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 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 151
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First date ... who pays?Page 3 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
I feel that splitting the check on the first date is only fair. After that, it's less of an issue, maybe taking turns to pay for each other, that's cool.

As for your situation, wow.. that's one hell of a immature loser if there ever was one. Why the hell is he going on dates if he can't even cover a $20 tab for drinks. And did he really think it could go anywhere after that?

Some people are very odd.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 153
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/5/2012 10:45:50 PM

I think this state of mind comes from someone who has done alot, maybe even too much of dating. I can see how a man might become weary of spending money on every Jane, Mary, and Judy that he asks out without getting anywhere. You sound like a man thats tired of paying for women that end up being just that, a tab....perhaps a little bit tired of women in general. Perhaps you should be more selective...


I completely agree. I don't serial date so I just don't look at a guy paying for me a big deal. I think the issue for men that whine about this goes much deeper than money
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 154
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 12:55:40 AM

I agree. I think it's because I expect the man to be a man in the traditional sense of the word, you know, open doors, pay for things, take care of things. not because I can't but because sometimes I like to just sit back and take the feminine role.

I think it depends what you are looking for when it comes to relationships. I make a pretty damn good income but do I want to spend it on dates or bills and a mortgage? no. that's the guy's job. I could never date a guy who made less then me and expected me to pay for things. It's just unmanly to me. notice I said to ME. my perception, my experiences, factored in. It doesn't mean that I think expecting a woman to help pay is unmanly, but it's certainly not something I'm looking for.

I've never not dated a guy who didn't pay for everything. they just do because I expect it, and they have no qualms about it either.

If a girl thinks it's her job to pay for half, guess what, she'll be spending a lot of money on dutch dates that are lacking male/female dynamics and thus going nowhere.


So with all those equal rights, in fact, even more rights than men in the legal sense (divorces, harassment or assault charegs, etc..) you still feel like a man owes you?

You want the benefits of being equal but none of the responsibilities that come with it in a relationship.

It's quite depressing, not just that women thing like this but that so many men seem to enable this train of thought even to this day.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 157
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 6:33:49 AM

If I wanted to be tense and uncomfortable I’d go to the dentist or the gynecologist.

Now that's Gold!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 158
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 6:43:41 AM
@Paderic #158. How do you know the woman doesn't "contribute"... especially if it's only been one date. Could be that you asked her out for dinner and she knows it tacky to be dividing uP money like that on a dinner DATE


If she thinks offering to help with the check is tacky, she's not likely to change her mind on subsequent dates. I'd rather spend my time with women who don't think that way.


I like to laugh and have FUN on dates…with men who are fun to be with. We’re not balancing spreadsheets or divvying up the appetizers or stressing over nothing. Wtf is the point of that?!


Another DUMB straw man. The notion that anyone who doesn't see it your way doesn't like to laugh or have fun on a date is ludicrous.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 159
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 7:48:16 AM

If she thinks offering to help with the check is tacky, she's not likely to change her mind on subsequent dates. I'd rather spend my time with women who don't think that way.

I agree. It shouldn't be a big deal for both parties.
I never felt less of a man when she said "this one is on me". Never felt tacky either.
I just liked her a little more because of that gesture.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 161
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 12:37:44 PM

there is more to life than money.


And yet; you criticize men who dont pay. (Thus; showing that the money issue is your everything)

How interesting...... and obviously.....hypocritical.

How bright


The notion that good company can only be provided by women is asinine.


But what a great way to start nuzzling against her ankles from the start!!

;)


As far as who pays...who cares?


Spoken like a keeper.


You want the benefits of being equal but none of the responsibilities that come with it in a relationship.


Bingo.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 163
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 4:00:24 PM


there is more to life than money.


And yet; you criticize men who dont pay. (Thus; showing that the money issue is your everything)

How interesting...... and obviously.....hypocritical.

How bright

Maybe you should think a little yourself before attacking another with your little attempt at sarcasm on a thread?

I thought I made my point pretty clearly.

The person I commented about is the one reducing everything down to money, I merely pointed out there were things of value the other party brings to the table.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 165
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 4:40:50 PM
As usual, people avoid the point. Breaking it down to simple logic, nothing more and nothing less.

Why is it tacky, why is it taboo, that on a first date where no one even knows each other, that both parties either pay for themselves or split the check?

That is logical, and fair.


