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 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 423
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!Page 6 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

Here I am, Mr info junkie to the extreme, but I've never heard of poly condoms Interesting! Thanks for the tip

You're welcome. A good boy scout is always prepared, right? If you only every carry the poly ones, you'll never run into the excuse that she can't 'cause she's allergic to latex. Be warned tho. They are *slightly* more pricey than latex ones. Worth it if you wanna get laid tho.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 424
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:34:40 PM
I keep my own supply. Even better, I can get them free from university.
If a guy has a latex allergy/preference of types of condom, then he's welcome to bring his own, but other than that, I'm fine keeping a supply handy - especially since I get them for free.

I don't usually have the problem of a guy refusing to wear one, but it has amused me before when a guy asks which type of condom *I* would prefer him using - he's the one who'll be wearing it, after all!
 Sayers987
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 425
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:29:11 PM
Bookbelle,

The guy asking you which type of condom you prefer may have been referring to studded, ribbed, thin, or something else. Presumably they give you different sensations.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 432
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:19:16 AM
No glove no love. I've always been careful, no STD's and no unplanned pregnancies either. It blows me away these fcuking morons who go out and get women pregnant and then aren't around for the kid. 2,3,4 kids all with different women. If you're going to be that fcuking stupid, for the love of god get a vasectomy. It DOES take two to tango, so the women are just as much at fault.

I always make sure I wear a condom, I never did when I was with my ex-wife, but we were married and monogamous. AND more importantly, my policy is to only have sex with someone I would be ok to have a kid and a long term relationship with, because kids are forever. I'm not going to take a chance and end up having a kid with some one nighter.


Think people.

:facepalm:
 guyinacorner
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 435
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:31:03 AM
there are many birth control options for women. a man only has 1. so why is it that it's always on him to supply birth control. condoms suck. mabey the OP should try being proactive about protection instead of leaving it to him
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 437
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:40:40 AM


I don't discourage condom use; I just see a whole generation of people coming up that think that ANY sexual contact without them is "crazy, risky or stupid". I disagree. Absolutely, your risk is mitigated somewhat when condoms are used with a partner of unknown status. I prefer to know my partner's status and eventually get to NOT using them.


It's good to see this expressed by a woman here. It pretty much matches my attitude. There is risk in life. It only makes sense to take rational steps to minimize risk, but we also need to make our own choices to sort out which risk/benefit scenario works for us. I kayak, I ski, I drive a car, I spend a lot of time hiking alone. I try to do all these things safely, but won't give up on the chance to see yesterday's rainbow from the top of my hill because a tree might fall on me as I hike up or I might break a leg with nobody near to go for help.

Likewise, for me anyway, a condom detracts enough from intimacy that I'd rather do my best to be selective about who I become intimate with, make sure we've both been recently tested, and if needed wait until we both have those tests before being that intimate. There are plenty of other wonderful ways to explore each other in the mean time, heightening the anticipation. I don't get drunk and hook up with strangers, except for once thirty years ago. I have had sex on a first date since then, but not without sufficient discussion for us both to have confidence our STD risk was minimal.

At this age the list of people I know who have died has a fair number of names on it. Not a one of them died from an STD. Not saying it couldn't happen, to someone I know or to me, but I also plan to live as fulfilling of a life as I can, which means making conscious decisions to minimize risk while maximizing happiness.

Dave
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 438
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:17:26 AM

Some guy in an early reply to this post said he never used 'em and so far, had always managed to dodge a bullet. I want to know, how does he know? Many STDs are asymptomatic, and he could be a carrier, too, infecting many women!


That might have been me. All I can say is that I've generally retained friendships with past girlfriends or FWB partners, and no one has ever reported anything back to me after we stopped being intimate. I'm not hard to track down. I've had women I met here pick up enough clues to research their way to my full name and contact info, so any past partner would have little difficulty reaching me if she needed to, and as noted, for the most part I'm still in some sort of contact anyway.

The rest of your post is a bit confusing to me. At one point you state "You either pony up with STD testing results or a condom." which I'm fine with. I'll take door number one, thank you. But then you go on to assert that testing isn't enough, and somehow someone like me is being dishonest.

I'm being as honest as can be. Would I be sticking my neck out here if I wasn't? I'm honest that a condom detracts enough from my sexual pleasure that I'd rather do without and play other ways than wear one. Just as my vasectomy has prompted women looking more for a sire than a mate to move on to the next prospect, so too is it best if a woman who in not comfortable with the prospect of sex without a condom to do the same. I'll take any test as often as you want me to. I'll strive to bring you all the pleasure I can short of penetration. But a condom is not for me. That's as honest as I can be.

