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Joined: 8/3/2005
Msg: 27
AA MembersPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Ruby u r one of the most awsome pofr's that i have had the pleasure of meeting. you always know what to say and give out the best advice. u r one woman to be admired.Not to forget to mention that u r a hellofalotta fun, too!!
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 31
AA Members
Posted: 5/15/2006 9:58:05 PM
Alcohol is a poison.It tastes terrible and I have seen it destroy MANY lives.I chose very early in life to obstain from any type of alcohol.
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 32
AA Members
Posted: 5/16/2006 9:35:34 AM
Thank you Ruby Red for the support to the fact that I don't drink.You have no idea how many times I have been offered drinks,and upon declining,made to feel somewhat an ''outsider''.
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 33
view profile
AA Members
Posted: 5/16/2006 11:08:50 AM
This is an excellent thread Ruby. And I commend you on your bravery to let us know about your experiences.

I really am on the fence as to whether or not alcoholism is a disease or not.

My ex is an alcoholic. I never understood how he could drink from dawn til dusk and keep drinking day in and day out (I still don't). He would let's say (as an example) drink from Friday to Sunday (the only time he stopped drinking was when he was passed out), then be home Monday... be bed ridden most of the day and sleep on and off having the sweats, then come Tuesday he would be shaking, sometimes so bad he would make his way to the boozecan for a drink before the bars opened, only to drink til the following Wednesday then try to be sober for a day or two to repeat the cycle. There was one time when Davina was an infant and I asked him if he wanted to feed her.. he couldn't as his hand was shaking too much.

I remember times when he'd disappear for a few days then call me asking if I made dinner as he hadn't eaten in three days. There were also the times when his temper would flare (I think because he was doing cocaine as well... he denied drug use), and he would literally destroy everything in the apartment, turning it upside down. I can't begin to count how may times I was up all night cleaning the apartment of his mess so that Davina wouldn't get into it. He had threatened my life a few times... the last time he was arrested for uttering those death threats. And the times he had the knives out holding them to his chest and telling me to push them into him? I'm sure he has other issues aside from his alcoholism. I will never know as I left him. I left him because I gave up. I wanted to be with him, and to have a family with him... but the abuse had to end somewhere.

It may sound harsh but Davina and I are better off without him in our lives. I couldn't take care of him the way he needed me to. (There are other reasons why I left but those aren't what this topic is about).

It was recommended that I attend AA meetings. Attend them to help me in understanding, and gaining the support I needed so that I could find the strength and help I needed. I never attended a meeting. I left. At times I feel bad about leaving. Taking my daughter away form her father. But what was I to do?

I'm sorry I got way too personal there for a bit. I guess I'm hoping to further my understanding on this widely debated and studied topic myself.
Joined: 2/22/2006
Msg: 34
AA Members
Posted: 5/31/2006 2:07:58 AM
A very good thread I think. Someone asked why anyone who is not an alcoholic would want to join? I might be able to answer that - at least from my perspective. And just to preface my post, I will say that I have had enough of beligerent, abusive partners or relatives that are alcoholic or extremely close to it, that I am seeking a long term relationship with someone who knows his "limit" of a social drink. I know that the next 20 years of my life or more has to be better and I'll hopefully find that man someday. My decision to join POF was when I finally took "my inventory" of my life and what I truly wanted and felt I deserved. I knew that I would not meet "this man" through the bar scene. It's ironic that the first two respondents who I chose to meet were members of AA. Understandably, this is not something they "advertise" and I only came to know of their membership after we got to know each other more personally. It's not something one would mention over coffee.

