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 AUTHOR
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 189
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First date ... who pays?Page 4 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
It's the common expectation that I view as wrong, or at least extremely frustrating.

Imagine if the type of guy you wanted to attract was a minority? And how awkward it'd be everytime you even tried to find out if they were the type for you?

Money is the issue for you. Money is merely the representation of power. To give up a little of it for someone else does convey a message, and I think it's great to do this for your partner, but why on earth would I want to give up money for someone I just met? We're talking about the first date here.
 loviek
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 190
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:29:08 AM
After reading the thread, and thinking about everyone's posts,
I return to my original statement....
If he doesn't pay, I don't date him....
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 191
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:38:20 AM
Yep. I'm sure sitting at home watching TV is much more relaxing than asking a woman out to dinner who doesn't offer to pick up half the check. Cheaper, too. zzzzzzz


I happen to be in a relationship and she's out of town, asking some other woman out to dinner wasn't even a consideration. Plus I spent the day playing in a charity scramble and attending the banquet that followed.

Got any other idiotic remarks to make about how someone you know nothing about spends their time?


That's the way I see it. If I invite friends from work to have dinner, I pay for their dinner. It's commonplace to me. I'm always turned off when someone invites me to do something then makes me pay for my share... be it a date or just a friendly outing.


So when I invite 20 people from work to attend a sporting event, I'm expected to pay for tickets along with dinner and drinks for everyone?

I invite people to play golf all the time. Not once has anyone ever expected me to pay their greens fees.

After reading the thread, and thinking about everyone's posts,
I return to my original statement....
If he doesn't pay, I don't date him....


Sounds like we have a mutually beneficial understanding. If she doesn't offer to pay her share, I don't date her again. You don't want to date me, I don't want to date you. I don't see a problem with that.

At no point have I said I don't pay for dates. I never ask anyone to pay their share. I just observe.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 192
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 7:05:35 AM
I think that whoever invites whoever out to whatever should communicate their philosophy about who's reponsible for what in advance of going out. That way, when the check is presented there are no awkward moments.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 193
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 7:26:16 AM

Plus if a man thinks that way he should just skip dating and spend his money on real prostitute. That way he can grab fast food on the way home and eat in front of the TV alone


Either that; or go grab some steaks and beer and share em with his buddies, before they go out golfing or something right.

;)
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 194
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 7:54:23 AM
For the poster ranting to ask why don't women just ask "Let me get half"? Perhaps in such a case, if the costs of dating are such a burden, then perhaps it might behoove one to be a bit more selective rather than dating around willy-nilly and asking all-and-sundry out? So as not to break the bank? So as to...well, actually ask out the women you are TRULY interested in?


I'm not ranting, I'm stating an opinion clearly and concisely.

For the umpteenth time, it isn't about the money. It's about determining compatibility.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 196
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 9:29:53 AM
I happen to be in a relationship and she's out of town, asking some other woman out to dinner wasn't even a consideration. Plus I spent the day playing in a charity scramble and attending the banquet that followed.

Got any other idiotic remarks to make about how someone you know nothing about spends their time?


If you're that touchy about how your personal life might be construed by others, then don't volunteer the information. I didn't ask you if you were in a relationship nor did I ask you what your weekend plans were.

I was merely agreeing with with an activity you freely admitted to doing---which was relaxing in front of the TV and not spending money on a date who didn't offer to pay for her meal. Interestingly, I've struck a nerve.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 198
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 9:39:04 AM
If it's that big of an issue why don't you just put it on your profile? Maybe we should bug BigFish to put another button in the header. (sure he'd love THAT...haha)

Will pay for a date
Won't pay for a date
Will go dutch on a date
Will split the check on a date
Don't care
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 201
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 10:09:05 AM

If you're that touchy about how your personal life might be construed by others, then don't volunteer the information. I didn't ask you if you were in a relationship nor did I ask you what your weekend plans were.

I was merely agreeing with with an activity you freely admitted to doing---which was relaxing in front of the TV and not spending money on a date who didn't offer to pay for her meal. Interestingly, I've struck a nerve.


