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 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 768
First date ... who pays?Page 33 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
I think the person who looks the least like their pictures should pay!


very big chance the two look unbelievable not like their pictures, so.... still... BOTH have to pay !!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 769
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 1:25:55 AM
queensaru: i had a "date" years ago with this girl i knew. she stayed the night at my house after. when we woke up the next morning, she literally hid her face from me. being the young jerk that i was at the time, i insisted on seeing what she was hiding. it was her eyebrows. or a complete lack of them anyway. her entire look was penciled, brushed, or painted on her face. ugh. i prefer a more natural look on a woman.
 DevotedExplorer
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 771
view profile
History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 4:18:37 AM
^^^ I find this post ridiculous, I know its only an eyebrow but given the amount of stick women seem to give to men who show up to a date an inch shorter than he said he was I find this remark wrong. So its ok for women to physically change the way they present themselves and blokes have to deal with it but its not fine if blokes do so. I find a guy who says he is an inch taller isn't a bigger deal and no different to a woman who uses make up and products to enhance herself.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 772
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 4:41:41 AM
Certain groups of men have had the upper hand in deciding the dating etiquette for everybody else. The men on the lower end of the decision-making spectrum become incensed when we decide with the same prejudice with appearances they wish they could.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 776
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History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 11:53:07 AM
Hm..Wonder my post got deleted..
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 778
view profile
History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 12:21:35 PM

I think the person who looks the least like their pictures should pay! Does that settle it?

Does body type counts? Meaning if her real body type isn't what she say it is?
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 779
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 12:28:56 PM

Taking her out to eat -- and making sure she knows it is my treat, and thus she need not worry about any financial aspect -- brightens up her world, which in turn brightens up mine.


Exactly. The pleasure of letting someone know they are not just another body out there. Making her feel good because that in turn makes you feel good.

A long shot from "inviting" someone to pay for "their share" of a meal they were supposedly being treated to.



"I’m only here to enlighten and entertain." I think you have failed at both... miserably.


Not everyone can be enlightened. The failure doesn't reflect on those who try to enlighten the non-enlightened.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 781
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 9:39:16 PM
I met a really hot bartender recently and this topic came up. Like stupid hot, so out of my league. But she said "I have no problem going dutch, however it just means there will be no second date".

So my question is:

for a 2nd date, is it OK to go dutch?


The bartender that you mentioned might be one of those women that offers to pay her share as a way to "test" a man. If the man takes her up on her offer to pay her share, she won't go out with him a second time. I've known women that do this.

If you don't want to pay for dates and prefer to go Dutch, I think you should mention this tidbit in your profile. Otherwise, I think the person who asks for a date should pay---unless you both agree beforehand that the date will be Dutch.

 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 785
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/28/2012 11:54:06 PM
sexysunfish: nice post. nice to see another woman that gets it. most men have no problems paying for a date with a woman they are interested in. we get offended when some women feel that they are somehow entitled to have a free ride. most of us really enjoy treating you ladies to a night out, but its nice to know that you dont mind sharing the tab.

ive seen a lot of women say that they expect a man to pay for things early on and when they get into a relationship they will reciprocate. what ive learned in life is that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. if a woman generally expects a man to pay for everything early on without even offering to help out, she will be expecting him to pay for everything if the relationship progresses.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 786
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 1:09:31 AM
If we're at a bar and I buy a couple rounds of Beers and the Lady says the next round is on her, I'm not going to argue about it. I said if I buy the Movie tickets she can get the popcorn, which another poster goes off on a tangent why they don't like Movie popcorn.

If some woman doesn't want to date me because of my views, fine, because we wouldn't get along anyways. I don't care how you date, stop trying to tell me how I should date. What's right for me, is right for me.

You do it your way, what's right for you, is right for you. The women who want to keep dating me, won't be right for you anyways.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 787
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History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 2:09:03 AM
Wow, this thread has gotten off the hook. I think this truly is a situation where people are going to have to agree to disagree. From my take on the situation, I would rather assume I am paying for the first date on the chance that, if I don't, it might turn a girl off (although I understand the point that, if splitting the bill does turn her off, she isn't your type anyway). Further, I tend to be somewhat old-fashioned. Most importantly, especially with a girl I really like, I enjoy picking up the tab because I enjoy making her happy.


Right here! THIS is the point. Why is it always about making her happy? Why is a girls time, an unknown girl to you, more important and worthy of appreciation over that of the man's? You never hear about a girl who is excited over the prospect of paying for the date because she loves making him happy. Not on the first date.

Doesn't anyone else see how we went from one sexist extreme to the other? Men may not have it as bad as women did in the past, but we're in no way equal in what is expected of us and how we are treated in terms of dating, divorce, and law.

