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 AUTHOR
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 501
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!Page 21 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
For a woman it's totally reversed. His body fluids are INSIDE you on porous membranes that easily pass AIDS through. You are at HIGH RISK. Very high if you have anal sex as tears occur easily inside your delicate anal membrane canal and then his sperm goes straight into your blood stream.

That's why it's in the woman's best interest to wear a condom because the risk is many times higher for you.


I wonder how many men on here who are so against condoms KNOW this information or even ever bothered to look it up? I know the answer - they'd rather be romantic.

Maybe if some of you actually had a scare where you thought you had an STI, you might change your outlook. Or how about meeting someone with HIV? Have any of you romantic folk ever spent time with someone who had an illness such as that?

When I'm involved with someone, I want to stop using condoms, so the more easy a man makes the talk about STD's and things like that, the faster and easier things will be.

As men, don't you understand that part of good sex is feeling comfortable? If someone is worrying about other things how good do you think the sex will be? Trust and allowing oneself to be vulnerable are part and parcel of good sex.

As the poster above said, most men just agree to it because they figure they can talk women out of it after the fact. Grow up.

Don't you men think that your ignorance speaks volumes about you?

As I said, everything is a risk and we should not close ourselves off, but most men don't even understand the risk and don't care to research it. This often translates to not wanting to research anything else about sex. I've had couples who had been together for many years, content with boring vanilla sex; then suddenly the woman is in her 30's yearning for more and the guy is left holding his d*ck so to speak. Maybe if she had spoken up before then and the man had done some research too......

But because most people want to be romantic, they never learn HOW to talk about sex and most you know that is correct. Sex is still a very taboo subject. I try to talk about sex very often in certain circles and I see the uncomfortable reactions. And I don't talk in a personal tone, but merely a research outlook.

I've seen so many women leave their men because they are bored.


Not a good conversation to leave to the last minute.


Oh, but c'mon it takes the romance out of it. Whatever.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 502
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:44:23 AM

As men, don't you understand that part of good sex is feeling comfortable? If someone is worrying about other things how good do you think the sex will be? Trust and allowing oneself to be vulnerable are part and parcel of good sex.


exactly and if my date insists on wearing a condom then my date does not trust me to be vulnerable with me.

I am not talking about casual sex, I am talking a relationship or forming a relationship, when your date insists on wearing a condom that shows me that this person is not trusting me and if you can't fully 100% trust the person you are with then you have no business being with that person.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 503
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:12:57 AM
exactly and if my date insists on wearing a condom then my date does not trust me to be vulnerable with me.

I still don't get this...
First off, a date may insist on a condom to protect YOU as much as to protect HER...
When my G/F and I got together, she wanted us both to be tested in case SHE had something that she didn't want to pass on... She was smart enough to realise that SHE DIDN'T KNOW.
It doesn't have anything to do with TRUST. It's simple common sense. If a woman wants to have sex with me then I better see her papers to says she's tested and clean and vice-versa. Anything less than that is a sign of STUPIDITY. I don't believe in condoms, but I sure as hell believe in getting tested. If my partner wants to rely on trust rather than a medical test or wearing a condom, then they are too STUPID for me to date. Simple...
Get this? If someone relies on trust to protect them, then they're too stupid to be having sex with ANYONE.... And I really hope that they never breed because the world already has enough stupid people..... (And for that alone, a condom should be mandated with stupid people)

I am talking a relationship or forming a relationship, when your date insists on wearing a condom that shows me that this person is not trusting me and if you can't fully 100% trust the person you are with then you have no business being with that person.

At what point do you do this....?
In another thread you said:

I also know I will wait no longer then 6 weeks for sex and I also know that my sexual preference are all deal breakers if my partner is not willing to do these things.

Ok... Now then, since 6 weeks is less time than it takes for STD antibodies to develop to have a reliable STD test then what's your plan? It's too soon for your partner to KNOW if they have an STD themselves... Have bareback sex and "TRUST" you won't get an STD?


Just to clarify from my last post I want to be married with kids within a year of the first date not within a year from today just so no one reads that wrong and in addition I want to be living together within 6 months of the first date

Ummm you also said this? I'm beginning to think you're a troll. Any woman dumb enough to get pregnant within 3 months of dating someone ALSO is too STUPID to be breeding....

