that first hand more than once. But it makes no sense to me to abstain, like you said you do. Humans and other animals like us, are not suppose to live sexless lives. It's unfortunate that life has to have so many complexitys at times (and sex risks are one of those prime complexitys). It reminds me of the conversations I've had with people over other life riskd like travelling. Are you never going to get on an airplane, because you know it could crash? Are you not going to walk out on the street because you know you could be run down by a motorist? Risk is part of life.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 459
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 11:20:30 AM
I've said it before here and I'll say it again, this current generation is way out there with their hyper intense fears over STD's. You've been "scared straight".
If you're not having sex with anyone in a high risk group,(IV users, Homosexuals who are promiscuous)your chances of contracting HIV, from a single unprotected contact is about one in fifteen million. Those are just impossibly long odds, so just calm down everyone.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 460
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/14/2010 6:42:44 PM

(Msg 451) Both men and women need to run the other way when a new partner suggests sex w/o a condom! If that person is willing to do it with you, they have been willing with others, and it is an absolute indicator of irresponsible behavior. Don't waste time wondering if this is an isolated incident--irresponsible people show their true colors sooner or later, and you should cut your losses now!


Unless a person is going to ask their potential partner to be tested when does one stop insisting on condoms?
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 461
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/14/2010 6:50:04 PM
It is your turn to get the Condom yourself. Did you hear about Female condom. No excuse now.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 462
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:15:31 PM
Message 459 - That is dangerous advice.

My girlfriend of 20 years confessed to me that the man she married admitted he had "herpes" when they were dating but she was so in love with him anyway that she just didn't care. He had been in 2 long term relationships before her. He caught it from one of those women.

Now they are divorced. So now her and her ex will possibly go on dating sites and seem like everyone else.

I have learned enough to know that I would be happier living without ANY type of STD if it can be avoided. So condoms should be used as a prevention.

And to be clear I really hate the way they feel during sex and yes I would much prefer to go without, just like alot of other people have already stated but I know I shouldn't.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 463
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/14/2010 8:46:21 PM

Message 459 - That is dangerous advice.


There's a world of difference between HIV and Herpes. I didn't check his numbers but unless you've got more accurate ones I'm inclined to believe him. I'm sure there are many other things I do in life with a far greater fatality risk than my odds of getting HIV.

Herpes, on the other hand, is much more common, but while I have no desire to contract it, it's more of a nuisance than anything else. I was involved with a woman for several years about twenty years ago who had it but I never got it. Apologies for repeating myself, but I know that because not only have I never had any symptoms but I've been with a number of women since then who I'm still in contact with and none have reported any problems.

She was well in tune with her body and could tell if an outbreak was coming on, which was a rare event. We just abstained from intercourse during those times and made love other ways. Her sore always showed up in the same place and I was able to bring her to orgasm orally or manually without contacting it.

I'm not trying to encourage anyone to take any risks they're not comfortable with. But I also think it's important to not exaggerate risks either. That way we can all make informed decisions.

Dave
 emmmjay
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 464
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:38:13 PM

there are many birth control options for women. a man only has 1. so why is it that it's always on him to supply birth control. condoms suck. mabey the OP should try being proactive about protection instead of leaving it to him


I don't require a condom for birth control; I require it for protection. YOU might want to think about that, too, young man!

I was with a man once who was very aroused and very erect, and the minute he put the condom on, he deflated. That was unpleasant. I still didn't feel like I could make an exception to my condom rule.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 465
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 7:15:43 AM
Everything about condoms screams "Limited"; Limited protection, limited pleasure.
If two people are having a really good time, they're making a mess, let's face it.
Those juices are everywhere and gettin on everything. Explain to me someone please, how the heck under these circumstances a condom is protecting anyone, against herpes??
If you restrict movement to the areas covered by latex, what the hell kind of sex is that? Not any kind I'd like having, for sure.
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 466
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 7:59:25 AM
Interesting...

Why is it that on the news, it is reported that black women from 18 to 40 are now the group most at risk of contacting aids?

Apparently in that demagraphic age group, it is reported that it has become an epidemic. Is it that men in those areas simply refuse to have sex with a condom or is it because those women are coerced into unprotected sex or is it that they just do not believe in protected sex like it has been stated by some men on here?

It is serious business.

In Africa, 100 000 people die of aids every month. That is a tsunami per say every month. Children are born with aids and in my area, the Red Cross refused my blood because I had been honest about my sex life. I had had PROTECTED intercourse with my boyfriend who was originally from Nigeria.

I have the blood type 0 negative and apparently very much in demand. They refused me. I was insulted in being very honest and I am very careful when it comes to exchanging body fluids.

What really really got to me is that as I left the clinic, (They had called me for my blood donation), I see a man that I knew and he was the typical white male late thirties, apparently blissfully married with his two point 5 kids... (I know I sound jaded.) But get this, this man had sex with every harlot in I swear a 100 km radius. I am sure he did not disclose his sexual history according to the questions. He is sitting in the chair giving his blood while, get this, chatting about the importance of safe sex! (Then I made a wish, guess what my wish was? Yea that...)

It would seem that the Red Cross at least takes this whole thing very seriously.