I took it upon myself to read everything I could about AA. I wanted to know about this way of life. At first, I too found it to be deeply religious. Which I'm not. I do believe in a "higher power". I accept all things spiritual. AA does not ask any member to believe in God. They ask that you seek a higher power of your choice. I sincerely believe, that anyone who suffers from alcoholism and is at the point of seeking help, is at a desperate point in their lives and are willing to accept any help they can receive in recovering from this disease. I even researched gems and how they help in recovery of all our ailments. My first gift to one of the two men, I'll call him "Andy" which is not his real name and any similarity to anyone with that name is unintentional and coincidental. I don't even know an "Andy". And "Andy" is no longer a member of POF in case you're wondering. When "Andy" and I first met, I offered him the gemstones. He told me they were the best gift he had ever received.

I read the online AA site. I learned of "Bill" and his friend who started AA. I learned the steps. I visited sites about AA. It helped me understand alcoholism. For the first time in my life, I could put away my resentment and forgive those persons who hurt me through alcohol. My first major concern of dating a man in AA is something called the "13th step", which is dating or getting involved in any relationship before they celebrate one year of sobriety. Their focus must be on their own recovery. I wondered why, if this was the case, why I was being approached by men in AA.

Over several months, I began to fall in love with "Andy". He was everything I thought I wanted in a partner. After one month, I received a terrible email saying he could NEVER talk to me again. So said his "sponsors". As he had basically put his life in their hands and accepted their advice, experience and wisdom he had come to know, he accepted their decision. He was miserable, confused and heartbroken by their actions. I couldn't understand how an organization who's motto is "One Day At A Time" could be so callous as to take that away from us. I embraced "one day at at time". Isn't any relationship in it's infancy based on that anyway? Long story short, in my opinion, they all came to their senses. They saw first-hand how sad he was and told him to seek his happiness and if I would forgive him and give him a second chance, he had their blessing. We were two very happy people. He wanted desperately to share his way of life with me and I wanted to as well. AA is a lifetime membership. If I was to have a future with this man, I would need to understand how important it was to him. One weekend, I attended 3 different AA meetings. His own chapter, an out-of-town chapter and a Native Spiritual AA meeting which I loved the most.

This did me a world of good. A woman I met, attended the Native group faithfully, and she "shared" that she wasn't an alcoholic. But this was where she was most comfortable with her own personal cross to bear. I understood fully, because I too, as so many thousands in my age bracket are, seeking spiritual guidance. One only has to pick up a newspaper and read the statistics. A fundamental example of this is the popularity of The DaVinci Code. People are "seeking". Period.

My story has an unhappy ending. And today is an important date for me which is probably the reason I chose to respond to this post. "Andy" celebrates his 1 Year Anniversary of sobriety, today. I am so very proud of him. He has reached another Milestone. Three weeks ago, 6 members had a meeting with him. They changed their minds. His life, over the last month has thrown him many challenges...a change of residence, even perhaps to another city where he would not be close to his home chapter, less travelling to meetings which he did several times a week. More chapter duties and his sponsorship of a new member. They strongly felt a relationship would add to his challenges. Ultimately, as he said, his decision to not see me what his. He told me he loved me, could love me and my family, but was not "in-love" with me. Shattered, and confused (who was asking for "in-love" after such a short courtship - not quite 3 months! What happened to "one day at a time"?), I was dumped. I don't think there will be a "change of heart" with those concerned. I don't even know if I could forgive and forget only to be thinking everyday that the sponsors just one more time change their mind. The best I can do is offer him my Congratulations today. I am proud of him. I think highly of anyone who can accept the help they need through this debilitating disease. The Serenity Prayer is powerful. And we can all learn from "One Day At A Time".

I hope this gives you an insight why or how a non-alcoholic could become sooo involved in AA.

