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 Newport_Beach_Boy
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 266
Can you forgive a one time cheater?Page 11 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
One time, yes. Multiple times / long term, yes but the relationship ends.
 Newport_Beach_Boy
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 268
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 6/15/2012 3:43:18 PM
One time, yes. Multiple times / long term, yes I don't play second chair so our relationship ends.
 makeda1
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 269
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Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/27/2012 9:49:19 AM
NO...NO...No...betrayed, deceived, lied to...I believe it would be impossible to ever TRULY trust again...most cheaters are probably narcisistic...we can and must forgive to not be consumed with hurt and anger...but we can never forget..."trust" is the foundation for a relationship and it's gone....
 makeda1
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 270
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History
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/27/2012 9:59:25 AM
It's not complicated...it's just hard to give up what you thought you had...it doesn't exist...move on and absolutely no contract...don't settle for seconds...think more of yourself than that...
 perre62
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 271
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/27/2012 10:17:41 AM
Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater...my experience...
 gofurguy
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 272
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/27/2012 10:32:41 AM
i have been here on the cheating side, still married 42 years, what was missing was time spent together, not in a bar not time drinking but quality time making memories and enjoying your partner, when one partner spends to much time alone i think your asking for trouble, when you drink or do drugs the mind isnt functioning right, right or wrong doesnt always compute, does it give you an excuse, sorry i have to say no. what kept us together is conversation, when you feel your seeing something that bothers you , call him or her out on it, have a conversation, it hurts being truthful, but it comes down to be is just that. if your hurting say something, if you want something more from your spouse or partner say something, if he or she doesnt want to talk, your in trouble, its your choice then when to stay or go
 freshstartbraveheart
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 273
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/27/2012 11:08:30 AM
Conviction is always so easy to come by in a hypothetical situation. I did leave my cheater; however, while my relationship was beyond repair, I don't think that's always the case. It really depends on the circumstances and the willingness of both people to work things out. The person cheated on must also look at themselves and be willing to forgive eventually and the cheater has to be truly remorseful, willing to be transparent and work on themselves. Most cheaters are selfish people lacking in the tools needed in order to foster and grow a healthy relationship. It's even more likely that they're lacking the ability to fix one after destroying it.
 Jadeite19
Joined: 11/16/2012
Msg: 274
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/28/2012 12:58:20 PM
People cheat when something is lacking in the relationship. The other person may have done nothing wrong yet the cheater feels they are justified for whatever reason because they are unfulfilled for whatever reason. Usually the cheater remains unfulfilled independent of what the other person does and the cheating continues. Short answer: Cheaters don't usually change.
 comfortablyme
Joined: 12/24/2012
Msg: 275
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/28/2012 8:27:05 PM
You just said something interesting, they found the woman who changed them. You can not change a man. A man changes, or rather is his true self, when he chooses to; besides, why would a woman want to change her man? Forgiveness is up to you. But, don't mistake forgiveness with forgetfullness. You will relive and imagine everything. Can you truly forgive? Has he asked for forgiveness? Your trust has been violated. No one can tell you what to do. I would advice to step back and think for awhile. There is never an excuse to cheat. You (in general terms) are either committed or you aren't. Whatever you decide, do it whole heartedly. Good luck.
 realthang53
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 276
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Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 12/28/2012 8:52:03 PM
no they rarely stop
 GeekyCrazyButCool
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 278
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/1/2013 5:56:02 PM
Cheaters deserve no forgiveness period. If you forgive them you are a doormat. Send them packing and cut off all ties.
 waiting4u49
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 280
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/1/2013 6:14:23 PM
I have been involved with someone like that in the past and it didn't survive. The harsh reality is that if they cheated once for whatever the reason, then all trust is broken at that point. There is no longer anything to talk about..... move on. In my experience, something is lacking in the relationship that made the other one cheat. If you couldn't communicate any issues early on that could have prevented the cheating to happen, then how can you communicate after? All trust, integrity and honor has been wiped out. I walked away and didn't look back. I would walk away again and not look back if it happens in the future too.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 283
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/1/2013 7:56:19 PM
Forgive someone who broke my trust, broke a promise he really didn't have to make if vagina hopping was what he was into, put my health and my life at risk and humiliated me?

Not.... gonna... happen.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 284
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/1/2013 9:26:23 PM
I can forgive. But I'll never trust that person again... Cuz let's be honest... You can't accidentally have all your clothes fall off, then you trip and fall onto a guy, who just happened to be naked and in front of you, no idea how he got there, landing just perfectly that it's in, and you keep trying to get up, but keep falling back down.