This is not okay.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 788
view profile
History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 4:26:29 AM
Can't wait til some of the ladies wakes up, log in and see the last few post...Bwahahaha...
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 790
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 6:57:37 AM

A first meet IS a first date.


That is downright absurd. A first meet is a first date only in the mind of those who are unable to get an actual date. A date with someone you don't know is a blind date which is not what the OP specified. If the quoted statement had any resemblance to the truth, anyone who meets anyone, unbeknownst to them, just had a date.

On a first meet, there has been no invitation extended by anyone. Two people simply agreed to meet, it is after meeting they MAY decide to date.

In that first meet, each should pay their own way since neither invited the other.

If during the meet, they decide to date, whoever extended the invitation committed (him/her)self to pay.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 792
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 8:22:10 AM


Because I am a man, and you are a women, somehow simple fairness does not apply?


Fairness applies. As a man, you are expected to have the necessary level of testosterone to pursue a woman, express your interest, show you've got something to offer and, while you do that, be smart enough to evaluate the woman you are pursuing and, figure out if you should be pursuing a different woman instead. In the meantime, she'll be evaluating you.

The man, as the pursuer, is usually the one that initiates things, e.g, extends an invitation. Since he invited, thereby expressing his interest, he pays (by the very definition of invitation). There is no unfairness. Someone has to start the process and take a risk. Natural levels of testosterone compels most men to do it that way. It's built into the essence of being a man and women like it. :-)

Man and women are not equal. That is biologically logical and fair.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 793
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 8:25:38 AM

The point is that society presumes the financial burden to be, always, on me in the event of a first date or meeting. This is wrong.


Then you should state this sentiment in your profile. The women that disagree and think the man should always pay will not want to date you---and this is what you want. You and these women would not be a good match.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 794
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 9:36:57 AM
That is downright absurd. A first meet is a first date only in the mind of those who are unable to get an actual date. A date with someone you don't know is a blind date which is not what the OP specified.


Some people do consider the first meeting with someone from a dating site to be a blind date. Regardless of the time, cost, or activity. For example, they may have 1-2 drinks. If the date / meeting is going reasonably well or at least there aren't any obvious dealbreakers about the person, they may extend the date / meeting and do something else. Having said that, calling the first meeting a "meet", "date", "appointment", or any other term doesn't change my approach to online dating.


Then you should state this sentiment in your profile. The women that disagree and think the man should always pay will not want to date you---and this is what you want. You and these women would not be a good match.


The women who think a man should always pay can also put that on their profile.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 796
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 9:50:01 AM

Then you should state this sentiment in your profile. The women that disagree and think the man should always pay will not want to date you---and this is what you want. You and these women would not be a good match.


The women who think a man should always pay can also put that on their profile.


I'm inclined to agree---although it probably won't happen, because most women are not the ones complaining about unfairness.

I think the people who are the most unhappy with the status quo are the ones that will most often need to implement this---and that's usually the men.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 797
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 10:13:37 AM
halcyon: why would women be complaining about unfairness in this issue? as it stands, the unfairness benefits them. ive only noticed a few women who are willing to pay for a date and a ton who insist on it being free.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 798
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 11:03:45 AM
Why even accept or initiate a date, if the outcome will be resentment?

My dirty little secret is that I LIKE a man to court me.
If I am not interested in him, and have no desire to see him again, I would be most comfortable paying for one or both of us.

If I enjoy his company, I will feel comfortable with him paying.
There are few opportunities to demonstrate your character traits in a budding relationship. Why deprive another person of the chance to show their generosity?

Perhaps it is my age or the people that I attract/ am attracted to, but although I normally ask a date if I can "help" when the bill arrives, it is rare that he has ever acquiesced.

The courtship period is brief and can be beautiful. Entering into it with unresolved hostility about roles does not facilitate the romance. Get clear about your own expectations and ensure the people you pursue are on the same page. The issues are self-imposed.

Here is a post by one of my all-time favorite Pof forumites. He has long since left the site:
Before women wrecked everything, couples made love. They called all that dating mush "making love", because that is exactly what it was, when people came up with gestures expressing their affection. It was actually affection back then. The man and the woman were fond of each other. They felt love and they made love by how they treated each other. The person wooing and the person wooed knew it was love. They said things like, love is in the air. When a woman wanted a man to make love to her, she meant she wanted him to be affectionate, show her how he felt, by saying sweet things, bringing her flowers, kissing parts of her face. 

Making love has come to mean having sex, just another phrase like makin' bacon.

Now when a woman wants to be wooed she is thinking only in transactional terms based on pop psychology from women's magazines. She is being manipulative, using her vagina as bait to extort from men certain symbolic behaviors she takes as tribute to her female personhood. She will demand the man jump through hoops before she puts out, but there is never any love anywhere in this picture, only booty held hostage for empty gestures.