Joined: 2/22/2006
Msg: 35
AA Members
Posted: 6/4/2006 8:44:55 PM
Thank you Ruby Red for your kind remarks. They are helpful. I'm over the hurt for the most part and I look forward to meeting a truly honest man, one who shares my values. It's funny, just yesterday, I received an email from "Andy". He asked me to keep an "open mind" to what he was going to tell his attempt to run an "honest program". He asked me to see the irony in it all. Seems while I was falling for him, he was being completely dishonest and misleading with me, as he was falling for another woman, (despite numerous occassions where he flatly denied it), and who by some "irony" doesn't want anything to do with him. He feels our story has come "full circle". And he also stated that he KNOWS the hurt I feel or felt.
Personally, I can't seem to put the connection together. My relationship with him was a truly honest one, and one that I was living "one day at a time". His part of it however, seems to be full of lying and deceit...and definitely not the "honest program" he touted to be following.
My wish for him is that he stop using AA and the jargon as a crutch to hide behind. He needs to look deeper inside at himself and his soul. He can so easily rhyme off quotations and religious sayings to appear on the outside a different man. Faith and a higher power can certainly be our guides, but it is up to each individual to act accordingly with that guidance. One of his last remarks in his note, was that "he was sorry he had to hurt me". Had to. Seems to be a pretty deliberate statement of intent.
Ruby, I'm glad you're at that place in your life now, where you can be a peace with who you are and what you've truly accomplished. Again, thank you for your response and good luck in your future. It's sad to hear you're leaving. Perhaps, you'll rethink it if not only to pass along your wisdom to others who can learn by your sharing.

Joined: 8/14/2006
Msg: 36
AA Members
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:15:06 AM
way to go ruby lips!
I don't drink anymore and I can still party the tux off a penguin!!
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
AA Members
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:50:21 PM
I am a member of AA, I had the same feelings as you did when I first aproached the idea of getting sober. I am very greatful that when I was inroduced to the AA program that the idea of god was not pushed on me. I was given as every one should be, the opportunity to choose a higher power of my own understanding, whatever that may be. No one told me It had to be god. Like wise no one should tell you or push you into believing in their higher power. Everyone in AA and any other twelve step program has the right and should be encouraged to find their own power greater than themselves. Their will be people in this world that would have you believe that their way is the only way and that if you dont believe in their higher power, YOU cant stay sober. My suggestion to you is to find the people that talk the talk and walk the walk that you are comfortable with. Dave J.
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 38
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AA Members
Posted: 4/9/2007 4:25:10 PM
I am not a member of AA godless heathen, but to take the first step of the program is taking a biggggggggggg the biggggggggggggggest step for taking repsonsibility for one's actions /lives if drinking is a problem.
How or the way people choose to take control of their lives and the means they use to do it, is up to them It hurts no one and has helped many.

So if you have nothing positive to say........and clearly you do not...go your own way and do not bother with links that antagonize you.
As for all of you in recovery, bravo!
 Fishing Again 1
Joined: 9/12/2005
Msg: 39
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AA Members
Posted: 9/30/2007 9:53:47 PM
Good for you Ruby. If we don't break our anonimity then how is the new person going to know how to find us. By the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous I have been sober for over twenty years and still break my anonnimity at every meeting I attend. Wishing everyone another great 24.....................Gord
Joined: 10/13/2004
Msg: 40
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AA Members
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:26:06 PM
I have been around AA all my life, my parents were alcoholics and my father was an addictions counsellor...Early in life I can remember my dad getting late phone calls and being away alot of nights...{ he died 38 years sober and sponsered dozens of ppl...}
I attended meetings with my parents young, too young to understand what these ppl were going through, but they swore when they spoke up there so I thought it was neat...
I started boozing on weekends while attending school and this increased as I entered the working world.... Soon I was on the path to ruin, just didn't know it. I was**** and self-centered and thought..." I could quit ANYTIME", but never really tried to...I stumbled through life like this for years, getting worse after every drunk, yet still able to function and carry a job.... I met a beautiful girl who I fell in love with and we had a son together, I thought that I had everything I wanted and yearned for, except my sobriety. It wasn't long until I blew this chance at happiness by drinking every chance I could until I pushed them both away... I then walked into an AA meeting for the first time, by myself... I was sober for a month and then fell down that good ole path to the grave covered in gold and puke... 5 years of daily drinking later, I got thrown in jail for DUI and as I sat there in that cell with no shoes and dying for a drink that I realised what this has done to me and without knowing it at the time, finally accepted step 1...