You also said this in another thread...

You can get everyone of these STD's by kissing does that mean we all should stop kissing? does that mean we should all where a condom over our mouths? some people are very paranoid -sigh-

You can get all these diseases from drinking the water at a restaurant or by using the restaurants washroom facilties, does that mean we should all bring covers for the toilet seat and never drink anything from a bar or restaurant

you can even get some of these STD's from handshaking, does that mean we should wear gloves when we shake hands?

You can get these diseases from someone's sweat and every other bodily fluid someone excretes

Ummm sorry, but most of the STDs can ONLY be spread by fluid or blood transfer and often only through broken skin or a mucous membrane...
If you're going to say things on POF at least have the decency to learn what you're talking about.....

Quite frankly, I can only assume after reading a lot of your posts that you are either troll, or that you have some serious issues with reality....
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 504
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:32:50 AM

Ok... Now then, since 6 weeks is less time than it takes for STD antibodies to develop to have a reliable STD test then what's your plan? It's too soon for your partner to KNOW if they have an STD themselves... Have bareback sex and "TRUST" you won't get an STD?


Well everyone should be properly tested and know if they have an STD before starting a relationship. I expect and trust that my partner will tell me this information as it should be. There are risks to everything but I refuse to live in fear of everything, There is a very high chance I could get cancer just by breathing just that mean I should wear a protective radiation suit?, this how dumb this discussion is about condoms.








Just to clarify from my last post I want to be married with kids within a year of the first date not within a year from today just so no one reads that wrong and in addition I want to be living together within 6 months of the first date


Ummm you also said this? I'm beginning to think you're a troll. Any woman dumb enough to get pregnant within 3 months of dating someone ALSO is too STUPID to be breeding....


Then if you re read down some in this post I corrected that too to say kids on the way by 1 year so that does not mean pregnant by the 3rd month, lets not just pick random things to suit your fancy m_church

All that I want in a relationship is very reasonable especially at my age.




You can get everyone of these STD's by kissing does that mean we all should stop kissing? does that mean we should all where a condom over our mouths? some people are very paranoid -sigh-

You can get all these diseases from drinking the water at a restaurant or by using the restaurants washroom facilties, does that mean we should all bring covers for the toilet seat and never drink anything from a bar or restaurant

you can even get some of these STD's from handshaking, does that mean we should wear gloves when we shake hands?

You can get these diseases from someone's sweat and every other bodily fluid someone excretes


Ummm sorry, but most of the STDs can ONLY be spread by fluid or blood transfer and often only through broken skin or a mucous membrane...
If you're going to say things on POF at least have the decency to learn what you're talking about.....


actually you can get those diseases that way to not just from intercourse or sexual contact
 emmmjay
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 505
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:47:59 AM
exactly and if my date insists on wearing a condom then my date does not trust me to be vulnerable with me.

I am not talking about casual sex, I am talking a relationship or forming a relationship, when your date insists on wearing a condom that shows me that this person is not trusting me and if you can't fully 100% trust the person you are with then you have no business being with that person.


Well, part of the issue here is that you appear to be using the words "date" and "in a relationship" somewhat interchangeably.

Mature, sexually open adults might be very comfortable having sex after only a few dates. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but it is far too early to blindly trust that the person is not carrying a disease that could hurt you, ESPECIALLY since it is such an unnecessary risk.

It would kill a relationship pretty quick for me if I trusted and made myself "vulnerable" and ended up with an STI because of it.
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 506
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:51:07 AM
Well everyone should be properly tested and know if they have an STD before starting a relationship. I expect and trust that my partner will tell me this information as it should be. There are risks to everything but I refuse to live in fear of everything, There is a very high chance I could get cancer just by breathing just that mean I should wear a protective radiation suit?, this how dumb this discussion is about condoms.


I wonder, did you ever get tested?

I mean, by your disclosure you seem to have no issues on going bareback with a woman, any women from what I understood, after the proverbial third date.

So, in the past 3 years let's say, without answering on here, how many women did you have unprotected sex with after the third date and the relashionship went south soon after?

In doing so, did you ever get tested before engaging with an other prospect that is going to go throught the third date ritual.