It’s a way to say, “See?! See what you get?! You want equal pay, you pay your own way! You still gotta blow me, by the way.”

We’re being punished, get it? Their problem is, women like you and me, just don’t care. :)


Exactly, minus the BJ part.

You make money now, often as much as a guy does. There is no reason for this archaic ritual of a man paying for everything on a first date.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 166
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 5:16:33 PM
You make money now, often as much as a guy does. There is no reason for this archaic ritual of a man paying for everything on a first date.


You should be thankful that this archaic ritual exists, and that many men still follow it willingly. Chances are excellent that if your dad hadn't treated your mom on dates, you would have never been born---because she probably wouldn't have married him.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 168
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 5:46:48 PM
"Why is it tacky, why is it taboo, that on a first date where no one even knows each other, that both parties either pay for themselves or split the check?

That is logical, and fair."

How's that working out for ya? That's fine, either way, next time you ask a woman out you need to tell her that before the date.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 169
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 5:50:31 PM
halcyon_skies:
You should be thankful that this archaic ritual exists, and that many men still follow it willingly. Chances are excellent that if your dad hadn't treated your mom on dates, you would have never been born---because she probably wouldn't have married him.


Yeah my Dad probably paid for the first date as was the custom then. But before they met, he was off island hopping in the pacific with the USMC and she was on the home front helping to pick up the slack. If so many men hadn't gone off to war and the women who remained behind hadn't had to do those "Man's" jobs, then we would never of had the equal rights movement either. It was all the women in the work force during WW2 that laid the seeds for what would become the equal rights movement. Then after they were married and my Dad was in college on the GI Bill, I'm sure my Mom was working to help them survive. She didn't become a say at home Mom till I came along. 10 years later when he was transferred to a high income area and a Cpt in the USAF wasn't paid that much that she went back to work again.

Through the '60s and '70s when it took 2 incomes to get by, costs have kept rising and for most a single income doesn't cut it. If you're lucky to be one of the few that has a high income, then this wouldn't matter, but most working stiffs aren't so lucky.


On my first date with my late wife, we were dancing in a club and got thirsty, so I bought a round of beers. We danced some more and she bought a round. At the end of the date we went to a coffee shop and I bought breakfast. On our second date we went out to dinner and when the bill came she said it was on her. I didn't argue about it, nor did it make me feel less of a man. I did ask if she was sure and she said yes. Then we were equals for our whole time together. The only reason I brought more home was I had the chance to pick up overtime most weeeks.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 170
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 6:25:09 PM
I never said that, either. That’s on you.


Then stating that you like to laugh and have fun had nothing to do with the discussion. Why say it if you weren't inferring something?


However; tallying up each bite doesn’t sound like much fun to me….maybe some people, like IRS agents, dig on that, who knows.


Where the F*** do you get this sh**? How much does it take to just ask, "How much is it? Let me get half..."

Nobody is tallying up anything. Maybe dividing a number by two is difficult for some, but anyone with a couple brain cells to rub together can get to an answer pretty easily.

The person I commented about is the one reducing everything down to money, I merely pointed out there were things of value the other party brings to the table.


A person would have to be a complete moron to conclude that I am reducing everything down to money. I'm discussing it BECAUSE THAT'S THE TOPIC.

How's that working out for ya?


Couldn't be better.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 172
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 6:41:25 PM
I'm sitting in a chair, watching a baseball game on the television, and typing on my laptop. My dog is snoozing on the couch next to me. I'm can't get much more relaxed without going to sleep.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 173
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 6:41:51 PM

Another DUMB straw man (argument).



A person would have to be a complete moron


People that need to use pejorative terms like dumb and moron have already proven to me that their opinion isn't worth considering.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 175
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 7:01:12 PM
Yep. I'm sure sitting at home watching TV is much more relaxing than asking a woman out to dinner who doesn't offer to pick up half the check. Cheaper, too. zzzzzzz
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 176
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 7:06:48 PM

I'd hardly call myself a princess. But even I would have....well, not raised an eyebrow, but not gone on a second date with a man who didn't treat on the first.

Dating 101.

If you ask a lady out, you treat, and not just McDonalds!


Why is it tacky, why is it taboo, that on a first date where no one even knows each other, that both parties either pay for themselves or split the check?

That is logical, and fair.

And how's that strategy working out for you mate?