As my father was an addictions councellor and highly regarded member of AA, I guess instead of giving all his literature and tapes to Goodwill or to various groups, I kept them boxed up, perhaps thinking that I might need them some day... I poured over the Big Book and other various literature to learn more about why I seem to be killing myself like this, and have learned alot about it... My father told me about alot of ppl and stories when alive, but I never questioned him about why he helps these ppl, only that it seemed like he had too somehow... I began to curse myself for not being more honest and why I did not question my father more about how he pulled his ass out of the soon to be casket and turn his life arouud for the next 38 years... I had his genes, I am an alcohilc and I had help at my fingertips and squandered it.. I regretted hearing his lectures and words without understanding the message of what he was professing to these people so much in need of a solution...I regretted not having the courage to accept the thing I could not change while he was alive, and begged God that " if my Dad was alive today, he would kick my ass into gear..." ... I was broken and near utter despair realising I am near ruin...I begged God for help and an answer to this.

Then it happened...I was going through some old boxes and one of them had a bunch of AA tapes from over the years from all over North dad attended conferences all over... and to my utter surprise and shock, there it was ....

A recording of my dad...Sonny...July 29/ Vancouver.....speaking at a conference.....

My heart fell and I listened to the tape on my way to a meeting... I never made it to that meeting, I had to stop because I was crying so hard.

I learned more about my father in that tape than I think in all my life with him. It was all the same problems and shit we all deal with, but he was talking about an answer and finally it started to make sense.He was cursing and swearing at times but laughing and telling jokes all the while... And now I have started to work the steps, one day at a time...I am looking at myself every day and finally realised that I think for me, Step 2 is my father and his legacy and his passion for helping, and I have begun to take strength from it....finally strength against the bottle...the demon......

I wasn't born with a bottle in my hand and I damn well don't want to die with one clutched in my hand, so as I type I ponder Step 3 and hope that anyone who reads this will my story and use it in the fight against the booze... I now realise that I am not alone in this battle to the death with the bottle and I am currently awaiting acceptance into rehab to finally deal a killing blow to the **** I call alcholism. The rehab facility has given me a list of things to bring while I go through hell and I am bringing a tape recording of my higher power telling ppl how to do this... and after his life ended, I finally have received the most inspirational way to deal with the fluke, or perhaps deep down I knew this would pull my skin from the it is,

My name is Bill, and I'm an alcoholic......
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 41
AA Members
Posted: 12/19/2008 9:34:59 PM
"I'm just curious about whether or not there are any 12 step type programs that don't involve so much of the religious stuff that AA seems to? I think that part of the program may turn some people away, if they're not God going folk....."

I've only been to one AA meeting when a friend of mine was receiving her one year chip. I really don't remember if there was actually a reference to God, or anything religious.

I did go to Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting for several years, as my father was an alcoholic, and not a very nice one. In those meetings we referred to a "higher power". This did not refer to religion or God specifically, we chose what we wanted our higher power to be. It was my understanding from my friend that went to AA that they also referred to the "higher power", not religion or God.

As someone who was not, and is still not a regular church goer, I never related to God as my higher power. My higher power was the desire to not live with the pain and suffering that I endured. I do believe in God, what I don't believe in is the way the church preaches their interpretation of "God's will".

And what I really can't stand are those people who turn to religion to help them with their problems, be it alcohol, drugs, etc., and then look down on others who are no worse than many of them have ever been........