Dave
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 441
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:57:33 AM
Yeah, sure condoms break, I've learned that first hand more than once. But it makes no sense to me to abstain, like you said you do. Humans and other animals like us, are not suppose to live sexless lives. It's unfortunate that life has to have so many complexitys at times (and sex risks are one of those prime complexitys). It reminds me of the conversations I've had with people over other life riskd like travelling. Are you never going to get on an airplane, because you know it could crash? Are you not going to walk out on the street because you know you could be run down by a motorist? Risk is part of life.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 442
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/13/2010 11:20:30 AM
I've said it before here and I'll say it again, this current generation is way out there with their hyper intense fears over STD's. You've been "scared straight".
If you're not having sex with anyone in a high risk group,(IV users, Homosexuals who are promiscuous)your chances of contracting HIV, from a single unprotected contact is about one in fifteen million. Those are just impossibly long odds, so just calm down everyone.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 443
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/14/2010 6:42:44 PM

(Msg 451) Both men and women need to run the other way when a new partner suggests sex w/o a condom! If that person is willing to do it with you, they have been willing with others, and it is an absolute indicator of irresponsible behavior. Don't waste time wondering if this is an isolated incident--irresponsible people show their true colors sooner or later, and you should cut your losses now!


Unless a person is going to ask their potential partner to be tested when does one stop insisting on condoms?
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 446
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/14/2010 8:46:21 PM

Message 459 - That is dangerous advice.


There's a world of difference between HIV and Herpes. I didn't check his numbers but unless you've got more accurate ones I'm inclined to believe him. I'm sure there are many other things I do in life with a far greater fatality risk than my odds of getting HIV.

Herpes, on the other hand, is much more common, but while I have no desire to contract it, it's more of a nuisance than anything else. I was involved with a woman for several years about twenty years ago who had it but I never got it. Apologies for repeating myself, but I know that because not only have I never had any symptoms but I've been with a number of women since then who I'm still in contact with and none have reported any problems.

She was well in tune with her body and could tell if an outbreak was coming on, which was a rare event. We just abstained from intercourse during those times and made love other ways. Her sore always showed up in the same place and I was able to bring her to orgasm orally or manually without contacting it.

I'm not trying to encourage anyone to take any risks they're not comfortable with. But I also think it's important to not exaggerate risks either. That way we can all make informed decisions.

Dave
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 448
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 7:15:43 AM
Everything about condoms screams "Limited"; Limited protection, limited pleasure.
If two people are having a really good time, they're making a mess, let's face it.
Those juices are everywhere and gettin on everything. Explain to me someone please, how the heck under these circumstances a condom is protecting anyone, against herpes??
If you restrict movement to the areas covered by latex, what the hell kind of sex is that? Not any kind I'd like having, for sure.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 451
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 9:01:52 AM

You can get everyone of these STD's by kissing does that mean we all should stop kissing? does that mean we should all where a protect condom over our mouths? some people are very paranoid -sigh-

You can get all these diseases from drinking the water at a restaurant or by using the restaurants washroom facilties, does that mean we should all bring covers for the toilet seat and never drink anything from a bar or restaurant

you can even get some of these STD's from handshaking, does that mean we should wear gloves when we shake hands?

You can get these diseases from someone's sweat and every other bodily fluid someone excretes


NOT TRUE. Where did you get that informaton???
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 454
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 9:57:23 AM
2813Quebec, I do know what type they mean (ribbed ones are in my supply)... but personally, I'm seriously not bothered which one they use so long as they use one.

:)
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 456
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:00:16 AM

You can get everyone of these STD's by kissing does that mean we all should stop kissing? does that mean we should all where a protect condom over our mouths? some people are very paranoid -sigh-

You can get all these diseases from drinking the water at a restaurant or by using the restaurants washroom facilties, does that mean we should all bring covers for the toilet seat and never drink anything from a bar or restaurant

you can even get some of these STD's from handshaking, does that mean we should wear gloves when we shake hands?

You can get these diseases from someone's sweat and every other bodily fluid someone excretes

NOT TRUE. Where did you get that informaton???
Actually it IS true. It's called Hepatitis (A, B and C can be contracted by coming in contact with contaminated foods, fluids and objects). Most people don't consider those to be STIs tho.



I hope you do not donate blood then.

WTF are you talking about?? There's almost no risk in contracting anything from donating blood (I won't say it can't happen, but the risks are extremely low!). Everyone is gloved, the area is cleaned, your information is checked BEFORE you give blood... a new needle is used every time, all new equipment actually.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 459
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:38:57 AM

Nope, not extreme paranoia... Just the facts.