I have a question to the men on here, who do not believe in this epidemic. Do you really want a type of situation like Africa to be spread around to other continents?

I suppose it is a way to cull the herd. You know, the law of natural selection.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 467
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:52:06 AM
Do you really want a type of situation like Africa to be spread around to other continents?


You can get everyone of these STD's by kissing does that mean we all should stop kissing? does that mean we should all where a condom over our mouths? some people are very paranoid -sigh-

You can get all these diseases from drinking the water at a restaurant or by using the restaurants washroom facilties, does that mean we should all bring covers for the toilet seat and never drink anything from a bar or restaurant

you can even get some of these STD's from handshaking, does that mean we should wear gloves when we shake hands?

You can get these diseases from someone's sweat and every other bodily fluid someone excretes

talk about extreme paranoia
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 468
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 9:01:52 AM

You can get everyone of these STD's by kissing does that mean we all should stop kissing? does that mean we should all where a protect condom over our mouths? some people are very paranoid -sigh-

You can get all these diseases from drinking the water at a restaurant or by using the restaurants washroom facilties, does that mean we should all bring covers for the toilet seat and never drink anything from a bar or restaurant

you can even get some of these STD's from handshaking, does that mean we should wear gloves when we shake hands?

You can get these diseases from someone's sweat and every other bodily fluid someone excretes


NOT TRUE. Where did you get that informaton???
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 469
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 9:04:54 AM
^^^^ Nope, not extreme paranoia... Just the facts.

I hope you do not donate blood then.

I realize germs are germs but in this time one has to be careful. Many of my family members are in the medical field and privately, they tell me that these viruses are mutating at a speed FASTER than what the research can keep up with.

Many are carriers which will never show any symptoms in their life time. If any of you take no protection and show no symptoms, you could be carriers and most likely transmit it to most if not all the people you become intimate with. (This is for men and women by the way.)

These viruses have found a place, our bodies, and they like living in our bodies a lot and they will go at great great lengths to go more and more undetected and then, what to do about immunisation?...

I am no angel in the sensual pleasures but being around youth and young adults, I have seen first hand what those viruses can do to a young body. It is not pretty.

Anyway... I am thankful for those actally stating they take no protection. In a way, you are doing us a public service.

 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 470
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 9:43:17 AM
^^^^ in a relationship you should be trusting of the person you are with
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 471
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 9:57:23 AM
2813Quebec, I do know what type they mean (ribbed ones are in my supply)... but personally, I'm seriously not bothered which one they use so long as they use one.

:)
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 472
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 9:58:35 AM

^^^^ in a relationship you should be trusting of the person you are with


True, true... but what is trust nowadays...

Is it the married couple?

Oh wait, friends of mine married 20 years plus have seperated. Long story short, the wife gave an STD to her trusting husband.

Is it the young girl having sex for the first time?

Oh wait, how many times have I been told by these young women in tears stating that they we told by their boyfriends that they do not catch anything the first time!

Is it two people getting to know each other and after the typical third date they become intimate each taking a chance because they trust each other?
Until, he or she stops answering the phone calls and puts he or she on ignore?

I am a realist and I will own up to whatever decision I make and I fully accept the consequences of my actions but I find it very difficult when my arse is on fire...

I have no magic solutions. It just seems that common sense is no longer part of the equation of these nasty STD viruses . I swear, I think they know that we are unable to think clearly when our arses are on fire and they have found their niche! Little buggers!!!

Anyway... just musing ...

 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 473
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:00:16 AM

You can get everyone of these STD's by kissing does that mean we all should stop kissing? does that mean we should all where a protect condom over our mouths? some people are very paranoid -sigh-

You can get all these diseases from drinking the water at a restaurant or by using the restaurants washroom facilties, does that mean we should all bring covers for the toilet seat and never drink anything from a bar or restaurant

you can even get some of these STD's from handshaking, does that mean we should wear gloves when we shake hands?

You can get these diseases from someone's sweat and every other bodily fluid someone excretes

NOT TRUE. Where did you get that informaton???
Actually it IS true. It's called Hepatitis (A, B and C can be contracted by coming in contact with contaminated foods, fluids and objects). Most people don't consider those to be STIs tho.



I hope you do not donate blood then.

WTF are you talking about?? There's almost no risk in contracting anything from donating blood (I won't say it can't happen, but the risks are extremely low!). Everyone is gloved, the area is cleaned, your information is checked BEFORE you give blood... a new needle is used every time, all new equipment actually.
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 474
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:02:40 AM
You misintrepreted the whole point I was making. Please re-read my post.

It is not WHEN you are donating blood that you are at risk. It is what you do in your private life before donating your blood and lying on the questionnaire that you are putting everyone at risk with actually donating the highlikely hood the deadly gift of contaminated blood.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 475
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:34:24 AM
annasthasia^^^^ by the third date you should for the most part be fully trusting of the person you are with or you should ditch him/her if you can't bring yourself to that level.

To me if my date insists I wear a condom my date has trust issues. You should be able to stand fully naked emotionally and physically in complete trust of the person you are with, if you can't then you should dump him her and let him/her find someone that will.
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