Bullchit. You made a nasty, snarky remark. The only reason for making such a remark is to strike a nerve, so you shouldn't be surprised by the result.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 203
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 10:55:47 AM
@204: If you Prefer your male "friends" THAT much (so much so that you feel you don't "need" women).....there might be some deeper or "other" issues going on). Just sayin.


Na; I love women.

I just dont see ladies like you as women. (More a "lady"; if ya know what I mean, "wink" "wink") The man pays, acts responsible, takes care of danger, does finances, makes decisions, plans the future, etc....and you ....well.....you look pretty, smell nice, and make sure your parts are soft n shaved.

P.s. Are you mad because you feel that I said I dont "need" women?

What's wrong with letting him make you feel like a "princess" occasionally? OR as I lIke to say "special".


How exactly do you make "him" feel "special" again?

Oh ya; he pays and you....

*shrugs*

I dont think that should be illegal btw; I respect peoples decision to live how they see fit, as long as it dosnt hurt others. :)

The reality is someone has to extend an invitation to someone else in order for some kind of get together to happen. So what happens when one party ask and pays all the time and the other party never reciprocates?


Their answer is that you are now rude for expecting any reciprocation. You should be happy having had the pleasure of paying for, and receiving, their company.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 204
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History
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 1:35:15 PM

For the poster ranting to ask why don't women just ask "Let me get half"? Perhaps in such a case, if the costs of dating are such a burden, then perhaps it might behoove one to be a bit more selective rather than dating around willy-nilly and asking all-and-sundry out? So as not to break the bank? So as to...well, actually ask out the women you are TRULY interested in?

I'd hardly call myself a princess. But even I would have....well, not raised an eyebrow, but not gone on a second date with a man who didn't treat on the first.
I agree... I only ever recall having paid for a first date once and that was because the man told me after he picked me up that he had no money.

I paid because I was hungry... but you can be damned sure that the date both ended early, and was the last one I went on with the guy.
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 206
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 3:07:34 PM
After reading the thread, and thinking about everyone's posts,
I return to my original statement....
If he doesn't pay, I don't date him....


no wonder you are still in the pond, personality issue ! Be fair, pay your share !
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 208
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 3:40:06 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

you are generous, hope it didn't cause too much debts in your credit cards...

the girls may leave you anytime, your debts will stick with you !
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 212
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 4:35:47 PM

lansmom:
Let her know if you're expecting her to pay so she can have the money with her, etc.


You go to a restaurant, you better have cash or a credit card with you. The restaurant doesn't care who asked whom, and if his card gets declined, they're going to be looking at you, too. You ate their food and drank their drinks and they don't care that you were asked out. I've been out of town and had a card declined because the credit company saw a strange pattern of charges. It wasn't a problem as I had a different card in my pocket. Then I called the first company and got it straightened out. But lots of people don't want to have multiple credit cards and sometimes it bites them on the rear.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 216
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:13:10 PM
It's simple, really. Anything you say or do on a first date can be observed and have a bearing on whether there will be a second date. Expecting someone to tell you beforehand how they want you how to behave is ridiculous and completely unrealistic.

Whether some of the women posting on this thread accept it or not, men have the right to be selective about the company they keep.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 217
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:16:39 PM
There is an expectation that the person who invites will pay... and if that's not the case, it would behoove everybody to know that.


That you have such an expectation does not mean that the expectation is universal.

If you need to have it clarified, maybe you should bring it up.
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 219
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:22:33 PM

Oh….are all those going dutch in fulfilling relationships here? Coulda fooled me


going dutch is a action/conduct of fairness, having fun not at the cost of others, they may be rich, or making minimum

a relationship relies on different factors to work out, being inconsiderate would sure a minus, make sense ?
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 220
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:32:38 PM

Honestly, I'd prefer the guy to tell me upfront so I can make the decision NOT go with him if I don't want to. Why waste money just to spend time with someone I'm not going to want to continue seeing?


SOooo..... if he is going to pay your dinner, you don't mind to spend time with someone you are not going to want to continue seeing ????????????????????????????????????????
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 222
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:45:55 PM
Sorry…. they make all the other men look bad. Your insults and rationalizations don’t change that.