If you suggest that to a lady on a first date, where neither of you know each other, she'll find out something about you pretty much straight away, that you obviously don't respect or value the company of the lady you are hoping to know better. She's not even worth the price of a meal or even coffee?

It's 'taboo' because it's inconsiderate and bad manners.


 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 177
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 7:23:57 PM
This is even more basic than Dating 101... it's manners 101...

An invitation is an explicit offer to treat the invitee to whatever they are being invited to. Otherwise, it's an invitation for the invitee to pick up the check... some invitation ...

Waiter... I'll have the prime rib with baked potato... the lady will have the check and my salad, thank you :-)
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 180
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 8:19:48 PM

Waiter... I'll have the prime rib with baked potato... the lady will have the check and my salad, thank you :-)


ha! hilarious!

I think some people are missing the point about male/female dynamic in relationships and attraction. and unfortunately for some, that includes money and paying for dates. I don't want a relationship that is equal in all aspects. I like the protector/provider dynamic and the differences between men and women. If you insist on being completely equal in every way to the opposite sex then you may as well just be friends. for a lot of women a masculine and thoughtful man pays. not all women, but some. men and women give in different ways. I don't want to date a woman.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 183
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 9:22:04 PM

that seems like a very thinly veiled way of saying that you ARE a princess.


yup.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 184
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 9:25:35 PM
And how's that strategy working out for you mate?

If you suggest that to a lady on a first date, where neither of you know each other, she'll find out something about you pretty much straight away, that you obviously don't respect or value the company of the lady you are hoping to know better. She's not even worth the price of a meal or even coffee?

It's 'taboo' because it's inconsiderate and bad manners.


Why is her time and company more valuable than mine?

What you say could be applied backwards. If she does't pay for me, obviously she doesn't respect and value me and my time. Please...
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 185
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 9:25:58 PM

If you insist on being completely equal in every way to the opposite sex then you may as well just be friends


Arnt you trying to be friends anyways?

Heck; if everybody was ok with being friends with someone who's company they wanted forever, divorce lawyers would starve!!

Imagine if you became "best" friends!! :O


I wouldn't want to date someone or be in a relationship with someone that I didn't get on well enough with to the point where I wouldn't even BE friends with them if we weren't dating.


EXACTLY

I feel the same way. (why do so many....you know...."not"?)


Why is your $20 more important than his $20? If money isn't the issue, why is it such a big deal to pay half?


So logical.

Dating, for many, is so "not" logical

PICK. HER.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 186
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 9:32:28 PM

And how's that strategy working out for you mate?

If you suggest that to a lady on a first date, where neither of you know each other, she'll find out something about you pretty much straight away, that you obviously don't respect or value the company of the lady you are hoping to know better. She's not even worth the price of a meal or even coffee?

It's 'taboo' because it's inconsiderate and bad manners.


50/50 around here. Although maybe Canadian girls are a bit different?

I don't know. They don't seem as uptight about it, generally. Although some get extremely aggitated at the suggestion that they might have to pay for their own meal, GASP!

I'm really not a cheapskate or selfish. I love giving gifts, treating friends and family, etc... but this is on principle. The fact girls EXPECT that they will be treated, and that the very idea that paying their own share is ridiculed in common society, that frustrates and confuses me.

Why is the fairest system the most taboo? No one can give me an answer to this that doesn't involve old traditions that don't apply the current modern world where women can earn plenty of money.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 187
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 10:50:39 PM

50/50 around here. Although maybe Canadian girls are a bit different?


seriously?? lol. yeah we're all pretty nice around here


No one can give me an answer to this that doesn't involve old traditions that don't apply the current modern world where women can earn plenty of money.


what are you really not grasping here that for some people money has nothing to with it? money and how you use it is the expression of beliefs about yourself, others, and the world. It's not so black and white for a lot of us, split this, split that, fair not fair, equal, blah blah. people believe what they want to believe and attract others who believe similarly. there is no right or wrong about it
 friendship1*
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 188
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/6/2012 11:53:17 PM
If he thinks paying for dinner on a date is "old fashion prostitute". I figure he would get a good slap. No one wants a man out of the dark ages or feels so little respect for females... Plus if a man thinks that way he should just skip dating and spend his money on real prostitute. That way he can grab fast food on the way home and eat in front of the TV alone..... With thoughts like that he will end up alone anyway...
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