Just my experience, maybe not true in all cases.
Joined: 10/13/2004
Msg: 42
view profile
AA Members
Posted: 12/20/2008 7:48:01 AM
I too had trouble with I wrote a letter to Santa Claus, stating that I wished for to be sober..... if anyone can help me, its
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
AA Members
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:02:22 PM
the best part for me over the last 2 yrs has been learning not so much to quit drinking and drugging but how to live free of booze and drugs and develop new relationships with loved ones
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 44
Commone Problems with the Program
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:32:48 PM
Hi Fellow Friends of Bill W.,
There are no common problems with the program of AA. Do what it says on the black parts of the book, work the steps and follow what is said in the 12 & 12. You won't have any problems. I have been sober a long time and have not found any mutual problems or any problems with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous unless you are fighting the suggestions and life. The book says we stop fighting anything so you do that and see what happens. It also say the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Try doing that to the best of your ability, every day, and see what happens. The 3rd step in the 12 & 12 says the effectiveness of the whole AA program depends on this step. Let go and stop fighting life and the program.
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 45
Commone Problems with the Program
Posted: 6/27/2011 6:51:57 PM
As I stated before, there are no common problems in AA. If you have a problem it is only you that has a problem. Specific religions and religious beliefs should never be brought up or mentioned in a meeting. NEVER. Always think of the program and the new comer. If I talk about a religion as being the only way and a new comer was abused by that religion we have done this new comer a disservice and will probably drive him away because of the mention of religion. We are not religious. What is the purpose of God? Don't know? Better figure that one out. Write me if you would like the answer.
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 46
AA Members
Posted: 6/27/2011 6:55:20 PM
There are no leaders in AA. There are no groups that have leaders. A group can have a chairman but he is not a leader. If you follow the traditions you will not have any problems with people telling you how to do your program. I will forever protect this beautiful program with my life.
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 47
AA Members
Posted: 9/21/2011 10:48:51 PM
I'm dated an AA member and I'm not an alcoholic. I truly believe that AA members should only date AA members. They only care about themselves. I understand that they take inventory of only their own feelings, but I believe that it is at the expense of everyone elses feelings. Maybe this particular group was different as there were definite leaders who validated their egos, by being the "matriarchs of the groups." This ex boyfriend has a wonderful daughter, almost 30 yrs old. She told me that he would miss her birthdays, attend the AA functions for most of her latter teen yrs and early 20's.. It's been difficult for her to forget this. I wish all of you luck in your continued sobriety, but I will NEVER date a friend of Bill W. again.
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 48
view profile
AA Members
Posted: 10/5/2011 3:08:20 PM
sounds scary because if someone needs help why shut down????? not nice at all..
people hould be helping eacxhother not to shut dowm than why worth spending time on this?
time is valuable...

Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 49
AA Members
Posted: 1/8/2013 8:21:43 PM
Yo pimpin it really takes a while to understand the steps and why they are the way they are. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. AA is for those who cannot stop in light of the suffering they have endured. You really should read at least the first 103 pages ( some say 164) of the aa big book to get a good feel or at least the chapter entitled more about alcoholism. In that chapter they list 3 different types of drinkers. If your the 3rd type then aa is the right place for you. And for the god thing, its just a word to summarize the ONLY thing that has worked for curing full blown alcoholism which is a vital spiritual experiance. A rearragement of emotions and ideas. These are not my words but of Dr silkwood and the infamous Carl Jung. Alcohol IS a progressive and fatal disease. An obssesion of the mind and an allergy of the pody. And if you have a problem with the word god, it is suggested that you can use a doorknob as your highter power. You will find in the 12 steps that they use the terminology " higher power " or "god as you understand him" ( in step 2 and 3). Before Bill W and Dr bob came along there was no known cure and they had a success rate of almost 100%. Nowadays the fellowship has been so watered down " to the point of drunkeness" that that percentage is almost nil. AA is not a great think tank. It should not be modified in anyway. It was our own crazy thoughts, self centerdeness, full flight from reality that led to our alcoholsim in the first place. Dont think about the steps or try to interpet them. TAKE THE ACTIONS and one will find that it will lead to a spiritual experiance that will save ones life and the promises of the big book.


If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Joined: 6/23/2012
Msg: 50
AA Members
Posted: 3/2/2013 4:10:22 AM
I am new to POF and in AA. How do I go about posting a Forum ?
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