You're certainly entitled to your opinion about which men look good or bad, but I'm not sure why you think anyone in this thread gives a flying f--- (especially the devil woman from Toronto).

VVVV Trust me, Fleuron, I don't. Not even a little bit.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 223
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:46:17 PM


msg 227.... There is an expectation that the person who invites will pay... and if that's not the case, it would behoove everybody to know that.

paderic - msg 230
That you have such an expectation does not mean that the expectation is universal.


Doing a search on the net for "invite who pays" clearly reveals that whoever invites is expected to pay. This is prevalent enough that it is fair to be considered universal. The expectation that the person who invited pays is based on implicitly giving credit to the person that made the invitation that they have, and meet, a minimum of social manners.

A little googling can quickly verify the above.

@Paderic Since you mentioned paying attention to who pays as a way of establishing compatibility, it should be mentioned that someone who invites and does not pay is obviously incompatible with someone who invites and pays. The manners of the former are obviously deficient, while the manners of the latter reach the minimum standards of our society. As far as establishing compatibility, I fully concur watching for contradictory actions (invite and not pay) would be a good basis for dismissal from consideration.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 224
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:50:28 PM
Doing a search on the net for "invite who pays" clearly reveals that whoever invites is expected to pay. This is prevalent enough that it is fair to be considered universal. The expectation that the person who invited pays is based on implicitly giving credit to the person that made the invitation that they have, and meet, a minimum of social manners.


I see. Because you found something with google that makes it universal. Right....


it should be mentioned that someone who invites and does not pay is obviously incompatible with someone who invites and pays.


Since I haven't said that I invite and don't pay (except friends that I already know don't have such a stupid expectation), I'm not sure why you feel the need to mention it in a post directed at me.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 225
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:15:39 PM


I'm not sure why you feel the need to mention it in a post directed at me.


Could it be because of the following statements of yours:

msg 202: If she doesn't offer to pay her share, I don't date her again.

msg 205: For the umpteenth time, it isn't about the money. It's about determining compatibility.

I addressed both of your comments above in my previous post.



msg 236: I see. Because you found something with google that makes it universal. Right....


It is certainly much closer to being universal than your argument. You really should use Google... the characterizations given of people who invite and then pass the bill, or portion thereof, to the invitee, are not what I would call flattering. :-)
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 226
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:19:28 PM

Ha! There are MANY way's to make a man feel special besides giving him the "deluxe BJ special".

Now that's gold!

I'd settle for the garden variety just personally. lol
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 227
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:21:18 PM
Splitting the cost is the best thing to do on a first date in my mind because it leaves nobody with any sense of pressure.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 228
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 6:28:14 PM
I addressed both of your comments above in my previous post.


No, you didn't. In neither of those posts did I say that I invite and then don't pay.


It is certainly much closer to being universal than your argument. You really should use Google... the characterizations given of people who invite and then pass the bill, or portion thereof, to the invitee, are not what I would call flattering.


There is enough dissent in this thread alone to prove that it is far from universal.

I have never passed the bill on a date, nor have I said that I do.

Got any other brilliant deductions to share?

Honestly... that's like you keeping the fact you're married from a person you ask out on a date. Then, on the date, you bring this up to see how she will react. Her reaction, of course, will determine whether or not you date her again. Most people expect you to be single if you ask someone out on a date - just like most women expect you to pay for them if you're asking them out on a date. If this is an exception, and could potentially be a big deal breaker, it's common decency to tell the person beforehand. Of course, there are women that would make the decision not to go on a date with a married man... just like there are women that would make the decision not to go on a date with a man who wants her to pay. Do you really want to be dating someone with different feelings about this? If not, then why not be upfront about it?


That is absolutely asinine. You really should read Abelian's post again.

If I don't want to date someone, I don't ask them out or accept their invitation if they ask me out. Part of the purpose of dating is to determine if I want to see them again.

Why expect HER to have to ask you beforehand? Should I ask every guy I want to go out on a first date with if he is married first?


Do you expect that every guy you ask whether he is married is going to give you an honest answer?


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