The point I am making is that by playing russian roulette with the trust game is very very dangerous.

Both should get tested and have an honest discourse about the whole thing.

Why is that so complicated to get through to you men that use all kinds of excuses to avoid using condoms and minimize the spread of STD's .

Please note, women who get STD's get treated and hopefully heal, can become barren also.

Just wondering...

 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 507
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:14:20 PM

Well everyone should be properly tested and know if they have an STD before starting a relationship.

Ok, assuming as much...
"properly tested" to me relies on at least 3 months after LAST sexual experience before the testing is done or it can be unreliable... Then a followup test at 6 months to verify nd make sure nothing was missed either through improper results or a longer than normal dormancy...
So with this is mind, do YOU wait the proper time limit to get tested? That would I am sure mean you would not date during that period as you expect sex within a few week of starting to date....?
How many times have you been tested? I get tested every 3 months, and both before and after each new partner... Of the last while I have not been tested as my partner and I are long term... at that, I do plan on getting tested 'just to be sure' next doctor visit....
 Primemover34
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 508
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:14:40 PM
Testing should be free for the sake of public safety. I wanted to get tested last year, "no symptoms, just wanted to make certain I'm clean when I say I am,"

It was $500 freakin dollars!!!

For all the damn taxes I pay, this should be a free public service.

Condoms suck. It's like putting my penis in a glass of warm water. I might last longer but it's not nearly as intimate. I last longer only because it's almost a worthless endeavor. I'd rather dry fvck with undies on.

On a positive note: Condoms make oral and other foreplay infinately better in comparison.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 509
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:18:26 PM

Please note, women who get STD's get treated and hopefully heal, can become barren also.

It's not only that you can become infertile after an STD, (even a cured one)...
You can get HPV, and get cervical cancer a few years later and die of it... few people realise that cervical cancer from HPV kills almost as many women per year as the number of women dying from AIDS.... the difference in death rate is surprisingly small!!!! A friend of mine died at age 24 from it... back then, they thought it was an "allergy to sperm" that caused it...
 emmmjay
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 510
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:19:30 PM

For all the damn taxes I pay, this should be a free public service.


Ummm... aren't you Americans having some sort of discussion about that this week? You've gotta watch some Wolf Blitzer or something, cutie.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 511
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:20:51 PM

Testing should be free for the sake of public safety. I wanted to get tested last year, "no symptoms, just wanted to make certain I'm clean when I say I am,"


Ummm here in Canada it is free..... no questions asked....


On a positive note: Condoms make oral and other foreplay infinately better in comparison.

Ummm condoms should be worn for foreplay and oral too or you're just defeating the whole purpose....
Also, some diseases such as Herpes can be transmitted by skin contact so a condom's little to no help....
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 512
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 1:27:08 PM
Verytone I have a question...

Just how do you evaluate risk then?

I'm assuming, the same way most people would.
Logically.
By breaking it down into components.

How do I arrive at the decision to do something, despite the risks?

By how I feel about it...

"properly tested" to me relies on at least 3 months after LAST sexual experience before the testing is done or it can be unreliable... Then a followup test at 6 months to verify nd make sure nothing was missed either through improper results or a longer than normal dormancy...

None of these precautions will increase your odds dramatically, of not dying prematurely.

Sorry....
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 513
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 2:42:16 PM

It was $500 freakin dollars!!!

For all the damn taxes I pay, this should be a free public service.


It is. A quick google search for std testing, free, dallas yielded a number of hits.

Here in WV every county health dept does free std testing. I'm pretty sure every state has some sort of free testing available.

dave
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 514
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 2:48:19 PM

Just how do you evaluate risk then?

Go to scholar.google.com, search the medical literature and compare the chances of infection with and without a condom for each std. Then you'll know the chance of becoming infected when having sex with an infected partner and how much a condom reduces the chance for different std's. For example, condoms reduce the chance of becoming infected with HIV through a single contact (vaginal sex female-to-male) by a factor of 2. (For oral sex, the chances in either direction are statistically insignificant with or without a condom.) For herpes, a condom provides some protection, but not as much as many would like to believe (about 68% reduction, if I recall the numbers I calculated from the data correctly.) After you go through this exercise, you should be in a position to evaluate your risks without having to rely on what you are told by people you don't know, (assuming you get your data from the peer reviewed medical journals that scholar.google.com pulls up rather than the generic google search engine). If you want reliable information, you have to put some effort into getting it.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 515
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 3:22:54 PM

I wonder how many men on here who are so against condoms KNOW this information or even ever bothered to look it up? I know the answer - they'd rather be romantic.