Really? Show them. I need more than hearsay.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 465
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/15/2010 6:19:18 PM

You misintrepreted the whole point I was making. Please re-read my post.

It is not WHEN you are donating blood that you are at risk. It is what you do in your private life before donating your blood and lying on the questionnaire that you are putting everyone at risk with actually donating the highlikely hood the deadly gift of contaminated blood.

When taken out of context, like many POFers are want to do a lot of time, it is easy to make the leap that you are insinuating that donating blood is a risk. Yes... apparently I am guilty of doing it this time myself.

When you post only HALF a conversation, you can't expect us all to know what you are talking about in the WHOLE conversation. It's best to be explicitly clear what you mean.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 476
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/16/2010 5:01:56 PM

yes I mean both. if you can't trust and be completely open the person you are with completely you should not be with that person and you can't form a relationship if you are not completely open with each other.

The condom not being worn is a true test of trust in my opinion

Test of stupidity if you ask me.

Thank you for eliminating yourself from the realm of my possibilities.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 495
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 2:42:16 PM

It was $500 freakin dollars!!!

For all the damn taxes I pay, this should be a free public service.


It is. A quick google search for std testing, free, dallas yielded a number of hits.

Here in WV every county health dept does free std testing. I'm pretty sure every state has some sort of free testing available.

dave
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 496
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 2:48:19 PM

Just how do you evaluate risk then?

Go to scholar.google.com, search the medical literature and compare the chances of infection with and without a condom for each std. Then you'll know the chance of becoming infected when having sex with an infected partner and how much a condom reduces the chance for different std's. For example, condoms reduce the chance of becoming infected with HIV through a single contact (vaginal sex female-to-male) by a factor of 2. (For oral sex, the chances in either direction are statistically insignificant with or without a condom.) For herpes, a condom provides some protection, but not as much as many would like to believe (about 68% reduction, if I recall the numbers I calculated from the data correctly.) After you go through this exercise, you should be in a position to evaluate your risks without having to rely on what you are told by people you don't know, (assuming you get your data from the peer reviewed medical journals that scholar.google.com pulls up rather than the generic google search engine). If you want reliable information, you have to put some effort into getting it.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 497
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 3:22:54 PM

I wonder how many men on here who are so against condoms KNOW this information or even ever bothered to look it up? I know the answer - they'd rather be romantic.

Maybe if some of you actually had a scare where you thought you had an STI, you might change your outlook. Or how about meeting someone with HIV? Have any of you romantic folk ever spent time with someone who had an illness such as that?


Whoa, just whoa.

I realize we're all individuals here but do I get this right that a woman is criticizing men in general for being TOO romantic? How many times in life do you hear that?

Speaking as this individual, yes I know the information cited. That's one of the reasons I don't worry a lot about std's. The odds of me getting a scary one are far less than the odds of me dying in a car wreck.

Yes, I've had a 'scare', although just for chlamydia. Thought I might have it, got tested. Started taking antibiotics just in case. Test showed all I had was a non-venereal urinary tract infection. The remedy? Keep taking the same antibiotic.

So....the difference between me having chlamydia and a urinary tract infection? The stigma of having had an STD. I'd had no sex partners since onset of symptoms, only one in the months prior to onset. Symptoms were the same. Treatment was the same. Problem went away.

So what if I HAD had chlamydia? As soon as my symptoms started I alerted my last partner, a FWB, who got tested. Neither of us had sex with anyone else until we got test results back. We both breathed a sigh of relief when our tests came back negative because it saved us having to reach back through our histories to contact past lovers, but that's about it. Nobody was going to die. Nobody was going to be scarred for life.

No I haven't met anyone with HIV. That was also part of my point. Here in WV about 1 in 10,000 people have HIV, less than the number of people who die in car accidents every year here. I do drive. I don't hang out with IV drug users or promiscuous gays. That doesn't eliminate my HIV risk, but it certainly does shrink it even lower than it already was.

I also operate a chainsaw, paddle class V whitewater, and have been known to run with scissors. In all scenarios I take reasonable precautions to minimize risk, without letting fear overly minimize my life experience.

And for me at least, lack of romance is only a part of my dislike of condoms. As noted early, it takes all the intimacy out of being intimate for me. I'd rather hold hands, enjoy a long deep kiss, explore and tantalize each other thoroughly with lips and hands than place an artificial barrier between my most sensitive nerve endings and hers.