The mistake wasn't having sex with that other guy, the mistake was getting caught.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 286
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History
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/2/2013 1:57:45 PM
The situation's never actually come up, but hypothetically, yes I could. My reaction would be more that it's an indication we need to discuss our relationship, rather than being angry.
 cashleys
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 289
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/3/2013 11:13:24 PM
Each situation is different, but when your character shows you cant' be trusted and a liar, it will take a whole lot to fix the broken promises. It can happen but usually never works out in the long run.
 checkinguoutnow
Joined: 12/31/2012
Msg: 290
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/3/2013 11:51:10 PM
I think that you already know whether your boyfriend is the type of person you cannot trust, or something happened that he is in deep regret over. Good communication is always the key. If you think you can trust him not to do it again I would give him another chance. If you suspect that you cannot have a mutually good relationship with him I would let him go. You need to make a decision and verbally tell him, otherwise he will think it doesn't matter. Good luck...I hope everything works out for you!
 Cmwtine1
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 291
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/4/2013 2:02:51 AM
I have forgiven my recent ex bf for cheating on me while he was blacked out drunk. Sadly, he was also in a situation where he could not stay with me. He is too honorable to not be with the other girl.
 riverdog120
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 293
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Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/4/2013 4:39:50 AM
NO!!!!! Once a cheater always a cheater! Been there twice; never again!
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 294
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/4/2013 4:47:56 AM
Forgive?

Absolutely. I'm a highly forgiving person, at a fault.

That said, the blatant lack of disrespect involved in someone going behind my back and cheating on me, is something I can't forget.

In that type of situation where I'm stabbed in the back like that, I've forgiven the person, and wished them well and ended the relationship.

My forgiving you, is essentially me giving myself the closure, you didn't have the character to give me. If you have that little respect for me, you don't deserve the satisfaction of me getting upset at you.

I don't buy the excuse of "cheating by accident".

Cheating is a choice, and someone not admitting to the poor nature of their choice, is not only stabbing me in the back, but insulting my intelligence.

I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound like relationship material to me. I'd cut my losses, and would be quick to move on.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 295
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/4/2013 5:22:47 AM
I would think the odds are////// you are married or dating a cheater....right now.
 The_Whole_of_the_Moon
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 296
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/4/2013 5:33:14 AM
There is no real way to know if someone is a one time cheater, you can only take their word for it. If a cheater wants forgiveness and the other is willing to forgive then the cheater can no longer consider their cell phone or computer private. This would be a very important way to prove they are being faithful.
 Dramafreeee
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 297
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/4/2013 7:22:39 AM
NEVER!
That just breaks to many relationship ethics, not just cheating..
 IPromise2Please
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 298
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History
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 1/10/2013 10:21:59 AM
I have forgiven people for cheating before. My self esteem was so low I thought I couldnt get anyone else so I stayed. Im glad those days for me are over. The relationships dont last because it will always be in the back of your mind whenever someone comes along into their life that they have cheated on you before.
 warriorpoet82
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 300
Can you forgive a one time cheater?
Posted: 2/23/2013 1:59:41 PM
As a self proclaimed relationship psychologist,

I've heard it said: "Forgiving someone who hurts you is the greatest gift you can give them. Forgetting someone who hurts you is the greatest gift you can give yourself."

A chronic sociopath shouldn't be forgiven. If the cheating been going on for a long time and the cheater shows no change in personality, apparent love, sensibility, etc, and then gets caught, and is all of a sudden distraught and sorry, leave them. Looking back during their escapades, the cheater was completely okay with their actions on a deep level and is a genuinely selfish person. This person gets forgotten immediately. They must go "find themselves" if they want a long term relationship, or stay the heck out of committed relationships and be single forever.

Keeping that in mind, I think that good people can crack under stressors, go through crises, and do bad, selfish things that hurt others while beside themselves. Should the cheater clearly be a "different person" during the fling who behaves and acts differently, perhaps they aren't a cheater at heart. There was a good person inside them that felt/feels awful, causing the outward emotional or personality change. In my mind, that person gets forgiven once, only after diving into what it was about the relationship or cheating-member that led to the betrayal, and seriously working it out as a couple. If this person cheats a second time, they are broken, and must be forgotten.

If that's too complicated to work out in an emotional time, give the benefit of the doubt and forgive them, and dive into the issues the relationship has. True love forgives: ONCE. The divorce rate these days is incomprehensible. Many people are throwing the towel in because they got hurt, once, and don't want to understand why. Really WHY?, not just immediately blaming the former S.O. for being a sociopath.
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