Maybe if some of you actually had a scare where you thought you had an STI, you might change your outlook. Or how about meeting someone with HIV? Have any of you romantic folk ever spent time with someone who had an illness such as that?


Whoa, just whoa.

I realize we're all individuals here but do I get this right that a woman is criticizing men in general for being TOO romantic? How many times in life do you hear that?

Speaking as this individual, yes I know the information cited. That's one of the reasons I don't worry a lot about std's. The odds of me getting a scary one are far less than the odds of me dying in a car wreck.

Yes, I've had a 'scare', although just for chlamydia. Thought I might have it, got tested. Started taking antibiotics just in case. Test showed all I had was a non-venereal urinary tract infection. The remedy? Keep taking the same antibiotic.

So....the difference between me having chlamydia and a urinary tract infection? The stigma of having had an STD. I'd had no sex partners since onset of symptoms, only one in the months prior to onset. Symptoms were the same. Treatment was the same. Problem went away.

So what if I HAD had chlamydia? As soon as my symptoms started I alerted my last partner, a FWB, who got tested. Neither of us had sex with anyone else until we got test results back. We both breathed a sigh of relief when our tests came back negative because it saved us having to reach back through our histories to contact past lovers, but that's about it. Nobody was going to die. Nobody was going to be scarred for life.

No I haven't met anyone with HIV. That was also part of my point. Here in WV about 1 in 10,000 people have HIV, less than the number of people who die in car accidents every year here. I do drive. I don't hang out with IV drug users or promiscuous gays. That doesn't eliminate my HIV risk, but it certainly does shrink it even lower than it already was.

I also operate a chainsaw, paddle class V whitewater, and have been known to run with scissors. In all scenarios I take reasonable precautions to minimize risk, without letting fear overly minimize my life experience.

And for me at least, lack of romance is only a part of my dislike of condoms. As noted early, it takes all the intimacy out of being intimate for me. I'd rather hold hands, enjoy a long deep kiss, explore and tantalize each other thoroughly with lips and hands than place an artificial barrier between my most sensitive nerve endings and hers.

Most women would choose not to have sex with a man whose breath or body odor was highly offensive because it would sufficiently detract from the pleasure. This man likewise chooses not to have intercourse with a condom on. Tests, yes. Other pleasures, yes. Lots of communication, honesty, and trust, yes. Condoms, no.

Dave
 TOwoman1
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 516
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 4:04:49 PM
Re: HPV and cervical cancer: [You can get HPV, and get cervical cancer a few years later and die of it].

Women under the age of 30 with a low-grade lesion (probably caused by HPV 16 or 18) are very likely to have a normal Pap test result six months later. It is persistent, high-risk HPV that can lead to cervical cancer, which typically, is very slow growing. That is why Pap tests are so important for women.

BTW, the poster who was explaining men's risk vs. women's risk for HIV neglected to cover all the variables.

Yes, men are generally at lower risk when they insert vaginally or anally. However, if:
- his partner has HIV
- is in the first three months of infection (the window period)
- they have unprotected sex several times
- he has an untreated STI
...these are the factors that increase his risk tremendously. Any of those factors increases his risk. This is the reason why testing is crucial. Intact mucous membranes are part of our protection. You don't need a tear. White blood cells rushing to the rescue when there is an untreated STI are the cells that are attacked by HIV. That is how it enters the bloodstream.
 emmmjay
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 517
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 4:46:37 PM

Most women would choose not to have sex with a man whose breath or body odor was highly offensive because it would sufficiently detract from the pleasure. This man likewise chooses not to have intercourse with a condom on. Tests, yes. Other pleasures, yes. Lots of communication, honesty, and trust, yes. Condoms, no.


It is not "likewise" at all. BO , however, unpleasant has no effect on your health. Unprotected sex certainly does.

If you are unwilling to have sex with a condom, are you prepared to wait until all testing is done, and you have waited out the incubation time (3-6 months as some posters have stated)?