Most women would choose not to have sex with a man whose breath or body odor was highly offensive because it would sufficiently detract from the pleasure. This man likewise chooses not to have intercourse with a condom on. Tests, yes. Other pleasures, yes. Lots of communication, honesty, and trust, yes. Condoms, no.

Dave
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 500
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/17/2010 8:09:34 PM

If you are unwilling to have sex with a condom, are you prepared to wait until all testing is done, and you have waited out the incubation time (3-6 months as some posters have stated)?


How many different ways do I need to say this. YESSSSS! Whatever testing regimen, waiting period, etc, makes my partner comfortable. These days, it's generally months between partners for me anyway. I repeat, for the umpteenth time - I'll gladly get tested whenever and however often needed.

I know there are women who have found themselves in situations - unhappy marriage, whatever - where they essentially forced themselves to have sex just because their partner wanted it while they got no pleasure out of it. I'd never want a woman to do that for me. Please don't expect me to do that for my partner, because simply put, sex with a condom for me pales in comparison to kissing, cuddling, oral sex or manual stimulation given or received, or just masturbating by myself.

The only way I can maintain an erection with a condom on, maybe, is to mentally totally remove myself from the situation and conjure up some fantasy of sex that actually IS enjoyable. Would you want your partner squeezing his eyes shut and imagining he was somewhere else in order to have sex with you? I'm all about giving pleasure to my partner. I just can't do that with a penis covered in a condom. If a synthetic clad penis is what you seek, I'll do lots of fun things with a dildo or vibrator. Just please understand, and I don't know how else I can state it more clearly, a condom on my penis in a vagina is NOT an option. ANY other option is on the table.


It is not "likewise" at all. BO , however, unpleasant has no effect on your health. Unprotected sex certainly does.


No, it does not have an effect on your health. It carries that risk. There's a difference. So does driving to meet your date. Being outside in a thunderstorm. Whatever you choose to eat or not eat. The radon in your basement. Having a drink in a bar that allows smoking. Too much time inside breathing inside air. Too much time outside in the sun. Having a baby. Never having a baby. Swimming. Never learning to swim.

We take risks, each of us, every day. Some we acknowledge, some we don't. Condoms do not eliminate risk. They mitigate it. So does testing, with or without waiting period. So does your choice in partners. So does trusting that inner voice telling you something does or does not feel right about a prospective lover.

And remember my spotless (so far) track record. 34 years sexually active. Just a couple of dismal experiences with condoms, the rest without. No STD ever detected in MANY tests.

I respect anyone's right to set clear guidelines for conditions that need to be met before having sex with a prospective partner. I sure hope that this time I've been so clear about my own guidelines that there won't be any more confusion on that point. Know that I respect whatever guidelines and restrictions a partner may make clear to me.

Hopefully, finally, 'nuff said.

dave
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 504
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What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/31/2010 2:32:11 PM

I think men try to get bareback not because they are trying to slight women or pull one over on em...but just cuz it feels WAY FRIGGIN BETTER....cover your sex organs with a ziplock or garbage bag...and try to get some pleasure.

You posted before asking women to at least be more empathetic about how men feel about condoms. I agree wholeheartedly.
For me and MANY men there is NO PLEASURE in sex with a condom. That pretty much defeats the purpose of doing it as far as I'm concerned. and when I say No pleasure, I mean N-O-N-E.
I feel truly sorry for this generation of sexually active people who are scared to death of sex and "everything they might catch" from it.
My partner is a scientist who understands the true risks as defined by actual statistics and mathematical probabilities. Being in the biologicical sciences, she knows what's what as far as how disease is spread and what ones risk truly is; and believe me, she ain't worried.
It's just like the fears people have about "radioactivity" and other such things that cannot be seen or felt and are VERY misunderstood.
 mr. bass
Joined: 8/6/2008
Msg: 509
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 11/3/2010 1:03:23 AM
no glove no love
 gliding262
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 510
What is it with men N freaking condoms!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 11/3/2010 5:31:25 AM
Wow I just read this entire thread. HPV is a good reason why women should make a guy wear a condom, however many people pass the virus without it being a problem, and there are numerous versions of the virus, not all cause cancer. BUT it is a good reason for a women to insist on a condom.

HIV is out there, stay away from high risk groups and your chances of catching it go way down.

HOWEVER everyone I know who has caught a STD caught one that is not passed through fluids. Two people I know have had Muluscum and one person caught Herpes from kissing someone.

You have a better chance running into one of these then you do HIV. Get tested before starting anything with someone new, and expect a test from the other person before getting frisky and your chances of catching anything will be very low--not zero--but low.
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