See, if a woman had any capacity to love a man, she would begin loving him in the small ways that women love men, from the start, and that is how love is made and that is what wooing used to be. Somehow it has become a case of men being dogs to be trained with treats to do tricks. Men know better than to sprout tendrils of love searching for the woman's heart. She will rake them clean off with a slashing claw.

The modern woman is not predisposed to loving the modern man. She is disgusted with men generally, holding out a hope of finding a rare example of a man she can tolerate. That attitude is the antithesis of woo. I shall call it oow. It is as if she thinks he oows her something, which she sits in judgment waiting for, on her throne of ice.

And when I said before women wrecked everything, I hope you know I meant almost all women wrecked almost everything. I would not wish to be accused of making a sweeping generalization.


I don't doubt I'll be accused of "gold-digging." Say what you will. I have paid the way for my mates who could not afford certain upscale activities. I hate scorekeeping and would not be compatible with someone who needed to keep a ledger of who paid for what.

Know what is a dealbreaker and try to find someone compatible. Set the standards that make you happy, but neither men nor women should complain when someone they pick is not paying the way they see fit. Adjust your expectations or move on.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 800
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 11:40:11 AM
Sucker!!


I find it ironic that one who pays all the tab all the time would refer to someone else as a sucker because they are willing to pay some of the tab some of the time...
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 802
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 12:06:39 PM

Some people do consider the first meeting with someone from a dating site to be a blind date.


yes... "some people" ... very very few.



Having said that, calling the first meeting a "meet", "date", "appointment", or any other term doesn't change my approach to online dating.


Quite a fallacy right there. The large majority of people meet to determine if they want to date.



The women who think a man should always pay can also put that on their profile.


I very rarely find a woman who thinks a man should _always_ pay. When a woman is interested she shows it by offering to treat (in other words, invite the man) to activities she enjoys (could be dinner or something else). In those cases, she pays (if payment is required), because she invited.



For me, I pick up the tab because I want to, not because I feel obligated to. Someone else mentioned how the enjoy being courted; I enjoy courting a woman that I really like.


Well said. That's what it's all about.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 803
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 12:36:07 PM
yes... "some people" ... very very few.

Quite a fallacy right there. The large majority of people meet to determine if they want to date.


Call it whatever you want to. Yes there are plenty of people that agree with you. But there are also plently of people that consider the first meeting with someone from a dating site to be a blind date or don't really care what the first meeting is labeled as. Such as most of women that I had first dates / meetings with from dating sites.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 806
view profile
History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 6:07:42 PM
My God, 36 pages of this shit?? Is this really that much of an issue?? When I'm out with someone, there's not going to be any fuss or stress over petty issues like this.

I've been out with women before, and have said "hey, don't worry about that, I'll take care of it" when it came time to pay, and there have been times where they insisted on paying. Nothing more, and that was the end of it.

It's never been anything I've given a considerable amount of thought to, actually.



Pig...I feel you bro.


Why is making the girl happy on the first date more important than making the guy?


If the date is going well, we're both happy.
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 809
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/29/2012 7:11:37 PM
I agree with pig also:
there will be times when I say "hey, don't worry about that, I'll take care of it" when it comes time to pay,
and there will be times where she insists on paying.

That's what he's saying, right?
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 811
view profile
History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/30/2012 4:55:27 AM

My God, 36 pages of this shit??

And many more to come..I already suggested that we should all just agree to disagree..
What is the point anyway..There are women, and men who just disagree, and noting can be done about it.
Some plays the "I am a lady" card, some plays the "I am a gentleman" card, and it's fine.
They allowed to do whatever they want, whatever they think it's makes them feel good.
If she finds a guy who pays for everything every time, sometimes even for her friends, and that said guy doesn't have a problem with it, why should other guys care?
If we don't want a woman like that, it comes out pretty early on anyway.
We will not change her mind, her views. That is what she believes! She believes she deserves it!
And that is how she determines if he is a gentleman or not!
I had on offer a few times,
not on a first date and this is what this thread is supposed to be about
that I excepted..Hm..
Didn't make me feel less of a gentleman, her gesture just made me feel special, made me like her more.
And even on a first date that gesture makes me happy, not feel like less of a man.
But than again I never was good with some of the test women tried on me.
Uh huh she offers to leave a tip..Date went well I thought..What's going on?
Is she just being nice? She is not interested seeing me? Oh boy what to do what to do?
Never cared about it! I said I got this, she threw down a few dollars for a tip, and it was settled!
We went out again, so whatever that test was, I passed it. Or she just didn't had anything better to do?..LOL
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