Since you "chose not to have intercourse with a condom on" because it detracts from your pleasure, what you need is a woman who cares more for your pleasure than her health. Now, that's unromantic.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 518
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 8:09:34 PM

If you are unwilling to have sex with a condom, are you prepared to wait until all testing is done, and you have waited out the incubation time (3-6 months as some posters have stated)?


How many different ways do I need to say this. YESSSSS! Whatever testing regimen, waiting period, etc, makes my partner comfortable. These days, it's generally months between partners for me anyway. I repeat, for the umpteenth time - I'll gladly get tested whenever and however often needed.

I know there are women who have found themselves in situations - unhappy marriage, whatever - where they essentially forced themselves to have sex just because their partner wanted it while they got no pleasure out of it. I'd never want a woman to do that for me. Please don't expect me to do that for my partner, because simply put, sex with a condom for me pales in comparison to kissing, cuddling, oral sex or manual stimulation given or received, or just masturbating by myself.

The only way I can maintain an erection with a condom on, maybe, is to mentally totally remove myself from the situation and conjure up some fantasy of sex that actually IS enjoyable. Would you want your partner squeezing his eyes shut and imagining he was somewhere else in order to have sex with you? I'm all about giving pleasure to my partner. I just can't do that with a penis covered in a condom. If a synthetic clad penis is what you seek, I'll do lots of fun things with a dildo or vibrator. Just please understand, and I don't know how else I can state it more clearly, a condom on my penis in a vagina is NOT an option. ANY other option is on the table.


It is not "likewise" at all. BO , however, unpleasant has no effect on your health. Unprotected sex certainly does.


No, it does not have an effect on your health. It carries that risk. There's a difference. So does driving to meet your date. Being outside in a thunderstorm. Whatever you choose to eat or not eat. The radon in your basement. Having a drink in a bar that allows smoking. Too much time inside breathing inside air. Too much time outside in the sun. Having a baby. Never having a baby. Swimming. Never learning to swim.

We take risks, each of us, every day. Some we acknowledge, some we don't. Condoms do not eliminate risk. They mitigate it. So does testing, with or without waiting period. So does your choice in partners. So does trusting that inner voice telling you something does or does not feel right about a prospective lover.

And remember my spotless (so far) track record. 34 years sexually active. Just a couple of dismal experiences with condoms, the rest without. No STD ever detected in MANY tests.

I respect anyone's right to set clear guidelines for conditions that need to be met before having sex with a prospective partner. I sure hope that this time I've been so clear about my own guidelines that there won't be any more confusion on that point. Know that I respect whatever guidelines and restrictions a partner may make clear to me.

Hopefully, finally, 'nuff said.

dave
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 519
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 8:13:33 PM
my insurance isnt gonna pay to have me tested on whim.. I get it done ONCE a year.. with my pap smear(ew.. did i actually type that?)

men have been lasting exactly a year lately anyhoo.. its all like clockwork.. lol

i havent contracted an std since i was married.. yes.. monogamously married.. figure THAT one out.(oh wait.. i divorced him)

*disclaimer.. trichamonas is curable.. and common
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 520
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 8:56:49 PM
Well everyone should be properly tested and know if they have an STD before starting a relationship.


So tell us then since you "know" what you are talking about, how long is the mean time HIV testing then?

Believe me, you'll be forming a relationship long before then according to your timeline. Do you have a magic crystal ball that tells you when you will be forming a relationship so that you know when to go get tested?!


I realize we're all individuals here but do I get this right that a woman is criticizing men in general for being TOO romantic? How many times in life do you hear that?


LOL - you see the thing is a lot of men claim that having these discussions (not just the condom part) takes the romance out of things - my point is, is that discovering you have something is even less romantic and I'm sure you would agree after your experience. Plus someone worrying about that while making love sure ain't feeling romantic. I wouldn't include you in that bunch because your post shows you to be responsible and respectful. You obviously are not saying it's all or nothing (or the other way around LOL), but I truly wonder how many people today are really that patient?

As I said, a risk is a risk is a risk, I just want to know the risk I'm possibly getting involved in and think someone should respect my health as I would theirs. If someone doesn't know they have something and it doesn't show up in tests, that is different. But I believe it important to have been tested if I plan on being with a new partner and I am just fine with no sex until we are both given the "go" and even then there are false positives, but at least we did what we could.


I don't hang out with IV drug users or promiscuous gays.


The person you sleep with could have had unprotected sex with the above or even unprotected sex with someone who had unprotected sex with someone who was bisexual. This is why discussion on sexual practices is important.

My point is not about how "risky" it is. My point is about how too many men talk down to women when they bring this up. It's disrespectful and half the time the men that do this, know NADA about the subject. A few men who have posted on here have not been disrespectful and do understand the risk and have clearly shown that. Others have only made themselves look even less educated.
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 521
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/31/2010 1:23:23 PM
I think men try to get bareback not because they are trying to slight women or pull one over on em...but just cuz it feels WAY FRIGGIN BETTER....cover your sex organs with a ziplock or garbage bag...and try to get some pleasure.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 522
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/31/2010 2:32:11 PM

I think men try to get bareback not because they are trying to slight women or pull one over on em...but just cuz it feels WAY FRIGGIN BETTER....cover your sex organs with a ziplock or garbage bag...and try to get some pleasure.

You posted before asking women to at least be more empathetic about how men feel about condoms. I agree wholeheartedly.
For me and MANY men there is NO PLEASURE in sex with a condom. That pretty much defeats the purpose of doing it as far as I'm concerned. and when I say No pleasure, I mean N-O-N-E.
I feel truly sorry for this generation of sexually active people who are scared to death of sex and "everything they might catch" from it.
My partner is a scientist who understands the true risks as defined by actual statistics and mathematical probabilities. Being in the biologicical sciences, she knows what's what as far as how disease is spread and what ones risk truly is; and believe me, she ain't worried.
It's just like the fears people have about "radioactivity" and other such things that cannot be seen or felt and are VERY misunderstood.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 523
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/31/2010 4:04:32 PM

You posted before asking women to at least be more empathetic about how men feel about condoms.


Many women are asking men to be more empathetic too. You think women don't realize how much condoms suck too? Women can usually tell the difference in their man, and if people are using dental dams and condoms for oral sex - that is certainly NOT that fun.


My partner is a scientist who understands the true risks as defined by actual statistics and mathematical probabilities.


So, the other scientists and doctors know nothing? An infectious disease specialist knows nothing? Believe me, they are not paranoid either. My CEO was an ID specialist and he and I chatted about SARS when it came out and he basically told me not to worry and I didn't. We also discussed STD's and there was no paranoia, but testing should be done and each person should understand that there could be a risk, but not to let it control you once testing is complete.

I MUST abort a child if I conceive. What if I couldn't take BC? Would a man like to be in my shoes if that happens? Can he empathize with that? No, he can't as the child is not in his body.


It's just like the fears people have about "radioactivity" and other such things that cannot be seen or felt and are VERY misunderstood.


What about those who have contracted something before due to not using a condom? Are they being paranoid simply because they wish to protect themselves in the future until both partners are "good to go" after testing?

Unless you've been in the shoes of someone who has an STD or had one or had to abort due to a man not wanting to use a condom and her giving in even though she tried to explain to him; you really cannot truly understand this.

I would like to hear from people in the above situations. Most folks are ready and eager to go for testing and will find compromises around that (one man said he preferred no sex rather than use a condom). Wouldn't one think that when a couple compromises and truly tries to understand rather than force their rigid thinking on each other, they are being empathetic?
 Fabulicious1
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 524
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/3/2010 10:28:19 AM
Because if we do bring our own we get into the double standard of they think we sleep around. All double standards are alive & well.
 Slug-Bug
Joined: 3/31/2010
Msg: 525
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/3/2010 1:04:33 PM
In the last few months since my separation i've been with two women in this area. BOTH of them said that they never used condoms because they didn't like them and wanted to go bareback (which I didn't). Now, I don't know if it's indicative of a wide-spread belief in this area, but i'm thinking WTF? In this day and, are you serious? I'm all for going bareback with the right woman that i'm in a committed relationship with, but why the desire to go on without shielding so soon?

Maybe i've just been out of the dating circles too long and this is all the rage among the kids these days. :)
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